by Renee Young
“Hey,” I whispered to alert him that I was there. He looked at me and his eyes trailed over my injuries as the sadness in them deepened.
“This says it was last updated this morning Liv.” He pointed out and I just nodded, dropping my gaze to the floor. I didn’t want to see him look at me in anger or even worse, pity. “I thought you said you were sleeping okay.” His words were drenched in confusion.
“I lied.” I told him honestly, braving a glance at him just in time to see his first tear fall.
“Livvy,” He paused glancing back at the writing. “Is this how you see yourself?” He asked and with a tear of my own I nodded avoiding his eyes again. I heard him stand from his seat. “We need to talk about this. First of all you are not weak. There isn’t anything about you that isn’t mighty and strong.” He insisted and I wanted more than anything to believe him. “Second, you will get to say those things to him, if you want.” I looked up at him. He made it that far? “Third, honey if this is how you feel then this is how you feel. You need to let it out. You can’t keep it bottled up in you. You’ll explode.”I scoffed.
“I tried the feeling thing before.” I whispered and he lifted my chin so I would look at him. He had questions swirling in his eyes. “I tried to feel all of my feelings when my parents died, Sawyer. It didn’t work. This-” I pointed to my laptop. “This is how I feel; how I manage. I can’t go back to how I was. I’m better on paper; in a book. That-” I pointed again. “That is a better me. A me that can feel without losing herself to it.”
“You don’t need a better you, Olivia. You are the most amazing you there could ever be.” He insiste, of course, catching what I’d meant. “If writing about it helps you then let it help you. I won’t try and stop you, but I will be here everyday to remind you that you radiate strength. I look at you, and I can see in your perfect hazel eyes that you are strong. You are smart and talented and you constantly have me in awe of everything you do. So you, you feel what you need to how you need to and then I will be here to help you feel better. Better about yourself.” He finished and I did the only thing I could imagine doing at the time. I pulled him to my height and pressed my lips on his.
Chapter 20
Sawyer’s POV
She was beautiful. From the moment I laid eyes on her everything for me had changed. My breaths didn’t belong to me. Everything I did was accompanied by a thought of her. I’d pined after her for an entire two weeks before I got to see her again and when I did I made the foolish mistake of showing up with another girl.
I don’t think she’d meant to show it, but I’d caught the flash of what appeared to be jealousy in her eyes as they fell upon Tabitha, dressed in a pantsuit and attached to my arm.
Tabitha was a nice enough girl, but she was just that; a girl. She wasn’t a woman and she wasn’t the subject of countless fantasies over the course of just two weeks. It didn’t even feel like an option when they’d suggested we try hanging out another night because of my date. I would give anything to spend time with the woman who’d turned me into this sap.
When Olivia talked about how much she hated her job, my brain filled with idea after idea of how I could help her out of it. She didn’t deserve to be stuck doing something that so clearly weighed down on her. When she’d practically begged me to make sure she quit her job, I knew I’d be there to do just that.
I’d never expected my Livvy to be there that day. She and Nova spoke of her tendency to be reserved and obedient in the professional aspects of her life, and that is not at all what I saw. I saw the fire in her hazel eyes as she all but spat at the man who’d stood before her. I couldn’t even focus on what she’d been saying, her entire being had captured me.
It was a given for me to show Nick her work. He’d been my best friend for years, so when he’d followed me from New York out here it was a no brainer for us to get a building together. Sure a publisher and a lawyer weren’t really the typical businesses you’d lump together, but it worked for us.
It was especially convenient for him to meet us when I’d brought Livvy to my office. I’d talked to Nicky about her before so I knew he’d be respectful and not attempt to hit on her; bro code. Seeing Liv in my office stirred up some fantasies I’d more than craved to act out.
When I found out about Meghan cheating on me I’d hardened myself. I didn’t let anyone in, and I didn’t try to break down anyone else’s walls. I was all I needed, with the occasional romp with whatever girl caught my attention that day. I didn’t need anyone and I didn’t want anyone to need me, so I became an asshole. I didn’t care about anyone’s feelings, I didn’t even let myself care about mine.
I worked and I fucked. That was the life I led for two years. I was happy living like that. No one had the ability to hurt me, to grip my heart in their hand and pull it from my chest. Not anymore.
With Livvy I’d hoped she was just someone I’d sleep with a few times and then be done. When Ethan set his sights on her and began flirting I could have throttled him. I had images of him minus a leg, or another body part, swirling through my mind when he sent her his smile he reserves for the women he picks up.
I wanted Olivia, and I didn’t want anyone else to know her the way I’d intended to. I would be the only one to hear her little noises- feel her tongue graze across my skin. Once I’d had her she’d never want another man. Even if it meant I had to relinquish my control to her. I could do that just for her.
When Matt kissed her during the game I felt like growling and pounding my chest- showing her I was the man she’d needed. She didn’t need his lips on her. Not when mine molded so perfectly against her plump pair.
Then Olivia Christine Kent gave herself over to me. She’d demanded and she’d rewarded me for listening. Her beautiful arousal slipped into her voice as she’d told me what she wanted from me and I was powerless to go against her wishes. I wanted to kneel at her feet and give her pleasure so intense she’d never look at another man again.
Every time I buried myself in her was almost overwhelmingly perfect. She fit around me deliciously. Her moans filled my ears and they didn’t leave the forefront of my mind ever. I craved to have her like that all the time. At work, at home when I was meant to be sleeping- she was all consuming, and it wasn’t just sex that I wanted from her.
When she’d agreed to go on a date with me I could have screamed like a teenage girl who was just asked to prom by the boy she liked. I could have danced a damn jig- but I didn’t. I had to play it cool around my beautiful Livvy.
The morning we were supposed to have our date I left her alone in her bed and that is the biggest regret I’ve ever had. If I hadn’t left her there to go talk to her best friend about how to make the date perfect then maybe she wouldn’t have gone to that stupid store. She wouldn’t have been subjected to the torture she endured. She’d be whole and happy and she would have been my girlfriend by now.
That’s not how it went down though. I left her that morning to go talk to Nova. She was so excited about our date that I had to sit and listen to her shriek about it for a good five minutes. She warned me not to hurt her best friend and then she started helping me to plan the perfect date. We had just picked out the movie Liv and I would watch when we heard a car pull into her driveway. I remember the confused look we’d shared. Jamie wasn’t supposed to be home for another few hours and Liv never called to let Nova she was heading over.
Nova looked out of the front window and informed me that it was Olivia. For a moment I panicked. I didn’t want her to know I was asking her best friend to help me woo her. Then I heard Nova gasp before she rushed out of the front door. I was quick to follow her, not sure what was happening, but when I looked at Liv’s car I could see through the windshield- and hear through the safety of her car that she was crying. Hard. I was fast to overtake Nova and throw open her door.
It was an instinct. I needed to make sure she was alright. I squatted beside her as her hands gripped the steering wheel and she refused to look up a
t me. I tried calming her down, but she was unfazed. Like she couldn’t hear me.
Then she looked up at me and the first thing I noticed was the fear in her eyes as she flinched away from me. Then my eyes fell down her face, where she’d had a cut on her cheek that was bleeding and then down to her neck that was angry and red with the unmistakable beginnings of fingerprint bruises.
My heart broke. Seeing my Livvy so hurt- in so much pain. I just wanted to pull her into my arms and never let her go. I needed to touch her- to know she was there- she was there and still breathing. I’d never been so afraid in my entire life. Afraid for her; and afraid of what I might do to the person who hurt her like this.
Then I’d gotten her to step out of her car and it was almost instant the way she’d collapsed to the ground. I’d been quick enough to catch her while she let out a cry in pain. I pulled her into my arms and Nova and I rushed her to the hospital. My heart rate never slowed. Not while she told us about the fuck face who did this to her. Not while we waited for the results of her tests. Not while I argued with Nova about what we should do with her.
I wasn’t ashamed of the few tears I let slide down my cheeks as I tried to urge Nova that her best friend needed to come home with me. I don’t think I would have slept without having her close by. I would have camped out at Nova’s place with my girl had I needed to. I wasn’t letting her out of my sight.
Looking back everything happened so fast. With Olivia the fall was almost instant the moment I met her. The second I breathed in her intoxicating scent. She was my everything and I didn’t know it. Not for sure anyway. Not until Ethan tried hitting on her.
Telling her about Meghan and her telling me about her parents- it was real. It solidified for me that I didn’t just want sex from her. Don’t get me wrong I love sex with Livvy, but that wasn’t all I wanted. I wanted everything with her. Everything she would give me I would take greedily.
What Olivia gave me, what she made me feel was nothing like what I’d had with Meghan. It made me sick even trying to compare the two. Meghan was a cold bitch who thought of no one but herself. Livvy- she was an angel with a smart mouth. She didn’t even know how beautiful and incredible she was. I’d seen her stop on the street just to help an older woman gather her belongings that had fallen all around her- and that was with a knee injury. She was so down on herself it hurt me that she could think so lowly of herself.
I fell in love with Olivia long before I realized I had. I couldn’t tell her. Not before we had our first date and not while she was still recovering from her attack. I would wait. I could hold onto my feelings and just show her how I feel. I would be there for anything and everything she needed. All she had to do was ask and I’d drop everything for her.
I just had to get her to ask now. She finally told me about her nightmares this morning. She’d been having them for two weeks and she’d said nothing. My beautiful, selfless girl told me she didn’t want to disturb my sleep so she kept it all in. I cried for my girl this morning and I wasn’t even about to let toxic masculinity- that was instilled into men my age keep- me from showing her my emotions. She needed to know that I felt so much for her. I cared for her- and I would help her get better. Whatever it took.
“Hello?” The voice I’d become very familiar with over the last two weeks answered my call.
“Detective Shawn.” I greeted. “Any updates?” I asked him the daily question.
“Not yet, Sawyer I told you I would call if there was.” His clipped response caused the clenching of my jaw and my fist. He never had any updates. No word on a warrant or any headway into the investigation.
“How can you not have anything yet?” I all but shouted into the phone. “It has been two week! Two weeks and you guys still have nothing?!” I continued to rant. Usually I’d just say okay and then hang up, but not anymore. “You realize he knows where she lives. He has her information and you guys aren’t doing anything about it. Are you guys even trying anymore? Fuck!” I couldn’t describe the anger coursing through me throughout the call. I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle the so-called detective.
“You need to calm down, Sawyer.” He responded. Right, that’s exactly what you say to someone on the verge of smashing his entire office.
“No, you need to do your fucking job. Do you have any idea how terrified she still is? She barely sleeps and I have to practically force her to eat. She deserves to feel safe and I am doing everything I know how to do, but you guys aren’t. You aren’t doing anything to ensure she won’t be attacked again. He threatened to finish what he’d started. Is that what you want, Shawn?” I was seething. “Do you want the love of my life to live in fear? Do you want Mike to come hurt her again? She’s barely holding on and I have my arms around her to keep her grounded, but you can do what I can’t. So you need to fucking do it. You should have arrested him the day of the attack. Why is it taking so long?” I continued to rant.
“We wanted to make sure we had all of the evidence before cuffing him so they wouldn’t have a leg to stand on in their fight against us.” He gave me a pathetic excuse.
“You have until tomorrow to make an arrest before I take this to internal affairs, because at this rate I’m convinced you’re colluding with Mike.” I didn’t wait for a response before hanging up and chucking my phone.I knew it was a baseless threat, but I wouldn’t hesitate to bring it up to someone if I needed to in order to get them to focus on arresting the fuckhead.
I just wanted her to be okay. I don’t think she’ll be able to move on- to heal, until he is behind bars and out of her life. She shouldn’t have to face everyday terrified and looking over her shoulder.
She should be at home with me completely safe. Not a thought on her mind about Mike and what he’d done to her or what he wants to do to her.
I can’t even call her baby because of this fuckface. I have landed on a few other terms, so I’ll survive, but the fact that there is a word that triggers her just kills me.
I have worked with men and women who have dealt with trauma similar to this and I have seen what it can do to a person. I pray every day that she will find what she needs to love herself and heal from this. I promised her I’d stay beside her and I have no intention of breaking that promise.
“Hey Sawyer?” Her beautiful voice pulled me from my own thoughts.
“Hi.” I smiled up at her. She was standing in the doorway of my office while I sat at my desk. Her crutches under her arms that helped her to stand and the large brace that covered her entire leg were unneeded reminders of what she’d been through.
“Hi.” She smiled back at me with a soft look in her eyes before she shook her head and I saw her mouth to herself that she needed to focus. “So I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come down to Nick’s office and look at the first proof of my first book?” She asked me shyly and I stood from my desk.
“Of course. Why didn’t you just call me. I would have come right down.” I gestured to her knee so she’d understand what I meant.
“I tried, you didn’t answer. Besides I needed to stretch a bit. I’m fine though, don’t worry.” Her hazel eyes bore into mine and if she hadn’t been standing on her injured leg I would have continued to get lost in them.
“Right.” I chuckled before glancing at my phone, which was on the floor but luckily still intact. “Let’s go.” I resisted the urge to lift her up and carry her to the elevator. I settled for resting my hand on her lower back so I had some semblance of contact with the woman I’d planned to never let go of.
When we’d reached Nick’s office she hobbled a lot faster than I’d ever seen. Her face was lit up with the most vibrant smile I’d ever had the pleasure of witnessing as she’d said something to my friend that I couldn’t even focus on. It had been far too long since I’d seen her smile like that. Like nothing had happened to her.
She was excited. I knew she’d been hesitant when we started this whole process of getting her published, but here she was practically bouncin
g in her place as she spoke about her book. Her book that would soon be available for anyone to purchase. Nick glanced at her and a smile spread across his face as well.
Her joy was contagious. I felt my own lips stretch to match. I could see the pride radiating from her as she looked over something on her computer. Nick looked at her with pride as well. He’d been told about the attack and we’d had a few conversations about how she tried to be the same as before, but there was the unmistakable sense of fear that filled her no matter how hard we’d tried to assure her she was safe. This was the first time she’d seemed genuinely happy.
“Here.” Nick held out a small package to me. Wrapped in gray paper with a red bow sitting on top. I looked at him confused before moving my eyes to my girl who looked at me with a hopeful look in her eyes. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth in anticipation and it took all of my self control not to release that lip and take it for my own.
“What’s this?” I asked the two.
“When Liv and I started this I asked her who she wanted to have the first copy. She didn’t hesitate to tell me that you deserved it.” He shrugged and I looked at her again as warmth flooded my chest. She avoided eye contact as a blush filled her cheeks. I wanted to tease her, but I knew this was far too important to be joked about so I just smiled and kept my comments to myself.
Peeling off the paper slowly I revealed the book that Livvy had poured her soul into. On the cover was the photo of her and me that we had discussed, but it looked even better with her title and last name beneath it. My breath caught in my throat as my entire being filled with nothing but pride and love for this woman.
“You did it Livvy.” I whispered, pulling my eyes from the book in my hand to her. “You fucking did it.” My smile stretched so wide I felt my cheeks begin to hurt just a little.
