She shook her head and backed away.
‘Autumn, don’t do this.’ His face looked stricken. As if he’d just realised what his words had done.
She kept on shaking her head. ‘No. This won’t work. I can’t trust you.’ She stared at him for a second. ‘You fell out of love with your wife—how do I know you won’t fall out of love with me? I can’t do this.’
Every cell in her body was telling her to run. To get away. To keep herself safe and not open herself up to the level of hurt that was already tearing at her soul.
Giovanni squeezed his eyes closed for a minute and she could see his hands shaking.
‘We need to talk about this more,’ he said.
She held up her hand firmly in front of his face. ‘No.’ Her voice was firm and clear. ‘We don’t.’
His gaze met hers. It was as if shutters were falling down across his eyes. He looked as though she’d just stabbed him in the heart.
‘We can’t do this now...’ There was a tremble in his voice.
‘You’re right. We can’t.’
The girls. They were too important. The surgery was critical. Neither could walk away from this. They had a duty and a responsibility to perform the separation surgery and subsequent surgeries with no distractions.
This wasn’t about them. This had never been about them.
She held up her head, not meeting his gaze. ‘I came here with one purpose: to help save the lives of Grace and Hope. That’s all that matters here.’
The words were breaking her heart, even though it was she who was saying them out loud. It was as if she trying to switch parts of herself off. If she said all this, it might convince her that she hadn’t already let Giovanni and his daughter capture those parts of her heart she’d tried so hard to keep in her control.
Tears were forming in her eyes and she was determined not to shed them. But Giovanni’s next words felt like a lance through her heart.
‘You’re absolutely right. This is about Hope and Grace. This has to be about Hope and Grace.’
She could hear the tinge of regret in his voice.
‘I’m sure that you and I can conduct ourselves like the professionals we both are and do the very best for our patients.’
She hated him. In that second, she actually hated him. It didn’t matter that she could see the pain in his eyes right now. She couldn’t think about him and how he was feeling. She couldn’t think about how he’d told her that he loved her and opened up to her completely. Her legs had turned to jelly. Her priority had to be to get out of here before she fell completely apart.
‘Agreed.’ That was all she could manage before she turned and walked down the corridor, wishing she was anywhere else but in Rome.
Love wasn’t for her. Happy-ever-after wasn’t for her. She should have known better and continued to live her life the way she always had. The risks were just too great, and she didn’t have the courage to take that final step into the unknown.
CHAPTER TWELVE
IT WAS AMAZING how easy it was to avoid someone in the hospital. He would enter a room and she would leave it. Both with smiles on their faces, and both giving no sense to those around them that there were any issues. That was what being a professional was. And, although every glance in his direction hurt, every time she heard the sound of his voice or, even worse, the echo of his laugh, she lifted her chin and kept going.
They communicated, of course. Emails back and forth about Hope, Grace and any logistics.
She’d left some test results on his desk with a query that he’d answered promptly. He, in turn, had left her a picture of a female doctor wearing a superhero cape that Sofia had drawn for her. There had been a note.
Sofia insisted I brought you this today. Would you mind sending her a text via my phone to let her know you’ve got it?
Tears had definitely been in her eyes at that point, as she’d admired the dark-haired, red-caped woman who looked as if she could move mountains.
She’d dashed off a text.
Sofia, thank you so much for my superhero picture. I absolutely love it! Xxx
She’d told herself she could do this. This wasn’t about her and Giovanni. This was about the little girl whom she spent most days thinking about.
At night she sat in her hotel room with the doors wide, looking out at Rome. She’d stopped drinking alcohol, always aware that her pager might sound at any moment. Instead she would nibble on whatever food she’d found from a takeaway, and drink from a bottle of sparkling water, and contemplate what might come next.
No matter how hard she tried, all those thoughts focused around Giovanni and Sofia and the lives they had here.
Her brother called late one night, to check up on her. ‘You haven’t messaged me yet. When’s the surgery? I keep checking every day.’
She sighed and ran her fingers through her damp hair as she walked through from the bathroom. ‘Any day. Literally any moment. The girls are doing okay. There’re a few things I’m worried about, but the longer we can give them, the bigger they’ll get. They’re breathing with only nasal oxygen support and seem to be tolerating their feeding tubes. If they could keep going for another two weeks that would be fantastic. But to be honest I think we’ll need to do the surgery before then.’
‘And how’s Rome? What about the guy—the other surgeon? You sounded so happy last time we spoke. Should I buy a hat?’
Her stomach sank like a stone, and he picked up on her silence immediately. ‘Has something happened?’
‘He’s just not who I thought he was,’ she said finally.
Her brother took a few moments before he replied. ‘He sounded pretty good last time we spoke...’
He let the words hang there.
Autumn couldn’t think what to reply.
‘Sis, there was something different this time. I’ve never heard you talk about someone like that ever—in all the years I’ve known you.’
‘I must have,’ she said dismissively.
‘No, you haven’t.’ His response was firm.
‘What are you trying to say?’
She was getting annoyed now. It had all been so easy for Ryan. He’d met the woman of his dreams at a summer camp in America when he’d been nineteen. They’d just ‘clicked’. Miriam had been there when Ryan had made the discovery that had made him a billionaire, and they’d remained in their happy little bubble ever since.
Ryan breathed in deeply. ‘I’m saying I’m sorry I left you with Mr and Mrs Perfect. I guess I didn’t quite understand that me escaping left you as the focus for their whole attention.’
Her skin prickled uncomfortably. There was so much they didn’t need to say to each other. ‘They weren’t so bad,’ she said, with no confidence.
‘Yes, they were. You proved just how clever you were and got out to become the brilliant surgeon that you are. But, Autumn, life isn’t perfect. I sometimes worry that the guys you’ve met over the years are the easy ones. The pleasant, mediocre guys you think will give you an easy life, rather than the guys that would just blow you away in a heartbeat.’
She was stunned. Ryan didn’t normally say things like that.
‘I love you, Sis. But sometimes you need to take a chance on something. Go for it, whether it might work or not.’
‘But that’s crazy.’
‘It can also be fun, and the best experience of a lifetime, whether it lasts or not.’
But those words left her chilled. She wanted guarantees. She didn’t want to take chances.
‘Not for me,’ she said sadly.
She heard a noise in the background. ‘Give me a minute!’ she heard Ryan call, then, ‘Okay, I need to run. But two words to think about.’
‘What?’
‘Learned behaviour. Think about it. And text me when you do the surgery. I want to hear all about it.�
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The phone went dead and Autumn made a grab for her bottle of water, her throat instantly dry. Learned behaviour. He was talking about their parents and their controlling.
She stood up and started pacing, shaking out her still damp hair. No. She didn’t want to think about that—to contemplate any of that. She flopped down onto the bed and picked up the room service menu.
Two minutes later she’d ordered one of everything from the dessert menu. Anything to distract her from actually examining the fact that she’d never got to shout, scream and play as a child, and that had turned her into the repressed adult she was now.
No one else had challenged her to have these sorts of feelings. No one else had pushed her to strive for a life and a love that had always been kept a comfortable distance away. Just a too-handsome Italian with electrifying stubble and deep, deep brown eyes.
As far as Autumn was concerned, those desserts couldn’t come quickly enough.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THREE VERY AWKWARD days later, Autumn walked into Giovanni’s office just as he was replacing the phone, to ask him to take a look at one of the latest scans. The blood supply to Hope and Grace’s liver was looking more compromised by the day.
He’d just stood up when their pagers went off simultaneously. It was like Groundhog Day.
One glance at her waistband told her everything she needed to know.
Giovanni was quicker, but Autumn was on his heels.
The hospital staff appeared to have a sixth sense, and all slid back against walls to allow their sprint to the ICU.
Giovanni burst through the doors. ‘What’s wrong?’
Agatha, one of the nurses looked up. ‘It’s Hope. Her blood pressure is crashing.’
‘Page Team Hope and Team Grace. Surgery is now.’ The words were out of Autumn’s mouth in an instant.
It was the oddest thing, but Autumn had experienced this in hospitals all over the world. In the most proficient units the worst-case scenario didn’t send staff into a panic. It actually made them quiet, and they became the most organised people on the planet.
Agatha signalled to another nurse. ‘We’re going directly to Theatre. Come with me.’
A member of the admin team held her hand up at the desk. ‘Paging everyone and dialling Theatre.’
One of the more junior doctors started unplugging equipment around the incubator to allow transportation.
Giovanni locked gazes again with Autumn. ‘Do you want to go ahead and scrub?’
She shook her head. ‘No. We’ll both take our girls to Theatre.’ She emphasised the word ‘both’. It was a message. They were in this together.
Autumn licked her lips and closed her eyes, taking a few seconds for what lay ahead.
‘Where are Gabrielle and Matteo?’
Agatha spoke clearly. ‘I sent a member of staff to find them as soon as I’d paged you both.’
Autumn nodded. ‘We start moving now. Your member of staff brings them to the theatre doors. Reassure them that they’ll get to see their babies before we start.’
The next two minutes were frantic. As they moved into the elevator Giovanni started another infusion for Hope. By the time the doors opened at the corridor to theatre Izi, one of the anaesthetists, was waiting for them, slightly out of breath.
‘Fill me in,’ was all he said.
Neither Giovanni nor Autumn started to speak. They let Agatha give a report of the circumstances that had led her to page them.
‘Something’s bleeding, then,’ said Izi, reaching the same conclusion as everyone else. ‘We stabilise as best we can and start the surgery?’
Giovanni and Autumn nodded in unison.
Her heart was racing in her chest. This was it. This was the surgery she’d come here for. And this wasn’t the set of circumstances she’d wanted. An hour ago the girls had been stable. But they’d always known this could happen. The surgery had been scheduled for next week. They’d hoped for the girls to be a little stronger.
Some of their teams were already scrubbing as they reached the theatre.
Autumn noticed that the theatre next to theirs was still in session. ‘How long?’ she asked over her shoulder.
The theatre manager appeared behind her. ‘Twenty minutes.’
Everyone knew that ultimately, they would need two theatres. Once the separation was completed, Hope and Grace would go into theatres of their own, where Giovanni would complete the necessary surgery on Hope, and Autumn would carry out the painstaking surgery on Grace. Part of her brain told her that this surgery could end up in the record books for its length and complexity, but these were things she couldn’t think about right now.
There was a voice next to her. Asta—the theatre sister she’d appointed as her team leader for this surgery.
‘Autumn, the parents are here. While you and Giovanni talk to them I’ll do a check for all staff. Because it’s short notice, some might not have got here yet. I’ll get you a timeline for everyone.’
That was what she needed. Efficiency. And that was exactly why she’d picked Asta for her team.
She looked up from where she was scrubbing. Giovanni was in the same position as she was. Both had their gowns and caps in place; both were ready to put on their surgical gloves.
The lives of these little girls were at stake. But they had to make room for the parents too. Both she and Giovanni understood that this might be the last chance for Gabrielle and Matteo to see their babies alive.
She lifted her hands in front of her, careful to touch nothing. Giovanni did the same.
‘I’ll get the doors,’ said one of the theatre orderlies.
They moved to the anaesthetic room, where Izi was with the girls and had allowed the parents in to see them as he monitored carefully. One minute, he mouthed to them both.
They understood.
‘What’s happened?’ asked Matteo, his eyes bright with tears.
Autumn spoke softly. ‘We think they’re bleeding somewhere inside. We have to take them to Theatre to try and fix the problem.’
Gabrielle sniffed as she stroked both Hope and Grace’s arms. ‘You said this could happen.’
Giovanni started talking, defaulting into Italian. Autumn picked up most of what he was saying and was proud of herself.
He spoke plainly. ‘Kiss your girls,’ he told them. ‘I promise you, we will do our absolute best.’
Tears brimmed in Autumn’s eyes too. This situation was totally outside their control, and she couldn’t imagine how terrified they were right now.
She nodded in agreement with Giovanni as Matteo and Gabrielle kissed their daughters and left the room, terrified.
‘I have staff assigned to them for the whole time you’re in Theatre,’ said the neonatal manager from the door. ‘Page me.’
She didn’t need to say the words. They all knew what she meant.
Giovanni and Autumn went back through to the scrub room.
‘Are you ready for this?’ Giovanni asked, his eyes dark and serious.
‘Are you?’ she replied.
His reaction was automatic. He took a step towards her. For the briefest moment their foreheads rested against each other, hands held outwards to avoid touching.
‘We’ve got this,’ she whispered, but she wasn’t quite sure if she was saying it for him or for them both. She was downright terrified.
‘We have,’ he replied, sucking in a deep breath before lifting his head and stepping back.
As she headed to the theatre door his voice was deep behind her.
‘And when all this is done we need to talk again. I’m not ready to let you go.’
She didn’t react. She couldn’t react. But it was as if he was reaching a hand out towards her.
His words soothed her soul and gave her hope. She was stepping into Theatre with
a man she needed to trust implicitly. He knew that. And this was his olive branch.
‘Autumn?’
Asta appeared at her elbow, a checklist of over twenty staff in her hand. She knew that Giovanni’s team leader would be mirroring her actions.
‘We have a problem.’
Words that Autumn didn’t want to hear.
Her heart jumped. ‘What’s the problem?’
‘Daniel.’
Giovanni lifted his head from the other side of the room, obviously in tune with their conversation.
‘What’s wrong with Daniel?’ she asked, desperately not wanting to hear the answer.
Asta’s face was grave. ‘I’ve just spoken to him. He has gastroenteritis. Just in the last few hours. He can’t come anywhere near the theatre.’
Her bright light. Her second in command. It was the worst news she could hear.
‘You can have Akio.’
Akio was Daniel’s equivalent on Giovanni’s team. A superb surgeon. The temptation to say yes and grab him with both hands was strong.
‘But he’s done all that specialist training for your team,’ she said. ‘He should be used where his expertise is best.’
‘He’s adaptable,’ said Giovanni.
She could hear the reluctance in his voice, and she completely understood why.
‘There is another option,’ said Asta softly.
‘Who?’
‘Ricardo. He hasn’t done this exact surgery, but he’s performed similar over the years.’
Autumn swallowed. Ricardo. The older surgeon she’d argued with Giovanni over, saying he wasn’t quite good enough to be on any team. Giovanni had eventually reluctantly agreed with her.
Izi shouted from the theatre. ‘Get in here, people, we need to start.’
Panic gripped her chest. Things were slipping out of her control. She’d picked her team carefully, ensuring there were no weak links. Part of her brain hated it that she considered Ricardo a weak link, but it was her job as lead surgeon to make that call.
Reawakened by the Italian Surgeon Page 15
