by Karen Deen
“I do trust you, Zara. I do. It’s just going to suck being away from you all the time. I want you so bad, I know it will hurt every single day. I want you happy, but I wish it could be in the same city as me. Fuck!” The weight of me leaving shortly builds for both of us.
“For both of us, it will suck, but it will be worth it for the time we are together. Cling to that. I know I am. We can do this, I know we can. I can’t be without you anymore, I just can’t.”
Breathing her in, I pull her tighter against my chest.
“There’s no other choice. I am not living without you, so we just have to work it out.”
“Now let me feed you before I head to the airport. Before you run out of time.”
“We are talking food here, aren’t we?” She looks up at me with a little twinkle in her eye.
“Zara,” I let her know to watch her mouth. I’m already hanging on by threads as it is.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Zara
Saying goodbye to Grant that first night at the stage door was like having half my soul walk away.
He’d brought me a gift which made it even harder. It’s the sweetest thing I have ever owned. He really thought about me when he found it. I can always look at it and think of him. Knowing I can’t have any jewelry on stage, he purchased the most delicate silver toe ring. It was two stands of silver that intertwined with each other the whole way around the ring. It was like us. Two lives that keep intersecting and then venturing off only to be back together again. He told me the ring is round and solid, like we are. There is no end and no matter what, we’re always locked together. He placed it on the toe on my left foot that corresponds with my wedding ring finger. I’m sure, subconsciously, he’s trying to let me know this is just the start. It’s perfect. I have never taken it off. Even when I am dancing, it’s hidden under my shoes. I can feel it and know he’s always with me.
There were lots of tears when I finally let him go. My make-up was screwed, I had to rush before the night show to get it redone in time.
Watching him walk away again ripped my heart out. The only thing that saved me was him stopping at the end of the alley and turning back to face me. He smiled, raised his hand and gave a wave. The one that says see you soon. Every other time before then, he’d walked away and never looked back. This time, he was making sure I knew he was coming back. Over and over again.
I thought it would get easier each time we had to do the goodbyes, but it hasn’t. Every single time there’s tears.
At first, the days following his departure, I would be depressed but put my happy face on as I walked through the theatre doors. But after a while my company friends took me under their wing and knew I needed that extra bit of love on the days he left. They also knew not to bother asking me out anywhere when Grant was in town. That time together was precious. Some weekends we only left the bed for me to do a show and then we headed straight back there.
I was making close friends now in the dance company. I worked out which ones to avoid and then ones to be pleasant to. There’s a group of ten guys and girls who hang out on a regular basis, getting to know the city and just relaxing on our rare time off. It’s hard having friends outside of the show. They don’t understand the weird hours we work, or that we can’t drink much and have to keep in ultimate physical condition.
There’s no way I need gym visits on the weekends Grant visits. He pushes my stamina to its peak every single time.
It’s been a year today since my opening night and we’ve run through four seasons of different shows. I’m still part of the company and my body feels the best it has in a very long time. We have a few new members in the company this season. There have been a few retirements and one injury that made me feel physically ill when it happened. I was transported back in time to the day my world felt like it was ending.
Two of the newbies in the company are guys and one is my new partner. We’ve been working hard to get our combination working. It’s not easy when you change who you dance with. So much of dance is about reading your partner and trusting they will be in the right spot at the right time, knowing they will always catch you. I definitely have trust issues with partners. My injury was a pure accident, but I still struggle to have complete faith in anyone.
It has taken a few weeks, but we are finally dancing together like we have been together for years. Lewis has been hanging out with us outside of the theatre, too. He suggested we spend as much time together as we can to get to know each other so our trust would build quickly, and we would get used to each other. He’s a funny guy who makes me laugh. He’s a very affectionate person, sometimes too affectionate, but I’m used to that in the theatre world.
Grant’s due in town for a week to help celebrate our one-year anniversary. I wish we could head away somewhere to celebrate but it just isn’t possible. You can’t take time out in the middle of a show. You may as well sign your own resignation papers.
The only time I could make it home for a visit was for Thomas’s first birthday. Luckily, it had matched up with a week’s break I had between shows. I missed everyone so much, I sobbed the whole way back to New York.
Grant’s family all came out in separate groups to visit me and see the show. It was never very long between visits from at least one Stevenson family member. It helped with my homesickness. Grant even brought Sophia and Samuel a few times. They were such fun times but also very challenging. How do you get down and dirty with your boyfriend, with two little kids staying with you? He always booked a hotel suite when they visited because there wasn’t enough room in my apartment. Waiting for the kids to go to sleep some nights almost killed us. Samuel had so much energy.
Keeping quiet was also another major challenge. Grant was not patient so by the time the kids crashed he was hard as a rock and just wanting to take me over and over again. Thank God the kids sleep well otherwise they would be scared for their life if they walked into our room. How do parents with small kids ever have a sex life? I am beginning to see why Zach and Emily send the kids for sleepovers at Grant’s parents.
I felt weird all day today about how this week would be. Something just isn’t right.
Grant’s flight will arrive just in time for him to make it to the theatre. I know he’s in the audience, but I haven’t seen him yet. I’m aching for him. He’s been distant the last few weeks and I feel nervous about it. We’d managed to ride through the hard patches of last year. There were plenty of arguments. About stupid things. Things that if you were face to face, it wouldn’t even be an issue. The distance is not easy on our relationship, but we keep pushing through.
I’m getting ready to send him my pre-show picture as I do every show. This time I’d taken one at home before I left. I’m laying naked on my bed with a bow around my waist which reads Happy Anniversary. I hope it gets his blood pumping for later tonight.
The whole time I’m trying to take the picture, I’m thinking about our skype session three nights ago. Although he may be distant, there’s one thing that has Grant right there with me every time. Watching me pleasure myself under his instructions. It gets him so horny he’d blow his load all over his chest, growling my name every single time.
The first time we try it over skype, I felt so embarrassed having him watch me. I’ve never touched myself in front of anyone before or brought myself to an earth-shattering orgasm. It didn’t take long for Grant to take control of me and push me past feeling weird about it. He makes me feel sexy and wanted. The way he talks dirty to me and tells me what I do to him has my body quivering without a single touch. There have been a few times when he’s arrived for a visit and I beg for him to take me just how he’s described he would.
It’s never as good as being together, touching and feeling the emotions. It helps us stay connected until we’re together again. Nothing’s better than being totally taken by your boyfriend in every possible way and fucked so hard you struggle to walk the next day. How will I ever survive when we are eventu
ally living together?
The man is a sex machine, and I’m not complaining.
My cell buzzes and I smile with anticipation.
Grant: Can’t wait to unwrap my present.
Grant: Happy Fucking Anniversary, baby. I will be reminding you later how good the fucking part is.
Grant: That better not be what you look like backstage right this second. Or any time!
I can’t decide whether to get Grant going by replying yes or tell him the truth so he doesn’t end up charging through my dressing room door.
Zara: What do you think the answer is, Grant?
Grant: Do I need to check? You know I will, so don’t push me!
Zara: Calm down, big boy.
Grant: Oh, he’s big all right! Especially after that little gift.
Zara: Missing you xoxoxoxoxo
Grant: Missing you. Now start dancing so I can get to the part of the night where you look like this. In private!!!
My sexy impatient man. I can’t wait to see you too. The ten-minute warning sounds before we’re due back on stage. Let the show begin. This is the first time Grant has seen the new show, so I am dying to know what he thinks.
Grant
I’m glad the lights are flashing for the show to start. That way, I don’t have to hide that my cock is very noticeable in my pants.
Those pre-show pictures always get me worked into a sweat, but tonight’s has me hanging on the edge. Zara will be lucky if I don’t grab her as she exits the stage door tonight, throw her over my shoulder caveman-style and march her straight home to bed.
That might also send the message to new-guy-Lewis, who Zara can’t stop mentioning, about who she belongs to. Her first partner was married to one of the other dancers and he knew his place. Although I didn’t like it, I learned to tolerate him touching her.
It remains to be seen how this new guy will cope. With me that is.
Zara looks amazing on stage. She has taken a more senior role in this show as she’s the oldest in the company. It makes me proud of how far she’s come since joining. I never doubted her skill or willingness to work hard as a dancer. Obviously, it hasn’t gone unnoticed with the amount they feature her in.
What I don’t like is the amount she dances with the new partner. He spends nearly the whole show with his hands all over her. More than I think is necessary. I don’t like him, and that’s before I even meet him. He needs to back the fuck off from my girlfriend. Tonight, I will make sure he gets that message.
Heading out to the stage door as usual at the end of the show, I feel amped up. So many emotions run through me.
Sexually frustrated is at the top of the chain, followed by the excitement of seeing my girl. But now mixed with that, is frustration and anger. This guy has me on edge and I already know when I meet him, it won’t go well. It will also end up in an argument with Zara who will accuse me of being possessive. The only bonus that may come from this is the hard make-up sex that always follows.
Our relationship and sex life can only be described as explosive.
Zara bursts through the door running and launches herself at me. She climbs like a monkey and latches on with her arms around my neck and legs around my waist. That’s the beauty of your girlfriend being a dancer, legs that seem to be able to hold any position.
It’s just what I need. Reassurance.
Her face is level and her lips smack into mine. They take everything she wants from me. I’m happy to take her just as hard. This week, I’m going to get my fill of kisses. The ones that say, I love you, I miss you and I want you to fuck me right now.
As we pull away we’re both panting for air.
“You weren’t kidding when you said you missed me.”
Zara giggles and snuggles into my neck for a deeper hug that re-establishes our connection.
“I know,” I whisper in her ear. “Me too, baby. Me too.”
“Now let’s go and celebrate. Alone and naked.”
She drops her legs back down to the ground and I pick up her bag for the journey home. I don’t need luggage anymore as I have enough clothes and toiletries in Zara’s apartment to make it easier. I’m here often enough, and it makes it feel like home.
Zara told me one night when we were lying in bed, talking on the phone, that she sometimes sleeps snuggling into one of my jumpers because it reminds her of my smell and how she misses me. That makes me ache with happiness and sadness.
I like the fact that if any of her dancer friends visit, they will see plenty of me in the apartment and know I’m not far away.
As we walk away, we’re stopped when someone calls Zara’s name from the theatre door.
“Wait up, Zara. Let me meet lover boy.”
My fists clench at my sides. Time to let this fucker know how this is going to work.
“Lewis. Stop it. I told you not to call him that.” Zara reaches out to slap him on the arm. “Grant, this is Lewis, my new dance partner. Lewis, this is Grant, my boyfriend. Yes, the one I can’t stop talking about.”
My parents always told me never to be rude, but it takes all my restraint not to put this guy on his ass. Instead, I extend my hand to shake his like any gentleman would do.
“Wow, now that’s a power handshake,” the wimpy boy remarks as he pulls away. He knows he’s pushing my buttons and is waiting for a reaction. In my head, I’m counting. I don’t want to upset Zara and I know if I open my mouth she won’t be happy with what comes out.
“Grant,” Zara mumbles and elbows me softly.
Take a breath.
“Pleased to meet you, Lewis,” I grumble. I feel her eyes burning through the side of my head.
“Sorry, Lewis. Grant and I have plans tonight so we need to get moving. I’ll see you tomorrow for the matinee.”
“Sure, sweetie. I’ll see you on the stage with my arms open and waiting. Bye, Grant. Enjoy your short stay. Such a pity you don’t get to be with Zara very often. Don’t worry, we all take very good care of her.”
That’s it. I am going to fucking kill him. I step forward and feel Zara pull me down the road. She knows he hit me right in the guts with his words.
The only way to calm down is to walk it off before we get home. I take over, dragging Zara towards her apartment. She knows better than to say a word. There are times when her mouth and the words that come out rile me up, and it is a good thing. We enjoy the banter. But right at this moment, she knows silence is the safest way. For us both.
Slamming the front door behind us is like opening the gate to the emotions we both need to verbalize.
“What the fuck was that, Grant? You promised to be nice to my theatre friends. If your mother was here tonight she would be disappointed and have a go at you for your manners.”
“If my father was here tonight he would have told me to punch the fucker and teach him a lesson. Everything that came out of his mouth was trying to provoke me,” I yell. “I already don’t like him. I’ve only been near him for thirty seconds. His hands wander way too much on your body, and he thinks he can look after you better than I can.” My jaw aches from tension.
Trying to calm myself, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The room falls silent while we both take a moment.
My anger gets in the way and I don’t want to take it out on Zara.
After a minute or so, I slowly open my eyes.
“He will never take care of me like you do, Grant,” she whispers. She stands in front of me with just her red lace bra and panties. “He will never get to touch me like you do.
“Show me how you take care of me. I need reminding.”
Zara knows exactly what I need. To feel like I’m the only one. The man who is her world.
I take slow steps toward her like she’s my prey. I’m the beast and she knows how to soothe me.
“You are mine, baby. All mine. Every. Single. Inch of you.” Slowly running my hands down her body, I don’t stop in any one spot. I need her to feel me all over her body.
Her br
eathing is deep, her exhales are bringing long low moans with them. Her body leaves a trail of goose bumps behind where my fingers touch.
“Don’t move,” I command.
I need to get my clothes off. My penis is pushing so hard to break free. I have been hard since I entered the theatre, just knowing I was near her but couldn’t see her.
Her eyes follow every movement I make.
Fully-naked with my cock standing to attention, I place my hands on her hips.
“Grant,” she whimpers.
“No talking. Just feel me. I’ll remind you who owns this body and what I do to it to. The passion I can release from it.”
My heart beats hard and I hear it in my ears. This is the longest we’ve been apart this year. It’s been three weeks since I was last here. It’s killed us both. I needed to work last weekend to give me the extra days to spend the week here with her. I plan on making up for lost time.
“You told me you were my anniversary gift. I intend to very slowly unwrap my present. I will then need to inspect the present to make sure everything is just how it should be.”
My fingers loop in the side strings of her panties and start to very slowly slide them down her legs. By the time I reach her ankles, my face is eye-level with her very wet core. My favorite sight to see.
She has waxed herself bare, leaving my little landing strip. Zara has learned what I love her body to look like and she makes sure she looks perfect every time I come home. That’s a massive turn on to know she treats her body as my playground.
I lean forward and place my nose just above her and take a deep breath. Zara is wet and smells like sex. Hot, passionate sex. My favorite scent.
“I’m loving my present so far. Although, I’ve only seen half of it. Perhaps you can help me unwrap the other half. Nice and slowly.”
