by Tiana Laveen
Paxton rubbed the red dice pendant compulsively between his ever-moving fingers until the damn thing felt hot to the touch.
“I want to know exactly what I’ve done that has you coming out your goddamn skin? I fell in love! You should be happy for me!” Paxton threw up his hands.
“You fucker, you fell in love with the Devil, then. You gotta goddamn Machiavellian story chaser livin’ in your house! She went downtown and got the 411 on ya, calls you and ignores your request to leave ya alone. You look ’er up online, see a piece of chocolate you like… banging a Black chick is on your monthly bucket list… you got it, all the candy in the store. Asians – butterscotch candy, borrachitos – Hispanic sweets, Russian girls – some Zefir, Hawaiian broads – pineapple lollipops, Indian – mango bites. Shit! You’ve had ’em all.” His brother waved his hand in the air. “You like women you find exotic. I know your type, but ain’t nothing special about her. She’s replaceable.”
“Now that you’ve bored me to death with your knowledge of international candies, how the hell would you know if she’s special or not? You met her one time.”
“She’s just another pretty chick from a broken home who struggled to make it and now she’s gonna use you to cash in and make it big time! Man, you’re her come up! She’s gonna squeeze you dry! She doesn’t give a fuck about you! She’s a dime a dozen!”
“Did you come to this conclusion before or after I pulled your rotten ass outta the gutter, ignored your cocaine relapse that I’m positive you had and let it go when my money from Houston came up short?” He sucked his teeth hard as Major glared at him, then blinked. The bastard looked more nervous than a bank robber whose getaway car ran out of gas. “Yeah, I’m not as stupid as you think I am, you son of a bitch. You’re jealous… afraid because you know this time it’s different. On second thought, you’re damn straight you know me; that’s why you can feel it in your bones. That woman is not a piece of Black ass on my monthly bucket list. Like you already fuckin’ said, I’ve had ’em all, all flavors. This isn’t about her race, or how fuckin’ cute she is anymore, it’s about our connection. She gets me! Nobody has ever understood me and that’s always been the damn problem. She’s the woman I wanna be with!”
“Why don’t you just put out some cheese for the fuckin’ rats?!” Paxton rolled his eyes and shut them for a moment. “The only thing you do consistently, Pax, is your show. You’re always on time, you surprise the crowd, you’re fucking incredible. You’re good at it because not only do you have the skills to pull it off, but you have full control. Everything else is a goddamn crap shoot in your world. If it weren’t for me, everything would be in shambles. You can’t even manage a bank account with five hundred lousy bucks in it. Don’t push me away by letting a woman come between us. You need me. You can’t make it on your own.”
“Really, Major? I need you, huh? I think you’ve got that the other way around. Let’s talk about that for a second.” Paxton narrowed his gaze on his brother as he swiveled slowly back and forth in his seat. “I may be the youngest of our family, but I’m not the fuckin’ weakest. I’m that poor piece of Italian trash that everybody said was goin’ nowhere, remember? I was the runt out of all my brothers… all you motherfuckers tried to act tough, and I ended up being the tallest and not afraid of shit while the four of you cowered down to Dad, folding like a stack of cards!”
“It wasn’t cowering; it was showing respect. He’s our father. I don’t know why you had to make things so damn hard.”
“I give respect to those who earn it! I don’t give a shit who ya are. You stand there like I don’t have a fuckin’ clue about what’s going on, Major. Well, think again. Let me jog your memory. I was the one who got accepted into motherfuckin’ Harvard, while Gabe said I was the dumbest in the whole damn family. Yeah, I made a lot of mistakes as a kid, but I’m proof that people can overcome if they want to. You always tell me my head is in the clouds, that I live in a dream world. Well, my friend, my dreams keep those fuckin’ clothes on your back!”
He popped up out of his chair, springing forward in a flash until he was almost touching noses with the bastard, standing tall in his brother’s face. Major’s heated breath, seasoned with booze, filled the air.
“My dream world bought Mom and Dad a new house in a neighborhood that doesn’t need bars on the fuckin’ windows for a change! My dream world bought you that fuckin’ Lexus you’re riding around in, pickin’ up high-class escorts, thousand-dollar-an-hour whores that wouldn’t give you the time of day if you weren’t wealthy ’cause of me, the dreamer… Paxton Starr’s brother!” He jabbed his finger into the man’s chest.
“My dream world paid for your son’s private schooling. My dream world makes you look good each and every goddamn day you breathe air so the next time you bite the hand that feeds you, you remember what I’ve said tonight. This ain’t no illusion. This is the real deal. So, you listen up and you listen good, motherfucker. The next time this happens, I will cut you off like you were a motherfucking blade of grass if you ever cross the line and try to push your weight around regarding my private life. Stay off my motherfucking lawn!”
He marched past his brother, opened the door, and slammed it behind him…
Two hours prior, Ivy had watched her man hold a large crystal skull in his hand and make it drift from one side of the stage to the other, then explode it into a thousand gold coins. She’d spent a much longer time trying to get in on his secrets, but he refused to budge, even with the new perimeters of their relationship. Mum was the word, and the man wasn’t budging.
She searched her brain, read various theories online, and wanted to blame it on props. He had the upper hand on the stage, but she’d seen him practicing at home, too. There were no pulleys, no strings, no boxes to hide within and behind. There was no dark curtain to obscure one’s views. She had no doubt this was why Paxton was the best. It seemed almost anytime, anywhere, he could pull off a complicated illusion, and this made him one of the many wonders of Vegas.
Now here they were, walking the strip, hand in hand. To her, this was home. There wasn’t anything over the top or strange about it; her life was lived in these lights, although Paxton often described this city like it was a foreign country. Maybe, in some ways, it was.
“I don’t want him to manage me anymore. I’m done.”
The man sighed as if exhausted. Her heart hurt for him.
“Paxton, don’t make any rush decisions, baby. I know you and Major got into it tonight, and there’ve been problems as of late, but up until now you said he’d been a Godsend.”
“You know, he’s the eldest of us five. He was the only one who used to come to my defense, treat me right. You didn’t have this sort of dynamic; it was just you and your brother. But, it was hard sometimes in that environment. Not saying you had it easy. I didn’t mean it that way.”
She smiled and kissed his cheek. “I know what you mean.”
“It was hard in my neighborhood is all, and it was hard under that roof, too. My dad thought I was weird. My mother thought I wouldn’t do anything with my life. She said I kept throwin’ away great opportunities. She looked to me as their ticket out. Teachers told her about my potential, how smart I was, but I couldn’t concentrate. Then I started hanging around the wrong crowd I guess you could say, and things got worse.” He shrugged. “I just never felt fully accepted. Like… if they saw who I really was, they’d want no part of me. I didn’t like their religion; I hated where we lived. I just wanted to be left alone. Ivy, I would’ve been perfectly content reading, smoking, and talking about life in general with anyone who would listen.”
“You were easy to please, huh?”
He offered her a slight smile. “My dad wanted us to go get jobs. He didn’t care much about college. He thought it would be a waste of money but my mother felt differently. Anyway, Major was the only one of my brothers who I could talk to.”
She ran her hand along his arm.
“So that makes th
is hurt even more… I get it. Look, Paxton, a family has fights, okay? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. This is just all new to both of you. It’s always been you and him making it out here. He moved to Vegas to help you, and things have been going well. Don’t end all of that just because—”
“He’s threatened by you.”
She paused and turned him towards her, making him face her. “I know… but give him some time, okay? Think about it… you’re his best friend.”
“That’s the problem. I’m his best friend, but now you’re mine…”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Home Sweet Home
I want to move mountains for her… She said she’d rather climb them on her own. I offered to make them disappear, but then she said she’d never appreciate the good times if the struggles vanished into thin air…
Paxton sat on the edge of the bed, studying Ivy. She was sleeping like a baby despite stalling her boss for the second time around. She’d had a rough day. Paxton had just gotten in from New York. The show there had been a great success despite the stage being smaller than what he was accustomed to. He smiled.
It’s nice havin’ somebody to come home to… Yeah, this feels good. It feels right.
He sat back and stared off at his bedroom television, which the woman had left on, only half listening to the rerun of “The Office.” He glanced back at her and for a split second, he forgot the reason they’d met in the first place.
His imagination ran wild. He was curious what she’d written about him in the article but never brought it up—not on the phone, not face to face, and surely not right now. All he knew was that the story was almost complete, and once it was released, there would be no turning back. He ran his hand along her hip, but she remained quiet and still, floating in a dream. As if sensing his regard, she stirred. She flipped onto her side and opened groggy eyes.
“Why didn’t you wake me, baby? I was waiting up for you.” She yawned and sat up. “How long have you been home?”
“I wasn’t going to wake you up. I know what type of week you’ve had. I haven’t been home that long though.”
“Things any better between you and Major?”
He shook his head.
“We barely spoke the whole trip… Look, Ivy, I’ve been thinking… there needs to be some changes.” He didn’t miss the concerned expression that budded on her face.
“Like what?” She rubbed her eye gently with her fist and yawned.
“I wanna… I wanna stop some stuff. Like uh, I wanna cut down on my drinkin’. And uh, I want to take you out more… make more time for one another.”
“Hmmm.” She stretched. “What brought this on?”
“Just thinkin’ is all… like about what I’m doing with my life.” He shrugged.
“I went and saw the Statue of Liberty. I thought about, you know, all that she stands for. I’d never seen her that close before… It’s incredible. She’s there ’cause of people’s dreams, you know? Immigrants. We were all immigrants at one point in time.”
“Not all of us.” She chuckled. He took her hand and smiled sadly.
“Yeah… not all of our ancestors were willing immigrants, but you know what I’m saying; we’re like refugees, none of us native, except for the Indians. And I was looking at her and thinking about how just about everything I’ve wanted in life, I’ve gotten. But I never expected to fall in love again, Ivy. Not anytime soon, anyway. Unexpected things happen. I just need to make some changes, ya know? I can’t have what I want without makin’ changes because if I don’t, things will just end up as they always do. If you want a change, you gotta make a change. I don’t ever want to lose you.” He didn’t miss the smile that crept across her face. “I need to show my appreciation for life by taking some of this shit more seriously. I don’t wanna run from troubles, swim away. I wanna face them, and I think I can do that with you by my side.”
He took her hand and squeezed it, and his heart felt heavy when he saw tears welling in her eyes.
“You’re trying to make me fall in love with you all over again, aren’t you?” she said, sliding the straps of her black negligee from her shoulder until her breasts were fully exposed.
He jumped on the invitation, laying her down amongst the sheets. Sliding his hand into her panties, he sought her heat. She grinded against his palm as he pushed his finger within her, her moans music to his ears. “Baby, don’t make any plans this weekend.” He glided another finger inside her, then caught her right nipple between his teeth and sucked it hard. She fucked his fingers like she meant it, her body moving like waves against his digits.
“Why?”
“Because I’m taking you home to meet the family…”
As they sat at a red light in the rental car, her eyes remained glued on the shining, beady eyes peering out from between two dented and half crushed metal trashcans. Goosebumps rose and travelled the length of Ivy’s arms at the realization that she was having a stare contest with a damn raccoon. Every now and again the light from a street lamp post would catch it just so; its grotesque paws were wrapped around something white, filthy and damp, perhaps parchment paper tainted with the remains of rotting meat.
Paxton hit the gas on the gunmetal Dodge Challenger he’d rented for their ‘Back to Boston’ excursion. His rather jovial mood earlier in the day had morphed into a more somber, reflective one now, so she gave him his space. It didn’t take long for the wall of silence to fall, though.
“Ova here used to be where my friend Roni lived.” He pointed at a tall, rundown house with cracked walls, broken windows, and a sunken front porch surrounded by half dead trees. “There’s nothing in there now but a bunch of heroin addicts that come and go as they please.”
She peered into the windows, but only saw darkness. Perhaps if she’d been closer, she’d be able to see the flick of a lighter as drugs were cooked in a spoon. She’d witnessed that a few times while being at the wrong place at the wrong damn time. It was the kind of sight one couldn’t easily shake.
“That’s just terrible, Paxton. It’s not only happening in Boston, either. There’s been a resurgence of heroin drug use across the board.”
“That’s ’cause of the purity ratio. See, when the drugs weren’t being cut with synthetic shit, it caused fewer overdoses, but it allowed the shit to be sold cheaper. Catch 22. The picky base heads don’t want that blended shit. Back when I was growin’ up around here, we were poor, ya know, and there were drugs, but nothin’ like what you see now.” He shook his head in disgust as they passed one boarded up house after another. “Ova there.” He pointed to another home, this one impossibly worse than the previous. “Is where I grew up.”
Ivy swallowed her response. Her teeth sank into her lower lip as her heart beat a strange, heartbreaking tune.
He slowed the car down and pulled over to the side, allowing her to see the monstrosity up close and personal. The home was made of bricks so dark, they almost looked pitch black. It was as if the structure had been caught on fire and the blaze stopped in the nick of time, but not before dusky black soot was smeared all over every nook and cranny. Several of the windows were boarded up, and one side of the house had become the canvas for local graffiti artists. Gratuitous profanity, strange words and symbols in bright orange and green were written in shaky, thick letters, each with tear drop shaped paint dripping lines beneath. Ivy tried to imagine what it would have looked like in its better days… with lights on, laughter, parties, a family of five rambunctious boys fighting, big family dinners.
“I bet you had good and bad times there. Is it weird seeing it like this now?” She turned towards him, finding his attention fixed on the house, looking it over as though trying to find out if anyone was home. It was clearly abandoned, devoid of life, but he’d spent important parts of his existence within those walls.
“Yeah, it is. My parents took pride in how our house looked back then. The yard was always mowed and taken care of. My father made sure of that. Even with all
of us kids, my mom made certain that the dishes were washed, meals were cooked, and we cleaned our rooms and did our chores. They didn’t have two fucking cents to rub together, but that one penny they had, they stretched it. They had pride in their place and where they lived.” He shook his head at the sight. “Now it’s just a shit hole. Not all of Lowell is, but the neighborhood has gone downhill big time. There’s a drug crisis here… That’s what it’s called on the news. For some reason, the word crisis still sounds like it’s white washing the truth, ya know? Crisis makes me think of some emotional breakdown… What do you call an entire city’s breakdown?”
“An epidemic… I noticed that many of the houses we’ve passed appear well built but they’ve been neglected. It’s amazing that many haven’t been bulldozed. Some seem to be a hazard, especially if they are attracting people to break in and squat.”
Thank God he got out of here.
“There were so many foreclosures and rental properties that went belly up, Ivy. Nobody could keep up. This entire area looks nothing like how it used to be. Like I told you on the plane, I don’t come home much anymore, but when I do, I always drive over here first before heading to Cambridge. It keeps me grounded because Cambridge isn’t where I was raised; it was just where I wished to live and Vegas is a candy land, ya know?”
She nodded in understanding. “It’s a candy land, but people from the outside act like Vegas is just one big playground, like we all live around all of the big-time casinos and on the Strip.”
He chuckled as he pulled away from the house and got back on the road. “That’s true. I kinda thought that way about it too until I moved out there. Nevada is a big state. I guess it’s hard for people to realize that most residents are not living in Vegas and the ones that are, it’s not necessarily in the heart of it all. I live there because of my work, naturally, but yeah, I know what you’re saying. Anyway, thanks for indulging me and taking this little detour before we head over to my parents.”
