by Street, K.
“I appreciate the concern. Really, I do. Nash and I … we just need to work through some stuff.”
Tucker dropped his leg and leaned forward, bracing his forearms on the tops of his thighs. “Fair enough. Whatever happened, just give him some time. He’ll come around.”
“I don’t think so. Not this time.”
“He will.” Tucker stood. “Come here.”
I got to my feet and set the coffee cup on the end table.
He reached for my hand and pulled me into a hug. “Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Then, do what nobody else has ever done for him.”
Curious, I pulled back. “What’s that?”
“Fight for him.”
Tucker’s words struck a chord, and my gut told me it would be the fight of my life.
I rested my cheek on his chest and returned his hug.
As I stood in Tucker’s embrace, I drew strength from my friend.
His chin rested on my head. “Cam’s worried about you.”
“I know.”
“Fix it.”
“I will. I just need a little time.”
He took a step back and placed his hands on my upper arms. “Still need that ride?”
“Yeah. Just let me run a brush through my hair. I’ll be right back.”
As I walked down the hall, there wasn’t an inch of my heart or soul that didn’t ache, and I could only hope that, with time, Nash would forgive me. As much as his words had hurt me, he had every right to be angry. I loved him with every broken piece of me. Yes, he’d lied to me all those years ago, and what he had done devastated me. But his actions had come from a place of love, and it had taken me a while to realize that. Nash was it, and I had to believe we would find our way back to each other.
25
Macy
A week had passed since Nash found out the truth. A week without a word from him. He wouldn’t return my texts or take my calls either, and there was no way I was going to risk a scene at the garage. He was hurt, and I understood that. But he wasn’t the only one, and I felt so fucking alone.
I needed to talk to someone, and that someone couldn’t be Camryn. I called her to apologize for running out on her the other day, but the last thing I could tell my pregnant best friend was how I’d lost my baby. I needed a soft place to fall. Someone who wouldn’t judge me, ask a million questions, or make me feel even guiltier. Someone who would keep my secret.
I grabbed my phone from where it sat beside me on the couch, opened my Contacts, and found the number I had been looking for.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mama J. It’s Macy.”
“Well, hello there, sweet pea. How are you?”
The sound of her voice was like a soothing balm.
“I was wondering, are you busy?”
“Not really.”
All my emotions bubbled to the surface and threatened to spill over. “C-can I come over?”
“Of course you can. Are you okay?”
“Not really,” I answered honestly.
“You just come over whenever you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Mama J. I’ll see you soon.”
“Drive safe.”
I hung up the phone, took a shower, threw on a T-shirt and pair of shorts, and then drove to see Tucker’s mom.
Laura opened the front door as I got out of the car. As soon as I stepped onto the porch, she pulled me into a hug. It took all my strength not to burst into tears right there.
She turned me loose and said, “Come inside. The brownies should be done in a few minutes.”
My heart warmed. “You made brownies?”
“They’re still your favorite, right?”
“Yes, but you didn’t need to go to all that trouble.”
“Nonsense. Besides, it sounded like you needed a little pick-me-up.”
The scent of chocolate wafted through the air as I followed her into the kitchen.
Mama J opened the oven, peeked inside, and then closed it. Then, she grabbed two Mason jars from the cabinet, filled them with ice and sweet tea, and passed one to me. “How’s your mama and daddy?”
“They’re good. Mom texted me a picture the other day.” I looked toward the ceiling and contemplated. “I think she said they were in Wyoming.”
“I bet it sure is pretty out there.”
The timer dinged for the brownies, and she used pot holders to remove the silicone baking pan from the oven. “All right. While those cool, let’s go sit in the living room and chat.”
We sat down on the sofa and turned, so we were facing each other.
She knowingly looked at me. “Does this have anything to do with Nash?”
“How did you guess?”
“Just a feeling. Tell me what’s troubling you.”
I traced the rim of the glass with my finger and tried to keep it together. “After Nash and I broke up and I was away at college, I found out I was pregnant.” I fell quiet for a few beats to give her time to digest it.
She waited wordlessly for me to continue.
“I never told anyone. Not Nash or even my parents. My college roommate eventually found out because, after a while, I couldn’t hide it.” I paused to pull in a deep breath and continued, “I decided to keep the baby, and I needed time to figure everything out.”
Mama J inched closer and placed her hand on my knee in quiet support.
“When—” I cleared my throat. “When I was twenty-two weeks pregnant, I lost the baby.”
Tears stung my eyes, and Mama J reached for the tissue box on the coffee table and held it out to me. I took two out and held them in my free hand. I never talked openly about that time in my life. Lucas had been tucked into one of those boxes and shoved into a corner of my mind. While talking about him after all this time hurt, it also freed me in a way.
“Oh, sweetheart.”
The glass disappeared from my hand, and Mama J pulled me into her arms.
“Macy, it’s all right.” She rocked me while I cried.
When I calmed down, she took my hands in hers and looked at me with glassy eyes.
“There is nothing in this world that prepares you for losing a child regardless of the circumstance or how young or old they are. It’s a loss that not a single soul can comprehend unless they have gone through it.”
For a second, she got a faraway look in her eyes, and I knew she was thinking of Griffin.
“Losing a baby before they’ve even had a chance to live … I can’t even begin to fathom how hard that was for you to go through all alone.”
I couldn’t go into specifics about the day I’d lost Lucas. Those memories were mine alone, and the only person I would ever share the intimate details with was Nash.
“It was the worst day of my life.” After all this time and everything I had been through since, it was still true.
“Does Nash know?”
I nodded. “He stumbled upon the sonogram several days ago before I had the chance to tell him.”
She winced. “That must have been awful.”
“He was so angry and hurt.”
“Ten years is a long time to keep something like that from him.”
“I know, but I had my reasons.” I wasn’t being defensive; it was just a fact.
“I’m sure you did, sweetheart, but it doesn’t change the fact that you lied to him.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but she didn’t give me a chance.
“I’m not judging you. Please don’t think that for a second, but a lie of omission is still a lie, no matter how you dice it. And it’s so much more than that. If I know Nash, he most likely blames himself.”
I knew she was right. Hell, I had blamed Nash for years, too, but it wasn’t his fault; I realized that now.
“I don’t know how to fix it.” I let out a sigh and rested my cheek against the couch.
“It’s going to take time. You’ve had years to deal with it, and Nash has barely had any time to proc
ess it at all.”
“I’m pretty sure he hates me.”
Mama J picked up her glass and took a drink. Then, she returned it to the table and settled her eyes on me. “You’ve both been through a lot, but one thing I’m certain of is, that boy has loved you forever. And that isn’t something you can simply turn off because you’re angry or hurt or sad. Love conquers all things. Don’t you doubt that for a minute.”
“You’re a hopeless romantic, Mama J, but I’m not sure love can conquer this.”
“Channel all that stubbornness and fire and fight for him. Make him listen to you. He’ll come around, but you’re going to have to dig your heels in.”
Her words pretty much echoed Tucker’s, and they weighed heavily on my soul.
After a beat of silence, I spoke, “Thanks for listening, Mama J.”
“As long as I have breath, I’ll always be here for you. Don’t give up on him. If there were ever two souls fated to be together, it’s you and Nash.” She patted my leg. “I think those brownies should be cool. You ready for one?”
“Sure.” The corners of my mouth pulled into a slight smile, and I followed her into the kitchen.
While we ate, we stuck to lighter topics. After Mama J packed up a few goodies for me to take home, I tightly hugged her and thanked her again before leaving.
“Fight for him.”
On the drive home, I allowed the sentiment to take root in my soul. The only way I knew how to truly fight for him was to expose all of me. To break myself wide open and be completely vulnerable.
26
Macy
More than a few days had passed since my chat with Mama J, and Nash still wasn’t speaking to me.
I had every intention of steering clear of him until I figured things out, but sometimes, life threw you a curveball. And it was that damn curveball that had me walking into Jaxson’s Garage late Thursday afternoon.
The door chime dinged as my feet carried me over the threshold, announcing my presence to an almost-vacant lobby. The only man to occupy the space sat behind the counter.
Nash met my gaze. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
I shifted on the balls of my feet while Nash waited expectantly. “Is Tucker around?”
“No.”
Okay then.
“Do you know when he’ll be back?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Damn it.”
Nash blew out a hard breath. “Is there a problem?”
“It’s nothing.”
“If it was nothing, you wouldn’t be here.”
“It’s my tire. I’m not sure if I ran over something or what, but it’s going flat, and I have a meeting with a client in thirty minutes.”
“Give me a second.”
Nash walked into the bay area where Cody and DJ were working. A minute later, he came back with a flashlight.
“Come on. I’ll take a look.”
“Thanks.”
He held the door open, and once I was outside, he fell into step beside me.
Questions teetered on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to ask how he had been. If he had forgiven me. Instead, I bit back the words, focused my eyes straight ahead, and did my best to ignore the tense silence between us.
Once we were in the parking lot across the street from Jaxson Realty, Nash spotted my car and walked toward it. Wordlessly, he crouched to inspect the tire.
The sleeves of his work shirt pulled taut around his biceps as he ran his palms over the rubber. He turned on the flashlight and shone the beam behind the wheel well to inspect the other side of the tire. He thoroughly ran his hand over the back side.
“There,” he said as if I could see whatever it was from my vantage point. “You have a nail in the sidewall.”
“Shit.”
“It’s not a big deal. I’ll take care of it.” His knees popped as he stood.
I positioned my index and middle fingers at my temples and began to rub circles. “It is a big deal. I have a meeting with a client.”
“Use my car.”
“I appreciate the offer, but it’s fine. I’ll figure something out.”
He muttered something I couldn’t quite understand.
I dropped my hands and lifted my head. “Excuse me?”
“I said, you’re un-fucking-believable.”
“What is your problem?”
“You’re my problem. I’m standing right in front of you, offering you a solution on a silver platter. But you would rather figure it out than take help from me.”
“What do you expect? It’s not like we’ve been speaking recently.”
He crossed his arms. “Why is that again, Macy? And don’t stand there and act like your refusal to let me help you is anything new.”
“As much as I would love to hash it out with you in front of the entire town, I don’t have time to do this right now. I’m sorry for everything. I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
“Nothing. There is nothing you can say.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew his keys. They jangled as he held them out to me. “Take my car. You’re going to be late.”
The protest was on the tip of my tongue, but the look in his eyes stopped me.
“Thank you.” I dug in my purse, and we exchanged keys. “I shouldn’t be gone too long.”
He opened my car door and climbed into the driver’s seat. “Might as well get in and save yourself a little time.”
I could have walked the few minutes back to the shop, but I was already pushing the clock, so I didn’t argue.
Nash pulled up next to his car and let me out before driving into the bay.
I got inside the Mustang, adjusted the seat and the mirrors, and then headed to the outskirts of town.
As I drove, I kept thinking about what Nash had said.
My whole life, I had been fiercely independent, and my parents had embraced it for the most part. Granted, my dad was a bit of a hard-ass. He had strong opinions about everything, including my relationship with Nash and how he wasn’t good enough for me. Despite all that, I managed to be my own person. Being strong-willed was in my nature. If something needed taken care of, I figured shit out. And Nash had acted like it was some sort of character flaw.
For a second, I stopped being defensive and took a mental step back. When I looked at the big picture through Nash’s eyes, it was crystal clear.
Where I saw strength, all he saw was me pushing him away every chance I got.
27
Nash
I killed time, finishing up some paperwork, while I waited on Macy to return. She had texted about an hour ago to say the client she was with wanted to see some other properties, and it was taking a little longer than she’d thought. It was just as well.
Seeing her earlier had shocked the hell out of me, which didn’t make a damn bit of sense. I had known she was giving me space, but it was bound to happen. I didn’t know how to move on from what she had done. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive myself. It wasn’t a question of whether or not I loved her. Because I did. I would go to my grave, loving that woman. I just didn’t know if that was enough.
I needed to get out of my head, so I went into the bay and blasted some tunes while I busied myself with cleanup. Our last appointment had left a half hour ago, and with only fifteen minutes until closing time and not a customer in sight, I sent Cody and DJ home and told them I would shut down the shop. I got lost in the monotony of my tasks and I didn’t notice I wasn’t alone until I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I whirled around and almost knocked Macy on her ass.
On instinct, I grabbed her arm to steady her. The air crackled with tension. It had been too long since I touched her body, and despite everything, I still wanted her.
She wanted me, too. I felt it in the way her pulse sped up beneath my touch.
Too soon, she took a step back, and I felt the loss immediately.
I grabbed my phone from my pocket, slid my finger over the screen,
and pressed the keypad to silence the music.
My key ring hung from her finger.
“Thanks for letting me borrow your car.”
“No problem.” I held out my hand, and she dropped the keys into my palm. “Let me just shut off the lights, and I’ll meet you inside.”
“Sure.”
I watched her walk away. Her blue shirt had made her eyes pop. The black skirt looked like it was tailored to her body, and the heels she wore elongated her legs, making me wish they were wrapped around me. That wouldn’t be happening tonight—or anytime soon. We had too much shit to work through.
I turned out the lights and made my way inside. I took my place behind the counter and began to shut down the computer.
“How much do I owe you?” Macy asked, taking out her wallet.
“It’s on the house.”
“Nash—”
“Why do you have to argue about every single damn thing? I plugged your tire and checked the fluids in your car. That’s it. It is a pain in the ass to create the invoice for a few bucks. Just let it go.” I snagged her keys from the hook on the pegboard and gave them to her.
“All right.”
Macy turned to look out the door, and with her back to me, she asked, “Do you ever think we’ll get past this?”
It was a loaded question and one I didn’t know the answer to.
“To be honest, Mace, I don’t know.”
There was just too much to process. I had no idea where we went from here or how long it would take to put this behind us.
I straightened the workspace around the computer. The door chimed, and my eyes lifted in time to see Macy walking out the door.
I didn’t go after her. Instead, I finished up what I needed to do and left.
28
Macy
My stomach knotted as I tugged open the bottom drawer of the nightstand. I rifled through the contents, lifting out my secrets, not wanting to look at them too closely. Hidden between a small photo album and a manila envelope, I found what I had been searching for.
