by Karen Deen
I could hear his voice which brought me back to the here and now. The words were muffled under the sound of my heartbeat. My heart raced. My body stiff, with anxiety-induced sweat running down my back. Trying to steady myself, I took a breath. Then another. A little deeper this time. I knew in my head there was nothing I could do now to change this. I needed to stand up and just accept whatever happened. As my counsellor told me, I was bigger than this. My past didn’t define me. I defined my future.
Finally, looking into Luke’s eyes, I saw a hint of recognition, if only just a glimmer. He appeared confused and unsure as to what was going on. It gave me slight relief that he hadn’t instantly recognized me. It still doesn’t mean I was out of the woods. It just meant it could take a few days for it to come to him. He just wasn’t able to place me at that moment. Luke seemed a little agitated and I tried to concentrate on what he was saying.
Bringing myself back into the conversation, I finally saw where the agitation was coming from. He thought something had happened with Zach and me because of our change of clothes. If only he realized that it couldn’t be any further from the truth. The only person in this room I would ever want to be naked with was him, and that could never happen. For my sake, I also hoped he didn’t remember that beautiful moment our bodies shared when wrapped around each other, very naked and longing for more.
When Zach called him out on his respect, he cut off the meet-and-greet and left the office in a hurry. The girls were busy telling me to ignore Luke. If only it was that easy. Ignoring and working with Luke was going to be two impossible things for me to do. That was of course, if I lasted more than a few days in the job.
Once he remembered me, what I was, I would be out the door.
Chapter Four
Zoe
The rest of the afternoon was spent in Zach’s office with both of us trying to concentrate on work. Zach with his hangover and my mind totally shaken by the run-in with Luke. The more I thought about it, the more I worked on convincing myself he didn’t know who I was.
After all, it would be hard for him to remember with no wig, no contact lenses and definitely no slutty outfit. They were my signature call cards the night I met him. I was also sure he’d had plenty to drink that night before he spotted me at the bar, so maybe his memory would be foggy. One could only hope.
Mind you, the night we shared back then, there was no way that his mind wasn’t completely in the room with me. There was a point where that night crossed the line from being a quick one-night stand, to so much more. It was just never meant to be. Not then, and definitely not now.
“I think we will take an early mark today, Zoe. This feels like it has been the longest day of my life.” Zach looked at me with a tired smile and eyes that looked like they could close at any minute.
“Normally I would say no, but thanks, Zach, that actually sounds great. Let’s just say today turned out completely different than I imagined it would.” I giggled a bit as I packed up the file I had been sorting.
“For you and me both, Zoe. I just wanted to say thanks again for everything you did today. Including, helping me out with my family and not running scared when you met them all. Anyone who gets through a whole Stevenson family introduction in one go is doing very well. I think you and I are going to be great friends.”
I looked at Zach sitting across the table. I didn’t know why but he made me feel safe and comfortable, like he genuinely meant everything he said about being friends. I’d never had a friend I could lean on, let alone a male friend. I didn’t stay in one spot for long enough for that to happen.
“Thanks for the job, Zach. You don’t know how much it means to me. I just hope that I turn out to be the person you hope I am. Helpful and someone who gets the jobs done. I think we will work really great together.” Standing, I grabbed my handbag and gym satchel with my clothes in it. “Tomorrow, I will dress a little more for the office, I think.”
“Zoe, I am so sorry about this morning. On Friday, I want you to take the afternoon off and go shoe shopping to replace the ones in the bin with those two pairs I promised. Actually, a better idea is, I will set up a shopping date with my sisters. They will love to spend my money on shoes for you. They’re obsessed with them.”
“No, that’s not necessary. Really, I’m fine. It was just an accident. Don’t even worry about it.” I waved him off with my hand.
“Not going to happen. I promised shoes, so shoes you will get. You will learn very quickly that I am a man of my word. When I say I will do something, then it will happen. Now, head home and grab a good night’s rest so we can start some real work tomorrow. Maybe then, I will be myself and thinking properly. See you in the morning.” He smiled and reached out with his hand to shake mine. I laughed because it seemed way too formal for two people who were bonded by a spewing incident.
Instead of reciprocating the hand shake, I clasped his hand in mine. “Just know, Zach. I would never pry but if you ever need to talk to anyone out of the family, I am a good listener. I also know sometimes things just need to be left behind so you can move on. The offer is there if you need. See you in the morning.” With that, I turned and headed out the door, leaving Zach with his hands leaning on the table. I wasn’t sure if it was from the sadness of his troubles or whether he was simply exhausted.
Climbing into my car, I sagged into the drivers’ seat. I had no energy left to think about what the hell had happened today. I needed to do as Zach suggested. Home, shower, eat my comfort food of cheese pasta, have a glass of wine and then bed. All in that order. We’d start again tomorrow and I hoped that it would be a calm day with no big revelations from Luke.
Luke
Trying to distract myself with work wasn’t working well to clear my head. I was still wound up from meeting Zoe, and having Grant being a dick about trying to control me. To be honest, the day had just been a total shit show. I was sitting at my desk with the file in my lap of the two candidates I would be interviewing tomorrow. I needed to review them and prepare myself with questions. But every time I looked down at the file, I just saw the application sitting on the top. I had taken it out of the main folder to ensure no one interviewed Zoe. I was too late and now I was sitting here wondering how I was going to manage working with her.
Her photo kept looking up at me like she was trying to tell me something. I just couldn’t even imagine what it was, but it was something. I felt it in her touch and the moment I looked into her eyes. There was an energy there. I just couldn’t shake it. It was too bad I ran out of the room like a little school boy. I wasn’t sure what came over me. I’d never been one to back away from a woman. Normally, it was me giving them the nervous feeling.
There was something about her eyes and lips, I just couldn’t place what it was, like she saw something in me.
Although I had to do it from a distance, I wanted to get to know her, even if Zach had already made a move. That was unlike him, but if it were true, I was shocked. Zach was not a player like me. He didn’t do the whole one-night stand like I did. Not that my family knew much about it, but the boys had an idea. They hadn’t seen me at my worst when I was away at college. Thank God. I’d grown up since coming home and took life a little more seriously these days. It didn’t stop me from going out and having a good time, though.
The tapping on my door had me quickly closing the file and shoving it in my desk draw, just in case it was Grant. I was in no mood for that discussion.
The door slowly opened, and Zach popped his head around.
“Hey, man, I’m heading home early. I think I need to sleep this head off and try for a fresh start tomorrow.”
I couldn’t help but feel concerned for my brother. “Are you okay, Zach? You look like you’ve had a massive night out and you’re sporting the hangover from hell. Now that’s something that would look normal on me, but you, however, that just doesn’t sit right.” I waved him to come in and sit but he shook his head and remained at the door.
“Than
ks, I appreciate the concern, but I’m okay, or I will be with some sleep. Just had a shit night that I’d rather forget. Poor Zoe picked the worst day to start her job. She’s seen me at my worst, so I’m guessing she should be able to cope with me. By the way, Luke, I’m not sure what you were carrying on about today but there is absolutely nothing going on with Zoe. I have never met her before today and she’s just going to work for me. She seems like a nice lady and I think we will get on well. We literally had to swap our clothes due to a spillage, that’s all. I would never hit on a woman like that, not that I’d even thought about it with her. Work relationships are just a disaster waiting to happen I think. I’m not that stupid. Especially, with a big brother like Grant. Imagine having to listen to the lecture about policy on office relationships. No, thank you.” His head leaned against my door.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, man, but just know, I’m here if you need help with anything. Now go take your sorry ass home and sober up. Lucky Mom and Dad didn’t call in today. Mom would have locked you in your office until you bared your soul to her. You know she misses being able to mother each of us.” That brought a grin to Zach’s face as he stood up.
“Thanks for the offer and not pushing. Just need to move on and forget last night. See you tomorrow.”
After he closed the door I let out a sigh of relief I didn’t know I’d been holding. Zach had no interest in Zoe and today had been just a weird incident. I wasn’t sure I understood, but really, I didn’t care what the details were, it was only the result I cared about. As long as it meant Zach hadn’t fucked Zoe in his office, I was feeling far more settled. I couldn’t honestly say why that made me feel better, but it did. I couldn’t touch Zoe, but I was also glad Zach couldn’t either.
My night finished smoothly, and I woke with a clearer head compared to when I went to bed. Today’s checklist was to complete the interviews, hire an assistant, and have them signed up to start next week. Then I’d piss Grant off by handing him the file he wanted yesterday with just one applicant in it. The person I hired. Now that would be the highlight of my day. I was certain that was the role of younger brother, to annoy the hell out of the older brothers. I took the role very seriously when it came to Grant. He really needed to lighten up.
My other main goal for the day, was to stay away from Zach’s office. I needed to let Zoe settle in. I seemed to make her nervous after the way I’d treated her yesterday, so it was only fair I let her get to know Zach and her job without being put off-balance. That was what I kept telling myself anyway. It had nothing to do with the fact that she affected me and I still couldn’t work out why, despite lying in bed last night trying to piece it all together. Nothing came to me.
Maybe she just reminded me of someone I had met somewhere along the way. That didn’t really explain her reaction to me, but then maybe she was just shy around men like me. I’d been told before on many an occasion, I was a little intimidating to the female population. Thinking about that statement and picturing my buddy, Andrew, made me laugh to myself. He was the one who kept saying that when we were in college together.
“Luke, you have woman swooning all over you and eating out of the palm of your hand. Your studliness is intimidating to them. Can you leave some for us? Why do I always have to be second choice to you, stud-boy!”
I could hear his voice as clear as a whistle. I missed him. We got on so well. Life was so much fun and carefree when we were at college. This being an adult sucked some days. I just wanted to go back to when no one gave a damn and life was easy.
It was time to catch up with Andrew for a boys’ weekend. It had been too long.
Chapter Five
Zoe
Every time I closed my eyes in bed, all I could see was Luke. His look from yesterday still made me anxious.
In my vision he’d looked like he did all those years ago. When he was a poor university student, just looking to satisfy his urges for the night. That night, though… The last look at me I had tattooed in my brain. It was one of wonderment. We had fucked and fucked hard, but then things changed. Different feelings that went beyond sexual, started to creep in for both of us. I could see it in his eyes just as I was sure he could see it in mine. It was something that shocked us both and a feeling I had never had before. Sex was supposed to be just sex. No attachment. No feelings. Just pure body and chemical release. It made the brain stop thinking and just be silent in its happiness, even for that short moment in time.
That night was one of the most memorable and scariest of my life. One I knew I would remember well into my old age. Mainly because I believed I would never see Luke ever again. Everything changed in a split-second, yesterday.
Now I needed to work out how to deal with it.
Arriving in Zach’s office, I looked around to get my bearings. All was quiet today. Lordy, let’s hope we could keep it that way.
“Morning, Zoe,” Zach greeted from behind. I was so deep in thought that his voice startled me.
“Geez, Zach. You scared the bejesus out of me!” I panted a little, holding my heart. “Morning to you, too,” I said with a giggle.
“Sorry for the fright. You are here bright and early. I might have to lift my game. Can’t be shown up by my assistant who beats me to the office in the morning.”
“Good luck with that, Zach. I’m an early riser. I like to get a good start on the day and be ready to go.”
“Well then, let’s get moving. After a coffee, of course. I need one to start the day. First thing for you to learn as my assistant,” he chuckled to himself.
“Pretty sure I made your coffee yesterday,” I laughed back.
“That was not coffee. That was thick as tar and strong enough to keep me awake for weeks.”
“Yes, just what you needed to get through the day, wasn’t it? Don’t suppose that’s your normal order then?”
“Not a chance, Zoe. Let’s get coffee sorted and get into the day.”
All morning I felt anxious about running into Luke and waiting for the penny to drop for him. The hours went by, and I started to fall into a good working rhythm with Zach. We chatted, we laughed, and we worked in easy silence, like a well-oiled machine. We even stopped for a short lunch break. Before I knew it, we were packing up. I was slightly shocked I hadn’t seen Luke all day. I just assumed he would need to see Zach at some stage.
Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I headed for the door. “Goodnight, Zach. I’ll see you in the morning. Coffee ready and waiting”
“Great work today, Zoe. Thanks for everything. I think we work well together. We may have started off a little unconventionally, but I think it’s meant to be. See you in the morning, and coffee would be fantastic.” Zach had a beautiful smile. Not one that made me go weak at the knees, just one that made you smile and know he genuinely meant what he said. It felt really comfortable working together. It was a strange feeling for me to form a friendly bond so quick with anyone, Let alone a male. If I could just get past the Luke hurdle, maybe this job would be the perfect one I’d been hoping for.
After a few days of working with Zach, we easily made it to Friday. I was amazed that I’d gotten to the end of the week and still managed not to see Luke. I was unsure if I should feel relieved or more worried. At night, I let my imagination go wild with worry. What if he had remembered me and was avoiding me? Maybe they were just waiting to find a replacement, then fire me? Our minds never thought rational thoughts in the middle of the night. Those thoughts at three in the morning were either the dirty sexy type, Or just completely crazy. The past week, I’d had both.
The things I imagined Luke and I doing were certainly the dirty, sexy kind. I knew what he felt like, how his lips tasted, and how he made me tingle all the way to my toes. I ached to be able to feel that again. Even just one night would be worth it.
Then the other crazy thoughts crept in. Ones of him remembering me as just the slutty one-night stand he picked up in a bar. The one who changed her looks, and who gav
e no name while leaving in the middle of the night, never to be seen again. His disgust at telling his family who I really was, or at least, who I had been in another life. I imagined all their dirty looks as they decided that I was not the sort of person they needed in their company. The stark reality of those late-night thoughts, was that I would never get the night I dreamed of, and that so far, I was safer with the crazy dreams.
With my dreams abandoned, I started to pack up my desk, realizing it was now after five. Zach had been in the family meeting for a few hours. Unsure, how much longer they’d be, I decided to leave him a note on his desk with the finished files.
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I heard the noise from the family heading my way. They had finished and were now laughing and chatting.
“We’re both in, aren’t we, Alesha? Now, Zach, go tell Zoe, so we can get moving.”
I froze at the sound of my name. Lilly was talking to her sister, the footsteps growing closer. Before I could make it out of the office, Zach was walking back through the door.
“Sorry, that took longer than I thought. Thanks for waiting. Now, I don’t want any excuses. We’re all heading out for a drink to celebrate a huge week. My shout. You’re coming with us.” He hesitated, waiting for me to reply but I was too stuck on the words ‘us all going out’, Luke included. When I didn’t respond, he continued.
“Then the girls want to take you out for a girls’ dinner. Something about too much male testosterone and you need to become part of the girls’ club here. I don’t know what they’re talking about but I find it easier never to ask my sisters questions. Then I don’t have to listen to their crazy answers.” Loading his files into his briefcase, he shut down his computer and waited for my comment.
