by Kai Juniper
"Does your dad do the same thing?"
"No. It's different for him. He still struggles being without her. He'll be a mess on graduation day. I guarantee I'll hear him crying in his room that morning. He thinks I don't hear that stuff but I do. He tries to pretend he's okay, and I let him because I know he doesn't want me worrying. He'll put on a smile for graduation but he'll struggle to get through it without my mom. I will too. I'll imagine her there, but it won't be the same. I'll look up at the stands and see all the moms, but none of them will be mine."
"At least you won't be the only one without a mom there," I say, smiling a little to lighten the mood. I don't know how our talks keep turning so serious, and so personal. I don't intend for that to happen, but then it does.
"Maybe you could talk to her and tell her it's important to you that she's there."
"I'm not doing that. I want her to come because she wants to, not because I made her." I push back from the sink and turn to Ella. "Go eat your food. It's getting cold."
"I don't really want it. I just said I did."
"Why?"
"Because I thought..." She looks away, then shakes her head.
"What? What were you going to say?"
She looks back at me. "I thought leaving you here alone was a bad idea."
"Why would it be a bad idea? I'm alone here all the time."
"I guess I just thought you shouldn't be tonight."
I hold her gaze, trying to figure out what's going on behind those big, brown eyes. Is she really concerned for me, or is this all some type of scheme to get back at me for all I've done to her over the years? I want to trust her intentions are good but I don't. I've grown up being taught that people don't do shit to be nice. They do it to get something they want. There's no such thing as good intentions, which is why I'm leery of Ella and everything she's said tonight. For all I know, she's a damn good liar and she played me tonight to get me to talk.
Fuck. Why did I open up to her like that? She's the enemy, and you don't get vulnerable with the enemy.
"Could we go sit by your pool?" she asks.
I stare at her, confused by her question because it's dark outside and an odd thing to ask after the deep conversation we just had.
"Why do you want to sit by the pool?"
"Because I really like pools and I like how you have it all lit up back there. You could stay here if you want. I just want to sit out there, if that's okay."
"Um, yeah, I guess. Just go through that door."
I watch as she goes out the door to the patio. She's very odd, and unpredictable. She's nothing like the girls I'm used to. They're all conformists, doing whatever everyone else does to fit in, which makes them very predictable. They wouldn't dare do anything out of the ordinary, fearing they'd be judged for it. But Ella just does what she wants, not caring what people think. I wonder if she was always like that or if she got that way after I destroyed her reputation at school. When I made her an outcast, she no longer needed to care what people thought because they'd already made up their minds about her, thanks to me. It didn't even take much to do it. I spread some rumors about her, made people think she was strange, and soon everyone started avoiding her. Looking back, I wish I hadn't done that. I could've just left her alone. She never would've been popular but she would've had more friends.
Going out to the pool area, I see her lying on one of the loungers, her eyes closed.
I sit down next to her. "What are you doing?"
"Breathing in the air." She smiles, her eyes still closed. "I love the smell of pools." She inhales the air and slowly breathes it out.
"You love the smell of chlorine?" I say with a laugh.
"I love the smell of the water, which includes the chlorine but it's more than that."
"You're strange." I lay back on the lounger, looking up at the sky.
"I just know what I like. That's not strange."
"But what you like is strange. Hardly anyone likes the smell of pool water."
She turns her head and looks at me. "What do you like that people would think is strange?"
"Nothing. And if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't tell people."
She closes her eyes, inhaling the air and smiling. "If I had this pool, I'd be out here all the time."
"You swim?"
"I love to swim, but I never get to because I don't have a pool."
"You can come use this one."
Her eyes pop open. "Really?"
"You'd have to check with me first. We don't let just anyone come over and use our pool. Or sniff it."
She laughs. "I'll be sure to call first."
As we sit there staring up at the sky, I feel a calmness come over me. I take a deep breath, noticing my chest isn't tight. It's always tight. I notice my jaw isn't clenched. It's always clenched.
This is a rare moment when I actually feel relaxed. I inhale a deep breath, like Ella's doing, trying to keep this going for as long as I can because I may never feel like this again.
"Briggs!" I hear my dad's voice and sit up.
There goes my moment of peace. I can already feel my chest tightening.
"You need to go," I say to Ella.
"Briggs, where are you?" my dad yells from inside the house.
"Is that your dad?" Ella asks.
"Yeah, and he sounds like he's in a bad mood so you should probably leave."
Actually, he always sounds like that but Ella doesn't need to know that. I've already told her more than I should've tonight. She doesn't need to know any more.
"There you are," my dad says, coming out to the patio. "What are you doing out here?"
"Talking about our assignment." I motion to Ella, who's standing beside me. "This is Ella. She's my partner in AP Chem."
My dad looks at Ella as he walks over to us. "You're the Quinn girl?"
"Um, yeah," she says, sounding confused. "Ella Quinn. Do you know my dad? Or how did you—"
"I'm familiar with your father," he says. "He's done lawn work for some of my clients. You live in the house down the street."
"Yes." Ella smiles but seems uncomfortable. Everyone's uncomfortable around my father, including me. "Well, I should go." She turns to me. "We can talk more tomorrow about the assignment if you want. I'll be home after three."
"Yeah, okay."
She wasn't referring to the assignment. She was letting me know we could talk more about my mom and all the other stuff we talked about tonight. If I trusted her, maybe I'd take her up on her offer. But I don't trust her, and I don't like talking about this stuff. I don't know why I did.
"I'll walk you out," I tell her.
"Nice meeting you," my father says to Ella, his thin lips forming a tight smile.
Ella and I go past my dad and back in the house. I walk her through the kitchen and down the long hallway to the foyer.
"I think I got it from here," she says as I open the door.
"I'll walk you out. I could use the fresh air."
"You were just outside," she says with a laugh.
"It wasn't enough," I say, thinking how suffocated I feel every time I'm in that house with my dad. Even when he's not there, I feel like I'm suffocating.
We get to Ella's truck and she opens her door, ignoring the loud screech of the rusty metal.
"You gonna be okay?" she asks.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
She gives me a look like she knows I'm full of shit. I let her see too much of me tonight, a side of me I never wanted her to know even existed. I'm going to have to fix this, but not now. I'll worry about that later.
"Call me if you want to talk," she says, getting in her truck.
I close her door and step back as she starts the engine. It's so loud I'm sure the whole neighborhood can hear, and the fumes coming off it are filling the air. The thing's a piece of shit. I can't believe it still runs.
She drives off, leaving behind more fumes.
"What was she doing here?" my dad says.
I tur
n and see him standing by the door, watching Ella's truck as it waits for the gate to open.
"I told you," I say, walking over to him. "We had to talk about our assignment."
"On a Saturday night?" he huffs. "Since when do you do school work on a Saturday night?"
"I didn't plan to but it's due on Monday and she has to work tomorrow."
"And what did Aubrey think about this?"
"She doesn't care. Why would she? It's Ella Quinn," I say as though just saying her name disgusts me. I don't want my father knowing I like Ella. He wouldn't approve, which is probably why I'm so attracted to her.
"You and Ella Quinn." He chuckles. "I suppose it is rather preposterous. Didn't you used to bully the poor girl?"
"Still do," I say with a smirk. "I'm only being nice to her so I get a good grade."
He pats my shoulder. "I'm glad you're finally understanding what it takes to make it in this world. Use people for whatever they're good for, then step on them on your way to the top."
"Exactly." I laugh a little. "See you tomorrow. I'm going to bed."
He follows me inside, and as I'm heading to the stairs my mind returns to that text from my mom.
"Got a text from Mom," I say, turning back to my dad.
"And?" His head is down as he swipes through his phone. "What did she say?"
"She won't be coming to graduation."
He looks up. "Is that so?"
"You didn't know?"
His eyes narrow and he gets that crease in his forehead that shows up when he's angry. "Did she say why?"
"No. She just said she wasn't coming. Anyway, I just thought you should know." I continue up the stairs and when I get to the top I hear my dad on the phone.
"Yes, Margo, it's me, and I don't give a fuck what time it is! Our son just informed me that you don't plan to be here for his graduation. Is this some kind of joke?"
I'm surprised he's getting so angry. I didn't think he'd care if she didn't show up. But it'll look bad if she doesn't, which I'm sure is the reason why he's screaming at her right now. He hates being embarrassed, and having his wife not show up will definitely be an embarrassment and make our family look bad.
"You will be here if I have to go there myself and drag you back!" my dad yells. "You know how it'll look to people if you're not at your own son's graduation?"
My dad's stomping around the foyer, sounding like he's about to explode. I go in my room and lock the door, just in case he decides to take his anger with my mom out on me.
My phone dings and I see a text from Aubrey. Where are you? Why aren't you answering my texts?
Below that are at least fifteen texts, all from Aubrey, all telling me she's sick of me ignoring her and demanding I take her out. She shouldn't be so fucking demanding. I'm the one in control of this relationship. I could drop her at any time, taking away her status as one of the popular elite.
Making demands will get her nowhere. She's playing with fire. She should know better after I threatened to leave her. Maybe it's time to stop making threats and just do it.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ella
Monday morning at school, Charlotte's waiting for me at my locker.
"Did you hear the news?" she asks in a hushed tone.
"What news?" I open my locker and toss my hoodie in it. I put it on, thinking I'd be cold but now I'm so hot I'm almost sweating. I think it's because I'm nervous about seeing Briggs. All day yesterday I kept thinking about what we did in his room, wondering if it actually happened or if I just imagined it. I know it happened but telling myself it didn't makes me feel better, because seriously, what the hell was I thinking? For one, he has a girlfriend, and two, it's Briggs Chadwick! I let the guy I hate more than anyone put his hand in a place it never should've gone. And the worst part? I liked it!
"Parker broke up with Scarlett!" Charlotte whispers. "I don't know the whole story but people are saying she was with another guy."
I close my locker. "I'm not surprised. They didn't really seem like they got along. So how was your weekend?"
"That's it? You don't want to revel in the fact that one of the A's got cheated on? You should be excited about this! Something bad finally happened to them!"
"I'm sure lots of bad things happen to them. They just hide it from people. Can we talk later? I need to get to class." I swing my backpack over my shoulder and head down the hall.
"We still have five minutes," Charlotte says, catching up to me. "What's going on with you? Are you avoiding me?"
"No. Why would I be avoiding you?"
"Because you're hiding something." She comes in front of me and stops, staring at my face. "You did something."
"Like what?" I ask, hoping she can't tell that I did something with Briggs.
I'm being ridiculous. There's no way she could tell.
"Did you have a date last weekend?"
Shit, maybe she can tell.
I laugh it off. "Yeah. With my dad. We mowed lawns all weekend."
"You didn't answer my texts Friday night. Or Saturday night."
"I was doing homework. I turned my phone off so I could concentrate."
"Or because you were on a date."
"I wasn't on a date, and I really need to get to class."
As I go around her, she grabs my arm. "Wait—weren't you meeting with Briggs on Friday?"
"Yeah, but we didn't meet long. He was being an ass, as usual, so I told him I'd do the assignment myself and left."
"Did he say anything about me?" She looks around the hall, making sure Briggs and his friends aren't anywhere within earshot.
"Charlotte, I told you, Briggs inviting you to that party was just a prank. He wanted to see if you'd show up, and if you did, he and his friends would've done something to embarrass you. That's all he was doing. He wasn't asking you out."
Her eyes dart behind me and she's squeezing my arm so tight she's going to leave a mark.
"What are you doing?" I ask, trying to pry her hand off me.
"Scarlett," she whispers.
"Hey, Trailer Girl," Scarlett says, bumping my backpack so hard she pushes me forward. I trip on my feet but Charlotte's death grip on my arm keeps me from falling forward. "Aww, did I do that?"
I whip around to Scarlett. "Did you need something?"
She flips her long hair behind her shoulder. "I need more of that stuff you dropped in the bathroom." Her lips turn up. "I might even pay you this time."
"It wasn't mine. Try your boyfriend. I'm sure he has a stash of it since he's the one who probably put it in my locker." I smile. "I mean, your ex-boyfriend. I heard he dumped you."
"Like that would ever happen," she huffs. "He worships me."
Just then, Parker comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "Hey, babe. Why are you talking to Trailer Girl?"
My jaw drops but I snap it shut. Why is he calling me that? And why is he giving me that disgusted look he used to give me before the accident? All last week Parker didn't bother me. I assumed that meant he was done treating me like shit.
"I'm not talking to her," Scarlett says with disgust. "I'm trying to get around her fat ass."
"I don't have a fat ass!" I lunge at her but strong arms pull me back.
"What's going on here?" I hear Briggs say as he keeps hold of my arms.
"You're touching her?" Parker shakes his head. "Better hope you don't get a disease."
I turn and see a disgusted look on Briggs' face as he drops my arms and rears back. "Shit, you're right. Who knows what the fuck she's contaminated with?"
What the hell is going on here? Am I in a parallel universe? What happened to us all being in this together? Why am I suddenly the enemy again?
Aubrey comes up beside Briggs, wrapping her arm around him. "Ooh, am I missing something?" Her glossy, pink lips curl up. "Are we telling Ella how hideous she looks today?" She points to my denim skirt. "Seriously, did you find that in the trash?"
"Don't touch him!" Scarlett squeals, pointing
at Briggs. "He touched Ella!"
Aubrey drops her hold on Briggs and steps away. "You touched her?"
"She tried to attack me," Scarlett says. "Your boyfriend saved me."
I can't believe this. It's like nothing's changed, like last week never happened and everything's back to normal. I stare at Briggs but he won't even look at me. I look back at Charlotte but she's gone.
I storm down the hall to class, furious at Parker and Briggs, and mad at Charlotte for taking off like that.
When I get to AP History, I smile at Mr. Walker. He doesn't smile back. He still hates me, despite admitting that a dog killed his grass, not my dad. I don't know why he's so mean to me. Maybe he's just cranky because he's old.
As I take my seat, Briggs walks in. I catch his eye as he goes to the back of the room. He holds my gaze just long enough to make me question if what happened in the hall was all an act. There's no way it was real, not after all that's happened between us. He had me over to his house. He asked me to stay. He confided in me. We...did things. After all that, there's no way he'd go back to how he used to be.
But he's not smiling at me, and the look he's giving me doesn't look friendly. Seriously, what's going on? Did the A's get together yesterday and decide to turn against me? They better not have, or it's going to be an all out war. If the hit-and-run leads back to us, there's no way in hell I'm letting them blame me.
I'm so angry I can't even concentrate during class. We have a test on Friday and I need to pay attention but all I can think about is what those assholes are up to and what I can do to defend myself.
I need to talk to Briggs but we don't have Chem lab today and I can't just go up and talk to him. People would suspect something's going on. Everyone knows I don't talk to Briggs, and he doesn't talk to me, unless he's bullying me.
At the end of class, I text him. Tell me what's going on.
I glance at the back of the room and see him looking at his phone.
I look back at mine and see he texted back. Bleachers at noon. Don't tell anyone.
Just before noon, as I'm heading to my locker, Charlotte races up to me. "What happened this morning?"
