by LJ Swallow
“Dahlia, it's too late!”
His strong hands catch my arms and drag me towards him. Through the tears blurring my vision, I stare in fear. Am I really this well-known that a Nephilim would know my name too?
“Of course you won't help! Are you going to kill me now?”
The guy’s brow knits. “No. Fuck, you don’t… I wish you remembered who I was.”
“Remembered?” I'm don’t listen, focusing my attention on the direction the vampires took Jack.
The guy drops my arms, rubs his face with both hands, and I take my chance, sprinting into the wooded copse.
“They let you go! They have what they came for, don't follow them!” he yells.
He runs towards me and drags me backwards away from the trees, towards the pavement. I battle against his grip, but struggling is pointless. My body sinks in defeat against him. He manoeuvres me to the edge of the path and props me against a tree. I slide onto the grass and watch as the Nephilim returns to the vampire, pulls a stake from his jacket, and pushes the rough wood through its heart. He drags the already disintegrating body beneath a different tree.
I shrink back, waiting, convinced I'm next. He squats down next to me. “I'm really sorry, Dahlia.”
“Just kill me, don't bloody apologise!”
His sapphire blue eyes widen. “No, I wanted to stop this happening. I don't want to hurt you.” He sits, not quite touching me and rubs his face, swearing over and over. “I'm really fucking sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
“Not getting here soon enough.”
What? I rub my stinging eyes. “Jack... is he...?” The guy shakes his head and reaches out to my cheek. “Don't fucking touch me!” I scream.
He withdraws, and I hug my knees, bury my face in my skin, and my salty tears sting the grazes on my legs. The shock wanes into horror at the image of Jack’s blood staining the pavement at the edge of the grass. My body shakes with racking sobs, the reality I need to accept tearing at insides.
Jack's gone.
“You saw him. Is he dead?” I ask.
He nods, mouth twisting. “I don’t think he’ll survive, Jack lost a lot of blood. Fuck. This is my fault.”
I glance at the dark patch of blood on the ground. Oh god, I’m about to throw up. “How? Who are you?”
“I heard about their plans and wanted to help you, but I was too fucking late! I'll help you now. I’ll do everything I can to make sure you’re okay.”
This is insane. I struggle to my feet, legs shaking and turn back to the direction they took Jack. The world turns upside down and the grass beneath the tree hits my face as I collapse again.
Then the strangest thing happens, confirming the surreality of the situation. The guy pulls me towards him, wraps his arms around me, and holds me as if trying to hold inside the anguish pouring out.
Part II
23
NOVEMBER 2011
DAHLIA
The library is my sanctuary; Keir always knows he can find me here. The neon strip lights hide the time of day so I can sit in perpetual brightness and let the days pass into night without acknowledging them. The snow falls, and I’m pulled back to my painful memories of last year. Over a year ago, Jack died, and I’m still here with Keir, stuck in a twilight world between humans and demons.
The first couple of months with Keir were a blur of hotel rooms and him keeping me alive as my grief snatched my determination to survive. I took a long time to trust him and couldn’t comprehend why a Nephilim was helping me. Keir told me he knew me before Jack died, but wouldn’t explain why I don’t remember him, claiming I’d blanked the trauma of the time from my mind.
Almost three months later, he told me the whole story, including the memories I’d lost. I raged at Keir, hated him, blamed him for Jack’s death, and he sat quietly while I vented my anger at him. We didn’t speak for days, and I attempted to leave him. Keir’s dogged determination to keep me safe won, and I returned. More to the point, I knew I had nobody in the world but the Nephilim who probably saved my life that night.
The truth is the whole mess was triggered by my actions. I fell in love with a human, agreed to kill Alexander, and I succeeded. That success led to Jack’s death. Would things have been different without Keir’s involvement? Probably, but the result would’ve been the same: my death, Jack’s, or both of us.
Whatever happened in the past, we’re a team now, and I trust him with my life. More than once, Keir’s protected me from demons baying for my blood. Now, they no longer try to get past the Nephilim protecting the ex-soul hunter. Gradually my grief turned to anger, and an encompassing need to take revenge on those who ended Jack’s life, and who at the same time tore me apart.
Today I’m not studying textbooks; I’m tracking demons. I channel my life into Keir's cause now. I discover a lot about souls from him, much of which I don't fully understand. Keir is part of a group who rescue trapped souls by killing the demons and releasing them back into the universe. Keir’s activities cause a problem for the Caelestia because each soul this rogue Nephilim releases is one less for a soul hunter to retrieve and hand over to them.
Keir won’t tell me what the Caelestia do with the souls they take, and I’m embarrassed the question never crossed my mind the whole time I worked as a soul hunter. He persuades me that freedom for the souls is better than used to create demons, or trapped in crystals and taken back to the Caelestia to be used for whatever purpose they see fit.
Keir once told me a war was coming that he wants to stop, but I have enough trouble dealing with my own day-to-day life to worry about the future.
I exist for one thing only: revenge. I have no ability to kill demons anymore, but I track them, plan the best time and place of attack, and Keir finishes the job.
Everything went well until Ava appeared. And never disappeared.
Ava is the sixth soul hunter the Caelestia have sent in as many months; the Caelestia relentless in their crusade for his soul the way they were for Alexander’s. This was the point I realised the actions of Keir and his group were part of a bigger picture than I imagined, and the prospect of losing him too is a reality.
Normally Keir dispatches the usually female soul hunters quickly, but not this one. He claims there's something between them, and I tell him he's lost his mind. Worse still, recently Keir admitted he loves Ava, and his words turn my stomach.
For months, life was me and him; my time in the human world settled into a routine, and I was safe. And Keir was safe. The security and predictability of our life together allowed me to deal with the precarious position I’m in after Jack’s death. Neither a soul hunter nor a human, I exist on the fringes, still desperately trying to integrate. My only ally is Keir, and without him, I have no one. One way or another, Ava will take Keir from me, and I hate her for ruining this safe life I have.
If I had the ability, I'd dispose of Ava myself, because I know she will kill him. Keir refuses to listen. I think that's the worst of all of this—when Ava does kill him, I'm powerless to do anything. Instead I watch, bide my time, and when she slips up, I'll be the first to show Keir what she really is.
I sit in the window of my room, curtains open, staring at the white-grey clouds. Snow threatens and so do tears because snow will forever remind me of Jack, along with campus, chocolate, and nachos.
Keir arrives, knocks twice as he always does before walking straight in. He's wrapped up against the oncoming winter night, cheeks reddened and looking every bit the god-like demon-angel he is. He wears his brown leather jacket and jeans, recently grown curls touching his ears. Keir's nothing like I thought he would be; aside from not wanting to kill me, he’s caring, gentle, and committed to his cause. And blind over Ava.
“Where is she?” I ask as he perches on my bed.
“Ava?”
He knows exactly who I mean. “Yeah.”
“She's finishing up and on her way. Besides, I wanted to see you before we hunt.”
“Me?” Something's wrong. “What?”
“Don't stress, I just wanted to check if you were okay with tonight?”
I look down at my hands. “Because you’re hunting vampires?”
“Yes.” Keir's voice is low, and he shuffles across the bed. “I know this could trigger everything about… that night. I’m worried about you.”
I chew the inside of my lip, hard. I no longer allow my mind to torture me with the events of the night part of me died a year ago, but Keir’s right. This is exactly the reminder that can trigger flashbacks and nightmares about Jack. Keir hunting never worries me, but if it’s vampires, I can’t help the hidden fears he won’t return. “How many are there?”
“Not sure. At least two.”
“You think you're okay taking on two?”
“With Ava, yes.”
I stiffen at her name, and I know he sees my fingers curl around the edge of my sleeve. “Dahlia...”
“What?”
“She's helping us.”
“For now. Then what?”
“I trust her. I care for her a lot.”
I turn my head back to the window, knowing the conversation is about to turn in a familiar circle. He loves her. I hate her. She’s not to be trusted; he doesn’t believe me.
“You have a short memory,” I mutter.
“If I honestly thought Ava was a danger, she’d be dead.”
And I honestly don’t believe him.
The door remains open and familiar heavy footsteps head up the hallway towards us. Ava. Always close by.
Keir squeezes my leg. “We'll kill them.”
“Even if you killed every demon you find, it wouldn't be enough.” When Keir's eyes darken, and the familiar muscle twitches in his cheek, I correct my words. He still blames himself for Jack's death.
“I mean it wouldn’t be enough demons dying; I didn’t mean you have to atone for not stopping what happened to Jack.”
Ava appears in the doorway, unmissable with her long, candy pink hair, skinny legs, and motorcycle boots. Her green eyes meet mine briefly, before she shifts her attention to Keir. “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
Sometimes Keir thinks the silence between Ava and me is awkwardness, but we both know the refusal to acknowledge each other is animosity. Now she's figured out I'm the thorn in her side, and not the weak-willed person she originally thought. Ava sensibly doesn't goad me as much. Plus she knows what I mean to Keir and is careful in case her treatment of me upsets him. Ava’s not entirely sure exactly what I do mean to Keir and why. She doesn’t know what connects us; about Jack and my past, and I’m happy to leave her wondering.
We clash. A lot. I have no idea how Keir trusts a girl sent to take his soul. When I was a soul hunter, he left me alone because I had no intention to retrieve his soul. I'm not jealous. I don't want Keir for myself. I now understand Faith a lot better, because there's something familial about Keir and me, as there is between Faith and Jack. Was.
Keir's my one link to Jack, however tenuous. In fact, he's my link to this world. Keir put me back together when Jack died, protects me in a world I’m barely part of. How ironic, two past enemies existing together.
Not as ridiculous as two sworn enemies behaving as if they love each other. Stupid bloody, Ava, blinding him to the truth. So Ava now helps him in his cause and releases souls instead of retrieving them for Darius? Good for her, but this doesn't stop her being the enemy. Ava was sent for Keir’s soul, and there’s no denying the fact. Darius must know what she’s doing by now, and the fact he hasn't sent someone to take Ava back to him makes me very suspicious. Not capturing a soul from a slaughtered demon is more than frowned on, it's punishable. By what, I don't know. Death, hopefully. If Ava is still here, it’s because Darius wants her here, and I’m bloody sure it’s for the same reason—Keir’s soul. Which means Ava could still seduce Keir to his death.
“How are you?” Ava asks, as if I'm an afterthought.
“Same as when I saw you a couple of hours ago. You?”
“Yeah.”
I smile. She's confused by the extra tension and frowns at Keir's hand on my knee. He’s told her our relationship is platonic, but I'm happy to let Ava keep thinking otherwise and keep the complacent traitor on her toes.
“So, no sign of Darius yet?” I ask breezily.
Keir stands and crosses to Ava. “Dahlia...”
“Just asking.” My smile broadens as Ava's face pales, but my snide remark backfires when Keir pulls Ava into a loving hug, kissing her cheek.
The clouds outside still threaten snow. I'm jealous, but not because I want Keir. Because I want Jack.
I browse the internet for news stories to help me correlate the recent attacks and add to a map. The increased frequency concerns me, and I'm trying to figure out a pattern. The vampire coven leader I took out for Darius last year wasn't as key to the operation as the Caelestia thought because the problem appears to be worse, not better.
My phone rings, the noise jolts me back to the here and now, interrupting my careful mapping. I pick up the phone and frown. Ava. She never calls me. My mind makes a hundred leaps in a few seconds and I imagine Keir dead.
“What's going on?” I snap.
“You need to come here. We’ve found Jack and…”
I drop the phone as if the metal burns my skin and stare at it.
She's lying.
No, even she wouldn't be that cruel.
My head reels, hands shaking as I close the laptop. This can't be true, can't be real. If Jack were alive, I'd know. He’s been away over a year; he’s had time to find me. Maybe this person just looks like Jack. I grab the paper pinned to the noticeboard above my desk; the address of the place I sent them to.
This can’t be true.
24
DAHLIA
The journey across the city is a blur of people and traffic, as I swear at my lack of soul hunter speed and strength. Images of Jack I’ve buried for months bubble to the surface, along with emotions I switched off. The address is the worst house on an average suburban street; there’s no car in the driveway and the gardens are overgrown. The front door of the dilapidated house is open, Keir's figure illuminated by the single bulb in the hallway behind. I charge along the cracked pavement and attempt to push past him, relieved finally to reach the place.
“Is it true?” I suck in lungfuls of air, steadying myself on Keir's arm.
He doesn't need to answer, the knitted brow and hard mouth tells me. I try to move past, so I can look for Jack in the rooms of the dark house, but Keir blocks me. “He doesn't want to see you.”
Fought back tears threaten to spill. “No, that's not true. Why would he say that?”
I continue my attempt to move past Keir's solid form, but he's immovable. “Keir!”
He grips my arms and shakes me so I have to look at him. The expression in his glacial eyes chills my blood. “He's not Jack.”
“What?”
There’s pain in Keir’s face, his downturned mouth and deadened expression unusual for him. This is bad. Really bad.
Keir doesn’t let me go and inhales. “He's a demon... a vampire.”
“No!” I yell and slam my hands into his chest as the words hit me, but the reality doesn’t. “I don't believe you! Where is he?”
Keir steps back in surprise, loosening his grip. Taking my chance, I head to the back of the house. Basement. Jack would be in the basement. The dizzy, unreal world I walked into when I entered this house lurches further off balance, and I trip down the stairs. I steady myself on the wall at the bottom, repulsed by the rotten stench in the basement. The black growing across my vision prevents me focusing properly in the dirty room. Ava's pink hair catches my eye; she's looking across the room and I follow her gaze.
Jack.
I don’t allow my brain enough time to register the situation, instead I step dreamlike towards the figure leaning against the wall. “Jack?”
I don't need to ask—I instantly k
now this is him. His hair is longer, clothes dirty, but Jack's wearing the clothes he wore the night he disappeared. The Chaos Ride T-shirt is threadbare, the print barely visible, jeans filthy and torn. There’re dark stains on his clothes, and I don’t want to think what that is.
I can't see his face; I need to see his face.
“Please make her go away.” The voice is hoarse, but it is him.
“No, you don’t mean that. Look at me.”
Jack doesn't, instead he makes a weird, inhuman noise and wraps his hands around his hair. My heart rate picks up further. “Please, Jack, I don’t care what you are, just that you aren’t dead.”
I jump as a hand touches my shoulder. Keir. I shrug him off. I want them to leave. I want to talk to Jack on my own.
“I’m a fucking vampire, Dahlia. A demon. I should be dead.” He talks to the floor, in a monotone.
“I don’t care; you’re Jack.”
Jack’s head snaps up. “No, I’m not. I’ve killed people, Dahlia. What if I kill you?”
His words slap me, and I put a hand to my mouth. Jack's brown eyes are dull, reddened underneath, and his skin... the translucent porcelain matches the skin of the creatures I couldn't kill when they attacked him.
Jack's look shifts to Keir. “It has to end. I shouldn’t be here. I should’ve died last year.”
He can't say this. I don't care what he is now; he's Jack. I manage to stumble back to the stairs on weakened legs. “I stayed for you Jack, gave up everything. You don’t know what it’s been like for me since you… went. If it weren’t for Keir, I don’t know what I’d have done.”
Keir tenses. “If it wasn’t for me, he’d still be alive.”
“No. You did what you could. We weren’t expecting them,” I say.
“Don’t try to be nice about this,” Keir says, not meeting my look.
Jack slumps to the floor and hides his head beneath his folded arms. My heart pushes against my chest, as if it could explode at any moment. He's Jack. My Jack. The rest I can deal with later. I cautiously move closer, kneel down, and reach out to touch him.
