by K E Osborn
I look at all the teddy bears and I want one for Indi. Even though she won it for herself. So I pick the pink one with a rainbow on its belly.
“That one,” I say and point to it.
She laughs and looks at me raising an eyebrow. “I thought for sure you would’ve wanted the minion,” she says as the vendor hands me the giant teddy bear.
I smile and take it from him and then hand it straight over to her. She smiles and shakes her head.
“Nope, that’s yours. I won it for you.”
“But it’s mine and I want to give it to you now. I know how much you love pink and rainbows.”
“Really?” she asks and I nod handing it to her.
“Yes really, I love you Indi. You deserve a giant pink and rainbow teddy bear.”
“I love you.”
We walk off to the food court to grab some dinner. I’m starving from spending the last couple of hours being beaten by not only a woman but my girlfriend who my cousin thinks is so tiny she calls her a pixie. If that doesn’t make you feel like less of a man, I don’t know what will. I take the giant teddy from Indi because she looks like she’s having trouble carrying it. It’s big and she’s been holding it for a while now, so I’ll do the right thing and carry it for her. We walk up to the best looking junk food stall and order some ridiculously bad food.
We take a seat on the lawned area and I sit down opening my legs in a V shape and Indi gets the message instantly and sits down in between my legs with her back against my front. She leans into me as we both eat the greasy carnival food.
“Are you having fun?” I ask through a mouthful of food.
“M-hmm,” she murmurs back and turns her head kissing my cheek. “Hardly any clowns at all,” she says and I chuckle. Suddenly that eerie feeling washes over me and the hairs on my neck stand up. I shudder like someone is walking over my grave, and as I hold onto Indi tightly as unease washes over me.
“I love you,” I whisper in her ear.
She giggles.
“I love you too, you big goof,” she says and then she steps into my sight.
Sasha.
My body tenses as Indi turns her face to look at me, but my eyes are firmly locked onto Sasha. Indi giggles and moves up kissing my lips. I’m distracted slightly and forget for a moment as I kiss Indi and move my hand to her hair holding her to me as my tongue slips into her mouth. Indi giggles into my mouth and then pulls back and as we both look toward the front. Sasha is standing right in front of us like some creepy weirdo girl you see in a horror movie.
My heart races as my throat dries up and all I can think of is this is going to be very, very bad. I grip onto Indi so tightly she makes a squeaking sound and huffs looking up while Sasha, who is looking down at me, is smiling brightly.
“Caleb,” she says and Indi tenses in my grip and looks back at me.
“Hey Sasha,” I say trying to sound like she’s an old friend, not some crazy stalker I fucked once and now can’t get rid of.
Indi looks at me and then back to Sasha and clears her throat.
“This must be the beautiful, Indi, you talk so much about?” Sasha asks and Indi scoots out of my hold and stands up to be at the same level as Sasha. I quickly follow and swallow hard glaring at Sasha wondering what the hell kind of game she’s playing at. “Hi, I’m Sasha,” she says thrusting her hand toward Indi, who looks at me and then takes Sasha’s hand and shakes it.
“And how do you know each other?” Indi asks her voice quiet, almost reserved.
I hate that she sounds so unsure.
“We met at a concert. Sasha is a fan of the music, right Sasha?” I say and she smiles and nods.
“Yeah, that’s right. Hey, remember that time we first made love, Caleb? It was that night before you sent Indi all those incredible roses, right?” Sasha says and time stops still. My heart thrashes in my chest, and I look at Indi feeling my face drain of all its colour while I watch the train wreck of her putting the pieces of the puzzle together in her head. Her breathing is as fast as mine, and I can see it when it finally clicks in her mind.
“As in the other night when we almost…and I got called into work? You went home, and called Sasha over and fucked her instead?” she asks quietly as tears fill her eyes.
“It’s not like that! Indi, I swear I was—”
“Then how was it, Caleb?” she yells as the tears fall from her eyes down her cheeks and she wipes at them quickly.
My whole body tenses, I hate seeing her angry, but more than that I hate seeing her upset. I glance over at Sasha and I want to slap that stupid smile right off her face, but I’ll deal with her later. I look back at Indi and take her shoulders in my hands, but she flinches out from my grip.
“Don’t you dare touch me!”
I exhale and try to gather myself so I don’t end up in tears myself.
“Indi, I swear, I didn’t know what I was doing. After I left your place—”
“Save it, Caleb! I don’t care if you were drunk, high or possessed by the devil. You said you loved me and I thought that meant something. All this time have you been fucking her behind my back?” Indi asks anger rife in her voice.
“Yes,” Sasha says and Indi groans in frustration and slaps me hard across my face.
I furrow my brows and shake my head.
“No! Indi, no! I haven’t,” I say and she scrunches her face up and tries to hold back a sob as I glare at Sasha.
“Sasha is stalking me. She wanted me to be with her behind your back, but I wouldn’t. Once we agreed to be together, I haven’t been with anyone but you—”
“You’re a liar! I should have never trusted you, Caleb,” she says and then sobs so hard it makes my stomach hurt. I move forward to embrace her, but she slaps my hands away and stumbles on the spot.
“You do not get to touch me…ever again. Have your slut. I don’t want anything to do with you,” she says and proceeds to walk off.
“Indi! Indi wait,” I call out and start to follow her.
“You do not get to follow me. Get out of my life,” she says pushing me and I stumble backward as she cries so hard it makes my chest hurt. My heart is racing at a feverish pace at the thought of losing her, and the anger I have bubbling away under the surface is starting to rear its ugly head.
“Caleb, let her go. She’s hurt and angry,” Sasha says.
I turn to face her, tears brimming in my eyes as I struggle for breath.
“I’m hurt and fucking angry!” I yell and Sasha winces and places her hand on my shoulder as a tear rushes down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away and swallow hard as I look back in the direction where Indi rushed off and I can’t see her at all.
Panic rips through me. It feels like all the walls are closing in on me even though I’m out in the open. A clap of thunder snaps above me and it brings me back to the present.
“Fuck! Sasha, what have you done?” I yell in her face.
“Set you free, Caleb—”
“To be with you? Is that it?” I ask as I run my hands through my hair and try to control my erratic breathing.
“Yes, I love you,” she says and I turn to face her, my eyes open wide and my mouth even wider.
“What the fuck?” I say in shock and she moves in close to me taking my head in her hands. I flinch away from her and scowl. She takes a step back, and I feel like I want to rip her throat out.
“You love me? Love? You have met me what, like three times?” I yell and she scoffs and flinches at my words.
“Don’t belittle my feelings just because you’re scared you feel the same,” she says and I shake my head and close my eyes. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. This bitch is literally crazy.
Trust me to pick the craziest girl at the after-party.
“Sasha, you’re delusional. There is nothing between us. You ruined my relationship with the only woman I will ever love. If that is broken because of you, I will never forgive you. Fuck it, I’ll never forgive you anyway! The look in Indi’s ey
es. Fuck! I hate you, Sasha, I could never be with anyone like you. You’re crazy. Just stay the fuck away from me and from Indi, and if you don’t, I will call the police and obtain a restraining order against you. Don’t push me, Sasha, ‘cause if I’ve lost Indi because of you, you will pay. Now leave me the fuck alone!” I say while bending down to pick up Indi’s bear. As I walk past Sasha, I bump her shoulder with mine forcefully, making her stumble on the spot as she looks at me with tears in her eyes.
I don’t look back as another clap of thunder roars above me. I pull out my mobile and try to call the love of my life, my sweet Indi.
My heart is thumping so fast I can’t breathe. My eyes are blurred from all the tears, and I can’t see where I’m going as my head is pounding so forcefully I feel sick. The music is taunting me with its upbeat, cheerful sound. It’s making my head spin, as I stumble trying my hardest to catch my breath. I’m walking into people and things as I’m disorientated. I have no idea where I am, other than I’m at the funfair and Caleb cheated on me with that woman.
I feel like my world has come full circle.
Everything is overwhelming me, as I sob uncontrollably. I bring my hands up to my ears to stop the music from infiltrating my head, making it pound even harder, but nothing I do is making the pain or panic go away. My chest is tightening so tight, I feel like I might be having a heart attack as I clutch at my chest for dear life. I can’t see, and all I can hear are people laughing and the music blaring and all of it is making me feel nauseous. I can’t take it anymore. The lights, the noise, the pain, the disorientation, it’s all too much. I need to get out of here.
I cry out loud and start to run. I don’t know where I’m going. I can’t remember the way out, but I keep bumping into people and they’re all looking at me like I’m a freak.
I am a freak.
I must be.
Caleb can’t be faithful to me…ever, so therefore I can’t be worthy of it. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. I knew I shouldn’t have believed him.
Why would nothing have happened with Maddie after school?
I saw him with his dick out, you don’t need much more proof than that.
I’m so stupid!
How could I have ever thought that we would work? I knew he was a serial womanizer, and I knew he wanted the rock star life. How could I have ever thought I would be enough for him? I sob hard as I finally find the exit and stumble out of it to search for my car. Luckily, I have the keys. Caleb can find his own way home, the lying, cheating, scum sucking arsehole!
I pull open my car door and sit down in the driver’s seat and cry into my hands. I can’t believe this is happening. I thought we were happy. I felt in the few days we’d been together that everything was perfect. Everything felt so right that there was no way I could see it going wrong.
I love him.
I’m so undeniably in love with him.
He’s broken my heart so irreparably, that I don’t think I could ever love someone this way again. Will I get into another relationship? I don’t know. Maybe. But will I ever love as deeply as I love Caleb, right now? Never! I can never love like this again. Because right now I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I’m under the waves and instead of holding me up like he promised he would, he’s the one holding me under forcing me to suffocate. He’s the reason I’m dying inside, and he is the reason my heart won’t survive this.
I sob harder into my hands when my phone starts to ring in my pocket. It scares me and I jump pulling it out to look at the screen. My eyes are blurred and I can’t see, so I wipe them and squint to see Caleb’s name. Anger surges through me and it bubbles up until I can’t take it anymore. I throw the phone over the other side of the car and grab hold of the steering wheel as tight as I can and shake it violently, moaning and letting out all my pent up frustration. I’m hurting, badly. And even this little bit of stress relief isn’t helping. Crying, I grip onto the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. Then when I’ve vocalised my emotion, I bring my forehead down on the steering wheel and sob gradually letting my grip ease and letting the floodgates open even further.
He has destroyed me. I was so hesitant getting into this relationship with him. I was so confused. I wanted him, but I knew what he was like. This was inevitably the outcome, and I should have listened to my gut rather than my heart. Now my heart is dead, and I only have myself to blame. I continue to cry into the steering wheel. I’m so lost right now, and all I can think of is that my world is crashing down around me and nothing can fix this hole that’s burning larger in my heart. Not a thing can repair the damage Caleb McCormack-Slade has caused me, yet again.
Bang, bang, bang.
I jump in the seat as I look up and out of my car window to see Caleb knocking on my window impatiently. I screw up my face and he frowns and shakes his head.
“Indi, please, just let me explain,” he yells through the window.
“There’s nothing to explain, Caleb. Leave me alone,” I scream and start the car.
A look of panic washes over his face as he moves his hand to the door handle and tries to open the door. But I locked it when I got in. He pulls at it in frustration and I start to cry as he groans and rests his forehead against the window.
“Indi, listen, please. I slept with her, yes, but—”
“That’s all I needed to know. Goodbye, Caleb,” I say as I start to drive off, but a car is coming in blocking my exit.
“No, Indi, wait. God damn, will you just listen?”
“No, fuck off, Caleb. Don’t call me and don’t come to my house or I’ll have you arrested. I swear to God, leave me alone or I’ll never talk to you again,” I say and his eyes widen and his scrunched face softens slightly.
“So, you will talk to me again then?” he asks and I mentally slap my forehead for saying that.
“If you leave me alone,” I reply just wanting to get rid of him.
“Okay, I’ll give you time. But please, give me the chance to explain. Indi, I love you,” he says and the sound of him saying those three little words rips a pain right through my chest so fierce, it makes me gasp and I start to cry hard. The other car finally leaves and I look up at Caleb through tear soaked eyelashes.
“Move,” I say forcefully and he slumps his body and steps back from the car.
I pull out of the parking spot and look into the rearview mirror to see him watch me as I drive away. I cry slowly as my heart is pounding so hard I feel lightheaded. I hate this feeling. I just drove off and left Caleb behind, for the last time. I can’t keep doing this to myself. He will never change, and no matter what excuse he has it won’t be good enough.
I drive fast and hope to God that he isn’t there when I get home. Although, that seems somewhat impossible seeing as he has no car to drive back from the funfair. I pull my car into my usual parking spot and wipe my cheeks. I look into the mirror of my car and see a face of the girl I recognise from six years ago. The broken hearted insecure girl, who loved Caleb with everything she had and he let her down.
I can’t believe I let this happen again.
Exiting the car, I walk up to my door and proceed inside. My quiet, small, cold, empty house. It felt so different when Caleb was here. It felt like I was a part of something. Like I had someone I could turn to, but here I am again, alone and lost. Just like I have been for the last six years. I’m back to square one, and I hate this feeling. I wrap my arms around my body and placing my keys on the buffet as I hear another clap of thunder followed by the sudden downpour of rain that often follows.
I hope Caleb’s not caught in the rain.
Then I quickly dismiss that thought and secretly hope that he is.
The cheating lying bastard!
I decide that I’ve had enough of today, so I make my way to my bedroom and pull on a pair of my comfiest pyjamas and get into bed, while trying to forget I ever met Caleb McCormack-Slade.
I wake slowly to the sound of my phone vibrating. It’s probably Caleb. To my
surprise, he didn’t come over last night or try to call me. He gave me the space I wanted and needed, which I was so grateful for. I turn over to look at the screen of my phone to see Kenzi calling. I furrow my brows as I stare at the time and swipe to answer the call.
She never calls this early.
“Kenzi?” I murmur through my still sleep-induced coma.
“Indi, are you okay?” she asks and I rub my eyes wondering what she means.
“Yeah, what do you mean?”
“I mean about the news? Did you know they were going to tell your story?” she asks and suddenly I’m wide awake.
“What are you talking about?” I ask as I sit up in bed.
“Oh, you don’t know?”
“Kenzi, talk to me,” I say and she goes quiet for a second. “Kenzi!” I speak more forcefully and she exhales.
“Your parents’ story is in the news. That, and your recent relationship with Caleb and how you broke his heart. They’re saying that you guys had a really long history together and that you broke it off with him, and he’s trying to put his life back together. They say it’s only going to do good things for his career, Indi,” she says. I tense up as my body flames red hot and my insides feel like they’re boiling to the point of explosion. I feel violated and completely betrayed.
“I can’t believe he did this!” I say and stand up from the bed walking over to my laptop and opening it up.
“I thought you’d want to know. I know how private you are. I thought it was weird, that you’d let it go to print like this—”
“Well, I obviously didn’t Kenzi!” I yell.
“I know that, geez Indi, don’t take it out on me. I know you’re angry. Do you want me to come around?” she asks as the anger subsides and pain is creeping into every crevice of my being. I pull up the news website and see my photo and Caleb’s with the headline, ‘Seems a nurse can’t heal a broken heart.’
My bottom lip starts to tremble, as I scroll down and see a picture of my parents.
How did they find that?
