“When we first met you thought it was sexy that I wore a military uniform. You even said absence made the heart grow fonder,” he reminded her, dropping the unopened envelope. “Do you think being away was any easier on me?”
Swallowing the heaviness in her throat, she leaned against the edge of the counter and crossed her arms over her chest, meeting his gaze head on. She didn’t want to have this conversation again. It was just too painful. “I did feel those things. Honestly, I still do, but promises were made before we had Finley and then the dynamics of our life together changed. You said when your contract was done with the special forces unit you would retire or switch to a less strenuous contract with the Navy.”
“I’m not cut out for a desk job, Novah. That would have been miserable for me.”
“Then what about starting your own security company? Possibly do some ranching or carpentry like your father did when he retired from the service, or open a bar like your brother did. How about using your degree to teach? Anything besides going overseas to play in the sandbox.”
“Those plans were an option, down the road, but I was needed in Kuwait.”
“Kuwait yesterday. Iraq tomorrow. And some other dangerous place next month.”
“You act like I left you and Finley on purpose. Do you think it was a cakewalk?”
She blew out a long breath. “No, I don’t think it was a cakewalk and I know it wasn’t easy for you. I understand some of what you faced across the pond.” Feeling the throbbing ache at her temples, she exhaled slowly, hoping the acetaminophen kicked in soon. “There’s always another war or mission that requires your attention. I might have signed up to have an absent husband, but Finley doesn’t deserve to have a part-time father. Maybe if we didn’t have her, things would be different now, but she deserves to have more time with you.” They had agreed to wait until after his military career to start a family, but after meeting him for an impromptu romantic vacation in a quaint village in Italy between his assignments, she’d ended up pregnant. Although it came as a surprise, they’d been happy, but neither of them could have been prepared for the changes a baby would bring about in their lives. Many nights she’d spent exhausted wishing Egan was there to help her care for Finley who had severe colic. Or the time she was hospitalized after a febrile seizure and Novah had been scared out of her wits. Their daughter’s first steps. Her first words. He had missed so many moments…
“Finley doesn’t complain.”
“She’s three and doesn’t know any difference yet. You don’t think that’ll change? At some point she’s going to ask why you’re not at her sporting events or school functions. Or that you haven’t called or seen her in two weeks, possibly an entire month. Egan, I understand how much that can affect a young girl very well. I always wondered where my father was too.”
“I’m not your father. I haven’t abandoned you.”
“No, you’re just absent,” she said calmly. “And that makes it better how?”
He leaned his palms on the edge of the island. “I have a career, Novah. I help people. I’ve never asked you to give up your job.”
Laughing, but it came out more like a splutter. “My teaching job at the private school doesn’t take me out of town every week.”
“But you love working there with the kids, right? What if someone took that away from you?”
Feeling the same aggravation she’d felt numerous times, she refused to get sucked into the same endless argument. “Sign the papers.”
He lifted his shoulder proudly. “I’ll take them with me and read the fine print when I get a chance. I’ll be out of town a few days and we’ll talk then.”
“Color me surprised. You’re going out of town again.” She rubbed the tension from her temples.
“You don’t think I miss Finley? Or you?”
“I think you—” The sound of the soft pitter pattering of tiny feet down the hall made her stop.
A second later Finley came bursting into the kitchen, her tousled hair needed a good brushing. When she saw Egan her eyes lit. “Daddy! Daddy!” She ran straight into his arms and he swept her up, swung her around before placing her back onto her bare feet.
Novah watched the scene with a daunting pain in her chest. Although he wasn’t around nearly enough, he was a good father, always had been. He made every second count and Finley adored him. They did fun things together like fished, built forts, and made scientific experiments with household products. Before he joined the military, he’d gotten a degree in biochemistry which helped him in understanding handmade bombs. He’d called himself the mad scientist and she found it sexy.
Seeing him with their daughter, the vulnerability in him that he didn’t bother hiding, almost buckled her knees.
The joy in Finley made Novah rethink the divorce. What was she thinking? How could she rip apart their family? Yet, what choice did she have? Nothing would change. She couldn’t go back to worrying when Egan was gone and questioning how she would tell Finley her dad wasn’t coming back home if something happened to him. Missing him so deeply that she couldn’t breathe. Wishing he wasn’t missing birthdays, holidays, and even Christmas. The ceaseless arguing.
Egan tousled Finley’s shoulder-length, wild curls. “Is my girl as peachy as a plump peach?”
“Peachy as a plump peach,” she repeated then burst into laughter. “Did you spend the night? You don’t have a shirt on.” Finley asked innocently.
For a mere second his gaze met Novah’s and the room heated. Finley was a curious child. “It was hot in here,” he said easily and swiped up the shirt off the floor where it had dropped. He dragged the cotton over his head and down his toned abs, finally zipping his jeans.
“Guess what, Daddy? Guess what?” Finley jumped up and down in excitement.
“Tell me before you fly away,” he teased.
“I kicked the ball at soccer. Like this.” She acted out kicking the ball. “You should have seen me play! I did good didn’t I, Mommy?”
“Coach Bill said you did excellent.”
“Coach Bill, huh?” Egan smirked, giving Novah a questioning glare. “Is he still stopping by the house for sugar?”
“Stop!” Novah mouthed, flushing at the suggestive undercurrent in his words. Although Bill Harlow, who was a single neighbor, did make it obvious that he was attracted to Novah she didn’t reflect the feelings.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, sweetie.”
“Finley’s bottom lip puckered.
Novah gave him an “I told you so” glower. “You have many more. The season has just started so maybe the next one.”
“Are you staying, Daddy?” Finley jumped up and down, clapping her hands, quickly forgetting about the game. “Grammy can make waffles. She’s going to put chocolate chips in them.”
Novah blinked back tears and turned away long enough to get her emotions under control.
“I love Grammy’s waffles,” Egan laid on the sarcasm.
“Well, look what the cat drug in,” Rita, Novah’s mom, muttered as she stepped into the kitchen that suddenly felt like a tomb.
“Morning, Rita. Looking as lovely as ever, I see.” There was a distinct tone to Egan’s voice. They had never gotten along. Her mother had warned Novah from the start that she wasn’t cut out for the lifestyle of a wife whose husband was gone more than he was at home. She hated to admit that her mother had been right.
“I didn’t expect to see you this morning, or year for that matter,” Rita said stiffly and poured herself coffee as she gave Novah a curious glance.
If only Egan would have left during the night, she would have saved herself all the pain of explaining this to her mother later. Last year when they’d mutually decided a break was needed, she’d spent a month walking around like a zombie, crying in her wine while watching chick flicks. She’d slept in one of his old T-shirts because it smelled like him. Many nights she’d given in to temptation, dialed his number, only to hang up before she could ask him to come back home
.
Reaching for her coffee, she caught Rita’s sober glare.
Novah lifted her chin stubbornly. She had no reason to feel guilty for Egan being there. Although separated, they were still married. Rita should understand Novah’s tug of war. There was a strong magnetism, and an ease of conversation when they weren’t discussing their problems. He made her laugh, and feel sexy, but she needed to shut that part of herself off if she ever wanted to move forward—whatever moving forward meant.
“I didn’t expect to see you either,” Egan said to Rita then winked at Finley who was thankfully oblivious to the tension in the air.
“Good thing neither of you have to see each other any longer because Egan was just leaving. Right?” She gave him a warning eye not to argue.
“I don’t want Daddy to leave.” Finley huffed and crossed her arms stubbornly. “Can he stay? Grammy’s fixing waffles.”
“Yes,” Egan said.
“No,” Novah said at the same time.
“I mean, no I can’t, Fin. I have somewhere I need to be.” Egan shrugged. Novah felt a sliver of disappointment…and sadness. But why should she? Pretending they didn’t have issues didn’t do anyone any favors. She couldn’t ask him to give up his special forces career and she couldn’t give up on the things that she craved and wished for—a family that she could sit down with at dinner each night. He didn’t like when she compared him to her father who had been in the military too, was gone most holidays and special occasions, until he passed away when she was fifteen. Novah had sworn things would be different for her family and instead she found herself loving a man who was terribly like her father.
Egan smiled, showing off the deep dimples that made him look ten years younger. “I’ll see you later.” He gave Finley a tight squeeze then stole a glance at Novah, saying, “Thanks for a good night.”
That bastard! He enjoyed driving her mad.
He left a distraught Finley and took a step toward the door. “What about your shoes, Daddy? You’re barefoot.” She giggled.
“Oh, right. Where did I put my boots?”
Wishing to make this a quick departure, Novah picked them up from next to the door and shoved them into his chest, along with the envelope that she was certain he would have forgotten. “Don’t forget to read and sign them.”
He offered her a crooked smile that tweaked her nipples. “Sure.” He slipped on his boots, not bothering to tie them and gave her one last heated glance. Then he was gone with a soft click of the door, but the warmth he planted between her legs remained and probably would for a long time to come.
Feeling her mother’s cool stare, Novah swallowed the tension building in her tight throat. “Finley, go and wash up for breakfast.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes. Run along.” Watching her little girl skip toward the hallway, Novah went to take down the ingredients for waffles. “Are you going to stand there seething or are you going to spit it out, Mom?” She took down a mixing bowl.
Rita slid onto one of the cushioned stools and sighed like she did when she was sad. “Do you think this is a good idea for Finley?” she asked in a lowered voice.
“What exactly?” Novah gave her a semi-smile.
“That you and her father are playing the revolving door. Are you together or are you not?”
Washing her coffee cup with renewed energy, Novah set it in the drainer then grabbed a paper towel from the roll and the bottle of cleaner from underneath the sink. She sprayed and scrubbed the already spotless counter. “We’re not together. You know that.”
“Then what’s he doing here?”
She didn’t have to examine her mom’s expression to know that her eyes were narrowed, and her lips were twisted. “Question is, what are you and Finley doing here? You said you were keeping her at your place last night.” Nothing was left of the paper towel, so she tossed it then stepped back to admire the shiny marbled granite. She didn’t want to even look at her mom. They’d had plenty of arguments about Egan over the years, but especially since the separation and Novah didn’t want or need another.
“She woke up from a nightmare early this morning and wanted to come home, so I brought her. Little did I know you had an overnight guest. Thank goodness your daughter and I didn’t walk into the house while you two were…”
“Stop!” It appeared Novah would get the argument she’d tried to dodge. She gave her mother a disapproving gaze. “Mom, I know you dislike Egan. I’m sure he rips off the scab on some old wounds. You’ve made that clear more times than I can count, but he’s Finley’s father and he’s a good one. So was Daddy when he was home. You have an opinion? Fine. Just make sure that you remember we must respect Egan. As for what he and I shared last night, I won’t talk about it or explain it. You above anyone should understand a broken heart.”
Rita’s shoulders slumped some. “I’m only worried about you, honey. I know you still love him, that’s obvious, but I don’t want to see you crumble again when he packs a bag and leaves for another dangerous overseas mission. And you’re right, I do understand a broken heart and loving someone involved in the Special Forces. If you want a relationship with Egan then have a relationship. I’ll never stand in your way.”
Soaking in her mom’s words, she shook her head. “I can’t.” That hurt to admit but going back and forth only made things harder in the end. “How do I let him go? I thought I had these emotions under control but then I saw him last night and the dam broke.” Tears blurred her vision.
Rita pretended to clean up crumbs on the counter with her finger. “If I knew the answer, I’d tell you. Maybe you just need to rip the bandage off, take on the pain, and let it run its course. One day it’ll hurt less and you’ll be able to breathe again. That I can promise, but don’t expect to ever feel completely whole again.” Tears flooded her eyes and she blinked them away, slipping off the stool. “Okay! Waffle time. Hurry up, Fin. I need your help.”
Novah stepped over and squeezed her mom’s shoulders. “I love you, Mom. You’re the bravest woman I know.”
Rita patted her hand. “And you remember whose daughter you are. Fix your crown and decide. I’ll be in your corner whatever that is.”
CHAPTER TWO
Three years later
EGAN ADJUSTED HIS uncomfortable tie for the tenth time as he strolled through the floor to ceiling glass doors into the Langley Enterprises building where he was greeted by a uniformed security guard whose tough expression was tempered by the friendly smile that followed.
No matter what room Egan walked into his immediate habit was to assess potential safety risks. The pattern was embedded in him from years of training and missions. In the vast polished lobby he saw at least a dozen possible security issues that could put candidate elect Mr. Langley, as well as his team, at risk. Egan had spent the last week researching the businessman turned politician and a man as rich as he was should have better security in place, especially after receiving death threats from elusive groups who disliked what the politician stood for.
This wouldn’t be the first political rodeo for Valor Knights.
A year ago, Egan had brought together the skilled team after retiring from Special Forces. VK was assembled of other retired military personnel who wanted to use their skills and training on friendly soil doing everything from finding missing people, putting an end to human trafficking, security cases, and much more. At first, the transition had been difficult for Egan, but as he started seeing the changes his team made, he believed this was where he belonged.
He’d learned some valuable lessons along the way, especially in how they approached their clientele depending on what they’d been hired to do. He wasn’t here to point out the weaknesses in Langley’s security, but rather to observe the man’s behavior.
Usually VK didn’t handle cases like this, where a politician was suspected of criminal behavior, but sometimes it took someone with Egan’s covert training to find answers. After doing his research, he found that Langley was
neck deep in with the Russian mob, fittingly calling themselves Pravedny Renegaty, or Righteous Renegades, that were suspected in being involved in a recent kidnapping attempt on a campaign opponent of Langley’s, who was also an old friend of Egan’s. That made this personal. You fucked with one Special Forces, you fucked with them all. The Renegades had a lot to lose if Langley wasn’t elected as governor. All Egan needed was proof to offer to the FBI.
Working as a civilian was different than working for the government. There was a lot of red tape involved in bringing down criminals outside of the military backing. While he was wearing a uniform, he never had the worry of protocol like not stepping on toes or the finer politics of business. Across the pond he was given a task and he and his special unit completed the mission with whatever means necessary—usually consisting of disarming IEDs or taking down dangerous insurgents. Civilian duties had taken some modifications, not only for Egan but the entire team that were also used to wearing a uniform. From the beginning he’d wanted to take on cases that local police wouldn’t—or couldn’t handle because of all the invisible barriers. VK wanted to fight criminals from a different angle. Several months ago they busted up a massive trafficking/drug ring that put VK on the map.
One thing was for sure, VK prided themselves on completing any mission to the best of their ability, with the same determination they had used when they wore a uniform, and if it wasn’t possible to complete a task, Egan had no problem turning away a client.
Protector of Novah (Valor Knights Book 1) Page 2
