She asked, “What happened?”
He shrugged. “There was a complication, although nobody really knows what that was.”
“Why not?”
“We don’t have a physician in the pack. My mom is a retired nurse, but she isn’t a midwife.”
She placed the book on the arm of the chair and sat forward. “And you didn’t take her to a hospital?” she asked in disbelief.
“No. Hospitals mean tests. Tests mean results and results mean questions and studies. We don’t want that.”
“Still...” She looked down. “It seems like such a waste of a life.”
Didn’t he know it. “It is what it is. We haven’t had a doctor among us for a good decade now. Sometimes... Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if Natasha had survived the birth.”
Ava said nothing, but he could see the compassion in her eyes. His gaze slid to her bare shoulder, to the scar, to the only physical reminder that remained of her shift from her old life into his.
* * *
Ava tugged her shirt back into place and sank back into the cushion. She’d swear she could still feel the teeth buried in her flesh, the saliva that carried the lycanthrope virus infiltrating her bloodstream and mutating her DNA. Her life had irrevocably changed, and despite all the improvements to her stamina and ability to heal, she’d also discovered some major weaknesses in the species. If their birth survival rate was so low, and if the chances of females being born were statistically terrible, then they were—biologically speaking—doomed for extinction.
She looked back at Hunter, his eyes swimming with his wolf. “I’m sorry. I’m just passionate about postnatal care. It seems like such a waste to have Grace’s mother die because of something that might’ve been so simple and easily treated.”
He nodded. “I’ve struggled to come to terms with my new reality, but I think I’m turning a corner now. Grace is a little older, things seem to be getting a little easier… I’m just terrified of the time when she reaches puberty.”
She smiled. “I’ve heard that’s a tough time for the parents of girls.”
She wasn’t sure if he was aware of it, but Hunter seemed to just relax all of a sudden—his whole body sinking into the couch. “When do you think you’ll want to go back to Seattle?”
Ava sat forward in her seat. She licked her lips and noticed how his gaze became fixed on her mouth.
“I want to go back as soon as I can,” she said slowly. When he didn’t do much more than nod imperceptibly, she added, “Casey said I needed to be assessed or something before that can happen.” She bit the inside of her cheek.
“What does that involve exactly?”
Sitting up, he mirrored her position. “Well, it’s more of an assessment of your wolf—how much control she exerts on you.” His eyes scanned her face. “For example…” He stood up and gestured for her to do the same. Tossing aside the blanket, she got to her feet, her toes curling into rug beneath her. He approached her slowly, taking measured, calculated steps until they were standing face-to-face with barely a hair’s breadth between them. Her instinct was to step back, to maintain the normal respectable distance between two people, but she planted her feet and tipped up her chin in defiance.
His nostrils flared, taking in her scent. “Being this close to an alpha should have your wolf cowering. What’s your wolf doing?”
She closed her eyes, looking into herself and seeing her wolf form. With fur the same color as her hair and piercing orange eyes, she was bigger than any wolf she’d ever seen. Instead of flinching away from Hunter, she was trying to get Ava to close the distance between them, to kiss him, taste him, touch him.
Mate, she whispered into Ava’s mind.
Whoa.
She took a shaky step back, the back of her knees hitting the armchair. She fell into her seat, her breath shivering out of her lungs as she looked up at him, towering above her.
“Well?” Hunter asked, looking smug.
She shook her head. “She wasn’t cowering.”
“What was she doing then?”
She couldn’t stay here in this room with him. She stood up, moving to walk around him when he reached out and took her by the arm. Heat erupted from where he touched her. Her eyes locked on his, her world slowing down until it was just him and her. Inside her head, she felt her wolf pushing to get out, to be with him...to submit to him.
His eyes flashed, a shift in color so brilliant she blinked. Hunter lifted his hand to her face, running it along the side of her throat, his fingers curling around the nape of her neck. It was a possessive move, and one she normally wouldn’t tolerate, but looking into his yellow eyes, she wanted to be here. She wanted this. She wanted him.
Leaning in, his lips hovered above hers, and she realized he was asking permission. She pressed her mouth to his, feeling his tongue slide against the seam of her lips. He pulled her closer, his free hand sliding around her waist and tugging her into the cradle of his hips. She gasped when she felt his cock straining against his sweats.
Groaning, he trailed kisses down her neck and throat. She was vulnerable in this position—she knew it—but somehow she didn’t care. Hunter was doing things to her that was making her knees buckle.
“I don’t think I can stop, Ava,” he said, his voice rough with his wolf. Without waiting for her answer, he slid his hand up over her ribcage, brushing the underside of her breasts. She moaned into his mouth, her hips flexing into his.
“So don’t,” she whispered against his mouth.
He ran his hand down her stomach, dipping lower into her yoga pants. He brushed the edge of her panties just as a knock came on the front door.
“Yo, Hunter, are you there?” a male asked.
They sprang apart, both turning their heads in the direction of the small entry hall. Riley appeared, a grin splitting his face in two as he took in their gasping breaths and flushed faces.
Hunter stepped in front of her, growling, “What the fuck, Riley? What do you want?”
“I wanted to see if you wanted to go for a run.”
“I don’t have time,” he snarled in reply.
Riley rolled his eyes and Ava decided she liked Hunter’s little brother. “You never have time anymore.” He turned his attention to Ava. “How about you, Red?”
Red? Like he was one to talk. Ava opened her mouth to answer, but Hunter cut her off. “She’s busy too.”
“I see that,” replied Riley, his smile growing. “Well, I guess I’ll go and ask Casey. See ya!”
Chapter Eight
Hunter couldn’t believe what he’d just done. His self-control had slipped, and it was only thanks to his little brother that he’d stopped. If Riley hadn’t sauntered in unannounced... He shuddered to think. In his mind, he was still mated to Natasha. Thinking about another female, hell, kissing another female felt like the ultimate betrayal.
He spun around when Ava wrapped her hand around his forearm. He studied her face. He was still insanely attracted to her, wanting to continue what they’d been doing, but his own guilt made him pull his arm free.
She frowned, folding her arms over her chest. “What’s going on, Hunter?”
“I—” His head jerked up at the sound of Grace’s cries. “This was a mistake,” he muttered, walking around her and heading for the bedroom.
“A mistake?” she asked.
He glanced over his shoulder. He couldn’t read her expression but knew that had been the wrong thing to say. “I have to get Grace.”
Pushing into the room, he found the little girl standing up in her cot, a smile appearing on her face when she saw him. Christ, what was he thinking, kissing Ava?
More, his wolf whispered.
What. The. Fuck?
He shook the image of storming back out there and claiming Ava from his mind, focusing instead on Grace, who was now clenching and unclenching her fists in a vain attempt to reach him. He smiled.
“Hey, little one,” he said to her, scooping her up
into his arms. He stared down at her chubby face, at her bright eyes. He was so damn lucky to have her in his life. Why in the hell would he need anyone else?
“Are you hungry? Want a snack?”
She garbled something happily, and he walked out into the living room. Wondering if Ava was still there, he looked back at the place she’d been sitting, an ache forming in his chest when he saw the discarded blanket and book. He still wanted her, he realized, despite the conflicting feelings. He walked into the kitchen, coming to a stop when he saw his mother there, cutting up some watermelon.
“I thought it was about time she woke up,” she said.
He placed Gracey into her high chair and put on her bib.
“Where’s Ava?” he asked, unable to stop himself.
“Oh, she was the one who let me in. She was on her way out.”
His head snapped in the direction of the door. Seeing that Grace was fine, he peered out of the living room window to see if he could see her. He was suddenly unnerved. Where the fuck was she?
“She said she was going for a run,” his mom said right behind him.
He turned back. “A run?”
“You could go and join her if you like.”
“What about Gracey?”
His mom laughed. “I can look after her for a couple of hours. I managed to raise your brothers and sister just fine on my own.”
Some time to himself did actually sound amazing, but… “I can’t leave Grace.”
“Of course you can, Hunter,” she replied. “Please don’t tell me you think you’re the first person to deal with single parenthood.”
He stayed quiet.
With a huff, she said, “Do I have to throw you outside like I did when you were a kid, or will you just go?”
He glanced at her again and smiled. “I’ll be back in an hour.”
“Take two.”
With a resolute nod, he strode into the kitchen, kissed Grace and his mother goodbye, and then pulled open the front door.
On the porch, he drew in a deep breath, feeling it working its way through his body and igniting every instinct. He stripped out of his clothes, leaving them in a neat pile on the bench seat beside the door. Walking slowly down the steps, he smiled when his bare feet hit the grass. It had been too long.
Exhaling deeply and slowly, Hunter closed his eyes and turned his attention inward—to his wolf, which was creeping closer to the surface. Between one breath and the next, his whole body began to tingle, the prelude to the agonizing pain that would rip him apart.
He grunted, his knees buckling and sending him to the ground as the first wave of pain rippled over him. Regulating his breathing, he embraced the pain rather than fighting it, learning long ago that shifting was a much smoother process when there was no resistance.
His jaw started to ache, right before his head felt like it was being cleaved in two. Pressing his lips together, he held in the yell that wanted to break free. His whole body had changed shape now, but the worst was yet to come. His fur—as black as his hair—began to grow, the follicles pushing through his skin. After a few seconds of agony, he stood up on four lupine legs and shook out his coat.
Clarity.
There was so much clarity now in his wolf’s body. All of his senses were tuned to his surroundings, which meant that even a falling leaf had him captivated for the briefest second. Looking back at the house, he saw his mom standing by the window with Grace. Giving him a little wave and a smile, she disappeared from view, leaving Hunter free to revel in his freedom.
He moved toward the fringe of the forest, stopping every now and then to sniff the passing trees. He caught Ava’s scent almost immediately and decided to follow her path. She’d weaved a dog-leg through the trees, occasionally brushing past the trees. Lifting his head, he drew in a deep breath, pausing when he heard a frustrated scream.
Hunter took off into the underbrush, zeroing in on the sound, until he emerged in a clearing. On the ground, to his left, was a pile of clothes, but Ava was nowhere in sight. He stepped farther into the small field, taking a moment to smell the wildflowers growing in abundance.
“I didn’t pick you as the kind of guy who stopped and smelled the flowers,” she said, stepping out from behind a huge tree trunk.
He huffed; the sound as close as his wolf could make to a laugh. His gaze traveled down her naked body, slowly. Being in his wolf’s body, there was nothing sexual about her nakedness, but if he were human, that would’ve been a completely different story.
“I’m not into bestiality,” she said, crossing her arms and covering her breasts.
Another huff—this one to indicate his disgust.
“Okay, fine.”
He tilted his head to one side, asking what she was doing behind the tree.
Ava glanced behind her, then back at him. “I couldn’t shift when I tried.”
It was a common problem for new wolves. Slowly, to show he was no threat to her, he padded closer. His wolf’s body was almost five feet from paws to withers, and Ava took a step backward. Her fear flooded the space between them and he shook his head, dropping it to make himself look smaller. When he was close enough, he sat on his haunches, his head still bowed, even though it wasn’t very alpha-like behavior. Whining, he asked her to try again.
“I don’t…” He pawed the ground. “Oh... Try again?”
He nodded, finally looking at her. Her eyes flashed orange, her wolf staring at him unashamedly. Not even Natasha’s wolf had been able to do that right away. It had taken months of shared runs.
Maintaining that eye contact, he drew in a deep breath, his large chest expanding out, then exhaled and emptied his lungs. After demonstrating this a few times, Ava got the idea, copying the rhythm—finding the calm. He knew that this shift was going to be more painful than his was. He’d had years of practice; Ava had only managed it once as far as he was aware.
He made sure to keep breathing deeply, hoping that she’d remember it as the pain tore through her. It would be her only saving grace.
* * *
Ava studied the wolf—Hunter, her head reminded her—in front of her, marveling in his sheer size and the fact that if he wanted to, he could tear her apart right now. Sitting down, he came up to her shoulders, his huge body covered in black fur, except for a streak of white over his eye. She watched the way his chest expanded and contracted with each breath and realized that deep breathing would calm her... but it would also bring her pain.
Her muscles seized at that thought and she looked down, trying so hard to relax her whole body again. She jumped when Hunter’s head came into view, his pink tongue darting out to swipe at one of her balled up fists.
“I’m sorry,” she ground out, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. “I’m still getting used to all this.”
From her periphery, she saw him settle down onto the ground, putting his head below her eye line. A part of her realized that for him, this was his position of vulnerability, placing himself in a position of supplication. He studied her with those yellow eyes, seemingly saying Try again without making a sound.
With a resolute nod, she let out a long, shaky breath and closed her eyes. She could do this. Her whole life, she’d been the overachiever, always aiming high and attaining those goals, whether they be academically or professionally. This was her reality now, and she was going to master the goddamn shift if it killed her.
Oh, god... Could it kill her?
Hunter whined, drawing her out of her self-doubt. Right. She was being ridiculous. Blowing out another breath, she closed her eyes and tried to let her breathing guide her. She listened to the thud of her heart, the sound of her breath leaving her lungs in long slow streams. She could also feel her muscles relaxing, becoming more fluid. At the first stab of pain, she resisted the urge to balk. Instead, she embraced it, knowing that in the end, she would feel a sense of freedom she’d never before felt in her life.
Gritting her teeth, she bowed her head and rode that pain.
It felt as if liquid fire had been poured into her veins, her muscles melting and reforming into her wolf’s body. When the pain in her jaw made her head pound, she knew the end was coming. All that was left was…
She screamed, but instead of a human noise, it was purely animal—her wolf. Collapsing onto the ground, she felt every stick and rock beneath her body, but she couldn’t bring herself to give a fuck. Her lungs were working overtime dragging in precious oxygen as the last of the pain tapered off into a dull ache. Hunter whined softly and she turned her attention to him. He was on his feet, his head lowered so they were eye to eye. Exhaustion rolled through her. It was as if she’d just run a marathon and was expected to get up and do it all again.
He nudged her with his nose, urging her to stand. Maybe she’d feel better once she was on her feet—her four feet. Man, she could not get used to this. Last month she was human. This month she was a werewolf, a shifter, a lycanthrope. She was the stuff of myth and legend, but she was nothing like the glossy Hollywood version most people knew. She was not lost to her wolf; rather, her wolf complemented her and made her whole.
With one final push, she willed herself onto her feet, drawing in deep lungfuls of air as she waited for the last of the pain to ebb away. Turning her head, Ava looked at Hunter. Cautiously—slowly—he approached, licking at her muzzle.
Was he apologizing for being such an asshole before? She pulled away, unsure what to make of his actions. Regret shimmered in his eyes for a moment before he turned around and started to walk into the forest. Hesitantly, Ava just watched him, relief flooding her when he stopped and looked at her over his shoulder.
Slowly, she began to follow. He led her through the forest, his feet light where hers were still clumsy and obvious. He was like a shadow, his black coat disappearing between one breath and reappearing in the next. She realized then that he was a lethal creature, one that could very easily have you by the throat before you had a chance to blink. For what felt like hours, they wandered through the forest, Hunter teaching her how to use her improved senses to track and hunt.
The Helheim Wolf Pack Novellas: The Complete Collection Page 5
