Where the Devil Says Goodnight

by K. A. Merikan

Adam watched Emil’s every move as he put a hard-boiled egg in a cup and used the spoon to crack the shell at the top. There couldn’t have been a more ordinary sight yet Adam’s thoughts ran wild with worry that maybe Emil somehow managed to bewitch Mrs. Janina as well, because why else would her attitude change so suddenly?

  The black clothes causing gossip about his Satanism could have been something he chose on purpose just to have less people around his homestead. But would he burn down his own house? His reaction was surely impossible to feign.

  “It’s just… everything about this day seems out of place,” Adam said, staring at the fresh bread, even though what he wanted was apple. He took one from a fruit basket in the middle of the table and bit in, only to be disappointed by its tartness. He’d expected it to be sweet, like the scent of the one Emil left in his room for Chort.

  “I mean…” Emil lowered his voice and looked over his shoulder. “We’re dealing with evil magic. Maybe Mrs. Luty was possessed by an angel to even things out.”

  Adam kicked Emil under the table, enchanted by the green of his eyes. The depth of their color lured his thoughts away from the figurine hidden under his bed, away from suspicion. Were eyes like that even capable of lying?

  Adam tried to shake off the fuzziness clouding his mind. No matter how desperately he wanted to trust Emil, evidence suggested he shouldn’t take him at face value. It wasn’t impossible that Emil had lied to him, seduced him, and now had inserted himself into Adam’s life for good. Because with the house burned down, Emil would be staying at the parsonage. In the same room as Adam. Like a snake wrapped around Adam.

  The crows, the black goat. The fact that when Emil couldn’t come up with a reason not to leave Dybukowo, the universe had come up with one for him. The way strange things seemed to always happen to Adam when Emil was around. It couldn’t all be coincidental. His grandmother was a Whisperer, and Emil had burned down his own parents’ house.

  Maybe Adam should leave after all? Now that he thought about this morning’s events, Emil’s behavior made less and less sense. The demon had struck again. It had attacked the man Emil claimed to love, yet instead of supporting Adam’s decision to go, Emil persuaded him to stay in the very place where all the problems had started.

  Adam hated his own thoughts but wasn’t this exactly how gaslighting worked? He wouldn’t know the truth until it was too late.

  He would leave. If Emil didn’t want to join him yet, he could go first and call him from the safety of his parents’ home in Warsaw. If Emil was as innocent as he claimed, they could work things out after that.

  “Adam? Are you awake?” Father Marek asked. His shoes made a lot of noise on the old kitchen floor, providing Adam and Emil enough time to pull away from one another.

  “Yes. Is something wrong? I’m sorry I stayed in bed so long.”

  The pastor entered, flushed as if he’d ran the entire length of the churchyard. “It’s fine, but you need to take over confession duty. Mr. Robak’s taken a turn for the worse, and I need to perform the last rites on him.”

  Adam put the apple down and rose. “Of course,” he said, even though he had no intention to waste time in the confessional when his life was falling apart.

  “You start in fifteen minutes.”

  This was good. If Emil thought Adam was busy, he’d find himself something else to do and leave Adam to make up his mind about fleeing Dybukowo in such haste. Making any kind of decision would be much easier away from Emil and his lips. A hare wouldn’t stand still while the wolf explained it wasn’t hungry. It would run. And so would Adam.

  Emil squeezed Adam’s hand as soon as the pastor rushed off. “Do you need me there?”

  Adam smiled despite fear already being a cold presence in his veins. Was this Emil trying to keep tabs on him? “No. Rest. I’ll be back in an hour,” he said, rising before Emil could have gotten the kiss he leaned in for.

  “I might go see the… house later today. I’m dreading it. Would you come with me?”

  Sure. Just slice my heart open.

  “Of course,” Adam lied, even though all his instincts screamed when he looked out the window and saw the pastor drive off in the only vehicle Adam had access to.

  He was trapped, at least until the pastor was back and could lend him the car.

  Glad that he didn’t have to finish breakfast in Emil’s company, he took a quick shower and dressed, plagued by suspicions that tightened around his chest and neck like tentacles about to squeeze the life out of him. The dark shadows of the confessional were his solace, and as he listened to old ladies confessing mundane things and spoke to a man going through marital issues, the discomfort eased gradually.

  As if taking time to consider other people’s problems and daily pains eased some of his own. At least up until a point.

  “It’s terrible business.”

  Adam flinched awake from his own thoughts and peeked through the lattice at Mrs. Dyzma’s wrinkled face. Her features were set now, and her eyes glistened, as if she was done confessing her everyday misdeeds and wanted to talk of something less ordinary. “I’m sorry?”

  “That poor man in Sanok. Killed by rabid crows like our Zofia. My son insisted to walk me here so I wouldn’t be out on my own. He’s such a good boy still,” she said, but Adam’s mind already plunged into a well of mercury, and every time he tried to come up for breath he was pulled back in.

  “A man in Sanok?”

  “Yes a young farmer with two beautiful daughters. We should all pray for his family.”

  Adam’s chest frantically moved up and down, pumping air at a pace that had his head spinning. He had no way of explaining why, but knew who this was about, and despite the horror of this news, he couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry for Piotr.

  And that scared him. Piotr had done terrible things and had remained a hateful human being, but maybe he had been a good partner to his wife and a good father? Those were the things he knew he should have been thinking about, but deep down, a voice told Adam that Piotr would have infected his children with the ideology that made him brutalise Emil all those years ago. That maybe society was better off without this apple that seemed so shiny on the outside yet had a rotten core.

  He provided Mrs. Dyzma with words of comfort but didn’t promise to keep the dead farmer in his prayers.

  Thoughts raced in his head, but Adam didn’t get to consider if the murder was somehow Emil’s doing, because he was familiar with the voice of the next man in line and remembered it all too clearly since they’d spoken just hours ago.

  “Blessed be Jesus Christ.”

  Adam mumbled his answer, sinking deeper into the uncomfortable seat in the middle of the confessional as Koterski went on.

  “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I was reluctant to talk about this to any priest here, where I intend to start a family, but I have a feeling that you will understand. I’ve been tempted, and I am only human, so I gave in.”

  Adam’s heart stilled. Had he and Koterski… done something last night? The thought of a different pair of hands than Emil’s touching his body made him mildly nauseous, as if it were sacrilege, and he didn’t dare look at the man’s face, staying still in the dusky interior of the confessional.

  “You need to be more specific than that,” he said in the end, angry at how faint his voice sounded. At once, the fresh scars on his hands pulsed, as if his blood wanted to leave his body where the skin was thinnest.

  Koterski huffed. “I can be very specific, Father. Emil, that spawn of Satan, coerced me into gay sex. It’s his fault. It happened out of nowhere, as if something unnatural directed me straight to him. I’ve never even thought about things like that before, but I have… impure thoughts about it. I thought that now that I’m married, these urges would pass, but I tell you, Father, that man somehow put a spell on me and lured me into his house.”

  Adam’s ears thudded with the sound of his heartbeat, head light as he tried to cling to the sharp edges of reality,
because otherwise he’d fall and never climb up again.

  This couldn’t be. Couldn’t.

  But as he struggled to rein in emotions that already squeezed hot tears into his eyes, Koterski went on, “I want to bite into him as if he was the crispest fruit.”

  The seat sank under Adam, and he plummeted with it, all the way to the pit of hell where the man he’d put so much trust in would spend an eternity taunting him for his stupidity and naïveté.

  He wasn’t even a real priest anymore, incapable of offering true absolution after what he’d done last night. He was a fraud, but so was Emil.

  Koterski took a deep breath that trembled through the wooden lattice keeping them separated. “And the worst thing is, Father, that while I feel sorry for him now that his house burned down, I also have these dark thoughts. That he deserved it. I try to stay virtuous, but he tainted my thoughts. Every time I wish to see him hurt, I end up regretting it, like I’m trapped in this vicious circle of anger and lust. How can one man be both so vile and so alluring?”

  Adam bit the insides of his cheeks, struggling to control his breath when Koterski gradually revealed a side of Emil Adam hadn’t expected. His infidelity hurt a thousand times more than the fact that he might have put a spell on Adam too, ultimately causing the traumatic possession. Adam was not special, and his company, the summer that had been so life-changing for Adam, meant very little to Emil. He’d been just another conquest. Another notch on the bedpost, appeased by confessions of love and gentle touch.

  “You should stay away from him, then.”

  “I try, Father, I really do, but there’s something evil going on with that man. I find myself waking up at his door some nights ever since I found this weird doll under my bed. I swear he’s behind it!”

  Icicles sank into Adam’s flesh, but he kept his cool as best he could. “We are all responsible for our lives and our relationship with God and others. Try doing something you enjoy whenever those thoughts come back,” Adam said automatically and cringed at how much his own advice infuriated him. No amount of television, Internet, or books could possibly purge his mind of the feelings he harbored for Emil, the first and only man he’d let into his heart and body. Even if Emil had lied, Adam’s feelings for him were true, and that made everything all the more terrible.

  Koterski seemed relieved to get his penance, promised to avoid sin and that was that.

  But it wasn’t, because his confession changed everything.

  Chapter 21 - Emil

  Looking at the charred furniture and what was left of the walls, Emil found it hard to comprehend that he really stood in the place he used to call home. The house where generations of his family had lived and died—turned into ash within hours.

  Even now, among the overpowering stench of smoke, he could smell the herbs Grandma had kept in their home. It would be gone with the first rain.

  Emil couldn’t make himself approach any closer and just watched a whole pack of crows pick at half-burned food. What a metaphor for his miserable life. One side red and juicy, where Adam had kissed, loved, and accepted him, while the other was a mangled, charred mess where he was homeless, unemployed, and in debt for a business venture which had never come to fruition.

  Wind blew through the ruins, taking away some of the dust and uncovering remains of bottles scattered in the ashes. He’d avoided coming here all day despite being painfully aware that ignoring the problem wouldn’t make it go away. It had been easy enough to wait for Adam, but when it became clear the pastor’s absence would keep him busy until late, Emil bit the bullet and went on his own. He had to face the destruction of everything he knew, and couldn’t count on the crutch of company.

  Emil would be enough of a burden for Adam in the upcoming months. He was sure Adam wouldn’t see it that way, but that was the reality if they were honest with each other. Despite the love they shared, Emil would need support, patience, and help. This tragedy would strain their relationship, and Emil could only hope that eventually, they’d rise above it, stronger than ever before.

  Forcing his feet to move, he walked into the debris and breathed in the coal-like scent of calcified wood. The old fireplace was still standing tall in the middle of the devastated remains, but the wooden walls and roof had collapsed around it, taking Emil’s entire life and heritage into the burning pit. The water pumped by the firemen had turned the ashes into mud, which now clung to his boots as he stepped over surviving chunks of the structure, and approached the brick shaft.

  Blackened with soot, it revealed its entire form for the first time since the house had been built—a hidden message from Emil’s ancestors, the great-great grandparents he’d never met.

  He’d expected the stone to be hot after last night’s fire, but when he touched it, the cold he sensed instead stabbed right through his bones. As if the house had stood in ruins for years, the skeleton of a long-forgotten monster. But as he sucked air into his lungs, stiff and on the verge of despair, thoughts of Adam watching him from the bed earlier filled his mind with warmth.

  Their love was a glimmer of hope in the icy reality Emil had to face. A hope for a new beginning somewhere far away from this beautiful place that brought him nothing but misery.

  He swept his gaze over the endless meadows bathed in the glow of the afternoon sun, the dark, dense expanse of the woods covering mountains that stretched all the way to the horizon, and he tried to fight the sense of loss deep in his heart.

  But if he was to choose between the home that never wanted him and a man who made Emil feel like he finally belonged somewhere, the choice was clear. He and Adam would have to make a new home in a place that treated both of them right.

  Turning around, he took in the charred remains of his home. It wasn’t all cinders, and he hoped to scavenge some mementos before leaving forever. Many of the thick beams that used to support the roof appeared solid enough where they emerged from ash, but he was startled to notice a strangely regular shape cut into one of the thick wooden pillars. Stepping over the battered metal box that used to be his cooker, he reached the fallen beam and had a close look at the deep grooves cut into the wood to form a rectangle.

  Without thinking much, he opened his pocket knife and dug the small blade into one of the cuts, applying pressure until the tightly-fitting block budged and fell out, revealing a secret compartment. Emil felt and thought nothing as he saw an elongated shape wrapped in linen tucked inside. The item survived the blaze without even a hint of char. When he reached for it, the weight and form hidden by cloth revealed what it was, but once he removed the covering and held the dagger in both hands, he couldn’t get his head around it having been hidden in the beam all this time. For what purpose? And who put it there in the first place?

  The blade seemed deceptively sharp despite its matte surface. Made of honed bone, it sat in a wooden handle that had a face with sharp features carved into it, and horns making up the cross guard.

  A long lock of hair similar to the one on the figurine he’d burned was tied around the inner sides of the horns, like a decorative strap.

  He shuddered, unable to explain the sudden tightness around his heart. He wasn’t scared. And of what? Of an old knife Grandma must have hidden in the beam years ago? There were some real issues he needed to deal with before he left Dybukowo, so what was the point of worrying about superstition?

  Then again, how could he dismiss the existence of the supernatural when he’d witnessed Adam’s possession, its consequences, and saw things he couldn’t explain? Jinx had run out of the barn unscathed when poor Leia had burned alive. A bison had brought Adam Emil’s wreath, and as romantic as that had been, it was also fucking weird. His grandmother used to dabble in some kind of village sorcery, and now all this was happening to him?

  Maybe if Grandma’s things hadn’t burned, he could find answers to any questions he might have had about the dagger, but it was too late for that.

  Jinx whinnied by a nearby tree, and Emil glanced toward him, on
ly to spot a familiar figure approaching from the direction of the church. Still dressed in the cassock, Adam was taking long, energetic strides, as if he was about to be late to an appointment if he didn’t hurry.

  And despite the smell of char and lost dreams hanging around the ruins like a fog, smiling at Adam was as easy as breathing. Despite all Emil had been through, Adam was the one ray of sunshine still present even as the sun set behind the mountains.

  “You managed to get away after all?” he asked from afar and scrambled out of the rubble.

  Adam’s blond hair was tousled by the wind, his cheeks flushed after the brisk walk, but when Emil was about to close him in his arms for a short, socially-acceptable hug, he evaded the embrace with a quick step back.

  “What are you doing? Just tell me now,” Adam growled, watching Emil while his shoulders remained hunched, as if he were preparing to charge.

  Emil groaned. “Is there a problem? You said you couldn’t come with me, so I walked here myself. There’s no point in avoiding the inevitable.”

  Adam’s lips thinned, and he pressed them together so hard they lost their color, while his face became darker at a rapid pace. “Why was this under my bed? You told me you burned it,” he started out saying, but his voice rose in volume by the time he pulled something out of his pocket and presented it to Emil.

  The red painted eyes of the devil figurine mocked him.

  “Because I did,” Emil said with a frown, only now realizing he was still holding the dagger. “Look what I found in the rubble.”

  Adam’s features became tense, his skin paling as if it might tear from the strain. His nostrils flared when he let out a choked noise. “What the fuck? Why are you doing this?”

  Emil swallowed and took a step back. “Doing what?”

  Adam’s eyes were wild, as if he was desperate to look in every single direction at once. They shone even more brightly when his chest rose and fell in a rapid rhythm. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Be honest for once! You’re gaslighting me even now. The weird noises I heard since I came here, the possession, the fact that you brought me to the Devil’s Rock in the first place—were as fucking accidental as me jogging past your house!”