by Jaden Skye
“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the Shelter with me, tomorrow?” Cindy asked again. It would be good for Mattheus to confront the reality of who Shelly was, where she worked, the people she knew.
“Of course I’m sure. Why would I want to come?” he snapped. “What do I care about the life Shelly lived apart from me?”
Cindy was startled by his vehemence. All of this was still too close to home.Mattheus wasn’t ready to learn more about who his wife really was. These things took time, lots of time - lifetimes, maybe. But ready or not, he’d have to face it as the investigation proceeded. Cindy wondered what it would do to him.
The waiter came with the drinks and Cindy and Mattheus picked up their glasses, clinked them together briefly, and drank.
“Great drink,” said Mattheus.
Cindy agreed.
“Can I order dinner for you?” asked Mattheus.
“I’ll order my own,” said Cindy quickly.
Mattheus looked surprised. Usually Cindy enjoyed him ordering for her. “Whatever you like,” he said.
The waiter came back and he ordered his dinner and she ordered hers. Then turned to her, clearer and more focused.
“I just want to thank you for being down here with me,” Mattheus started, “it means the world to me.”
Cindy didn’t know exactly what brought that on, but he spoke in such a heartfelt manner that tears sprang to her eyes.
“It means a lot to me, too,” said Cindy.
Mattheus reached out and put his hands over hers then.
A glow of warmth and desire flushed through her body. This was an emotional time and she knew she should pull her hands away. But at that moment, she could not. She needed the strength and comfort Mattheus’s touch brought her.
Mattheus closed his eyes a second, happy not to be pushed away.
“I acted like a jerk in Grenada,” he said then.
Cindy was totally taken off guard.
“Any woman worth her salt would have just packed up and left,” he continued, from nowhere, pulling at Cindy’s heart.
Cindy wanted to say it was fine, to soothe him again, but fought against the impulse and stayed silent.
“But you left too quickly,” Mattheus continued, “it knocked me off my game.”
“It was too much too soon for both of us,” Cindy replied.
“I don’t know about that,” said Mattheus, “we were doing great, we were happy. I just wanted to go out on that next case and solve it. That’s not so terrible, is it?”
“There are always cases,” said Cindy.
“That one was important,” Mattheus argued.
“They’re all important. We were also important. A relationship needs time and attention to grow,” said Cindy.
“So, you’ll never forgive me? Ever?”
“You couldn’t take the intimacy, Mattheus” said Cindy. “You basically wanted action and space. You wanted me to be your business partner, with benefits on the side.”
He laughed. “I love having you as my business partner. We’re good at this.”
“Yes, we are,” said Cindy sadly, “but we went further than that.”
Mattheus looked contrite a moment. “Was it a mistake?”
“I don’t know,” said Cindy. “You were still a married man.”
“I had no idea Shelly was alive,” Mattheus flared up.
“I know you didn’t,” said Cindy.
“Do you think I would have been searching for the murderer if I didn’t think she’d been killed?”
“Of course not,” said Cindy.
“If she’d just wanted to get away from me and live somewhere else, what the hell? I would have said, go, good riddance. She never said anything like that.” Mattheus pulled back in his seat, looking alarmed. “You don’t actually think I lied to you?”
“No, I don’t,” said Cindy. “I don’t think you lied, but I think you omitted a lot of details.”
Mattheus stared straight at her. “Like what?”
“You blocked a lot out,” said Cindy.
Mattheus looked shaky again. “Obviously, I did,” he said slowly, “that’s what I’m finding out now, isn’t it?”
Cindy put her drink down. “A woman doesn’t just disappear for no reason, Mattheus.”
His jaw locked again. “What are you implying?” a flash of indignation flared up.
“I’m implying that there was a lot going on in Shelly’s life that you didn’t know anything about.”
“So string me up! Kill me for it!”
“It’s not about accusing you. It’s about finding out what! When you love someone, when you trust them, it’s not easy to realize they have another life,” Cindy said, trying to settle him down. The same thing had happened to her with Clint, she knew how devastating it was. “It happens to lots of people. They think everything is wonderful in their relationship, they believe every word their partner says, then they find out differently.”
“So?” said Mattheus.
“So, it can ruin your trust in love forever,” said Cindy.
“Yes, it can,” said Mattheus, calming down. “But if a person’s really strong, they won’t let that happen.” And he looked at her directly.
Cindy’s eyes filled with tears. She had tried not to lose her trust in love after Clint had died, but it had been difficult. Then when Mattheus came along, everything changed. The trust came back on its own.
“You’re not going to let your trust in love be ruined because of what happened between us in Grenada, are you?” asked Mattheus.
Cindy flinched. He got the point.
“That would be ridiculous,” he added, fitfully.
Cindy hardly knew how to answer. She didn’t know at the moment what or who she trusted.
“You’ve got to answer that question,” Mattheus was emphatic.
“No, of course I won’t let anything ruin my trust in love,” said Cindy, rallying. “But we’re not here to talk about love, we’re here to talk about finding Shelly’s killer. That’s why you called me down to Key West.”
“That’s not the only reason,” said Mattheus, fumbling.
“But that’s the reason we have to focus on now,” said Cindy. The case was complicated enough as it was. This was the time for unraveling Mattheus’s relationship with Shelly, not for dealing with their romance.
“Come to the Shelter with me tomorrow,” Cindy repeated.
“I don’t want to,” said Mattheus simply. “It was Shelly’s place, she worked there, those were her friends. I don’t want any part of it.”
“You’re mad at her?”
“Mad’s not the word for it. I’m mixed up, shaky” he said.
“I understand,” said Cindy. “That’s why I’m going back to the Shelter. “One of us has to find out the truth.”
CHAPTER 13
When Cindy returned to the Shelter the next day, Barbara was there to greet her. Cindy was struck with how different Barbara looked today, pretty and, at the same time, professional. She was dressed in a green cotton suit with her brown hair lying softly around her face.
“We’re all so excited about your being here,” Barbara said, as she led Cindy through the wide doors to the place where the tour was going to begin. “The whole place has been buzzing about it. Finally, someone really cares about Shelly.”
That felt a bit extreme to Cindy, as if the entire fate of Shelly’s case now rested on her shoulders.
“I’m sure a lot of people care about Shelly,” Cindy said. “They’re doing all they can to help.”
Barbara stopped and stared at her.
“One of the things we learn at the Shelter is not to make excuses for bad behavior,” Barbara said crisply.
Cindy was startled. Was Barbara accusing her of making excuses?
“The women here have made excuses their whole lives,” Barbara continued quickly, “they’re terrified to face the truth. That’s why they’re here in hiding.”
It was shocking to
see this other side of Barbara come out so suddenly, a woman on a mission, not willing to let anything go by.
“Even after some of these women are beaten, they’ll only tell you about how wonderful their partner is,” Barbara went on. “They’ll give you all the reasons they deserved the beating, say their partner was only doing it for their own good.”
Cindy shuddered.
“The sooner they see the truth about their abusers, the safer they’re going to be. It’s our job here to keep them safe! Not only safe in the Shelter, but after they get out of here and make a new life!”
“That’s wonderful,” said Cindy and meant it. She could understand why Barbara felt as she did, but what got her started on the tirade? Did it have to do with something Cindy’s said? She didn’t want to side step the issue.
“Did you think I was making excuses for someone?” Cindy asked Barbara directly.
“There was a strong whiff of it,” Barbara replied. “You said everyone’s doing all they can to find Shelly’s killer. That’s an excuse. They’re not!”
“How do you know they’re not?” Cindy was stung.
“It’s a common excuse, we hear it all the time - from the cops, the courts. I even just heard that Shelly’s husband, Mattheus, is a detective who’s come down to help with the case. No one’s even heard a word about him all these years. Where has he been all along? You think he’s doing all he can, too?”
Cindy flinched. Barbara had no idea that Mattheus was Cindy’s partner. She might not even know that Shelly had gone missing six years ago, either. Cindy couldn’t fill her in on that yet. There were lots of missing pieces here.
“What kind of a jerk that Mattheus must be!” Barbara got more agitated as she went on. “It’s unbelievable that even after she was found dead, he hasn’t even come here once! So, it’s not true they’re doing all they can.” Her face flushed with exasperation.
Cindy picked up Barbara’s agitation and tried to calm down. She thought of the years of his life Mattheus had spent searching for Shelly’s killer, doing all he possibly could. It was such a danger to generalize about others without knowing all the facts.
“How do you know what other leads Mattheus is following?” Cindy asked crisply.
Barbara smirked. “Defending him now, too?”
Cindy wouldn’t even go there. “How do you know the cops aren’t checking out other leads?”
“Because they’ve pounced on the first suspect they got, Shelly’s boyfriend, Anthony. We heard he’s in custody, locked up.”
“He is” said Cindy.
“Convenient,” Barbara went on, “But Shelly and Anthony did well, they were pretty happy most of the time.”
Cindy’s eyebrows arched. “That’s not what I heard.”
“Sure, they fought,” Barbara went on emphatically. “Shelly used to talk to me about it a lot. They weren’t terrible fights though, just the usual kind. And, whatever happened, Anthony never once put her down. That impressed me a lot. I used to point it out to Shelly. If anything, she was the one who was rough on him.”
Cindy thought she’d better calm down and really listen. It was too easy getting caught up in what she believed and not let new information in.
“What kind of things did Shelly and Anthony fight about?” Cindy asked.
Barbara was glad, at last, to be getting her chance to be heard.
“Well,” if you really want to know the truth, it was Shelly who was the jealous one. She couldn’t stand all the attention Anthony got from his fans. He had a big fan club and another one forming. Shelly punished him for it,
yelled about it, threatened to leave if he didn’t stop answering all those women’s emails and calls. She wanted him to stop playing so many concerts, too. Of course he refused.”
Cindy faced Barbara squarely. “I could see how that would be hard for any woman,” she said.
“Sure,” said Barbara,” but that was his job, music was his life.”
“Some guys lead women on,” said Cindy, “they know how to flirt under the radar, invite all the attention they get.”
“Anthony wasn’t like that,” Barbara assured her.
“You knew him personally?” Cindy didn’t like the sound of it.
“We all knew him here,” Barbara said. “He would come all the time to pick up Shelly from work. If she was late, he’d just sit and wait for her patiently. We all thought he was a really special guy.”
Cindy was amazed to see Barbara siding with Anthony now. “Sounds like he sure had a way with the women,” she said. Did Barbara consider Shelly the abusive one? Cindy wondered. This was a lot to digest. Did Shelly ultimately do something that caused her own death?
“So, Shelly was the jealous one?” Cindy probed gently.
“Very,” whispered Barbara, “it was a sore spot of hers.”
“Did she abuse Anthony?” Cindy asked more strongly.
Barbara stopped in her tracks. “Now that’s going too far.“We all loved Shelly, I told you.”
“Yes, of course,” said Cindy, and wondered if Shelly’s jealousy might have had something to do with why she ran away from Mattheus? Did Mattheus make Shelly jealous unwittingly? Was she getting revenge with him for that?
*
Cindy and Barbara walked down the hall then to where a group of about fifteen had gathered to take the tour. A woman dressed in an ivory slacks suit, introduced herself and said she would be leading them through the facilities, floor by floor. As they all started walking, Barbara stayed beside Cindy the whole time, listening along with everyone. The tour leader described what each section was for, all the services offered.
Cindy saw the library where group therapy was conducted, she went to the art studios, gym, classrooms, therapy rooms, meditation space, cafeteria, and then upstairs to the living quarters.
Upstairs, the women each had separate rooms, with extra space for those who had children. Clothes and toys were scattered around. There were private bathrooms and in some cases small kitchens with hot plates. Cindy felt as if she’d slipped through the cracks of one world and entered another. This was a place to hide and be safe from danger, but also a space for growth and healing. It was a place to be trained to live bravely in the world, get a new job, face difficulties and hopefully begin all over again.
When the tour was over Cindy felt exhausted.
“Let’s go have lunch in the cafeteria with the others,” said Barbara, giving Cindy a friendly tap on the shoulder. “I know how exhausting it can be to experience all of this for the first time. After lunch, I’ll introduce you to some women here who knew Shelly well.”
“I’d love to have lunch,” said Cindy. There were tons of people to meet and talk to, all kinds of stories to hear. This was going to be a long day. She had no idea when it would end.
*
Right after lunch, Barbara started to introduce Cindy to some of the residents who were excited that she was here, and eager to speak to her. Cindy became slightly alarmed when she saw one woman after another, come in and line up, waiting for their turn, at a long table nearby.
“So many,” said Cindy, looking down the long line.
“They all knew Shelly and want to help find her killer.”
Cindy nodded.
“Don’t worry about it,” said Barbara. “You won’t get to them all, it’s impossible in one day. But just listen to what the ones you talk to have to say. If someone really strikes you, spend more time with her, or make an appointment to see her later.”
The more Cindy got to know Barbara, the more impressed she was. Barbara was on top of all kinds of details, focused, sensitive to everyone’s needs.
“You do a fabulous job,” said Cindy.
Barbara smiled broadly and her eyes shone. “Thank you. I try hard and that means so much, coming from someone like you.”
“There’s nothing special about me,” said Cindy. “I don’t know half of what you do about domestic violence.”
“But you know plenty
about other things, and you’re sharp,” said Barbara.
“Not only are you sharp, you truly want to help, that’s clear. You’re willing to open your mind and listen. That takes courage, Cindy, don’t forget that.”
“Thank you,” said Cindy surprised.
“I have a feeling you’re going to be the one to catch Shelly’s killer,” Barbara suddenly added.
Cindy was startled.
“And you’ll probably be saving a few other lives in the bargain. Once they start killing, it’s hard to stop.”
Cindy’s whole body clenched. She knew that. It was one of the facts that motivated her most of all. These killers developed a hunger to kill, a taste for it; if they got away with it once, they’d strike again, others would be in danger. Finding one killer could save many lives.
“Thank you,” said Cindy, suddenly overwhelmed.
Barbara caught it. She put her hand on Cindy’s arm. “This can’t be easy,” she said. “I have no idea how you got into this line of work. You must have quite a story of your own.”
Cindy was grateful for the moment of kindness.
“Maybe we can talk about it someday,” said Barbara. “I’d really like that.”
Again, Cindy was touched by the warmth and understanding this young woman was capable of. She was also surprised at how much she wanted to talk to Barbara, tell her what happened to Clint, how she chose this line of work and what it meant to her. Ann was the only other woman Cindy had ever talked to about it. Her opposition hurt Cindy and made her shaky at times. Right now she needed inspiration and support badly.
“I’d love to talk more about it one day,” said Cindy.
“Great,” said Barbara, and then motioned to the first woman who was sitting at the table, waiting to talk.
*
The first woman who came over was in her late thirties, with brown straggly hair, a cut on her face and grey eyes. She couldn’t have been more than a few years older than Cindy.
“This is Heidi,” said Barbara as she sat down on the bench and slid too close to Cindy.
“Hi,” Heidi whispered, looking around.
