by Shauna Allen
“Are we gonna learn how to choke someone out?”
“Uh . . .” I faced the frail, older woman in the front row. She was eighty if she was a day. “Mrs . . . ?”
She smiled, showing perfectly white partials. “It’s just Mildred. Used to be Mrs. Wallace, but I’m a widow.” She eyed me up and down like she was starving and I was a juicy steak. “Free as a bird now.”
I gaped. I was being hit on by the queen of the cougars.
Rather than let grandma make me uncomfortable, I bent and set my water bottle on the ground, then indicated for her to come to the front of the class.
She smiled and obliged, the other women catcalling. I even caught Jewel smiling.
I stood behind her so my front was pressed to her back. “Trust me?” I whispered.
She wiggled and nodded. “Go ahead, teacher.” There was a definite flirty bite to that last word.
I ignored it and whipped my arm around her neck in a simulated chokehold. I felt her tense in front of me, but I made sure she had room to breathe. The other women gasped.
“Now,” I said sternly. “More important than learning to choke someone, is learning how to get out of an unexpected chokehold and protect yourself. Go ahead and try, Mildred.”
She fumbled to grasp onto my holding arm, her feeble attempts desperate but weak. After a minute, I released her and let her move back to her place in the front.
“So, what did you learn, Miss Mildred?”
“That our teacher smells divine.”
The women laughed. I did not. “What else?”
Her smiled dropped. “That I’m weak. I couldn’t have gotten away.”
“Okay.” I gazed around at the wide-eyed women. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”
“What?” she sputtered. “I thought you were teaching us how to defend ourselves.”
“I will. But the first and most important lesson we’re starting with is this: Prevention is better than any defense. If you try to keep yourself out of dangerous situations, you won’t need to worry about the rest.”
I went on to explain to a dozen frowning women the basics of being observant of their surroundings, walking with purpose, keeping keys handy as a weapon. “If you can deflect an attack by handing over your purse or car, by all means, do it. No property is worth your life.”
Now they were starting to pay attention. Yes, most people value their lives, but so few truly knew the searing tragedy of loss. That was what propelled me to help in any small way.
“A girl I know at work was raped by that guy a few months ago,” a young woman near the back spoke up. “Apparently, he was waiting to ambush her by her house. What about then?”
Good question.
I nodded once and began my lesson on the first things to do when confronted with an unavoidable attack. Women almost always balked at this one. “I want you to be loud and aggressive.” I surveyed them one at a time. “I mean scream, hit, kick, bite, scratch, whatever you have to do to be a general pain in the ass. Most attackers will not want to mess with you and move on to the next, easier victim.” I pointed out the girl who brought up the question. “Why don’t you come try?”
“Me?”
“Sure. Why not?” I pasted on my best, innocent smile.
As the girl reluctantly made her way up front, Jewel’s gaze caught mine. Fear was written all over her. Eyes like saucers, timid body language. The perfect victim.
I shoved that thought away and faced the woman in front of me. “What’s your name?”
“Anna.”
“Well, Anna, you’re young, blond. You could be this guy’s next victim. What’re you gonna do about it?”
Dread filled her expression. “I . . . uh . . .”
“Hey. Don’t be scared. Tell me what you’re going to do to protect yourself.” I held up one finger. “What’s the first rule?”
“Prevent an attack in the first place.”
“Right.” Second finger. “And?”
“Be a pain in the ass?”
Everyone laughed and I nodded my approval. Then I whipped out and grabbed her wrist, twisting it behind her back. “Uh oh. I’ve got you. How are you gonna be a pain in the ass?”
She didn’t move for a long moment. The other women stared, their attention riveted now and all joking aside. Eventually, she began to wiggle and try to squirm from my grasp. I tightened my hold fractionally and yanked her closer. “Try again.”
She caught my meaning and I’d swear I felt temper pulse through her. Next thing I knew, she was flailing like a very angry snake, her free arm reaching behind her to jab at me.
“Good.” I release her.
She spun on me, the remnants of fight or flight still on her face.
“That was pretty good, Anna. Now, if everyone is ready to get started, we’re going to pair up and go over the most sensitive parts to aim for when you’re . . . being a pain in the ass.”
I waited while everyone doubled up. I valiantly avoided staring to see who Jewel ended up with.
I used a body chart to talk about the best spots to go for on a man’s anatomy and different ways to hold the hand to do the most damage, depending on the position of your attacker. “Now, I want you guys to try it. Don’t hurt each other. Don’t even hit or kick with real contact. I only want you to get comfortable with aiming for those parts of the body, and at the same time, feel free to be loud like we talked about in the beginning. Go ahead and practice that for a few minutes.”
Everyone was tentative at first, but it took no time for them to get into yelling and pretending to hit each other, just like a group of roughhousing boys. I stifled my smile and made rounds of each partnership.
Jewel, surprisingly, had ended up with sweet little Mildred. “How’s it going back here?”
Bright green eyes met mine. “Uh . . . good. I think.” A sweet flush filled her cheeks. “I think Miss Mildred here has me beat.”
Mildred grinned like a Polident commercial. “I’ve got a few years on you, sweetie.”
“Show me what you’ve got.” I kept my eyes on Mildred, but Jewel was like a shining star in my peripheral vision. Just like every time she was around. I had no explanation for my draw to her, so I simply stuffed it away, hording my feelings like a miser.
Mildred became a woman possessed. Her yells were loud enough to pierce my ears, her swinging arms like a windmill. She stomped on the top of my foot, shocking the shit out of me. The woman learned fast. I jumped back instinctively as she aimed for my groin.
I swung my arm down in a defensive maneuver and deflected. “Okay, okay. Good start.” I faced Jewel. “How about you?”
Her flush deepened like a summer watermelon. “Uh . . .” She stuttered, clearly not ready to be called out.
I tipped my head to acknowledge her discomfort and stepped back to address the entire group. “That’s all the time we have tonight. It was a great first class. I’ll see you all next time. We’ll be going over all this again, so don’t worry if you didn’t get it, as well as how to maximize your attacks.”
I picked up my water and slurped the last bit down as the women filtered out. Jewel lingered in the back, messing with something in her gym bag and tucking hair back that had fallen out of her ponytail.
The door slammed shut behind Anna, and suddenly, we were very much alone. I think for the first time ever. I couldn’t describe the feeling that washed over me as wide, emotional eyes met mine, her blush still in place.
She swallowed and seemed to shore up some strength. “That was a great class. Thank you for teaching it.”
I nodded, uncomfortable with compliments. My gaze raked over her like a man starved. She was round in all the right places and my fingers itched to feel if she was as soft as she looked, all peaches and cream and curves. Her tight T-shirt hugged her well, and as she studied me back, my mouth was suddenly as dry as the desert.
Yet, I was frozen. I couldn’t say a word to this beautiful woman in front of me.
I watc
hed, as helpless as the deeply wounded man I was, as she shouldered her bag and spun away. My gaze dropped as she pushed the door open to leave.
It slammed shut and I lifted my eyes.
She was still there, her blond head bent, her hand pressed to the door. The silence was palpable.
I held my breath.
Finally, she faced me. “Would you like to go get a drink?”
Jewel
I couldn’t believe I’d blurted that out.
But, honestly, what did I really think I was doing in Micah Christian’s class? I wasn’t going to learn a thing, distracted by the man. Solid and sturdy, his body emanated power, yet I knew I was safe with him. It was those nearly black eyes. As dark as the deepest reaches of the ocean or the starless night sky, they were the enigma that drew me to him. Had always drawn me in.
He raked a hand through his thick black hair and studied me.
He was going to turn me down.
“I don’t mean alcohol. I meant water or coffee or . . . whatever. As friends. I’m not . . . I know you’re not much of a drinker, I didn’t mean . . .” I pressed on the door with more force than necessary to make my escape as I continued to vomit stupid words. “Never mind. See ya next time.”
“Wait.”
That one gravelly word made me pause, butterflies ricocheting around my stomach. I faced him again.
“Coffee’d be great.”
“Yeah?”
A ghost of a smile pulled up one side of his lips. “Yeah. Gimme a sec to get my stuff. I’ll meet you out front.”
“Okay.”
I walked out of the room with my back ramrod straight. I’d just asked a guy out. I’d done it. And not just any guy. Micah.
I thought I was going to throw up.
I hurried for the front door and shoved outside, heaving a few deep gulps of night air. I glanced up, startled, when the door opened next to me, but it was only a couple of the women from class heading to their cars, talking like old friends, totally oblivious to me.
My eyes were on their receding taillights when the door opened again.
“Everything all right?”
Micah slipped out and leaned against the brick wall of the gym next to me. He’d changed into a clean black shirt, which clung to him like a second skin, his own gym bag slung casually over his shoulder. His dark eyes studied mine intently.
“Yeah.”
“So . . .” He tipped his head toward his Jeep. “Wanna ride with me to the coffee shop or . . . ?”
“I’ll follow you, if that’s okay.”
“Of course.”
He walked me silently to my truck and waited while I got in and started the engine. I was painfully aware of his body next to mine, separated by only the door and window. I knew if I glanced over, I’d be eyelevel with his crotch. I did not peek. I didn’t. I gripped the steering wheel and waited. Eventually, he spun away and got into his Jeep.
I ignored every doubt, every insecurity, every nipping negativity that wanted to crowd my brain. Micah was a mutual friend. He wouldn’t look twice at me. Not the way I looked at him anyway. It was just a coffee. He was being nice.
Still, nerves rode me hard as I parked next to him at the Starbucks. I sucked in another breath and got out to meet him.
Silent as ever, he led me inside. He ordered some kind of green tea thing while I opted for plain coffee. I did not want to indulge in the Frappuccino I really wanted in front of him. He probably counted calories in his sleep.
We found a corner table and sat across from each other. I suddenly wondered what had come over me. I should never have guilted him into a pseudo coffee date. I sipped and kept my eyes on my drink. “If you need to go or whatever, that’s fine.”
He said nothing. I glanced up.
“Why would I need to go?”
His gaze pierced me, demanded honesty. I twirled my cup in a half-circle. “I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than hang out with me.”
“No. I don’t.”
I sipped and nodded. “Okay.”
But it didn’t feel okay. And the longer he was silent and broody, apparently lost in his own world, the less okay it got. I knew very little about him, really. I knew he was Blake’s assistant manager at Jack ‘Em Up. I knew he had been in the Marines and deployed to Afghanistan. I knew he was a bit of a health nut and kept mostly to himself. But, mostly, I knew how he made me feel.
Warm.
That was the best way to describe it. His outward aloofness did not make him seem cold to me at all. Perhaps because I was hiding my own secrets, I saw beneath his shell to the wounded man underneath. I’d also seen how he would do anything for his friends, even at his own personal expense. I saw how he loved their children, the genuine happiness that seemed to give him. I saw him.
Or, I’d like to think so, anyway.
“So, how did you get into teaching self-defense?” I asked, mostly to crack the uncomfortable silence.
Black eyes flicked up to mine. “The owner of the gym, JD, is my sparring partner. He asked me to help out.”
“Sparring partner?”
“Yeah. I’ve been studying Krav Maga for a few years now.”
“What’s that?”
He lifted his drink but didn’t sip. “It’s basically a fighting technique used by the Israeli special forces.”
“Oh.”
“I met an Israeli soldier while I was in Afghanistan. We became friends and he showed me a few moves. When I got home, I kept learning. It’s good discipline.” His words tapered off as if he were swallowing them, his mouth not used to speaking so many at once.
But I wanted more. “So, it was a natural transition to teaching women how to fight off attackers?”
I’d swear he was going to smile. “Not exactly. But there was a need in the community and I could do my friend a favor. So I did.”
“You don’t talk much, do you?”
Something like regret flickered in his dark eyes. “No. Not really.”
“It’s okay,” I rushed to reassure him. “You don’t have to be anything other than who you are around me. I get it.”
“You do?”
“Sure. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m not the most social person either.”
He nodded and sipped his tea.
I chugged the last of my coffee. “You sure you don’t have to be somewhere? Don’t let me keep you, Micah. Seriously.”
His gaze seared me to my seat. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
I knew I was blushing. The heat in my cheeks was enough to boil water.
He cleared his throat, uncertainty painted all over his face. “Look. I’m a little out of practice on all this social stuff, but I do like you, Jewel. I like being around you.”
The butterflies that had been bombarding my stomach all froze, their wings unfurling at his words. Not eloquent, but perfect all the same. “I like you, too.”
Our eyes met and something arced across the table between us. Understanding maybe. I squished any idea that it could be attraction. On my part, yes. But I knew better than to hope he’d see anything in me other than the slightly chubby cousin of his friend. A nice girl. Someone to talk to without the pressure of anything sexual.
“Even if I have the manners of a Neanderthal?” Now he did smile and I was momentarily stunned.
“I’d call you a lot of things, but a Neanderthal isn’t one.” I forced the words out so they wouldn’t sound breathy.
“No?”
“Definitely not.”
“What would you call me then?” He studied me like he really wanted to know.
“Intense. Smart. Good.” I left out ‘sexy.’ Figured it was for the best.
A deep frown marred his brow. “I’m not good.”
“What? Of course you are. You help your friends. You’re teaching this class. That’s pretty darn good in my book.”
He shook his head and glanced down. Words he refused to say filled the space between us like boulder
s.
“Micah . . . ?” I opened my mouth to reassure him somehow that no matter what was weighing him down, I saw the truly good man beneath, but my words were stolen along with my breath when I glanced up.
The front door swung open and a stalky man strolled in, his brown hair rustling with the breeze. Laser-focused eyes met mine for the briefest second then flicked away as he made his way to the counter, a smile now on his face for the barista.
It had only been him for a millisecond, but that was enough to send my body into overdrive. I tried to calm my frantic heart, but it was no use. I was becoming a crazy person.
Tears filled my eyes and I stared at my cup.
“Jewel? Are you all right?”
I blinked forcefully, but didn’t look up. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” My voice was weak, full of holes. Even I heard it.
Without a word, Micah stood, his body blocking me from the view of the stranger at the counter. “Come on.”
I fumbled for my bag and stood, nearly tripping over myself in the process. I needed air but I was also stiff with fear.
“Jewel.” Micah gripped my elbow and waited until I met his gaze. The understanding I saw there floored me. “I’ve got you.”
I nodded and let him lead me out of the Starbucks and into the breezy night. He said nothing else as he walked me to my truck, shoving his hands in his pockets as I unlocked the door and slid to sit on watery legs. I took a deep breath, hoping against hope he hadn’t noticed my near breakdown. His dark, inscrutable gaze gave nothing away.
“Thanks for the coffee,” I said, my voice stronger now.
Nothing.
“See you at class on Thursday,” I added, uncomfortable with his silence.
Still nothing.
I offered him my best smile, though it felt fake as shit, and grabbed my door to slam it shut.
“Jewel?”
His gritty voice stopped me and I glanced up.
