by John French
SELF APOCALYPSE
Published by John French on Amazon for the Kindle
Copyright 2012 by John French – All Rights Reserved
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Self Apocalypse
Preface
Chapter 1 Three Years Ago
Chapter 2 A Plan is Needed
Chapter 3 Preparing
Chapter 4 Falling Apart
Chapter 5 Strength in Solitude
Chapter 6 Things Are Looking Up?
Chapter 7 Survival
Chapter 8 Silence is Broken
Chapter 9 Searching for Answers
Chapter 10 The Decision
Chapter 11 A Place of Rest
Chapter 12 Familiar Eyes
SELF APOCALYPSE
Preface
The sky filled with a deepening blood red as the sun began to disappear behind the mountains. The view from the cliff I stood on was amazing. It was almost enough to make one forget the troubles and burdens we were now facing. As I watched the sun fade from existence with only a brilliant patch of red remaining, my mind wandered to what tomorrow may bring. It was late spring now, so I still had time enough to plan my next move. I walked back to tonight’s lonely campsite hidden amongst the pines. What light was left was dimming fast now, and I hurried my steps in order to light a fire before it was completely dark. I carefully approached the site, scanning the area for any unwelcome company. I knew I was alone in these high mountains, but you can never be too sure.
My fire pit was already prepared, and just two strikes from my fire striker lit the blaze just as the day’s final bit of light vanished. Another night alone, not knowing if the chaos would end, or if I’d even be alive to have another fire tomorrow night. Ah, the warmth of the fire felt good. I hadn’t been able to have one in the last couple of nights. My presence would easily have been detected, and at this time the dark loneliness was a better option than a possible confrontation. I didn’t have a shelter yet, so tonight will find me in my blanket by the fire. But first I’ll be enjoying this trout I caught earlier this evening. It had been a while since I’ve had a hot meal. Hopefully this night would be the first of a few, or even better, many to come. Tomorrow I would set up an expedient shelter just to get through the next couple of weeks. I had also planned to leave some of my gear behind and scout the area. As long as I was safe here and had ready access to food sources, I would end up staying for a time while I regained my strength.
I laid down by the fire, watching the fish cook slowly and remembering the past events as they flashed back into my mind. It had been a long road to get to this point. A hard one too, and not without its peril or fear. Fear seemed to encompass everything now, causing the chaos that now ran amuck. I still had hope for the future though, and my faith was still strong enough to see me through.
I poked at the fire a bit and checked the fish, thoughts of events still flashing rapidly through my mind. I guess that’s what happens when you are alone for a good amount of time. I once heard that loneliness is like a dark shadow, a living creature if you will, that will slowly feed on one’s mind and fear until you die or become mad. I guess the creature was starting to nibble at my mind and emotions, but I have remained strong thus far and would continue to do so. I knew once I had beaten the lonely shadow lurking in the back of my mind, I could then turn it into a calming silence that I could live with. Yet, as I watched the flames dancing within the fire, those memories kept reminding me of what life once was.
No one saw it coming. I mean sure, we all knew it would happen, but no one saw it happening this way. You always heard some people speaking of the end of the world, and everyone knows about the end days in religion, but I guess this wasn’t really the end. At least I hope not. The signs were there though. Failing markets, fuel costs rising, cost of food becoming too much to bear. Some had to start deciding between gas to get to work, or food on the table. Unfortunately, without the gas there was no job, thus no food anyway. So most began to go hungry. Sure there was help available. That is until people couldn’t, or wouldn’t, help anymore. Even the government wasn’t able to help anymore. They did do a decent job though for as long as they could, but sound decisions made on their part earlier on would have prevented the whole problem to begin with I guess. They took it too lightly though, just like everyone else. Maybe that was the real problem. People not taking the issues seriously. Thinking they would be fine, it wouldn’t affect them, and that no circumstance could wreck the nation. Well they were right, it didn’t wreck the nation. The growing problems wrecked the entire world. Oh don’t get me wrong, some of us did see the problems and prepared. Some better than others. We were the ones that held out the longest, and have been in the best position since. However, the better part neglected to embrace the warnings and so sealed their own doom. That is part of what caused the mass hysteria. People not being prepared. No provisions. No plan. Just panic, fear, self destitution, and finally violence. We all bore witness to these horrific events. I just wish there was something we could have done to stop the chain reaction. But where could we have put a stop to it? Where did it really begin? And could we have really known? I took the trout off the fire and let it cool for a moment. My hunger wouldn’t wait long though, so I began tearing at the hot meat. After eating I laid down on my blanket and drifted off into a deep sleep.
Chapter One
Three Years Ago
“Ye hypocrites, ye can discern the
face of the sky and of the earth;
but how is it that ye do not
discern this time?”
-Luke 12:56
I woke as usual, heavy headed and not wanting to rise from bed. After hitting the snooze button a few times more I got up and headed to the kitchen. It was dim and dreary outside, the rain came as a steady mist soaking the world outside. I made a cup of coffee and sat down in front of the TV. It was my day off, but I would watch the news and opening bell to see how today was starting off. Already the day was becoming gloomier as news of violence and strife continued yet another day throughout the world. The news from Wall Street wasn’t any happier. Oil prices continued to rise and fall, then rise again as wearily expected. Precious metals seemed to continue their price dance upwards, and the market still seemed to show the illusion of good health. I would normally drink six cups of coffee on this day. However, today’s cup cost me the same as three cups did just eight months ago. So I would have two. No, better make that one. I would have to conserve the coffee as everything else due to the weekly rise in costs.
I stared out the window while listening to an economist spilling his words about how we were still not affected by inflation. His words echoed madness in my thoughts as I pictured dollar signs being consumed with each sip of my coffee. I was almost lost in deep thought while watching the rain, when the phone startled me from my trance. I looked at the caller id. It was Ryan from work. I was hoping he was calling to tell me I was getting a raise. Most likely though, the way things were going, he was calling to tell me not to bother to come in anymore.
“Hello.” I tried masking my uncertainty.
“Hey, you enjoying your day off?” Ryan’s voice didn’t seem convincing, but it didn’t seem to hide ill intentions either.
“Actually”, I tried sounding enthusiastic, “I was hoping you were calling to have me come in for overtime. I’m worried about where my next cup of coffee is going to come from.”
I could hear Ryan’s low laughter, and could almost pi
cture his smile as he spoke. “Yeah, about that. The coffee maker here broke and we can’t replace it, so you’d better bring in a thermos next week.”
I almost broke down in grief until the later part of his sentence sunk in and erased the coffee issue. “Next week? I’m in tomorrow. I only took one day off remember?”
“Yeah, about that too. Were uh, asking people to take the week off. The work just isn’t available right now. You can use your time on the books though, and you have been talking about taking some time. So here’s your chance. Consider it a turn of luck, not misfortune.” Ryan always tried to look on things in a positive manner.
“I guess you’re right. I do have some things to take care of.” What I was thinking was screw you, keep the no work available job. The only thing I had to take care of was making more money. “I’ll see you next week then. I’ll fill out a time form then ok?”
“Sounds good. Hey, cheer up. Things can’t go on like this much longer.” I could tell Ryan felt like he was lying to himself. He was in a very bad way, and unlike me had a family relying on him to boot.
“Well, we can only hope. I’ll see you next week Ryan.” I didn’t even wait to hear him say good bye. I just hung up the phone. Deep down inside I had a sick feeling I wouldn’t be seeing him next week.
I stood up and shut the TV off. I looked around my small one bedroom apartment. It wasn’t much, but it was somewhere to crash for the night and hide from my troubles. I didn’t need to hide from my troubles though. I needed to hide from the world right now. I looked at a picture of my father and me a few years back at our camp. Those were good memories. Before things went completely sour. He had bought fifty acres in the mountains fifteen years ago and called it our place to escape the real world. We ended up pulling a large camper on the property for a place to sleep in. Worked out slick too. He didn’t have to pay taxes on the trailer being there, so it wasn’t hard to hold on to the property. He left me the property and trailer in his will, but I hadn’t visited the place since he passed away. I was starting to think now would be a good time. I needed to get away from everything, and I also needed to come to terms with my father being gone. It was definite I thought as I looked about. I would start prepping now and leave this afternoon. If everything worked out right, I’d be building a fire at the old campsite just before sunset.
After taking a shower I began to pack my bag. I also decided to bring my old fatigues from when I served in the military. It was wonder they even still fit me. There was still a bow saw and axe at the camp, and if I remembered right there was plenty of wood still stacked. I wasn’t going to bother bringing up a propane tank. The nights were warmer now so I wouldn’t need the heater, and I could just cook over a fire instead of using the camper’s stove. I packed the rest of my clothes, some gear, a knife, and my fishing pole for the river, and I was ready to go. I looked over everything one more time then placed all of it by the door to go. I grabbed my wallet and glanced around the apartment again. Yeah, one more coffee I decided.
While I had my coffee I watched the news so I could catch the weather. I was hoping this rain would stop, or at least I was hoping for fairer weather in the mountains. The rest of the day looked bad, but it was suppose to clear up tonight. The next two days looked promising. I would definitely be able to get some fishing in. I finished my coffee, grabbed my gear, and out the door I went. I was already starting to feel better. Maybe this was exactly what I needed.
I loaded the truck and headed out. I was going to stop at a grocery store on the way up. I stopped to get gas first, and bought a cup of coffee to go. I shook my head. “So much for one cup today.” I said to myself. It didn’t matter anymore. I was going camping. I was going to escape everything for a time and recharge my batteries. Have you ever noticed when you’re excited about getting to somewhere the universe seems to intentionally slow you down? I found myself stuck in traffic only a hundred feet from the on-ramp to the highway. I could see my ticket to freedom, but I could also see the accident. I found myself stuck in this soup of disaster for almost an hour before the emergency crews were able to get traffic moving again.
As I drove onto the highway I took the last sip of my coffee. I’ll get just one more when I stop to get food. Yeah, that’ll be four. I guess I never really cut down. Might even be my downfall someday. I turned on the radio and just cranked it. I was feeling like nothing was wrong, and I had total control over my life.
* * * * *
I must have been having too much fun on the highway, because before I knew it I was at the last big town before the mountains. I got off on my exit and started my way towards the grocery store. I had to move quick. That last coffee was now bearing down on my bladder. I parked the truck and ran into the store on my newly assigned mission to find the bathroom. It wasn’t the cleanest of restrooms, but it provided the relief I was searching for. After washing up I went to get a cart and start my shopping. I avoided most the junk food this time. I remembered my last trip with dad didn’t turn out so well with the multiple Twinkies I had consumed. I couldn’t resist looking for the beans and hot dogs though. That was just one of those things you had to have just one night. As I was picturing myself eating beans and dogs by the fire, I realized I had forgotten something, a radio. There was a department store down the road though, so I would have to make just one more stop. I guess a flashlight wouldn’t hurt either. Wow, I thought to myself. I suppose I left in more of a hurry than I had thought. I did that a lot. I can’t remember how many times I found myself going back for things in the past, because I was always in such a hurry. As I was checking out I decided to take one more look at everything to see what else I was missing. It didn’t take long though to figure out I needed a cooler and ice as well. I found myself going back into the store after placing the food in the truck, so I could grab two bags of ice. Then it was off to the next store for a radio, flashlight, cooler, and a few more forgotten items. I found myself just laughing at my forgetfulness. I guess I was feeling better, because the laughter was something I had not had in a while.
The department store was pretty well organized, so it didn’t take me long to find the things I needed, (and some things I decided I wanted). “Never let a good shopping trip go to waste.” my mother would always say. So I didn’t. It had been a long time since I had bought things for myself that I didn’t really need. That felt good too. At this point in the trip I knew this was what I needed. I hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. I just wish it could have lasted forever, but I knew that I would have to return to the world’s problems soon. As I walked out of the store I noticed the rain had stopped, and the sun was beginning to break through the clouds. Things were definitely looking up for the better.
I loaded everything in the truck, and made sure it was all strapped down. “What the heck.” I said. “One more coffee. I’m feeling good.” I bought another cup of coffee and headed towards the mountains.
I had always enjoyed this drive. The countryside was so peaceful. There were plenty of cow farms to gaze at along the way. Soon the terrain turned more rugged, and the forests became denser. I turned onto the dirt road that led to the camp. It didn’t look like it was maintained anymore, so the previous logging operations in this area must have ceased some time ago. I hardly recognized anything along the road. Most of the fields had grown in, and there were some newer areas that had been cleared from logging after my last stay. Those clearings were grown in good though, so they must have cleared them that same summer I had been here. I was surprised to find that they weren’t operating in this area anymore. You would think that even with the economy the way it was, that wood would still be in high demand. Then again, new housing construction had almost come to a complete halt last summer. I also noticed that more and more people were buying used furniture rather than investing in the new. I guess things were bad for everyone. Even the town I had shopped in looked horrible. It had used to be a thriving place of commerce in this area. Now it just resembled a ghost down, deca
ying into dust and eventually history. That’s how things were though. That’s how they have been for quite a while now. Again I was reminded why I needed this little get away. To temporarily forget about the problems we were facing.
It wasn’t long before I found myself driving over that small hill just before the camp. I could see the camper nestled in the small valley, cradled in overgrown weeds and saplings. The river flowed softly by just beyond it. I couldn’t wait to get some fishing in, but I would have to get things straightened out first. It was getting late and the sun was beginning to set. I used what daylight I had left to get my sleeping gear into the camper and start a fire. I would take care of the rest and clean up around the camper tomorrow. Tonight I was going to relax and enjoy a quiet night in the woods.
Chapter Two
A Plan Is Needed
“Behold, I come as a thief.
Blessed is he that watcheth,
and keepeth his garments, lest
he walk naked, and they see his
shame.”
- Revelation 16:15
The tremble startled me from my sleep. The camper’s windows displayed the early dawn outside. Again the trembling came, and I sat up alarmed to the threat of an earthquake. The tremors were brief in their passing, but enough to warn me of a possible quake. The camper shook yet again then fell silent. I then heard something fall outside, and what sounded like something moving through the tall grass outside. I stood up and looked through the windows until I found the source of my natural disaster. He was pretty big for a black bear, and obviously looking for an easy meal inside my camper. He stood by the window, pushing his mighty paws against the camper shaking my dwelling as he did. I banged two pots together and yelled, which seemed to startle him greatly as he turned and ran for the tree line. No one has been here for quite sometime now, so the prospect of a new inhabitant must have shaken him up. We had bears come through our camp a lot in the past, but they never shook the camper before.
