She moved to the table beside the bed and touched the Lindsay brooch. Lady Fiona’s words about the marriage of Tess’s parents rushed back to her. She couldn’t help but fear that perhaps her own marriage someday might be an arranged one. Her mother had left the Highlands after the death of her father, and Tess wondered why. What dark secrets did Ravenie Castle hold? She carefully pinned the brooch on the Macpherson wrap and decided that there was no point in tormenting herself with such thoughts now.
The seamstress and her helpers gathered all of their things and bid her goodnight. Lady Fiona had told Tess earlier that she would be sending someone after her as soon as the seamstress was done.
The noise of revelry in the Great Hall was loud when the two women opened the door to depart. She would know almost no one down there. She had been so far removed from crowds for so long. It was almost terrifying to think of being in an assembly of so many people. On top of that, Tess was uncertain even about proper customs and manners at table.
She looked in the mirror again and wondered for an instant if Colin would have anything to do with her, now that he was back among his own people. It would be only natural if he decided to distance himself from her now, but she found herself hoping fervently that he would not.
Tess gathered up her long dark hair and pulled it over one shoulder. Colin knew her. He understood her. There was no pretense between them. She no longer had a home, but when she was with him, she felt a sense of comfort that she wondered might be something akin to belonging. If only he would feel a fraction of what she felt for him.
Nay. Tess knew it was too much to hope.
Blast this foolish nervousness, Colin thought, staring at her door. What had he to be nervous about?
Everything…that’s what.
Drawing a deep breath, he knocked.
She must have been waiting on the other side, for the iron-banded oak door swung open immediately. His breath was caught in his chest again at the sight of her.
In the golden light of dozens of candles spread around the chamber, she looked absolutely stunning. “Are…are you ready?”
“I am. But would you come in first?”
He knew better than to go inside, and he reminded himself now. Colin knew how flimsy his restraint was becoming when he came anywhere near her. Still, he found himself taking a step inside her room. He couldn’t help himself.
“You look so...so…” Before he could finish the sentence, Tess had him by the hand and was closing the door behind him. “…Wonderful. But I do not think…what I mean is…”
Tess released him and backed away.
He was feeling like an abbey schoolboy. She wasn’t looking too steady herself, either, Colin thought, watching her put distance between them.
“I missed you,” he finally got out.
A deep blush colored her face prettily.
“You do look stunning, Tess.” He frowned. “The problem is, I do not know if I care to trust my brothers with escorting you downstairs. I have been trying to—”
“You look wonderful, too,” she interrupted shyly, but Colin didn’t miss the way her eyes traveled the length of him. She took a step toward him, and he tried desperately to fight the urge to reach for her.
“I told my parents that I would...” His words died in his throat as Tess unconsciously tossed her dark mane back over her shoulder. The tartan wrap shifted slightly, revealing the swells of her ivory skin over the top of the dress. He swallowed hard. “I don’t know what my mother was thinking. This won’t do at all.”
“What won’t do?”
“This dress.” Colin walked across the room with every intention of simply adjusting the wrap. But at the next moment, she was in his arms, and he drew her against him. Time hung suspended between them as his gaze caressed her face before settling on her lips. “It just needs...”
His mouth descended and gently brushed against hers. She was so soft, so beautiful.
Looking into his eyes, Tess raised a hesitant hand and touched her own lips before touching his, feeling the texture. The simple gesture made his heart pound in his chest.
Colin couldn’t stop himself from kissing her again. This time, though, all the passion he had in him poured into the contact of their lips.
“This seems so right,” Tess whispered breathlessly when they broke off the kiss. “I’ve wanted you do this for so long.”
As her words registered, Colin’s hands immediately dropped to his sides. Silently cursing himself, he tried to take a step back, but Tess touched his arm, her eyes holding his.
“What is wrong?”
She was like an angel, but with the images running through his head, he felt like Auld Nick himself. He was the only one she knew here—the only one she could rely on. And here he was, ready to take full advantage of that trust. He finally managed to find his voice.
“Nothing,” he said gruffly. “I…I told my parents that I would escort you to the Great Hall.”
“Of course.” She couldn’t hide the note of sadness in her voice. “I am ready.”
“I’ve hurt you.”
She shook her head and tried to turn away, but he took her hand. “Tess—”
“This is all part of this game, isn’t it? The game that you said once that women play. I should not say…say what I feel. Honesty is not allowed. ‘Tis all part of the education that I…that I lack.”
“Nay, Tess. This is about me and how I feel about you. This is about caring for someone so much that you want to do everything right. This is about responsibility and even about protecting your good name.”
“This is all...all…” She shook her head, and tears rolled down her cheeks. “I might lack much in the ways of the world, Colin, but I know when someone does not want me.”
“That is not true. And nothing would give me greater pleasure right now than to show to you how much I want you.” He gently wiped the tears off her face. “But I will not take advantage of you, Tess. I cannot let our attraction for each other move beyond the bounds of reason. There is so much that you need to work through right now. Making peace with your past. Finding your family.”
“You are so noble,” she whispered brokenly. “And I so wicked.”
“You are anything but that. In truth, I am the wicked one for tempting you the way I have. I am truly sorry.” Colin pressed his lips gently to the back of her hand he was still holding. “’Twill never happen again, Tess. I promise you. You need to know that you are safe with me.”
“I do know that,” she replied somberly. Pulling her hand away, she moved toward the door.
CHAPTER 11
As they entered the festive Great Hall, the sounds of music and revelry filled the air. Great fires lit the fireplaces, and food and drink were being carried in by castle workers wearing bright ribbons and followed by ever hopeful dogs. A number of men playing bagpipes marched around the hall, and children from the village danced happily behind them. On every side, laughter and merriment surrounded the latecomers, and no one appeared to even notice their entrance.
Tess glanced at the long tables, filled with men and women of every generation. She saw the Macpherson warriors and sailors they had traveled with sitting among them. At the dais, the laird and his lady were obviously enjoying the festivities. Tess couldn’t help but wonder if Ravenie Castle at one time had been like Benmore. She glanced at the long tables again. And for a moment she saw in her mind’s eye different faces, a different tartan, another clan. A company of rowdy Highlanders sitting around one end of a trestle table with large trenchers of food before them. Their boots heavily stained. Their tartans covered with the dust of their travels.
Tess roused herself from her reverie as she realized a hush had fallen over the Hall. The musicians ceased their playing, and all eyes were upon her. Colin held on to her hand as she nervously tried to take a step back. She glanced down at the dress that had been intended for Lady Fiona. She stared at the Macpherson tartan that covered her shoulders and the Lindsay brooch
that held it in place, and she wondered if the quiet were caused by an outsider wearing their plaid. She had not stopped even to consider the appropriateness of wearing the tartan. Her mind raced to think of what else could cause such a reaction.
“What have I done?” she asked Colin uneasily.
“You have stunned them with your radiance,” Colin whispered reassuringly. “Because of all the stories, I think they were expecting either a wee wild child…or some haughty Lowlander like your mother.”
“But I am neither,” she murmured.
“I know that. And they realize it now, too. In addition, you are wearing a Macpherson tartan to boot. A bonny sight to their tired eyes, I’m thinking.”
“Perhaps I should not…” Tess felt her cheeks catch fire. She tried to pull away. “Maybe I…”
Instead of letting her go, Colin pushed her gently toward the dais. Looking ahead, Tess realized that the laird and lady and their two elder sons were all standing now and waiting.
The Macpherson chieftain came around the table to greet them. “Finally I have the honor of introducing our own faerie to a grateful clan.”
Tess dropped a low curtsy before the laird. “The honor is mine, m’lord.”
Alec Macpherson took her hand, and his blue eyes were approving when he raised Tess up. He turned her to the silent crowd gathered in the Great Hall.
“’Tis my honor…my privilege…to give you the angel to whom we are all indebted for saving young Colin’s life. With great pleasure, I introduce to you, my good clan folk, Theresa Catherine Lindsay, the only daughter of my friend, the late Sir Stephen Lindsay.”
As the laird paused, the room suddenly erupted with cheers. Tess was embarrassed by all the credit she was receiving with no cause. Before she could gather herself together, though, the laird opened his arms and she moved unthinkingly into his embrace. His powerful bear-like arms wrapped around her. In a moment, he released her from the hug but still held her by the shoulders.
“Your father would be very proud to see you tonight, Tess.” He placed a kiss on her brow, and Tess fought the emotions welling up inside of her. There was so much she needed to know about her father, about what had happened to him, about the secrets of Ravenie Castle. When the laird let go of her, she turned and found herself enveloped in Lady Fiona’s arms.
“You look exceptionally beautiful. And you act as nobly as a queen,” she whispered in Tess’s ear. “No more fretting, child. You are ready for your lady mother…whenever ‘tis you meet again.”
The recollection of their kiss wouldn’t leave Tess’s mind. Hours later, she could still feel the tingling sensations on her lips and the pounding of her heart. At the same time, she was angry at herself for this weakness. Colin had told her in so many words that kissing her had been a mistake, that it wouldn’t happen again. So then why was it she couldn’t put it behind her?
Perhaps it would be better if she were to go, she thought, trying to convince herself. Perhaps, with some distance between them, they could both get on with what they had to do.
Tess tossed and turned in the deep feather bed for what seemed like hours. No matter that she was tired, sleep seemed destined to elude her. She finally gave up the struggle and sat up. A full moon had spread its light across the chamber floor like a carpet of blue silk.
Rising, she followed the lunar glow to the window and sat on the window seat. The valley and the endless hills beyond the panes of glass looked so strange and beautiful in the moonlight. As she looked out at the scene, she touched her lips and wondered where Colin was at this moment.
Forcing her thoughts away from him, Tess looked down at the curtain wall that surrounded the castle, and she tried to remember what it was like at Ravenie Castle. She had a vague recollection of a wee lass spending many nights just like this, a blanket around her to keep out the cold as she looked out at the world from her own quiet perch. There were prayers then for battles to be won and for warriors to come home through those hills to the south. The child would even doze occasionally, waking up with a start when her small chin would drop to her chest.
And then there was that night when violence had battered at the walls of Ravenie Castle. That night of tragedy when her life had changed forever. Tess’s past—all the lost memory of her childhood—remained bound to that one night. All the secrets of what took place there still remained trapped within the walls of that castle. And there was mystery about it all that she sensed others knew of but would not voice. She had felt it in Colin’s hesitation. She had heard it in Lady Fiona’s tone tonight. She had certainly sensed it in the Macpherson laird’s protective embrace.
The tragedy of what occurred had forced her to forget so much. But for Tess to remember again and move on with her life, she knew she needed to go back. She had to go to the place she’d once called home. She needed to see it through the eyes of the person that she had now become. She had no choice but to go and face the nightmare that has been haunting her.
And she needed to do all of this before she saw her mother again. Whatever was left of Ravenie, Tess knew that the secret to her life lay buried there.
“But you only arrived here yesterday.”
Tess looked into the water running clear beneath the arches of the stone bridge. The neat little village on the bank of the Spey had been bustling with activity. Three healthy looking little boys were wading at the edge of the cold water with fishing lines in their hands.
“It cannot wait, Colin. I have already spoken with your parents about it. ‘Tis all planned. It only makes sense to go now—the day after tomorrow. If I don’t do it now, I might not have a chance again for a long, long time.”
“But ‘tis at least six hours on horseback each way,” he protested. Reaching the end of the bridge, they started up the steep hill toward the castle. “Longer, even, if the rivers are running high.”
“The ride presents no difficulty. ’Tis shorter than the ride here.” Tess asserted. “Besides, your father said that many times messengers went back and forth between the two castles in a single day. The laird has even arranged for a group of Macpherson warriors to escort me. I shall have no problem in making the trip.”
She saw the disappointment in his face. She had not asked him to go. After last night, she did not want to pressure him into spending time with her—or feeling responsible for her. But now she wondered if he was thinking she wanted to run away—to get away from him.
“You are not truly upset that I wish to see Ravenie again, are you?”
“’Tis a matter of timing, Tess.”
“Is it?”
“Aye. You only arrived and there is so much here that I want to show you. I guess I was hoping we could get to know each other without the pressures of necessities…and…”
She looped her arm through his. “I am only going for one day, Colin. And you told me yourself that I need to make peace with the past. In talking to your father and your mother, I learned a great deal about my family. Things I never knew. Things such as how much my own father loved me, and how his service to the king kept him away so much. Lord Alec told me, too, of the arrangement that led to my father’s marriage to my mother. He told me again how unhappy they both were.”
He slowed his steps, and Tess’s voice wavered a little as she continued. “I have heard a great deal, but now I need to go and see it for myself. I must do this, Colin. Just as I need to see my mother, I also need to go to Ravenie and reconcile those memories of my father, of my childhood. I…I need to face the nightmares, too. I have to remember what happened and try to understand why it happened...try to make myself recognize who I really am, and if there is anywhere that I truly belong.”
He stopped abruptly and turned to her. “You belong to…”
The rest of the words did not come. Colin’s chin dropped to his chest for an extended moment. Tess was overwhelmed by the emotions that his action—that his unspoken words—brought forth in her.
She was stunned momentarily to realize that she l
oved him.
“You never again have to worry about where you belong.” He finally looked up at her. His hand reached for hers, and he entwined their fingers.
Tess nodded gratefully but the raw emotions continued to play havoc inside of her. What had he been about to say at first? That she belonged to him? Nay, she thought in confusion. If he felt that way, he wouldn’t let her go so easily. She gently removed her hand from his.
“I need to do this, Colin. I need to go back and see what it was that I left behind. But I also need to know that you understand.”
“I do, Tess. I do.”
Night still held both castle and river valley in the folds of its dark cloak. With the exception of the kitchen workers who’d roused themselves early to serve a morning meal to the warriors leaving for Ravenie Castle, the rest of the household was still sleep.
Seeing that she was not in the Great Hall, Colin took a trencher of food with him and went out across the torch lit courtyard to the stables. He could see the workers were saddling horses and bringing them out to the pen.
The shadows of the yard were deep, but he spotted her easily as she paced back and forth before the stable door, wearing her leather cloak and looking like a night nymph waiting to steal his heart.
Tess, however, was deep in thought and whirled in surprise seeing him. “What are you doing here?”
“That is no way to greet a man who plans to accompany and protect you on a long journey.” He handed the trencher of food to her, and she had no choice but to take it.
“But you are not coming. The laird said that he will have someone—a company of your kin—to accompany me. But I never thought he would ask you.”
“He didn’t.”
“Then why…?”
“I’m responsible for you. You saved my life. I owe you.”
Tess and the Highlander Page 11
