by Tiana Laveen
She slapped his arm playfully, and it didn’t take long before he was sheathing himself with a freshly opened condom. Raising her long, gorgeous legs high, he placed them around his shoulders and entered her slow and easy. She moaned so helplessly as she gyrated her hips to his thrusts. They both watched him disappear inside of her, pull out, then back in. The flickering of the television tossed shadows and light about the vast room, adding to the vibe. He went impossibly deeper, feeling her, and each second of bliss evolved into a minute, and then another. Stroking her silken bud, he pressed against her form with each plunge until he felt her familiar vibration against his body. She was coming undone, cooing and whispering his name with need.
He reached for her ankle and kissed it while delivering slow, perfectly timed strokes at first, then he hastened the pace. Gripping her thighs hard, he grunted as he erupted, releasing into the condom, her warm, tight walls squeezing his dick. What a welcomed erotic hug born of soft, sweet dreams. A sense of euphoria and a faint feeling rushed to his dome all at once. Collapsing upon her, he breathed hard and heavy, not wanting to move a single muscle. He would just lie there and rest until he was ready for round two. He closed his eyes, growing soft inside of her, but then blinked and came alive when she moved to reach for her phone.
“Hi, I want to order a vegetable pizza,” she said in an overly cheery voice. “Extra onions and peppers, please. Size? Extra-large, just like my man.”
He laughed at her then planted a kiss on her sweet lips.
Chapter Nineteen
What’s the Tea?
“Shit, I forgot to get that yogurt Emily wanted. I’d said I’d get her some next time I came in here.” Cameron begrudgingly doubled back to the dairy aisle, his blue plastic basket in hand at the Gala Fresh Farms grocery store on Saint Mark’s Avenue in Brooklyn. He bent down to check out the assortment of yogurts until he spotted a section of the Greek variety. Emily was going to spend the evening with him, and he’d even talked her into coming down to the club beforehand. His plan was to get her on that stage.
Every fiber of his being begged to display her voice for all to hear. He was certain he’d be met with the utmost resistance. Emily didn’t like singing in front of others and had made that perfectly clear, but she just didn’t know what she was missing out on yet. Emily would blow like a seasoned professional in her shower or while they prepared dinner together some evenings. He enjoyed every second of it, but she didn’t do it as frequently as he’d have liked. He didn’t wish to try and turn her into a star—that wasn’t Emily’s style—but she had a gift now, and he wanted her to show it off, even if only every blue moon.
Here it is. Chobani.
He snatched up the pineapple, coffee, and black cherry flavors and placed them inside his basket before getting a few packs of vegetable straws, his favorite snack.
“Cameron.” He turned in the direction of the voice and his lips kinked up in a smile. He hurried over to the lady, who held onto a shopping cart handle with heavily ringed fingers.
“Mama.” He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. Brooke’s mother was looking a bit thinner than he recalled, and perhaps he was just seeing things, but her dark eyes seemed dull, the brightness gone, as if a window shade had been pulled halfway down upon them. “Great seeing you. How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been hanging in there, Cam,” she said. Her lips bowed in an all-too-familiar comforting smile as she placed a hand on her burnt-orange purse that sat in front of her in the cart. “How have you been, honey?”
“I’m hangin’ in there, too.”
“Last time we spoke I had to tell you that my baby’s killer was still on the run.” She shook her head as if in disbelief. “I was callin’ you in a panic, over and over again. I just needed to talk to you—”
“Excuse me, sorry. Let me get out of your way here.” Cameron scooted out of the path as someone tried to squeeze past them, their cart full of cat litter bags, orange juice, and dog food. “Sorry for interrupting you.”
She smiled sadly at him, lines framing her eyes. “Seems like we switched places. I started out being okay, then everything went downhill. Things got dark.” She ran the tip of her fingernail along her right palm, her gaze drifting briefly to her hand before meeting eyes with him once again. “You, on the other hand, appear at peace.”
“Mama, I didn’t take it well, either. You had to be strong for all of us. We relied on your strength, used it like medicine for the weak. We left you in a terrible position.” He sighed.
“I wanted to be in that position. Being the one people leaned on was therapeutic for me.”
He slid his hands into his pockets. “I was depressed, enraged, missing someone so badly that it hurt just to—” He focused on a pyramid display of graham crackers until the moisture in his eyes dissipated. “It hurt at times to even breathe. I felt like the police dropped the ball and fumbled.” He shrugged. “This guy could do this to someone else. Take someone he didn’t know out of this world with so little regard, all over a dispute with someone else. And he probably doesn’t even remember why he was so upset in the first place. They gotta get him off the streets.”
“I hope they do, sooner rather than later. Someone like that is definitely dangerous. I pray every day, Cameron. Every day. Maybe eventually God will answer my prayers. My fear is, maybe He already has, but it’s the answer I don’t want.”
“I’m trying to keep a level head about it. I’m still upset and think about what happened every day, but I have to try and stay optimistic. You taught me that.” A strange silence swam between them for a few moments. “You said I look at peace. I’m not.”
“I hope you find peace then, Cameron. You look pretty good.” She grinned. “You look at peace. So maybe, despite it all, you’ve found it, in your own little way.”
Flashes of Emily came into his mind, and his heart filled with love. “I wish serenity for you. I know you’re nowhere near that place, but I hope that changes soon. You know, I think about you a lot. I’ve called many times, but it’s hard to talk about sometimes.” He cleared his throat. He missed her, the woman who was supposed to become his mother-in-law, but never did. Never would.
“You can always call me, Cameron.” She reached forward and traced his chin with her fingertips. “We’ll always be family. I don’t care where you may move to, who you might meet and fall in love with.” Her eyes twinkled in an all-knowing way, and chills ran down his spine. “You’ll always be my son.”
His eyes glossed over as he took her into his arms once more, squeezing her tight. When he pulled away from her, she had tears in her eyes.
“I realized I needed to be more like you. Stop being reactionary and stand tall, Mama. I can never fill your shoes, but even though you’re hurting and don’t feel so tough right now, you have a tranquility about you that I’ve always dreamed of having. You handle these sorts of things better than most. I’m convinced of this.”
“I talk a good game, baby.” She chuckled. “But let’s get down to the truth. I had to go see a grief counselor. It proved too much to handle after a while, so I did what I needed to do.”
“Nothin’ wrong with that, Mama. More of us need to see counselors, therapists, ya know?”
“Definitely. It’s like a stigma in the Black community to admit that we need some help. Things had gotten so bad that I was havin’ bad dreams, too.” He nodded in understanding. Lord knew he’d had his fair share of them as well. “Brooke was everything to me, Cameron. After losing her father, who was the love of my life—a brilliant, hardworking man—and then her brother, my amazing son, she was the final blow. The third strike to my heart. The one that almost took me out of here.” She tapped her chest and blinked away the tears. He grasped her hands and squeezed them.
“I don’t think most people could have endured what you have, at least not been able to go through life and still be okay. You’re an inspiration to all of us.”
“Cameron, I asked God.” She sighed and p
aused, clearly needing a moment. “I asked God why He didn’t just take me first, because there are times when I’d rather be dead than wake up another day knowin’ my whole family is gone. My daughter and I were just so close.”
“I know.”
“This is a special kind of pain. It rips out your heart and soul at the exact same time and leaves a black, gaping hole.” Her eyes narrowed. “You cover it with a well-placed smile, a big boom of laughter, or some pleasurable activity like taking a stroll down the street.” Her eyes misted and gleamed, as if she were teetering on the edge of grief-given insanity. “But it never fully closes. It never goes away. I hope neither you nor anyone else I love ever has to experience the death of a child. It’s not supposed to be that way; that’s not the right order. One night, for about five seconds, I seriously considered ending it all. But I’m the strong one, right?” She smiled mirthlessly, shuffled a bit in her purse, then removed a gold pendant shaped like a microphone. “I keep this with me.”
“What is it?”
“It was Brooke’s since she was a teenager. She loved it. She used to wear it on her jacket.” She ran her hand across the shiny gold piece, a proud smile on her face as it caught her reflection. “She’d lost it a long time ago and I found it soon after she passed, jammed in a floorboard of her old bedroom. Was in there tidying up. I had converted that room to a sewing and reading room, but still kept bits of her in there.”
“I keep a little of her with me, too.” Cameron pointed to a small diamond stud earring in his right ear. “It was hers.” She nodded and smiled a bit wider, showing her teeth.
“Looks like we’re both rather sentimental, hmmm? You know,” she rolled the jewelry between her thumb and forefinger, “I wish sometimes I could talk to her one last time, Cameron. Just one more time.” His heart thumped in his chest. “At least she did good, ya know? Not only in life, but in death. Someone got to live their life because of her.” She shrugged. “So her death wasn’t in vain. Speaking of that, a long time ago you asked me to find out who got her heart. You wanted me to get the lady’s name. You ever follow up? I had thought about it but figured she might be a little unnerved about that.”
“I, uh, yeah.” He swallowed, feeling suddenly hot. “I did in fact follow up. Hey…” He looked at the time on his phone. “Let’s sit down and chat for a little while longer somewhere else, if you have a little time to spare. There are some things I think we should probably talk about.”
She looked rightfully confused, her brows bunched.
“Sure, baby, we can talk, but I got perishables and things. I guess I can put ’em back for a while.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. Let’s get the rest of our groceries, finish shopping, and then I can drive you home. Is that cool?”
“That works for me.” She smiled. “I took the train so I appreciate it.”
“Great. Finish up what you’re doing and I’ll meet you in the front of the store in about, say, fifteen minutes. Is that enough time?” He took out his cell phone and noted the time.
“Yes, that’s perfect.”
“All right, great.” In no time at all, the two had purchased their items and he was putting their groceries in his trunk and helping the middle-aged woman into his car. When he turned the engine on, rap music blasted out of the speakers and he immediately turned it off. “Sorry about that.” He chuckled nervously.
“You’re all right.” She giggled. “I might not be able to hear out of my left ear for a week, but I’m okay.”
He laughed at that. Soon, he was navigating traffic with no music in the car, no other distractions, only two souls that had been brought together by one who’d gone on to the great beyond.
“I don’t even know where to start, Mama, but, the name of the woman who has Brooke’s heart is Emily Windsor. Well, you are the one who told me that, but yeah, Emily is White, as you know. She’s in finance, a really interesting person.”
“How do you know that she’s interesting?” He gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I take it then that not only did you speak to her after I gave you the information all that time ago, but you’ve talked to her extensively?” She crossed her hands over her purse that rested on her lap, her brow arched.
“Yes, you could say that, but it didn’t happen exactly that way.” He sighed. “I actually never looked her up, never called her. She, uh, she found me. How do I begin? How do I say this?”
“You’ve known me far too long to beat around the bush. Just tell me whatever it is, Cameron.”
“Okay, Mama. Look.” He tossed up his hand and huffed. “I can’t make this come out any less confusing or crazy. I need you to please try to keep an open mind, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Emily came to my place, told me who she was, and I freaked out. Fast-forward, I got in contact with her and wanted to talk. When we did, she confessed to me that she has, well, been experiencing some changes in her personality since she had the heart transplant.”
She stared straight ahead, then crossed her legs and turned to look at him. “Such as?”
“Well, many things. For one—and this is a big thing, actually—she wasn’t a good singer before the transplant. Now she sounds like a cross between Lisa Stansfield and Helen Terry.” She said nothing. “I’ve heard her sing, okay?” he went on. “Her voice is astounding. You’d think she’d been singing her entire life.”
“Okay, what’s something else she says has changed?”
“Well, she admitted she wasn’t exactly open-minded and progressive. She used to have a conservative viewpoint when it comes to injustice and democracy, so to speak.” He looked in his rearview mirror and quickly switched lanes.
“Why are you playing games with me, Cam?” She gave a hoarse chuckle. Her years of smoking cigarettes, though she’d stopped over ten years ago, still clung to the tone of her voice, giving her a slight rasp. “Just say it. The woman has some racist views.”
He nodded and smiled stiffly.
“Yup. So, now? Not so much. Here are some more examples that blew me away. She also doesn’t eat meat anymore. Her favorite food was literally steak before the surgery. Now, if she smells it, it sometimes makes her nauseated. She likes to wear all sorts of clothing, though her sense of style hasn’t changed per se, just expanded. She said she never liked homemade jewelry. Now she owns a small collection of it and loves it. She buys soy candles, loves dogs now too, and before she wasn’t an animal person at all. Oh, and get this, Opium loves her. He raced up to her like she was Brooke. Now, these new likes and dislikes, who does that sound like?” He shot her a quick glance then turned back toward the road.
“Are you trying to imply that she is becoming like Brooke? That somehow my daughter’s heart being implanted inside of this woman is now creating a whole new person, to some extent?”
He offered no reply. His intention and meaning were clear. He reckoned it was up to her to decide the validity of his words at that point.
“Well, recycling Brooke I suppose would be a better description.” She chuckled and shook her head. “I don’t believe that.”
“All right.” He swallowed down any other explanations he could offer, certain he was now at a crossroads with her. Unable to discuss the matter with his friends or family, quite frankly, Mama was his last hope. That hope was snuffed out like a candle flame.
“Now sure, Cameron, this woman had a life-changing procedure, but I don’t believe that because she has Brooke’s heart, she suddenly went from a racist, animal hatin’, couldn’t-hold-a-note-in-a-bucket, stuck-up princess to a music-loving, international lover, kumbaya, we’re all God’s children, songstress diva who loves a good thrift store sale and Bed Bath & Beyond.”
For a time, the sounds of the city were the only noise he could hear.
“You’re messing with me, aren’t you? Do you believe this is really true?” He approached a red light and looked at her. He could see, at that moment, a glimmer of hope. She wanted to believe.
&nb
sp; “It’s true. I wouldn’t kid you about something like this. I know it sounds wild and I was suspicious, too, Mama, but she told me some things, okay? Things only Brooke would’ve known.” She pulled out a tissue from her purse and blew her nose. “I wasn’t even going to tell you about this, at least not right now, but with us running into each other the way we did today and after what you were sayin’, it was like I was being told to tell you this.”
Mama was unreadable as she reveled in her silence, mulling things over. “At times, it’s like I’m not in control of this narrative. It’s like it’s destiny, and I can either fall in line or miss out on something magnificent. I don’t believe in fairy tales, Mama, but this is genuine. It’s legit. This is actually happening. I have something else to tell you, too, and uh, I hope you’re not angry with me after I do.”
He reached out and took her hand. The skin was slightly loose, incredibly soft, and covered in raised veins.
“I already know.” She took a deep breath. “You’ve been seeing this lady romantically,” she stated dryly, not looking at him. His heart beat faster and wilder.
“How’d you know?”
“Your eyes lit up when you started talking about her. You used to look like that when you were talkin’ about Brooke.” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her blinking back tears. Pulling away, she placed her hand up to her mouth and began to slowly rock back and forth.
“I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you.”
“You haven’t hurt me.” A tear streamed down her face. “I would like to meet her.”
“All right. I can arrange that. Do you want to meet her because you believe me now?”
She shrugged, her full lips puckered out as if she were annoyed. She readjusted herself in her seat. “Not really. Well hell, I don’t know,” she said gruffly. “Here’s the thing, Cameron, something I learned a long time ago. Perception is reality for us. It doesn’t matter what you tell me, or what I tell you; if we don’t understand the core concept, it’ll never be true to us. If we don’t believe in the basic principles, then it can’t resonate within us.” She pointed to her chest. “I’m not going to sit here and tell you what to believe, though, and how you should feel. My daughter was into metaphysics, I believe they call it.” She rolled her eyes. “Brooke wanted to talk about crystals all the time. She wore some, tried to get me to sage the house when I complained to her about things comin’ up missin’ or strange noises.”
