Killian is grinning so wide, I think he might strain he cheeks. But his playing is on point.
I’ve always wanted to live a life less ordinary, see the world in a way few others have. And I know I’m not alone in that desire. Who wouldn’t want to escape the mundane? Yet, I’ve always known I was ordinary. Not in a bad way, but I was simply Sophie Darling: mostly happy, likes people, has a talent for taking snapshots of daily life. Nothing amazing. I tried to soak up the excitement of fame by being an entertainment journalist. But that only left me feeling tainted and foul.
I’m not certain where my future lies. But I’m here now, living this life. And it is extraordinary. I have one of the best rock bands on Earth singing karaoke for me. Even better? They’re my friends, these funny, talented, generous people. They like me, past wrongs and all.
I soak in the moment, laughing and watching them dance around. And yet, there’s a cold spot along my back, in the center of my chest, that won’t go away. I yearn for the one man who isn’t here, who left me behind.
It hurts, and I have to swallow down the pain, my smile too brittle.
The song finishes, and they’re all giving happy high fives, while Brenna and I wolf whistle and cheer.
Whip plops down next to me, a sheen of sweat shining on his brow. He flicks a lock of inky hair back from his face and smiles. “That’s gonna be hard to top.”
“Show off,” I tell him, nerves fluttering in my belly. I know the song Brenna and I chose by heart. Still, I have to perform it in front of these freaking music virtuosos.
“No stalling,” Rye says, sitting on the other side of me. “It’s your turn now.”
Brenna stands up and smoothes her skirt, taking a mic from him. “We’re doing ‘Shoop’.”
Everyone cheers, and I rise on unsteady legs. Libby hands me her mic.
Brenna is taking Pepa’s lyrics, and I’m Salt. And because neither of us can play an instrument to save our lives, we’re using the karaoke machine. We glance at each other. Brenna’s eyes are gleaming, but her smile is nervous. “All in?”
“All in,” I say, giving her a fist bump.
The song starts, and I can no longer worry. Brenna is true to her word, delivering her lyrics with sass, her hips gyrating. She slaps her butt, and Rye howls, laughing so hard tears stream down his face.
But they’re all looking at Brenna with pride and encouragement.
And then it’s my turn.
I don’t think. The song takes me. I dance, gyrating, and Brenna joins me. It’s so freeing; I understand why these guys sweat their asses off night after night.
“Kill it, Sophie,” Jax yells, clapping.
So I do. I’m rapping about nice dreams and big jeans, my ass wiggling, when he walks in.
It’s pretty impressive, actually, that the man can simply enter a room and everything stops.
I mean, the background music plays on, but all of us have halted as if he’s pressed pause.
Gabriel freezes too, his brows knitting over that arrogant nose. Impeccably dressed in a blue suit, platinum cufflinks glinting in the low light, he’s king of all he surveys. The guys in this room might be the biggest rock stars in the world, but they stand silent before him like recalcitrant kids caught stealing liquor from Dad’s stock.
As if to punctuate that thought, Rye suddenly points at me. “She made us do it!”
“We didn’t touch a thing,” Killian wails dramatically while flailing his arms out. “The lock on the liquor cabinet was already busted!”
It breaks the tension, and everyone laughs. Well, everyone except for me and Gabriel.
Because his gaze has landed on mine. And I can’t look away.
Why him? Why is it that one direct look from this man has the ability to paralyze my body, take my breath, make everything hot and sticky along my skin?
I didn’t lie that day on the plane. He is the most devastatingly attractive man I’ve ever met. But what I feel when I look at him, when we silently assess each other, has nothing to do with how he looks.
His male beauty isn’t what makes my heart ache like a tender bruise. It isn’t what has my insides swooping to my toes and my lips suddenly turning sensitive. And it certainly isn’t what makes me want to cross the small distance between us and wrap my arms around him, hold him close.
Because he looks so very battered. Thinner about the face, shadows beneath his aqua eyes. His gaze conveys pain, yearning, need. I see it, even if I’m fairly certain he doesn’t want me to see. I’ve always seen the loneliness.
Maybe because it matches my own.
We’re both experts at hiding our true selves behind a public mask. I make jokes and smile. He plays the robot.
The karaoke machine stops with a click. I still can’t look away from Gabriel. I’ve missed him. Too much.
He hasn’t acknowledged anyone, hasn’t even budged from his stance just inside the door.
“Time to go,” Jax murmurs, and everyone shuffles, grabbing instruments, their stuff—Killian takes the tequila.
They leave without another word.
Gabriel’s voice is rusty when he finally uses it. “You’ve been well?” His gaze flicks to the mic still in my hand and a flash of humor lights his eyes before neutrality settles back into place.
I’m sweaty and flushed, my heartbeat still rapid from abruptly stopping my dance.
“Don’t I look well?” It’s a cheap tactic, but the insecure part of me needs some sort of sign. And he still hasn’t moved from the doorway.
He glances at my breasts, the swell of my hips, making all those places perk up, become tender with the need to be touched. He meets my eyes again.
“Very well indeed.”
Damn, that shouldn’t fill me with heat. I set down the mic, take a swig of my beer. It’s warm and flat now. “You should have let them stay.”
“I didn’t ask them to go.” He says it softly, his expression a bit perplexed and a bit pissed off.
“You didn’t have to. You show up and everyone scatters like cockroaches to the light.”
His nostrils flare in clear irritation. I ignore it.
“Why is that? Why don’t you let anyone in here?” I take a step closer. “Why don’t you let anyone in?”
“You’re in here,” he retorts hotly, his gaze cutting away, as if the sight of me pains him. “You’re in.”
“Am I?” My heart pounds now, pushing the blood through my veins with too much force. It makes me jumpy, in need of comfort.
Gabriel frowns at me. “You have to ask?”
I take another step, aware that he stiffens when I do. “Were you really off doing business?”
“What else would I be doing?”
Another step. Close enough to catch his scent. Heat radiates off him despite his cool outward appearance. He stares down his nose at me. Arrogant bastard.
“You look like shit,” I tell him.
He scoffs at that. “Well, thank you, Darling. I can always count on your candor.”
“Yes, you can.” I look up at him. “You’ve lost weight. Your color is off—”
“Sophie,” he cuts in with a sigh, “I’ve traveled all day. On a bloody plane. I’m tired, and I want to sleep.” He inclines his head, his chin set in defiance. “Shall we?”
For a second, I can only blink. “You honestly expect me to sleep with you now?”
That stubborn, blunt chin rises. “You promised me every night if I wanted it. Well, I do.”
“Not until you tell me where you’ve been.”
“What?”
I lean in, my nose nearly brushing the lapel of his perfect suit, and breathe deep. I straighten with a glare. “You may have had a shower, but your suit stinks of cigarettes and perfume.”
His eyes narrow to laser-bright slits. “What are you implying?”
“Were you off fucking someone?”
There. I said it. And I’m sick with the idea.
“That is none of your business.”
&nbs
p; I don’t care if he says it without inflection, it still feels like a slap to the face.
“It is if I’m sleeping with you,” I snap.
He takes a step into my space. “I told you at the beginning, this isn’t about sex.”
The tips of my breasts brush his chest with each agitated breath I take. “You’re right. It’s more than that. We are more. And you fucking know it.” I poke his hard shoulder. “So stop being such a coward and admit it.”
With an actual growl, he backs me against the wall, his arms caging me in. Our noses bump as he bends down.
“Here is what I will admit: I was not ‘fucking someone’ and it pisses me off that your first suspicion went directly to that.”
He’s so close, his angry heat feels like my own. I can’t move or avoid his eyes. I don’t try to. “Why shouldn’t I think that when you smell of other women?”
“Because there is only you!”
His shout rings out, broken and desperate. But it’s the rage in it, as if he hates the truth, that has me flinching.
Even so, his confession sits between us. And I can’t help but put a hand to his waist. Tension vibrates through his frame. But he doesn’t pull away, just stares down at me, breathing hard.
“Gabriel, you think it’s any different for me?”
He pulls back at that, his expression going blank.
I don’t let it stop me. My voice stays soft. “Why do you think I push?”
“Because you can’t help yourself, stubborn, chatty girl.” His gaze darts over my face. “Even when you should.”
“Why should I, Gabriel?” I use his name to keep him from retreating. I know how much he craves hearing it. Even now, when he’s angry, his lids flutter each time I utter it. “I’m tired of pretending I don’t want you. I do. We dance around it night after night. And it’s a fucking lie. I’m tired of the lie. Tell me why you resist.”
His lips pinch. “I have already told you. I will fail you, Sophie. Christ, look at me. I left when you were in need.”
“Did you do it to prove that to me?” I press, tears threatening. “Is that why?”
That clearly doesn’t sit well with him. “No. I needed a break, time for myself.”
Oh, that hurts. And yet he’s been a solitary man for so long, can I blame him for wanting his space?
Exhaustion lines his face as he watches me with cautious eyes. “I can’t be the man you expect me to be, Sophie.”
The faint yellow of a bruise on his cheek catches my attention. I lift my hand to touch it, and he takes a step back, evading my hand. “Can’t or won’t?”
“Does it matter?” he counters. “In the end, the result is the same.”
I should walk away, save what’s left of my pride. But I’ve never been able to hold back from engaging with this man. “Are you going to tell me where you were?”
“No.”
Jesus, I want to stamp my foot. On his. “Why not?”
He’s fully away from me now, retreating to the kitchen to grab the kettle and fill it with water. “Because I don’t want to.”
“Asshole.”
“Admitted that already, love.”
My back teeth click, as he fusses with his tea leaves.
“Teatime, is it?” I grind out. “Having a problem that needs soothing?”
“Yes,” he says without turning. “You.”
A gasp of pain leaves me before I can hold it in.
He turns at the sound, and his brows lift in apparent surprise. “Chatty girl?”
I blink rapidly. “You are an asshole. And it isn’t something to be proud of.”
I grab my shoes and head for the door.
“Sophie.” He makes a grab for my arm, but I evade his reach.
“Don’t,” I say, wrenching the door open. “I need to be away from you for a while.”
He runs a hand through his thick hair and grips the ends as if he needs to hold something. “At least tell me where you’re going so I don’t have to worry.”
A bitter laugh leaves my lips. “Oh, the irony.” I glare at him. “Guess what, Scottie? I’m not telling. Because I don’t fucking want to!”
I slam the door behind me and head out into the night.
Chapter Nineteen
Gabriel
* * *
“You tug at those cuffs any harder and they’re going to fall off.”
I don’t bother turning to acknowledge Killian at my side. It will only encourage him. And I don’t have it in me to pretend I’m impenetrable right now. I hurt Sophie last night. I ruined her fun and then made her think she was a problem to be solved.
I didn’t realize how badly I was mucking things up until she stormed out. I’d only thought to protect my private life as I’ve always done, by putting up a wall and sniping at anyone who tried to look over it.
The method still works; she left. Cut me off at the fucking knees. I’m stuck walking on stumps and trying to pretend it isn’t agony.
Around us, stagehands, lighting engineers, and sound techs scurry to and fro, getting ready for the concert. On the other side of the massive screen we’re standing behind, the crowd fills up the stadium. Their murmurs and laughs create a constant hum.
“Shouldn’t you be in the dressing room getting your hair artfully disheveled?” I ask him.
“Libby does that for me in her own special way,” he answers easily.
Of course she does. Every damn person on the tour has been treated to the sounds Killian and Libby preparing for concerts. And celebrating the conclusion of each show. I don’t know how they ever thought they were being secretive.
“Then go find your wife,” I say. “I’m fairly certain she’s waiting for you in the lavatory.”
“Man, don’t let on that you know about the bathroom hookups or she’ll never give it to me there again.”
“It would do well for you not to provide me with ammunition at this moment.”
He falls silent, standing at my side and watching the well-choreographed art of the stagehands’ work. I know what he’s doing. Babysitting. Killian knows me too well. Just as I am able to tell if he’s hurting with one look, so is he. Granted, it’s been over ten years since he’s seen me hurting. Thinking about that time adds another stone to the gravel pit that’s formed in my gut.
Sophie didn’t come home last night. Home. I have not thought of any place as home for so long I’m surprised I even remember the concept. My houses are dwellings in which I rest when not working. Given that I’m always working, I rarely spend time in any of them. Yet from the first night Sophie settled her things alongside mine and filled those quiet, orderly spaces with her effusive nature, wherever she is feels like home.
Last night, alone in my bed, it was more like hell. I wasn’t able to lower my pride enough to ask any of my crew if they knew where she was. But it was a close thing. I’d been tempted to beg. That chafes too.
Eventually the tour will end. Sophie will move on to other projects, and my life will return to normal. Why that thought makes my gut clench isn’t something I want to dwell on.
Knowing Killian as I do, it isn’t a surprise that he can’t keep quiet for long.
He huffs out an impatient sound. “Seriously, dude, what’s got your dick in a knot?” From the corner of my eye, I can see him grinning, wide and smug. “I thought for sure your coach would be rocking for a few hours.”
“Don’t be disgusting,” I snap, leaving my damn cuffs alone.
“Hot lovin’ is never disgusting.” He nudges me.
“I might be emotionally scarred for life after hearing you say hot lovin’. And mind your business.”
“Oh, please. It’s not like you’re hiding anything.”
I finally glare at him, and he keeps that smug grin in place.
“You are so gone on Sophie,” he says happily. “You have been since you got off that plane.”
Sophie had been so happy, dancing like an erotic weapon and rapping—the lyrics falling from her lip
s in syncopated rhythm without falter or embarrassment. It was unexpected and lovely. I’d wanted to laugh just for the joy of it. I’d wanted to haul her over my shoulder, take her to my bed, and have her sway and thrust those hips of hers right over my mouth. My cock stirs at the thought, and I remember Killian is standing there, looking at me as if he’s never seen me before.
“Why are you grinning like a fool? You don’t even like her.”
“Eh,” he shrugs. “I was pissed about old shit. She’s cool. Just took me a bit to let myself see it.”
Despite the fact that I want to tear my skin off and throw myself into traffic for putting that hurt on her pretty face, I’m mollified by Killian’s acceptance. The fact that it means so much to me also irks.
“Everyone likes her,” he adds as if he’s trying to reassure me.
“It’s impossible not to,” I mutter. A mistake. It gives Killian an opening.
“So…” he prompts with a wave of his hand. “Why aren’t you knocking boots with Sophie right now? You two are clearly dying to fuck like horny bunnies—”
“One well-placed punch, Killian. That’s all it would take to have you silenced for the rest of the night.”
“Touchy. Touchy.”
He’s loving this. Throwing myself into traffic sounds more appealing by the second.
“I’m just saying,” he goes on, “I’ve never seen anyone more in need of a good, hard fuck than—”
“Shut your fucking gob.”
“You,” he finishes broadly, dancing out of striking range. “But it’s good to know you’re protective of Sophie’s rep. Means you care.”
My hand curls into a fist. Killian dances back a few feet more, flashing me a cheeky smile. “I’m done. No more poking the bear. I’m going now.”
“Your timing has been off during ‘Distractify’ lately. You’re late on the opening riff by two seconds.”
Killian laughs. “Low blow, man. But correct. Don’t know why I’m off, but I’ll work on it.” He pauses, his heel poised to turn. “Whatever you did to make Sophie storm into Brenna’s coach, just tell her you’re sorry.”
Regret is a fist through my heart. It’s a struggle to get in a breath. But at least I know where she is now. Safe with Brenna.
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