With casual ease, he strolled the rest of the way in, then plopped down in a corner chair. Laura had busied herself packing for tomorrow's flight, methodically folding and situating her clothes.
He watched her in silence for a few moments. “You want to talk about it?"
"No."
Will propped his elbows on the arms of the chair and steepled his hands in front of him. He tapped the pads of his fingers together as he contemplated her.
Should I sit here and say nothing? Should I talk about lighthearted stuff? Should I try to get it out of her? She's in just enough of a feisty mood that I may be able to get her to talk.
"Why do you put black tape over the peephole?"
Laura's hands stilled. “None of your business."
"Are we friends?"
She looked up at him through cautious eyes. “Yes."
"Well, that's good, because in my book friends talk to each other."
"I hardly know you."
"You know me well enough, and you also know we're on a year-long tour together and stuck with each other whether we like it or not. Now,” he firmed his tone. “Talk to me."
Laura straightened from her hunched position. Every muscle in her face clinched into a hard line.
"Oh, no you don't,” he warned. “Don't you dare start putting up walls. Talk to me."
"Fine.” She charged over to the door, yanked the tape off, and faced him. “You want to know why I put this on my door? Because my aunt used to get a kick out of watching me dress and undress. I even found a hole in my wall that she used to look through when I didn't know about it."
Laura stomped over and waved the tape in his face. “And you know why she did it? Other than being a pervert, she said God wanted her to watch over me at all times. Girls did things behind closed doors they weren't supposed to. It was her job to make sure I didn't do them and stayed holy.” She flung the tape in his lap. “To this day I still can't dress or undress without remembering or thinking she's watching me."
Will kept eye contact with her as she loomed above him, nearly ready to explode. He'd known her childhood hadn't been pleasant. His gut told him this was only the beginning.
What do I do? What do I say?
He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her, but felt like she wouldn't let him.
Laura's shoulders slumped then, and she sank down on the edge of the bed. Her defeated posture broke his heart.
"I can't believe I yelled at you.” She gave him a weak smile. “It felt good to let loose a little."
"I bet it did. Thanks for sharing."
She shifted her attention to the windows. “I've arranged to see a counselor in the next city. I'm so tired of carrying my childhood around with me. I want to be a normal woman."
Will pushed out of the chair and knelt in front of her. He slid his arms along the sides of her legs, loosely cradling her. He looked at the side of her face and waited for her to turn back toward him. When she finally did, he whispered, “You are normal. You have some awful stuff to work through, that's all."
He tightened his hold around her legs and scooted closer. She stiffened, clearly uncomfortable with his nearness. He stood and backed away, recalling the article he'd read that morning. Abuse victims needed space. Sometimes physical contact overwhelmed them, put them on edge, brought back bad memories.
"Laura?” He waited, but she didn't lift her face to his. “Have you always dealt with your memories alone?"
She looked up at him then. “My friend, Bizzy, has been there for me."
Will sat beside her on the bed, leaving enough space so as not to crowd her. “Well I know I'm not Bizzy, but I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Please don't ever feel ashamed of your childhood."
Her tensed body relaxed a little. She turned sideways to face him. “I didn't expect Will Burns, rock star, to be you."
He chuckled and turned to face her. Their knees touched as they sat companionably on the bed. “So what did you expect from Will Burns, the rock star?"
Laura shrugged a shoulder. “I don't know. I guess sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll.” She waved her hand toward the door. “Like the rest of the guys."
"Sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, huh? Well, I've definitely had sex.” She blushed at that statement. “But I've always been private about it. Not in the hallways or backstage like the other guys. As far as drugs go?” He flicked his hand in the air. “I've always hated drugs. I have gotten drunk a time or two, though. And the rock n’ roll? Well, hell, that's what I do for a living."
Laura smiled. “I like you Will. You're fun to be around."
He leaned forward and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. It startled her, but she didn't freeze up. “Well, that's good, because I like you, too. Now,” he stood, “time for both of us to go to bed.” He walked to the door. “Sleep well, Laura."
"Good night, Will. Thanks for everything."
He paused in the open doorway, unsure of himself for the first time in his life and scared out of his mind that he'd screw up somehow. “You're welcome. That's what friends are for. See ya tomorrow."
* * * *
Laura studied the oil painting hanging on the wall. A foggy, London scene straight out of the 40's with an old car ambling along and a man dressed in a top hat and coat strolling across the canvas.
"Miss Genny? Doctor Masters will see you now."
Laura glanced from the painting to the receptionist's desk. She took a deep, fortifying breath, then followed the secretary into the doctor's office.
Doctor Masters sat behind his desk, bent over a file scribbling something. The secretary exited the room, quietly clicking the door closed behind her.
"Welcome, Miss Genny. Do come in,” he invited in a British accent.
Laura stepped further into the room. She hadn't expected him to be English, or so young.
He stood and extended his hand. “I'm Bill Masters."
She shook his hand, glad to find it warm and dry. “Laura Genny."
He pointed to some chairs in the corner. “Let's have a seat over there."
Laura followed him to the indicated sitting area. Shelves lined his walls displaying books, certificates, portraits, and knickknacks.
"Would you like to take a minute to browse my shelves?"
Embarrassed that he'd caught her snooping, Laura quickly shook her head and took a seat in one of the leather chairs. He didn't look like her image of a Psychologist-little, balding, and thick glasses. With blond hair, tan skin, and blue eyes, Bill Masters looked like he should model for GQ.
"I don't look much like a doctor, do I?"
She cleared her throat, embarrassed again by his perceptiveness. “I was just thinking that."
Masters chuckled. “My wife says I look like a surfer dude."
Laura couldn't help but smile at his friendly demeanor and poor attempt at a “surfer dude” accent. He lifted a picture frame off a side table and handed it to her.
"Is this your family?” Laura asked, studying the photo of a stunning dark-haired woman holding a Chinese toddler.
"Yes, my wife, June, and our daughter, Chi Chi."
Laura handed the picture back. “Chi Chi?"
Masters smiled as he settled the frame back on the table. “Her real Chinese name is about a mile long, so we shortened it for ease. We adopted her five years ago."
"Oh.” Laura looked at the picture again. Chi Chi's big, sweet grin sported a missing tooth. “I was adopted, too."
He relaxed back in his chair and crossed his legs. “Tell me about it."
"Well, from what I understand, when my mother got pregnant, my father left. She kept me for a couple of years, then gave me to her older sister to raise."
Have you ever seen your mother or father since then?"
"No."
"Tell me about living with your aunt."
Laura glanced over to the open window in his office. “That's why I'm here, Doctor Masters, to try and figure out how to let go of my childhood, o
r bury the memories, or whatever I need to do to move on in life."
She turned back to him. “I suffer from horrible nightmares and flashbacks. I need to release them. I want to be a normal woman."
Masters nodded. “I'm good at my job, Laura. I'm confident you and I can sort through your past, make sense of it, and put aside the stuff that doesn't matter anymore."
Laura sighed, relieved to hear his determined tone of voice. “That's good. I'm ready. I'm really ready to move on."
"Let's start with your earliest memory,” he said, grabbing a notepad and pen.
She looked toward the window as her mind reeled back through the years. After some moments, she told Masters a vague memory of a blond-haired woman, who Laura assumed to be her mother, combing her hair. She recalled a playful scene in the park on a swing, again with her mother. Then Laura began to describe a house ruled by religion where discipline had been done in the name of God. She detailed Aunt Jane's use of a belt, tree switch, isolation, cleansing rituals with soap, prayer, withholding basic needs of food and water.
Laura spoke for forty-five minutes, pausing at increments to gather her thoughts or respond to questions from the doctor. At the end of her allotted time, a sense of serenity had settled her soul.
Masters clicked his pen closed. “I feel this has been an extremely productive session."
She'd had her reservations about seeking help, hadn't been sure anyone could help her. It didn't feel that way now. “I don't think I've ever talked that much in my whole life."
He chuckled.
"Thank you, doctor. This went better than I expected. I'm glad Will encouraged me to come."
Masters eyes brightened. “Will? As in Will Burns?"
Laura nodded.
"My secretary told me you work for Tourist. We're huge fans. We've got all their CD's at home."
"You going to the concert tonight?"
He perked in his chair. “Oh, yes. We've had tickets for six months."
"Where're you sitting?"
A grin split his face. “Gold circle."
"That's right in front of my area. After the concert, come back to the mixing board. I'll take you backstage to meet the guys."
Masters’ jaw dropped. “Are you serious? June and Chi Chi are not going to believe this."
Laura smiled and glanced at her watch. “I've got to be at the Trans World Dome in thirty minutes.” She'd left Jay in charge of set up.
"Of course."
"I'm on the road full time, and you're here in St. Louis. How are we going to do our counseling sessions? By phone?"
Masters got up and circled around to his desk. “Do you have access to a computer and privacy?"
"Yes. There's a laptop I can take into my hotel room."
"Good. We're going to video conference.” He pulled a box from a drawer and took two small cameras from it. “These will be hooked to both of our computers. At our scheduled time, we'll dial in and have our session."
Laura walked over to his desk and took one of the cameras. “Technology is something else, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is.” He offered her his hand. “Very nice to meet you, Laura. I look forward to seeing you tonight after the concert."
* * * *
Sitting cross-legged on the floor behind the soundboard, Laura spliced a cable, then soldered a new connector. Will watched her perform the task, smiling at her concentrated expression. “How did it go with the therapist?"
She jumped.
"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."
"That's okay.” With her shoulder, she smoothed some flyaway hairs from her face, then went back to her soldering.
He squatted down beside her. The scent of melted copper wafted toward him.
Laura clamped the new connector with a vice. “It went wonderful. I can't begin to describe how light I felt walking out of Dr. Masters’ office."
She seemed relaxed, comfortable, very approachable. Her usual barriers were nowhere around.
Laura set the hot soldering gun aside. “I never realized I'd feel so good after talking.” She smiled slightly. “I hate talking. Or at least I thought I did. Thank you so much for pushing me toward seeing him."
"You're welcome. I'm glad it went so well. How are you two going to meet with him here in St. Louis and you on the road full time?"
"Video conferencing. Technology is something else, isn't it?"
"Hmm.” Her flyaway hair had come back. Will reached forward and smoothed it behind her ear. She didn't flinch or move away. Encouraged, he stroked her earlobe with his thumb. She allowed the physical contact for a few wonderful seconds, then diverted her gaze to his chest. He withdrew his hand.
"Doctor Masters and his family will be at the show tonight. I told them I'd bring them backstage to meet you all.” She glanced up at him, as if suddenly realizing that might be a problem. “Is that okay?"
Will wanted to pull her into his arms and squeeze her. “Of course it's okay."
He couldn't help it. He had to touch her again, feel her warm skin. He stroked some pretend hairs away from her face, then stood. “Well, I'll let you get back to work."
Laura swallowed what Will thought looked like a huge nervous lump and grabbed the wire she'd been working on.
He loved knowing he made her usual controlled self a teensy bit jumpy.
* * * *
Cocking her right ear toward stage, Laura listened closely, then reached with her left hand to adjust the mid-range on the equalization rack. Satisfied with the mix, she took a step back and propped her hip on the stool behind her.
The St. Louis crowd had been subdued all night, no broken barriers, or women fainting, or people sneaking into the restricted areas.
Dr. Masters had stopped by before the show to introduce his family. Little Chi Chi's wide-eyed enthusiasm had been contagious. Laura invited the tiny Chinese girl past the barrier into the technical area, where she'd examined and asked questions about all the lit up buttons and knobs.
Laura had never felt at ease around children, and truthfully, she was scared to death she'd slip up and treat them like Aunt Jane had treated her. But Chi Chi had brought out a warm, nurturing sensation in Laura that left her craving more. What kind of mother would she be?
With a quick glance toward stage, Laura zeroed in on Will, and her stomach did a slow roll. He'd dressed for rock-n-roll in a pair of black leather pants, a black T-shirt, and a black leather jacket that hung to his knees. With his dark, spiky hair and tan skin, he looked very, very sexy.
What if she and Will had a child? Not that they would ever reach that point, but what if? What would that child look like? He/she would be tall, definitely. Would the baby have black hair like him or blonde like her? Maybe his black hair and her green eyes.
Laura switched her attention from Will back to the soundboard. She stretched her fingers across the sliding bars, then transitioned them into the last song of the evening.
Funny, she'd never imagined having children or picturing what they would look like until now. Until meeting Will.
* * * *
"That was incredible!” Dr. Masters shouted over the crowd's noise.
Laura turned from her work, held up a finger to signal him to wait, then responded to a question that came through her headset. With things taken care of for the moment, she stepped over some cables and unlatched the protective gate that surrounded her area.
She motioned his family inside. “Were your seats good?"
"Oh, much better than expected,” June said.
"You ready to go backstage?"
"Yes,” Masters and his wife cheered in unison, then turned and laughed at each other.
Laura smiled down at Chi Chi. “I think your parents are star-struck."
Chi Chi giggled and slipped her fingers inside Laura's hand. She looked down at their connection, marveling at how protective that tiny hand made her feel.
The little girl tugged on her arm until Laura leaned down. “Can I meet Will Burns?” Chi Chi
whispered into her ear.
Of all the things Laura had expected to hear, that was not it. She gave the child a conspiratorial wink, then led the family down the aisle toward the backstage area.
"Hey, Don,” Laura greeted the bodyguard on post.
"Evening, Miss Genny,” he replied, his voice so deep it sounded almost inaudible.
"I'd like to take some friends of mine backstage to meet the guys."
"Sure thing. Still need to pat ‘em down, though."
He quickly frisked Dr. Masters and his wife, then bent to Chi Chi, who broke into a fit of giggles, making everyone, including the bodyguard, laugh. Laura led the family through the backstage hallways. Fans lined the walls, waiting for admittance into the group's private area. Many of the women had dressed provocatively in some feeble attempt to catch the eye of a rock star.
Laura signaled the officer guarding the restricted zone. He unlatched the rope gate to admit them into Tourist's private area where the dressing rooms and lounge were located.
Will's door sat third on the right. Laura tapped on it, then turned to the Masters’ family. “He may still be changing, but we'll try our luck anyway."
"I'm not still changing so your luck is running strong.” Will laid his hand on her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.
The family in front of her wore matching star-struck expressions. She glanced over her shoulder at Will, fresh out of the shower with wet hair. “Will, I'd like to introduce you to Dr. Masters, his wife, June, and their daughter, Chi Chi."
Will kept one hand on Laura's shoulder while he greeted Dr. Masters and his wife, then he squatted down in front of Chi Chi. “Well, well, well, you must be at least five or six."
"Five,” she said, flashing him a toothless smile.
"My niece is just a little older than you."
Chi Chi giggled and wrapped her arms around Dr. Masters’ knee. He reached down and urged her forward. Hesitantly, she stepped out from behind his protective leg and shook the hand Will had extended to her.
Baffled, Laura watched the exchange between the rock star and tiny Chinese girl, the first time she'd seen Will around children. How gentle and at ease he seemed. And he had a niece?
Laura's Secrets Page 7
