by K E Osborn
“I know I hate that we have to say goodbye and I will see you perform and then that’s it, you’re off for six months, being the Rock God you were always meant to be.”
“I’ll come back for you though,” I say and kiss her head.
“I know.”
“Okay, I have to get dressed, but you can stay naked if you like?”
“Oh my God, you never change.” She pushes me off her and gets up from the bed pulling her robe over her beautiful skin. I smile and make my way to get dressed. I stayed at her place last night so I’ll be saying goodbye to her from here and then going straight from here to the Hyatt hotel to meet the band. Then to the venue to prepare for our first concert. As I get dressed silence falls over the room and I know our fun and cheerful time is passing and the somber and sad moments are coming to be met by my departure. I gather my things and walk out to the kitchen where Indi is pouring herself a glass of water. I can’t help but notice her hand is shaking as she brings the glass to her lips. I walk up behind and wrap my arms around her waist bringing her back to my front.
“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper in her ear softly and she nods quickly and then sniffs.
This is what I’ve been dreading.
The goodbye.
I pull her around to face me and take the glass placing it on the bench and holding onto her tightly.
“You know I’m going to be thinking of you all the time.” She fakes a smile but doesn’t say anything. “I’m going to call you every day and we can Skype and I’ll fly home when we have breaks,” I tell her. She nods as I look into her watering eyes and my heart constricts as my chest tightens and I feel breathless.
“Indi, say something.” I bring my hand up to her face and caress her cheek.
“I love you so much,” she says and I smile and exhale.
“I love you too, baby. That’s the reason why this is going to work, okay?”
She can’t hold back the tears any longer and they flow over her eyelids and down her pink cheeks. She swipes at her tears and I pull her to me encasing her in my arms.
“Hey, I thought we said no tears.”
She starts to really sob. “I’m…sorry…” she tries to say.
I swallow hard as I rest my cheek against the top of her head and cuddle with her.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m going to miss you like crazy too. But this will only prove how strong we are,” I say and she pulls back from me and is gnawing at her bottom lip.
“You promise you’re coming back to me, and won’t get swept up in the rock star lifestyle? You promise you won’t love touring so much you continue on for another six months once this is done?”
“Is that what you’re worried about? That I’m going to leave you behind? I wouldn’t do that, Indi, you’re a part of me and part of my life. I’m coming back, and when I come back, I’m going to marry you whether you say yes or not,” I say and she chuckles through her tears.
“Hold me down and force me to say my vows, hey?”
“If I have to. I’m superb at coercion.”
She smiles and snuggles back into me. “Well rock star, you go and have the time of your life. I’ll be here when you get back, and when you get back, we can start making plans. Real plans,” she says and I pull back from her and look her in the eyes.
“Deal,” I say and then lean in kissing her. It’s like time stands still and if I could press pause for us to be locked in this moment for all the rest of time, I would gladly do so. But I can’t. I need to go and leaving her is going to be the monumentally hardest thing I’m ever going to have to do. I pull back and just breathe as she looks at me knowing what’s coming.
“You have to go.”
I swallow and nod. “Just remember I love you, and I don’t leave the country for hours and hours, technically.”
“Well, I guess you better get going. Don’t want to keep Rob and the band waiting now do we.”
I smile and nod, then lean in kissing her mouth and wrapping myself around her so tightly she couldn’t get away even if she wanted to. She kisses me back with the same vigor and as our tongues intertwine I know that she’ll be here when I get back. I have no doubt that we can do this. We can make it through anything. She slowly pulls back and licks her lips and then bites her bottom one.
I swallow hard as her eyes fill with tears again and I watch as the tears flood and flow onto her cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumbs and lean in kissing her nose.
“I love you, my sweet Indi.”
“I love you, rock star. Now go and show everyone how amazing you are.”
I lean forward kissing her forehead and embrace her tightly not wanting to let her go.
“Go, Caleb, before I can’t let you,” she says through more tears. A lump forms in my throat and I’m getting emotional myself. I don’t want to lose it in front of her because that would make her feel worse. I need to hold myself together.
“Okay, I’ll message you when I’m all settled in, and before I go on stage, and when I get off, and before I go to bed, and—”
“Okay, I get it, just message me when you can. Have fun. Don’t spend all your time worrying about me. You’re on tour, Caleb. Enjoy it!”
I nod and lean in kissing her briefly again. She pulls back and takes my hand grabbing my keys from the bench and walking me to the door. My heart starts to race as we arrive at the front door. I feel like I’m about to walk away from something so amazingly special into something unknown and frightening. But I know she’ll be here and that’s all I care about. I turn to face her again and she smiles at me running her hand up caressing my cheek.
“I’m going to miss this hair,” she says running her fingers up and through my hair which sends a shiver down my spine.
“It will be longer by the time I get back.”
“Well then, it’ll give me more to grab onto won’t it?”
She brings her hand down to my chest over my heart.
“It beats only for you,” I say and she smiles and nods as another tear falls down her cheek.
I wipe it away and lean in kissing her one last time. She kisses me back more forcefully and I get lost in the moment with her again.
Saying goodbye sucks.
We both slowly pull back and she leans past me and opens the door.
“I love you, but you have to go now,” she says and I nod looking into her eyes for the last time and see they’re full of pain. I wish I could take that pain away. I wish I didn’t have to leave her behind. I wish she wasn’t stubborn and would just come with me, but this is the way things have to be. So for now I have to say goodbye.
“I love you. Just remember, when I rub my thumb over my bottom lip—”
“You’re thinking of me,” she finishes and I smile and nod rubbing my thumb over my bottom lip.
She gnaws on hers and her tears are flowing freely now as I lean in kissing her forehead and turn to walk out the door. As I step out of her house, I feel cold and suddenly like a part of me is missing. I turn back to face her and she fakes a smile but quickly closes the door. I swallow hard and nod knowing she needed me to be gone because it was getting too hard for her. I stand on her front step with my heart thudding in my chest wanting to go back in and make love to her one last time, or just to kiss her again, but I can’t. I really need to go. My stomach is twisting and I feel a little out of breath as my chest tightens, then I hear it. Indi sobbing. The sound tears at my heart like the claws of a bear stripping away any calmness I’d previously felt. On hearing her sobbing, I can’t contain my own despair of not seeing her for six months and my eyes fill with tears and my bottom lip trembles as the saltwater flows freely down my cheeks. I wipe away the hot tears when I realise I haven’t even called for the taxi to take me home. I decide I’m already late as it is, and I need to let go of this emotion. So I gather myself and start the walk back to my home to pick up my baggage and head to the hotel minus the love of my life.
I’ve met the guys from the other backing
band Recoil. They seem friendly enough. Danger is the lead singer and even though he seems like the ‘typical’ lead singer, completely up himself, he has some great ideas about music and their sound is strong. They’re not as good as Staked or Slayed, but still more than just your average backing band. I watched him flirt with Ella while Chad was watching. Chad then told me that Danger seemed like a real dickhead, so I think maybe there might be some drama headed for this tour where Chad, Danger, and Ella are concerned. Hopefully, it will all blow over, last thing we need is drama on our first tour.
Everyone is pumped. After leaving Indi I was pretty down, and it only got worse because knowing she was going to be here tonight in the crowd brought me excitement, but she messaged and said that there was an emergency at work and couldn’t make it. I was shattered. Not only did I have to leave her for six months but the last hope of being near her for tonight was gone too. But once I got to the band, and after they had yelled at me for being late, we got into the swing of things. I’ve messaged Indi a couple of times just to see how she’s doing. After hearing her break down after I left and then when she told me she couldn’t come tonight, it broke my heart. I know when I left she was trying to keep a brave face for me, but leaving her was hard for me and I guess me leaving was just as hard for her. I will be distracted by the music all the time, whereas she’ll have a life as normal, but without me in it. I hate that I’ve left her and that no one is going to be there for her other than Kenzi, but at least she has her I suppose.
I’m on the side of the stage. Recoil are nearly finished their set and it’s about ten to eight. I’m nervous. It’s Wembley-fucking-stadium for crying out loud!
The other band members are here and we’re all doing our pre-show warm-ups. I’m shaking it out ‘cause the nervous tension in my body right now is making me shiver all over. I don’t get nervous often, but tonight I’m particularly nervous and I need something to pick me up. I just don’t know what. I feel my pocket vibrating so I pull my phone out to see Indi calling. I smile widely as a thrill of excitement flows through me. This is exactly what I needed.
“Indi!” I say and she giggles.
“Yep, it’s me. Hey, it’s loud there. Are you having a good time?” she asks and I smile so wide as my heart pumps faster at the sound of her voice.
“Yeah, having a great time, just wish you we’re here. How come you’re calling? I thought you were at work?”
“I am, but I slipped into the cafeteria to call you. I just wanted to wish you good luck on stage at your first show. I couldn’t let you go up there without sending you my good luck vibes.”
“Well thank you, baby, that means so much to me! Could you get in trouble for calling me though?”
“Yes lots, that’s why I went to the cafeteria. No one will see me here.”
“Well, don’t get in trouble for me. But thank you for calling. I needed to hear your voice, and the good luck vibes are always appreciated.”
“Glad I could be of service, but I better go before they notice I’m gone. Break a leg or whatever it is that they say.”
“Thanks, baby.”
“And Caleb.”
“Yeah?”
“If I could’ve been there I would have, you know that, right?”
“I know, I know. You’re here in spirit, that’s all that matters.”
“Well, knock ‘em dead. Show that Colter Slade what real rock stars are made of,” she says and I laugh out loud.
“I’m going to tell him you said that.”
“He’ll never look at me the same again.”
“I love you, have a good night at work,” I say.
“You too!”
Chad walks up to me maneuvering his drumsticks through his fingers.
“Okay baby, I gotta go. We’re up.”
“Have fun, bye,” she says cheerfully, which makes me feel so much happier than the last time we said goodbye.
“Bye baby,” I say and hang up the phone.
“We gotta have a pep talk, dude,” Chad explains and I smile and walk with him over to Aston.
“Okay guys, let’s get in the huddle,” I call out and Ella is looking out onto the stage where Recoil is playing. I think I see her sigh and Chad huffs, folding his arms over his chest in annoyance. Annie shakes her head at Ella and pulls her by the hand over to me, Chad, and Aston, as we form the circle ready for the pep talk for our first ever world tour concert.
The energy coursing through my veins is electric. And the adrenalin from being on stage and performing at Wembley is like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. The music is flowing through me as the lyrics meld with my atoms, forming a cohesion which ignites my insides into an inferno of harmonious tension. The tension reverberation through me which is making me feel more alive, more vibrant, and more energised than anything I’ve ever felt before. If this is what being high on life is like then I don’t ever want to come down.
Everything feels right, my band is playing perfectly and we’re starting our world tour with our family. It seems like nothing could go wrong right now. Everything feels like this tour is going to run smoothly, and everyone is in a great mood as we come off the stage and are greeted by our parents.
“Great job, son, you did amazing as always,” Dad says leaning in and hugging me.
“Thanks, Dad. Now you have to get out there and show them how it’s really done,” I say as the crowd cheers so loudly I can hardly hear myself talk. He smiles and Colt comes over and slaps me on the shoulder.
“Your stage presence is becoming awesome, Caleb. You’re actually working it so well, you couldn’t tell this was your first massive show. Sure you’ve had big shows, but I know how huge this one was for you. So you did well, you should be proud of yourself!” Colt says and I give him a nod.
“Thanks, Colt, that means a lot,” I say and he winks at me and walks over to Lia. I smile at Dad and he walks off and over to Johnny getting ready for his performance. I pull out my phone, I know Indi is still at work and probably won’t answer me, but I need to send her a message and let her know how amazing it was. I head toward the Staked green room as I type on my phone.
Me: OMG Indi. That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever done. I can’t believe the rush I just felt. I hope in six months’ time on my final concert of the tour it still feels this thrilling. Hope you’re having a good night at work. xo
I hit send and walk into the green room to see Chad talking to Ella and she’s laughing at something he’s saying. I have no idea where Annie and Aston are, but I’m sure they’re around somewhere. I sit down on the plush white sofa and relax back into it just reveling in the atmosphere. When my phone beeps. I look down to see a text message from Indi.
Indi: I’m so happy you had a great time. I wish I could have seen it. I bet you were on fire, and I bet by the end of it, you will still love it just as much. Music floods your veins and I doubt you’ll ever get sick of it. Work is boring, no one is sick tonight. So I’m able to sneak out more, hence this text. Are you going to an after-party now?
I smile and type out a reply.
Me: No, the after-party is later when Slayed is finished. They’re just going on now. Everyone seems pretty chilled though, so not sure there will be much of an after-party. I haven’t heard what’s been planned, so there may not even be one. lol
I hit send and chuckle to myself at how tame this rock tour is. Most rock tours are full of groupies and wild sex parties, drugs and scandals, and this one is most likely to have us all in bed by midnight every night. My phone beeps as I watch Ella walk out of the room and Chad goes off with her, so I’m left alone.
Indi: What? No after-party? You guys give rock and roll a really bad name, you know that? ;)
I laugh out loud and nod because I know she’s right and hit reply.
Me: We totally do. I’m in the green room sitting on the lounge suite drinking tea and knitting a nana rug that’s how hardcore I am. lol
I hit send and chuckle to mysel
f. A reply comes back almost instantly.
Indi: You’re an idiot. Okay, an emergency is coming in. I have to go but have fun and I’ll call you before I go to bed. If you’re still up. xoxo
I don’t bother replying because I know she’ll be gone. I put my phone away and look around the empty room and decide to go to the side of the stage and watch my dad perform for a while. I did learn everything from him, so I should show him some respect and support and watch him rock out. Although Slayed are not as spritely as they once were seeing as they’re all close to their fifties now. I get up and walk back out of the green room and down to the side of the stage where there's a hell of a crowd gathered. All the mums are there. Recoil is there. Chad’s there and they’re all watching Slayed as they perform to the sold out stadium that I just performed for. I stand next to the guys from Recoil, and they’re all moving to the sound of the music. Danger looks at me and smiles like he’s in his element and I grin back. He walks across and stands right next to me, so close we’re touching shoulders.
“So Ella, hey?” he yells into my ear over the music.
I turn and look at him smirking and raise an eyebrow. “Yeah, what about her?” I yell back.
“Is she ready to mingle?” he yells and I furrow my brows and wonder what the hell this guy is on.
“What do you mean?”
“Is she single and ready to mingle?”
“Yeah, she’s single but she’s pretty young, you know?”
He shrugs and licks his lips. “So how young are we talking?” he asks and I get an uneasy feeling.
“She’s seventeen. So not legally an adult yet, if you know what I mean?”
“I know what you mean. I just think she’s sweet like sugar is all.” He laughs as I nod and roll my eyes inadvertently. “So put in a good word for me will ya?”
“Sure thing,” I say. Chad glares at me and I shrug and walk over to him.
