by Wells, Linda
“Mrs. Darcy said every time the baby seemed to drift off they would hit a bump and she would be crying again.” Millie said worriedly. “I have never seen them so silent with each other.”
“Mr. Darcy wished for her to leave Miss Darcy at home.” Adams said in defence of his master. “I heard Mrs. Darcy say that she would stay home herself before she left her child behind. Then I heard him saying that he would never leave home again without Mrs. Darcy.”
“I heard that argument, too. They were not listening to each other.” Mrs. Robbins sighed.
“But why would Mrs. Darcy insist on caring for Miss Rosalie by herself?” Millie asked. “That is what you are for, Mrs. Robbins.”
“I have a feeling that Mr. Darcy is wondering the same thing. I do not know, but Mrs. Darcy can be stubborn as a mule about things when she gets an idea in her head.” Mrs. Robbins sighed.
Adams rolled his eyes. “So can the master. I suggested that we simply stay here for the night and the look I received from Mr. Darcy was scorching. He said he had no intention of extending this journey any further than the three days they were scheduled to travel. I offered to open the luggage and get him a new coat and breeches and he looked at himself and asked what the point of that would be. The man is frustrated. You saw him walking alone outside of the inn.” They looked out of the window and saw the Darcy’s coach ahead of them as they began the next leg of the journey to London. “Two more hours and we will stop for the night.”
“I will be ready to take the baby as soon as we arrive.” Mrs. Robbins murmured.
“We will have some serious work to do as well.” Adams nodded at Millie. “Be prepared for anything.”
“THERE YOU GO.” Stewart brought Julia a cup of lemonade and taking a small sip, she made a face.
“Tart?” He laughed and she joined him.
“Just a little.” She smiled and they stood comfortably together, watching the crowd milling around the theatre lobby. “Mother is lurking.”
“I see her.” He shrugged. “I think that I have grown used to her vigilance. I am relieved to have my sister and Harwick as our chaperones for a while. That is if you would like to keep seeing me.”
“I have not stopped seeing you for the past four months, Mr. Stewart; I think that I can bear to continue the habit.” She looked down when his fingers grazed her hand and she gently touched his in return. “If you feel that you should explore more options …”
“More?” He tilted his head. “Are you tiring of me?”
“No, I … I just have seemed to be taking up all of your time.”
“Is that not the purpose of courtship?” He said softly.
“Are we courting? You never officially asked.” She whispered back.
“You did not want me to, remember? You wanted no expectations. You were afraid of the stories you heard about my behaviour.”
“Was that wrong?” Julia looked up to see his warm smile. “I could not bear a broken heart. Not when I have been so careful with it.”
“Nobody has touched me as you have, Miss Henley.” He took the glass away from her and wrapped her hand around his arm. “What worries you about my behaviour?”
“It is very loyal.”
“And that is worrisome?” He laughed and laid his other hand over hers.
“No.” She laughed. “No it is very admirable.”
“Well then?” He stroked her hand and watched her fingers beneath his. “I cared, but never loved, I needed to learn the difference. I have yet to give my heart away, and you are the only woman who I truly have courted, even if we have not called it that.”
“We have been dancing and to the theatre …”
“And to dinner at our parents’ homes …”
“And taken walks in the gardens. And talked so much.”
“We have not gone to church together … I would like very much to see you in church.” Stewart said quietly. A gong sounded and the crowd began to wend their way back to their seats. Julia looked up to him and he whispered, “I would like to see you in a bridal gown.”
“You would?”
“Will you marry me, Julia? My love?”
“Your love?”
“You are the one who has captured my heart. Do you doubt my feelings?”
“No.” She sighed and smiled into his warm eyes. “Yes.”
“Explain that please.” He laughed.
“No, I do not doubt, and yes, I will marry you.” She laughed and he kissed her hand.
“I thought so.” He sighed and wrapped her arm back around his and led them to the box.
Harwick nudged Laura and she looked closely at her beaming brother and quickly to his blushing companion.“Finally!” She whispered to him.
“Patience, my dear. You were with me.” Harwick said quietly, but took her hand to squeeze. “But it is about time!” They laughed at the oblivious pair.
“Shall we tell your mother?” Stewart asked.
“No, let her speculate a little longer.” Julia leaned on his shoulder and he closed his eyes. “I do not care to provide the entertainment for the crowd, and her reaction would not be silent.”
“No indeed.” He led her to her seat.
She whispered when he sat beside her. “I love you, Daniel.”
“I love you.” He saw Mr. and Mrs. Henley watching them intently, caught his sister and brother laughing, then smiling down at Julia, bent his head to kiss her lips. Mrs. Henley gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth. “I could not resist.” He smiled when Julia blushed. “But I promise to behave now.”
“Must you?”
Stewart chuckled, and raised her hand to his mouth. “Well, at least until the theatre is dark.”
“SHHHH, DEAR, SHHHHH!” Elizabeth rubbed Rosalie’s back while she screamed. Nothing seemed to comfort her. Elizabeth was near tears herself, but she closed her eyes and held the wailing exhausted baby to her breast and softly sang. When Darcy again pounded on the ceiling in frustration, calling to the coachman to keep to a smoother path, then muttered about paying tolls to drive on such impassable roads, Elizabeth cringed. Hearing his irritation and seeing him sitting stiffly and staring at them with his jaw set made her defensive. “I am doing my best, Fitzwilliam. Your unending stares of disapproval are not helping me. I know that you are angry.” She continued in a strained voice, “You made it very clear that you did not want our daughter on this trip. I insisted that she come. I will settle her.” Before he could answer she said bitterly, “I refuse to abandon my child for months at a time in the care of servants like Audrey and Alicia do. I will not ignore and despise my child as my mother did me.” She choked out the last words and looked back to Rosalie. “Please Rosa, please.” She plead; and finally after a very long day, she gave in to the pressure and the tension, and started to cry. “Please.” She sobbed and dropped her head onto the blanket.
“Elizabeth.” Darcy said softly, and she felt him kiss her cheek. She looked up at him through blurry eyes and watched as he removed the baby from her arms. “Come here, dear girl.” He murmured and held Rosalie tight and securely, and stared into her eyes. “Now, what is this all about?” Rosalie hiccoughed and stared at him, then screwed up her face up to cry again and he shook his head. “No, no, love. Enough of this. You have made Mama cry, and that will not do. You have had your time to express yourself and we all know your opinion. Now then, enough.” He bound her tighter to his chest. She cried out and stopped, and at last the contest of wills had a winner. She blinked, and he sang, “Bye baby bunting, Papa’s gone a’hunting, gone to get a rabbit skin to wrap his baby bunting in.”4 Rosalie stared in fascination as he repeated the verse. In the corner of his eye, he saw Elizabeth shakily wipe her face and hug herself. He lessened his grip on the baby slightly then willing himself to maintain his calm voice, began speaking to his daughter seriously.
“What is your advice?” Darcy asked. “I have hurt your mother, and I know not what to do. She said many worrisome things. I pray that it was mor
e frustration from the trip than anger with me. I love you dearly, but you are a challenge to your poor parents. Especially to your beleaguered mother who has taken on the duties of caring for you in ways I never imagined my wife doing. What am I saying? I never imagined anything of the care involved for a baby.” A hand escaped and reached for his mouth, and he kissed it. “Your Aunt Georgiana spent her first year in the nursery. Father visited with her and she brought him happiness, but it certainly was not his position to care for her or feed her constantly. What example have I other than his? My cousins do the same with their own. They describe their encounters with their daughters, and I am hesitant to describe mine with you. We are so unlike everyone and your mother is so unlike every other woman I know.”
Darcy spied Elizabeth wiping her eyes and leaning against the side of the carriage to listen. Rosalie reached for his nose and he bent his head to let her touch it and laughed gently. “It is large, dear, I know. But I will tell you, I love it when your mama kisses me there.” She cooed and he kissed her, then darted another look to Elizabeth and was relieved to see a small smile. “How can we make her happy again? I think that you are as much in her bad graces as I, you know. After all you are the one who chose to cry all day! And how a person as small as you can be so wet all of the time! And nurse so much! My dear, you will be a millstone to carry if you keep growing as you are!” He chuckled as she gurgled and patted his face, then suddenly smiled. “Ahhhh so your plan is to win her back with your charm, is it? I have no charm, what may I do?” He lifted Rosalie to his shoulder and closed his eyes. “I did not mean to hurt her. I hope that she understands that.” Elizabeth touched his face and caressed the hair from his brow. His eyes opened and their gazes met. “What is she doing?”
“Her eyes are closed.” She said softly. “Forgive me, Fitzwilliam.”
“Your opinion is harsh.” He said quietly. “I am sorry that my behaviour inspired it.”
“No, I was feeling so helpless …”
“No love, you were upset before we left, and it is my fault for not explaining myself then, and it was my fault for not intervening more today when you clearly needed me.” He looked at her clasped hands sadly. “I was not staring at you to find fault, Elizabeth. I was marvelling at your self-control. How you have remained so calm and positive during the journey amazes me.”
“It does?” She said softly. “You seemed so disappointed in me.”
“No.” He sighed. “I was very frustrated, and I withdrew into myself.” Darcy knew that she was waiting for more of an explanation. “I was unhappy. I had been looking forward so much to being alone with you. I remembered our honeymoon journey and thought of how I wished to repeat the experience, alone together in the carriage, watching the world go by; and …” Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears, and he drew a sharp breath when he saw her handkerchief rise to her mouth, and rushed through the rest of his confession. “I was unhappy that you absolutely refused to let the servants perform their duties. You are Elizabeth Darcy. You are not some shopkeeper’s wife travelling by stagecoach. You have people who are employed to make your … our life easier. I was unhappy that you seemed to be trying to make a point about yourself that was unnecessary to do.” He heard her sniff and stared out of the window so that he could finish. “And lastly, I … I was afraid that you were rejecting me. It was so lonely sitting next to you but feeling that I was unwelcome. I think that I welcomed you pouring out all of your feelings in a barrage of angry words more than being treated to your silence.”
“So I did.” Elizabeth whispered and reached to turn his face back to hers and saw the tears pricking at his eyes. “Fitzwilliam, am I a horrible mother for wishing we had more time alone before we had children?”
“If you are than I am a horrible father.” Carefully slipping one hand off of Rosalie, he reached out for Elizabeth’s and entwined their fingers. “That is why I wished for her to stay at Pemberley. You have had no chance to rest since her birth. Most new mothers of our station travel and enjoy their recovery. With your feeding duties, you are always at work. I was not wishing to abandon our daughter; I wanted to … be with you. I wanted to see you relax. Sometimes I am not very talented at understanding other people’s emotions. I did not consider your feelings from your childhood. I simply wished to give you time away.”
“But you would have missed her terribly, and been so frightened if something happened and we could not get to her immediately.”
“I know, and I would have regretted you losing the closeness you share by feeding her. And I would have missed her as well.” He raised her hand to his lips. “I am so sorry. What should I have done? What were you wishing for under that calm façade?”
She shook her head at his description. “Before we left and we were disagreeing about taking Rosalie, you should have told me to stop acting less like a child and more like the mistress of Pemberley. And I should have reassured you that I love you more than any person in the world and need you deeply.” Elizabeth kissed his hand and was relieved to see his little smile. “I did not understand your desire to be alone with me until you pointed it out. I am afraid that spending so much time caring for Rosalie has made me blind to many things. And one is that I need not be so independent.”
“No. I am here, as is all of our staff.”
“Fitzwilliam, it is not your position to care for our child. No man does such things.”
He looked at the baby sleeping on his shoulder and raised his brow. “I am not suggesting that I do the work of Mrs. Robbins or the nursery maids, Elizabeth. And I do not want you to do them either.” He looked at her seriously. “We are privileged to live as we do. Do you know what this reminds me of now? When you first came to Pemberley and felt that you had to prove to Mrs. Reynolds and the staff that you were good enough to be mistress. You worked so hard when you really did not have to. I think that this new position of mother has roused you the same way.” Elizabeth watched him and thought over his observation, then carefully rising, she moved to sit on his other side, and leaning against his chest, wrapped her arms around his waist. Darcy sighed and placed his arm around her shoulder.
“I think that you are correct.” She finally whispered. “Although learning my position as mistress was very important and has earned me the respect of the staff, in this case, I was trying to prove that I could cope with everything since I insisted that she come with us. I feel like such a fool.”
“I am just as foolish. I should have spoken.” He drew a breath and plunged on. “Dearest, would you be willing to let Mrs. Robbins look after her in the other coach when we continue our travel? We stop often enough you could still feed her …” He looked into her eyes. “We need our time alone. We are no good to anyone if we are so tense with each other. Perhaps Rosalie sensed that somehow.”
“She certainly responded differently to you.” Elizabeth said sadly. “She only screamed for me.”
“Dearest she screamed for me most of the journey, too.” He kissed her forehead. “I think that she was just ready to give in, and a new voice gained her attention long enough to let her quiet and calm.”
“Thank you.” She closed her eyes and he tightened his embrace. “It is very close in here. That probably did not help her disposition. It is warm …”
“And … unpleasant.” He said delicately.
“Perhaps we can purchase a great supply of napkins for her, and … leave the soiled ones behind when we travel?” She suggested tentatively.
“We could take the cost out of her dowry, perhaps?” He said with a little smile.
“Perhaps.” She finally relaxed and smiled. “Aunt and Uncle Gardiner never come to Longbourn with the children.”
“And why is that?” Darcy drew her closer and she settled her face on his shoulder.
“She always said that the trip was to preserve her sanity.” Elizabeth sniffed and laughed. “I never understood that until now, Longbourn was hardly a calm location.”
“But perhaps it was calmer th
an a home full of small demanding children.” He gently kissed her lips when she looked up. “I am so sorry, Elizabeth. I never meant to hurt you.”
“No Fitzwilliam, I am sorry for not turning to you or anyone else for help.” She caressed his face and kissed him. “Perhaps your suggestion for the rest of the trip will make it pleasant for all of us.”
“Too bad we will have Mary and Georgiana with us for the ride home.” He smiled and she sighed. “The carriage was not so confining when it was the two of us alone.”
“No, not at all, it was very cosy. We have two more days; we should make the most of them.” They stared at each other sorrowfully. “I had a terrible vision of you becoming like Papa when you walked away from us at the last inn.”
“I will not become your father Elizabeth, not anymore than you will become your mother. I just needed to …regroup.” He smiled to hear her laugh again. Hugging her tightly to him, they both drew deep breaths.
She watched Rosalie wiggle and they heard her sigh in her sleep. “One reason that I did not wish to leave Rosa at home was because I was afraid that if I did not feed her for a few weeks, my milk would dry up, and I would never have that opportunity again.”
Darcy started to chuckle. Elizabeth pinched him. “Forgive me love, but when have I failed to drink from you since she was born?” He smiled and laughed. “Dearest I would gladly feed from you, any chance I am given.”
“Fitzwilliam!” She cried.
“Say the word and I will right now.” He looked at her with his head cocked and she shook hers, but was smiling at his expression. “Anytime, love.” He said warmly in her ear.
“What would I do without you? Please be assured that you will never lose me. I should not have kept my concerns to myself, it just breeds misunderstanding. I have learned a great deal today.”
“So have I.” He kissed her softly and she melted into him. “Rosalie seems to be comfortable now.”
