by Lisa Swallow
The End
Thank you for reading Because of Lucy. I hope you enjoyed the story. Please consider leaving a review on Amazon for the book. Review are important to authors and very much appreciated.
Ness and Evan’s story continues in Finding Evan. Finding Evan releases March 29th
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Finding Evan
(Butterfly Days #2)
“She killed a part of me – the part that trusts when someone tells you they love you, and allows you to trust that person with your heart.”
Ness and Evan return to Leeds from Europe, and begin their new life together. But the past Evan has buried for years resurfaces and threatens their future.
PROLOGUE
AUGUST
NESS
I wrap my arms around Evan’s naked chest and burrow my face into the ridges of his muscles. He smells of coconut sunscreen and seawater, and his skin is cool as the evening breeze takes away the day’s warmth. In response, Evan trails his fingers across my shoulders and hooks a thumb beneath the strap of my bikini top.
“You’re getting quite a tan,” he says, indicating the white line, and then placing his lips gently on my shoulder.
I shiver despite the warmth of the evening and the igniting heat of his kiss. The fabric isn’t much of a barrier between my skin and his. Being semi-naked around each other all the time should be natural by now, after two months in a hot European summer, but the flare-ups from our bodies meeting never changes.
Shifting around on the white sand, I lie back against Evan as he rests against the cooler we've dug into the sand. The picnic finished, we settle to watch the sun set over the Mediterranean for the last time, drinking local wine from plastic cups. The calm water lapping the shore nearby is the only sound around us. Peace and serenity – like so much of our life recently.
“I wish we could stay forever,” whispers Evan, “just me and you.”
I rub my head against his shoulder. “Real life has to catch up.”
“Yeah, unfortunately.”
All this time, living and breathing each other, time passed so quickly. Evan’s laid-back nature tempered my occasionally uptight reactions, and we met in the middle. We’ve learned to talk about the past and the future. A safe place to explore who we are underneath, without any intrusion from the real world. Over the last couple of days, a nagging fear about what happens when we return to our old lives has crept in. And I’ve pushed the doubt away, refusing to spoil this Ness and Evan.
“I’m going to miss this,” he says, stroking my arm with his fingertips.
I wriggle against the ticklish feeling. “This?”
“You. Practically naked half the time. I don’t have to fantasise about you with no clothes on when we’re here.” Evan’s hands shift to my waist and he pulls me closer. I take his arms and wrap them around me, running my hands along his toned arms before turning my head and kissing the curve of muscle on his bicep.
“I think I’d get some odd looks walking around Leeds in a bikini.”
Evan nudges his nose into the hollow of my neck. “Don’t talk about Leeds.”
Pulling away, I turn around and climb onto his lap, straddling him. I smooth Evan’s brown fringe from his eyes. His hair has grown and touches his ears again, softening his features – or maybe that’s from the freedom of the last few weeks. Evan tans easily, and I can't help finding the golden tint to his taut muscles even sexier.
Evan’s brown eyes shine as he gives me the smile that irritated me so much when we first knew each other. It irritated me because that smile was part of what made him difficult to resist – and the Evan I met at the beginning needed to be resisted.
“Don’t try that with me,” I say, pulling a stern face.
“What?”
“That ‘come to bed’ smile you use on all the girls.”
Evan’s too-sexy smile becomes a grin. “Only on you. And I’m not trying to get you into bed.”
“No?”
“No.” He reaches behind me and pulls on the string of my bikini.
I grab his hand. “Evan!”
“Come on, it’s getting dark. There’s no one around.” Evan lowers his voice and moves his face closer, placing the softest of kisses on my lips and leaving the suggestion of what could follow when he pulls away again.
The evening darkens rapidly as the sun sets behind the horizon. We’ve come here every day this week, walking along the beach in the evenings, and rarely see anyone else. Evan nips my shoulder, and then kisses my collarbone, following up with a trail of kisses to the top of my breasts. Without saying anything else, Evan pushes the flimsy material out of the way and cups my breast with his hand. Circling my nipple with his thumb, he gazes up at me, an eyebrow raised in challenge.
Heat floods to my face, and a gasp I try to stop escapes my mouth. Apparently, this is all Evan needs, because he places both hands on my waist and pulls me towards him, replacing his thumb with his mouth. I grasp Evan’s hair and hold his face against me; the intensity of his mouth fills my body with desire and pushes logic from my mind.
Digging his hands into my backside, Evan pulls his face away. “I want you here. Now. I want to hold this moment in my mind for the days I’m not with you. That way, you’re with me forever and always.”
Evan’s eyes are dark; the smile is replaced by a look telling me everything I need to know. Telling me exactly what he’s going to do, whether we’re on the beach or not. In response, I slowly lick my bottom lip, enjoying the groan it elicits from him. Evan twirls his hand into my hair and tugs me closer, sliding his tongue into my mouth with an urgency that knocks the breath from me and fills my stomach with quivering butterflies. How can I refuse?
CHAPTER ONE
SEPTEMBER
NESS
I stand with a heavy cardboard box in my hands and gaze up at the terraced house that will be my home this year. The row of red bricked houses matches street after street in the suburb, even the green front door is the same as last year. But this isn’t my house from last year, and neither is my life.
Evan takes the box from my hands and fakes staggering across the pavement. “What is in here? I can hardly carry them.”
“Books.” He shifts the box upwards, his biceps hardening with the movement and I wrap my hand around one. “Sure, Evan. As if you’d have trouble carrying a box of books!”
“Ness!” Abby throws open the door and runs out, dragging me into a bear hug. “You’re here!”
I hug her tight in return. “You only saw me two days ago.”
“I know, but I need your help organising the house. The kitchen is filthy and the bathroom...” She pulls a face and runs a hand across her brown hair tied away from her face.
“I hope that isn’t a hint that I should clean the kitchen,” I reply and follow her into the house.
“I’m cleaning! Look!” She gestures at her scruffy trackpants and shirt covered in damp patches.
The autumn sun struggles through the dirty window but is bright enough to show the black marks on the wall and cigarette burns in the brown carpet. The property is furnished, and the sofa’s condition matches that of the rest of the room. I’ll need to buy more large throws to cover that, it’s bloody awful.
Evan dumps my box in the corner and wrinkles his nose. “Smells a bit musty.”
“You’d better get used to it, if you’re staying with us,” replies Abby.
Evan and me glance at each other. “He isn’t moving in, Abby.”
“Oh? I just presumed because… well, you’ve been together all summer.”
“Yeah and she’s sick of me now,” says Evan with a grin.
There’s no undertone to his comment; we discussed the situation a few
times. Summer was different but back in Leeds we need to spend time apart in our own lives too. I don’t want our relationship suffocating me, and I also worry how Evan would react if things became too intense. So we’ve decided to live separately – Evan with Matt in rental too, and me with Abby. I wavered over sharing with her, explaining how being housemates last year threatened our friendship. The sudden interest in cleaning could indicate she took on board what I said, although I’m prepared for the situation to change.
“Bet he’ll spend half his time at our place anyway,” says Abby. “So he can help out now.”
She grabs a cloth from a pile on the table and throws it at him. Evan catches and throws the cloth to me. “No can do, I’m the removals guy. Have you seen how much stuff Ness has?”
He ducks out of the door and Abby laughs. “You’re happy; I love that you’re all smiley and glowy. Evan is so what you need.”
“I am not.” Abby laughs. “Okay. Things are great; Europe was amazing.”
“I’m jealous! I wish I’d holidayed with a hot guy all summer instead of stuck working for Mum in the shop.” Abby heads back into the kitchen, where the cupboard doors are open and the insides covered in sticky patches. She’s right. Gross
“At least working there you get to keep up on the local gossip.”
“I am over that!”
I’d spend afternoons and school holidays hanging out with Abby while she worked in the convenience store her parents ran. Abby worked there for years to earn pocket money. Early on, we’d steal sweets and bags of crisps. As we got older the odd bottle of wine would disappear too. Well, until we were caught.
Evan reappears with a large, black bag which he dumps next to the box then stands in the kitchen doorway. “I’m starving.”
“You’re always bloody hungry,” I say. “Where do you put it all?”
He smoothes his hands across his t-shirt, accentuating the muscled stomach. “I’m a growing boy.”
“Go buy is dinner then,” Abby replies.
“Good idea. Then we can go to the pub later?”
“No, thanks. I’d rather get sorted,” I reply. “You go.”
“But – ”
I slide a hand into his back pocket and whisper, “I don’t think Abby wants to see Matt, do you?”
“Ah, good point.” Evan pulls me closer and kisses me softly. I wrap my arms around his neck and return his kiss. Something hits me on the back of the head and a cleaning sponge drops to the floor.
“Don’t start that!” says Abby.
Evan tips my chin and kisses me. “I’ll drop my gear at mine and Matt’s place, then I’ll be back later.”
“With food,” Abby reminds him.
“With food.”
Evan leaves and I sit on one of the mismatched dining chairs. Returning to Leeds worried me, in my over-thinking Ness way. Partly because I don’t want to revisit the stress and uncertainty of last year; and I’m about to embark on a challenging phase in my life.
What helps is Evan and me have returned to Leeds as a solid couple. I’ve confided in Evan my doubts over how I’ll cope with my new studies and he’s talked me down from the panic. The security and belief in our relationship fills me with confidence, as if I can do anything with Evan’s support. Equally, I’m ready to step in and help if any Lucy issues emerge again. As long as the communication keeps up, we’ll take on the world together and win.
CHAPTER TWO
EVAN
The sheets cover most of Ness’s head; her mussed hair across the part of her face exposed to the world. I carefully brush a strand away and place a kiss between her eyebrows. She sighs and swats, as if an annoying insect landed on her, and pulls the sheet over her head.
My heart swells as I watch my butterfly girl sleep. I know she’s nervous about her first day of med school today because last night her restlessness disturbed my sleep too. I glance at the clock. 7.30am.
Setting the mug of tea down on the table near the bed, I walk to the window and open the curtains. A bright autumn morning greets me - the real beginning of our new life in Leeds.
Do I wait for the alarm or wake her?
“Ness. Wake up.” I touch her face and she moves from half-asleep mumbling to bolt upright wakefulness in seconds.
“What time is it?”
“Early. You’re fine.” I pass Ness the mug and kiss her forehead. “I’ll get you breakfast.”
“Thank you.” She moves across the bed, and I’m distracted by Ness’s naked breasts as she leans over to check her phone. My eyes are still fixed on her hardening nipples when she pulls the sheet tight around herself.
Ness frowns at me. “Don’t even think about it.”
We know each other so well; Ness only has to meet my eyes to see every thought crossing my debauched mind. A summer of sunshine and sex came to an end a few short weeks ago; our Elysium in Europe where we lived day to day in the freedom of the summer. Two months of me, Ness and no-one else. And sex. So much sex. I always thought sex with one girl more than a few times would bore me. That was until I met Ness and found a new intensity that changed from sex to lovemaking – a soul-encompassing intimacy I’d read about and never believed.
“I said don’t even think about it.” Her warning includes a flicker of a smile she tries to fight down.
“Am I that transparent?” I rest my forehead against hers.
“Always. And today it’s a no.”
“I woke you up early.” I sneak my cool hands beneath the sheets and to the small of her back .
“Good, I can take a shower.” Pushing me away with a smile, Ness grabs my T-shirt from the floor instead. She pulls it over her head and pushes hair from her face with both hands, yawning. My heart thumps steadily against my chest as she stands; my t-shirt barely covers her ass. Not helpful.
“A shower?” I arch an eyebrow at her and she raises one in return. A Ness challenge. Perfect.
Feigning nonchalance, she crosses the room and out of the bedroom. No-one else in the house is awake and I pad quietly after her. Ness steps into the bathroom and turns the shower taps on before noticing me.
“I said, I’m getting a shower.”
“So am I.”
Ness’s gaze drops to my tenting boxers and then to me. “Maybe I should turn the water temperature down. You look like you need a cold shower.”
I push the door closed and rest against it, gazing at the swell of her breasts beneath my T-shirt, her tell-tale nipples hard. Ness is fighting this and trying to return to the responsible Ness. Not the one who took long showers with me every day we were away.
“Evan…”
“Okay, I’ll let you get your shower in peace.” Every fibre of my body screams at me to pull off her T-shirt and drag Ness into the shower, and slide her wet skin against mine.
Stepping forward, Ness touches my naked chest. “Today is important day. I need all my energy.”
“Fine.” I grab Ness’s hips and hold her so she’s close enough to feel how much turns me on. I slide my hand to caress her backside and fight with myself not to slide my hand between her legs.
The inner struggle is apparent in her eyes too, and she moistens her lips and looks away. I’m being unfair. I drop my grip and kiss her nose. “Okay, I’ll make breakfast.”
As I walk downstairs, into the small kitchen, I pull out two bowls and sigh. Summer is over, and so is our summer life. We’re starting again, in our new reality.
CHAPTER THREE
SEPTEMBER
NESS
I didn’t think starting med school would lead to nausea and heart palpitations. My first diagnosis: I’m nervous as hell. The lecture theatre is huge and crammed full, apart from half a row of seats at the back. There are several-hundred bodies in here and I don’t know anyone. I glance quickly from person to person, trying to find someone who doesn’t look part of a group. Did I miss the opportunity to fit in by not getting back from Europe in time for the socials? When I walked in, apart from a few curious lo
oks, nobody said hello. Everyone else who comes into the theatre is greeted with a wave and smile from at least one person. There are some faces in the crowd I recognise, but nobody registers me.
I find a row with vacant seats near the back of the lecture theatre and choose the spot closest to the edge and the door, maintaining as much personal space as possible. Sitting, I take a deep breath and release the air, calming myself. Shifting my focus from the crowds to my messenger bag, I take twice as long as I normally would to find a pen and paper so I don’t have to acknowledge anyone.
Ironic how the confident, smartest-girl-at-school side of me is easily swallowed by a change in environment. I’m no more relaxed here than in my old job at the call centre.
A middle-aged man quiets the crowd as he switches on the mic then launches into a PowerPoint presentation, introducing us to our next five years of med school. Five years. And then, I’ll have more years on top of that if I want to be a psychiatrist. Lucy edges into my mind, followed by images of a broken Evan from last year and I blink. This is the reality behind why I’m here.
The door at the back of the lecture theatre creaks slowly open and closed, and I’m aware of someone hovering next to me.
“Can you shift over a seat?” hisses a male voice.
Without looking, I tut and move along.
“Two seats. There’s two of us.”
I sigh deliberately and shift again, still not looking at him.
“You were the one sitting on the edge. There’s six seats between you and the next person!” he says.
“Yeah, well there was no one here.” I turn my head and meet the pale blue eyes of the guy who now sits next to me.
His dark blonde hair is short fringe, spiked into the middle like so many guys these days. We study each other, the first-impression-appraisal, and I can’t tell what his impression is of me. Noncommittal, I guess, because he glances away as quickly.
