by Karen Deen
Trying to sleep was difficult and all I seemed to manage was drifting in and out of semi-consciousness. I didn’t know how much time had passed since I closed my eyes but I needed to take my clothes off and crawl under the covers naked, like I normally did to sleep. Fumbling with my pants, my cell started ringing. I jumped at the noise that echoed through the quiet apartment, my brain trying to recall where I’d left it. I followed the sound to my handbag that was dumped on the floor just inside the door. It was where Luke had accosted me. By the time I reached it, the phone stopped ringing. Heading back to the room with it in my hand, I finished stripping off and crawled into bed. The cell lit up with a message. I didn’t even need to see who it was from to know it was Luke.
My heart said to call him straight back. My head was saying settle for reading the message. My gut told me to do neither and sleep instead. There was always tomorrow. I promised I wouldn’t run, I was just unsure if I was strong enough to stay. That was a decision that shouldn’t be made in the dark hours of the night. Turning the cell to silent, I nestled in. He wasn’t going to like it, but I needed space to decide what I would do.
Tomorrow was a new day.
Tomorrow, I could think clearly.
Tomorrow, would give me the strength to do what was needed.
Tomorrow, I’d break his heart. Mine was broken a long time ago.
Luke
Women were always so emotional when in crisis. Lilly wasn’t hurt, just shaken and scared. The accident was minor. Having stopped at traffic lights, the elderly lady behind didn’t brake in time and bumped the back of Lilly’s car. The old lady had hit the gas pedal instead of the brake. Her little car had a smashed-in front. Like all new cars, they crumpled easily as a safety feature. It looked worse than what it was. Lilly’s car could be driven but she was too scared to get in it. I called a tow truck to take her car to the mechanic to be checked out in the morning. They would make it safe for her to drive again. After the car was loaded and on its way, I took her home. Still with tears streaming down her face, I stayed with her until she calmed down. I wanted to call Mom, but she begged me not to. Lilly, being the youngest, was always trying to prove she was all grown and didn’t need anyone. This wasn’t entirely true considering I was with her. It appeared there was a difference between calling your parents and calling your brother.
Finally, she settled and I attempt to call Zoe. It was late, but there was a slim chance she was still awake. I had to try. I wanted to see her. I wanted to finish what we started. The call rang into messages.
“Hey, Zoe. I’ve finally left Lilly. My head tells me you’re probably asleep, but my body is praying you aren’t. Call me back, beautiful.” Sitting in the Mustang, I waited a few minutes, staring at my cell urging it to ring. When it didn’t, I started typing.
Luke: Hey, Zoe. Can we continue where we left off? I’m desperate to relive this pain. I need to see you. Call me and I promise I will make it worth it.
Still nothing. It was time to head home. My mind envisioned her asleep, naked, her hair splayed across the pillow. Her face at peace as she slept off the exhaustion from having hours of hot, passionate sex.
Laying in my own bed, I continued to dream of Zoe, just like every other night but now, they were more X-rated. Now that I’d seen her gorgeous tits and had my hands all over them, they featured heavily when I closed my eyes. Drifting off to sleep, with a smile on my face, I couldn’t help but have that feeling of familiarity. That same feeling I’d had when I first met Zoe. Something about it felt surreal. Shaking it off, I closed my eyes and let sleep take me under.
The sun shone through the curtains, warming my face. Rubbing my hands across the stubble on my chin, I tried to get my bearings. The night before came rushing back like a movie on repeat.
Eyes still half opened, I reached for my cell. I must have slept through Zoe’s reply. I hope to God I didn’t sleep through her call. I’d be pissed if I did. Nothing.
No call, no message.
Why? She’d be awake by now considering I’d overslept until mid-morning. If there was one thing I didn’t possess much of, it was patience. Dialling once more, I got no answer and it diverted to message. I tried again with the same result. Maybe she was in the shower or her phone was dead.
Stretching, I crawled out from the warmth of the blankets. I visited the bathroom and dragged on some shorts, going commando because my balls still ached from last night. Pacing the room, I couldn’t wait any longer. Dialling her number again, I waited for her to answer.
“Hey,” said a quiet voice, finally.
“Morning, beautiful. Are you okay? You sound quiet.” My heart was thudding just hearing her voice.
“Sorry, I just woke up. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” I wished I was hearing that sleepy voice waking next to me in the morning.
“If I had been there, you wouldn’t have gotten any sleep. Can I come over and wake you up properly?” I was already moving around the room, gathering clothes out of drawers and ready to shower.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” There was a tremble in her voice.
“No, that is not happening. Don’t do this, Zoe. Don’t shut me out again. I know you are scared and I am too, but we can do this. Please, let me come over to talk.”
“You don’t know how just to talk. Neither do I. That’s the problem. I just need time to think. There are so many reasons to stop this now.”
“Fuck, but there is one very big reason to do it. We both are so hot for each other that we light up the room with the connection every time we’re together. Ignore all the things you are worried about. I’ll fix them, I promise.”
“I’m not sure you can fix them all, Luke. You don’t even know the half of it.”
“Then tell me. Talk to me, Zoe. Let me help you through this.” Forgetting the shower, I was already half-dressed and slipping on my shoes. She’d be seeing me whether she liked it or not.
“Please, Luke, just give me today to digest all this. Yesterday was huge. My head is spinning. I need to fix that first before I can see you. My feelings haven’t changed, I just need to work out the right thing for both of us.”
“The right fucking thing is for you to be mine. Be my girlfriend. Let me be there for you. Let me make you scream my name over and over again. No matter what you think or decide, I’m not letting you go.”
“Don’t be angry, please just give me a little time. That’s all I’m asking. I promise then we will talk. Goodbye, Luke.” Her voice was replaced with silence.
“For fuck’s sake! I knew this would happen.” I slammed my fist against the bedroom door. There was something in Zoe’s life that had her scared and it wasn’t me. She was just scared to let me in. Until she was prepared to share, there’d be a constant stumbling block in front of us.
My gut feeling told me to get in the car and go straight there, where I could persuade her with my kisses. That, however, was not what she needed. Her panic attack yesterday reminded me that I needed to tread carefully with her. If I charged over like I wanted, it could push her too far. Frustration was building in my body knowing if I didn’t do something about it, I’d likely put a hole in a wall. Time for a run, the only thing that could tame the savage beast. Typically, it worked after an argument with Grant or a problem at work. Today it was Zoe. That woman was going to be the death of me.
Five miles in, I turned the corner into the park, my cell vibrating in my pocket. Coming to a halt to answer in case it was her, I didn’t check the screen.
“What are you puffing for?” a familiar voice asked. “Did I interrupt some hot pussy time? You’re too unfit to keep up. Do you need me to come and show you how a real man keeps a lady happy?”
“I haven’t met a lady I haven’t satisfied, yet.” No matter how long between phone calls or visits, Andrew and I never changed.
“Oh, nice come back, bro. How’s it hanging this morning in the world of wood and timber?”
I
kept thinking Andrew would grow up soon, but it never seemed to be the case.
“How are you anyway? Missing me, I bet.”
“Well, that’s why I’m ringing. I feel the need for a Vegas trip. I need some serious action and a big drinking sesh. You know I have no one to do that with except you. My nerdy brother wouldn’t know what a hot woman looked like if he tripped over her. Drinking for him involves a glass of wine with dinner. For fuck’s sake, Luke, I’m dying out here. Two weeks from now. Book it in and be in Vegas. I’m rallying all the boys.”
“Man, I don’t know if I can. I have a few things going on here at the moment. It’s a bad time.” I continued walking while talking, trying to keep my legs warm so they didn’t cramp.
“All the more reason for you to come. A few days to bury whatever is giving you trouble. Come on, you know you will have a great time. We always do. Not that I always remember them but that’s half the fun.” We both laughed. There had been plenty of boys’ weekends that I wished I could forget. Too much alcohol and more women than I would like to admit.
“I’ll have a think and get back to you. Got a few things to sort out here then I’ll let you know.” That would get him off my back for now. “How are things out there with you and the family? Business good?”
“Yeah, we’re so busy. I find it hard to have time for myself. Dad is wanting to do less so he’s pushing for me to take more on. Peter, my dorky brother, is a waste of space in the office, but I can’t do anything about that. He also seems to be good at disappearing for a few days at a time lately. Not sure what’s going on. No way he has got himself a woman. No one would be that stupid. Come to think of it. Maybe he’s dating a guy and just not game to tell me. It wouldn’t surprise me. I have never seen him with a girl. Anyway, time for you to come out for another visit. We have some pretty hot boats being built in the yard at the moment. Getting more specialized orders. Plenty of boats that need a few days out on the water for test runs. Bring a sexy chick with you and disappear for a few days. They can’t run away from your ugly mug once you get them out on the water.” Andrew laughed hard. He’d always thought his jokes were pretty funny. Our friendship was built on being able to take a joke and dish back.
“You’re such a crass bastard sometimes. I might just take you up on that trip one day soon. A few days away from this part of the world could be just what the doctor ordered. Better run, mate, literally. Just to clarify, the puffing was from being out on my run. Few more miles to go. I’ll give you a call later in the week.”
“Sure, lazy bastard. You’re puffing because you’re so unfit. Better train harder. You’ll need your stamina for Vegas. Catch you in a few days.”
Andrew always managed to make me laugh just from stupidity. I just wasn’t sure if he fit much in my life these days. He still seemed stuck in our college days. I was different. I wanted to settle down with one woman. No one would believe me if they heard me talking about marriage and having a family. Most didn’t take me seriously, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t wise up and be in a serious relationship. The only one who had ever seen my softness was Zoe. She was the woman I wanted.
My feet pounded one after another on the concrete giving the solid rhythm I needed to drown out my worrying thoughts. I trusted that giving Zoe what she wanted would bring her back to me and be ready to start a future together.
It was six in the evening when I went on my second run for the day. I couldn’t settle, my mind being a mess all day. Trying to find things to keep me busy proved futile. No matter what it was, I ended up circling back to thinking of her again. The only thing that was going to get me through the night and help me sleep was running to the point of exhaustion. My appetite had escaped me. Running like a crazy man on an empty stomach was not a smart idea. Starting to feel weak and light headed, it was time to turn towards home. Shower, food and bed. Hopefully tomorrow would be a better day that held the answers I was looking for.
I lay on the spare bed staring at the ceiling. I could still smell her on the sheets and pillows. It helped calm me. What the hell was I doing? Was I turning into a big girl?
Man up, go back to your room and call her. Tell her what you want. She will know how serious you are about not giving up on her.
Three times I went to dial and stopped myself. Respect her wishes.
Four times I wrote out a message and deleted it. Respect her wishes.
There was no stopping me from seeing her tomorrow. Look out, Zoe. You can run but you can’t hide.
Chapter Eleven
Zoe
Work was not going to be the place to see Luke for the first time since Saturday night. We needed to talk but it couldn’t happen at the office. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to look at him. I needed to concentrate this week and all that consumed my head was thoughts of our time together. I needed to pull myself together and put on my professional face as soon as I arrived at the office. Luke needed to know that we couldn’t discuss this at the office in case someone overheard us. That would be a disaster.
Zoe: Morning, thank you for leaving me to sort out my head yesterday. We need to talk. The office is not the place. We will find another time soon.
Luke: Morning beautiful. Glad you had time to settle. I know it’s a lot to take in. Agreed on the office. My place tonight. Dinner?
Zoe: Not sure that’s safe. Maybe I’ll end up as dinner. Will think about it.
Luke: I was counting on you for dessert. Much sweeter.
He never missed a chance to flirt with me. It just made it harder to keep a distance from him. Some days, I wondered if I was just another conquest. I had seen him flirt with plenty of other woman over the years. They all fell for his lines. Let’s face it, he was hot and full of charm.
Zoe: Hmmm… starting to think you might be a cannibal!!
Luke: You’re so right. I want to eat you so badly. I can guarantee it won’t hurt. You will enjoy it, I promise. Every little bite!
Zoe: Stop it. How am I going to look at you today? I think you better stay in your office.
Luke: No way. I need to see you. I may not be able to touch you, but I want to see you.
Zoe: Please, Luke, don’t make this hard on me. Grant sees everything. The girls will go crazy if they sniff something is going on. No flirting in the office!
Luke: You’re no fun when you’re trying to be professional. Got it. Office is out of bounds but after that… You’re fair game. You’ve been warned.
Zoe: What is that supposed to mean?!
Luke: You will just have to wait and see. Have a great day at work, Zoe. Watch out for those guys in the office. I think one of them has the hots for you and he’s a big perve.
Zoe: For god sake, Luke. STOP IT. Have a good day and stay away from the girls in the office. Namely ME!!
Well, that did not go how I wanted it to. So much for trying to pull back from where we were on Saturday night. We couldn’t seem to help ourselves. This was going to be harder than I initially thought.
Luckily, the day was busy with Zach. He had me keeping him on the straight and narrow with getting prepared for the evictions this week. Much to Luke’s disgust, Grant had him out of the office all day. Not seeing him made my day easier to cope with. I thought Luke had forgotten about his grandmother’s birthday tonight, so I figured I was safe for another day. Tomorrow, I wouldn’t be so lucky.
Reading in bed my eyelids grew heavy, and as I drifted off, I knew what I’d be dreaming about. The same person it had been for years.
The alert on my phone flashed in the dark room.
Luke: Miss you. Sweet dreams. Hope they’re about me.
Zoe: Always. Goodnight.
Rolling over, I told myself to be strong. I couldn’t ignore the end goal.
Tuesday was a crazy day. I was still getting used to driving the Mercedes and leaving extra early to ensure I found a parking spot where I didn’t have to try and squeeze between two cars. Zach was already stressing before he headed out to the Branch Stre
et project loaded with bad news for the tenants. Luke walked past twice trying to see me. Both times I was in Zach’s office, which was good and bad. A part of me needed Zach’s protection, but the other part wanted to see Luke and spend time with him. As dangerous as that would be, I missed our little chats.
Looking at my watch, it was five o’clock and I was going to take off before Luke had time to corner me. Zach still wasn’t back from Branch Street and Grant was on a war path. I had a phone call from Zach. It was a weird one asking for information on a previous landlord for a tenant. Something didn’t seem right, especially when he told me that if I didn’t hear from him, I had the address of where to come looking. That made me nervous. I loved Zach like a brother and if anything happened to him it would kill me. I’d message him later to check he was okay. It was time to make an escape. I needed to get home and go into lockdown once more. I was going to put off this chat with Luke for as long as I could.
Luke: Are you avoiding me? Where are you?
