‘That is what the doctor said, the first time I complained of the problem. He gave me laudanum, but it makes the dreams worse, not better.’
‘It has been two years,’ Michael reminded her.
‘Don’t you think I know that?’ she snapped, then remembered that it was not his fault if he could not understand. ‘Today, as I was leaving, I felt different. Better. Free. And I think, married or not, it is for the best that I leave my brother’s house. If I am ever to escape the memories of what happened, I cannot be there any longer, hearing my brother’s voice and imagining what he must have done.’
‘Running away was still a very dangerous thing for you to do,’ he said.
‘I was in a mail coach on a main road,’ she said, smiling back at him. ‘It was not hard to get the ticket. And our previous trip taught me much about the etiquette of travelling in public transportation.’
‘I am not talking about the trip,’ he said. ‘You took nothing but the clothes on your back. You made no plans beyond getting to this inn. And I am sure you do not have enough money to live for more than a day or two. Worst of all, now that you are here, you are alone with me.’
She shivered at the tone of his voice, a delicious tremor that reached all the way to her toes. ‘I knew you would find me if I ran away. And you would take care of me, just as you have done since the first day.’
‘But this time we are alone together and it is night. Whether you go home or not, I don’t think your reputation is likely to survive this trip.’
‘No matter what I do, I cannot possibly blot the family escutcheon as badly as my brother has.’
‘But a potential husband will not see it that way,’ he reminded her.
‘There will be no more of those for me,’ she said, surprised at how freeing it felt. ‘I will not have one chosen by my brother, and I do not mean to search for another on my own. I think Alister has taught me that love and marriage are two different things. I would much prefer the first to the second.’ Then she stared at him and smiled, hoping that he could see the feeling in her eyes so she would not have to embarrass herself by declaring something he might not be ready to hear.
He shook his head. ‘That only shows how little you know about what goes on between men and women. You might think it possible for a man to give you this love that you imagine. We do not give. We take.’
‘There is only one way to settle this argument,’ she said.
‘And what is that?’ he asked, sounding suspicious.
‘Through experience. I am going to the room you have reserved for me. I will leave the door unlocked for you, to enter if and when you choose. There, we will debate the merits of love and marriage and see if we can come to an agreement.’ Then she turned and walked out of the room.
* * *
Damn. Even as he had got the room he had been considering the possibility that they might share it. But, talking to her, he had grown more and more sure that, tempting though it was, it was a terrible idea. Then she had kept talking. The longer she had talked, the more sense it had made. He would go to her, just as they both wished. Afterwards, she would think she had his love.
Though it would not be entirely true, neither would it be entirely false. She would have whatever he was capable of giving her. In return, he would offer marriage and they would continue the rest of the way to Gretna Green in the morning.
They would be married before her brother could catch them which, with luck, would prevent Scofield from killing him, as he had threatened to. A minimal amount of research had confirmed that the younger Bethune sister was living with her husband, who was still very much alive. It appeared, once his sister had made her escape, the Duke lost interest and did not carry through on his threats.
So they would marry—for her safety, her honour and his own. It was not the reason she might hope for, but the results would be the same. She would be safely out of her brother’s house. And he would have her with him each night, which would ease the obsessive desire he felt when he looked at her now.
But tonight they would not think of the future or the past. For a few hours at least, they would live in the present and take advantage of all the pleasures it had to offer.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
By the time he opened the door to her room, she had stripped to her shift.
He stood in the doorway for a moment, obviously stunned. And then she realised that she was standing with her back to the fire and the light from it made her last garment all but useless at concealing the curves of her body. She raised her hands to hide herself, then remembered that courage was necessary if she wanted to win the night. She stood perfectly still, allowing him to look.
He closed the door slowly behind him and cleared his throat. ‘I thought you might need help getting ready for bed.’
She smiled, allowing him the lie. ‘I chose a simple gown because I knew I would not have a maid,’ she said. ‘I did not want to have to sleep in my clothes like the last time.’
‘I see,’ he said. But apparently he had not seen enough for he continued to stare at her.
She walked towards the bed, trying not to look as terrified as she felt. She should have eaten in the dining room when she’d had the chance. Her stomach was doing nervous flips and her head was spinning, making her knees give out suddenly as she reached the edge of the mattress. She flopped back upon it, staring at the underside of the bed’s canopy and waiting to see what would happen next.
She heard him cross the floor to her until he was standing over her, looking down at her with a bemused expression. ‘Do you understand what is likely to happen if I stay here tonight?’
She smiled and nodded, trying not to seem too eager. ‘My sister explained some of it. She said that if you are in love there is nothing wrong with acting on it.’
His face clouded. ‘I wish you were not so sure of your emotions.’
‘You do not want me to love you?’ she said, surprised.
‘I want you to understand that what we are about to do is not something that can be easily forgotten. I have no intention of bedding you and leaving a bastard behind.’
She remembered what he had said about his own childhood and nodded in understanding.
‘That means, if we are to be together tonight, tomorrow we will be completing your trip to Gretna Green. When we return to London, you will be living with me, as my wife.’
When she had set out on this journey she had been unsure how she would cajole him into staying with her more than a night. But now, though he was still unwilling to talk of love, he had offered to keep her with him, always. At least, this time, she was sure of her own feelings. She must trust that his would develop in time. She sat up and held her arms out to him. ‘That is more than I ever hoped you would say.’
He sank down on the bed next to her and gathered her into his arms, kissing her. She had not realised how it would feel to be held by him after she had removed her gown. It had been exciting to be near him when dressed. But to be practically naked was like being licked by flames.
He released her long enough to run a finger along the neckline of her shift. ‘The next time we are together, I will undress you myself.’
‘Is that important?’ she said, wondering if she had done something wrong.
‘Like unwrapping a present on Christmas Day,’ he said, smiling. ‘But this is nice as well.’ Then he kissed her again, sliding his palms over her breasts. Instantly, her skin tightened and her back arched, as if she could not seem to decide whether to be closer to him or to run away.
He chose for her, wrapping an arm around her waist and scooping her into his lap to straddle him. Then he placed her hands on the buttons of his waistcoat, encouraging her to undo them.
He was right. It was like opening a present, something so wonderful that it made one’s hands shake to undo the ribbons. She fumbled with the buttons, and her hands
trembled at the knot on his cravat. Eventually she was rewarded by the feel of naked flesh under her fingertips. She buried her face in the hollow of his throat, tasting salt and feeling his blood pulsing just below the skin.
He laughed, a sound that was tense but triumphant, then settled her more securely against his lap. She felt the singing tremor of her body answering the nearness of his and ground her hips against him, letting the feeling grow. He let her play for a moment, then steadied her with a kiss. ‘Do not rush, my sweet. We have all night.’
But did they? It was hard to imagine a world where they might have as long as they wanted to love each other. It had been years since her life had been her own. Perhaps this night, for the first time in ages, would be different. But what if it was not? ‘Make me yours,’ she begged, afraid to miss her chance at happiness.
He shrugged out of his coat and waistcoat and pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. Then he grabbed the hem of her shift and removed that as well, leaving her naked and clinging to him. The kiss that followed was a ravishing of mouth and spirit, a claiming as complete as any ceremony of God or man. When it was through, he cradled her in his arms and rose, then tossed her gently to the centre of the bed, staring down at her as he rushed to remove boots and breeches.
She touched her lips, which still tingled where he had kissed her, and he froze, staring at them in hungry fascination. One hand hung on the waistband of his forgotten breeches, which sagged, revealing the curve of a hip and a thatch of golden hair between his legs.
She wanted to gaze at him as he was looking at her, but she lacked the nerve for it. After visits to museums and a few books found on a forgotten shelf of the family library, she had a vague idea of what she was likely to see once he was fully undressed. But she was not sure if it was polite for the lady to stare back. She bit her finger nervously, trying to decide.
He caught his breath and his eyes flicked downward to her breasts.
She trailed her finger down to follow the path of his gaze. Now she was the one to gasp, for her own touches were more exciting than she’d ever imagined they could be. He was looking at her belly now, and she stroked lower, tracing her navel before dipping her thumb inside it. Then, lower, to stroke her own hip and to cup her sex.
Her hand froze for a moment, as the fingers brushed sensitive places she had not even known she had. The feelings were like those on the night they’d lain together, but stronger, more seductive and compelling.
‘Go ahead,’ he said, staring down at her with a smile she had never seen before. ‘Show me what you want.’
What did she want? She was still not sure. But her body seemed to know. Her legs lolled open. Her hand stroked the opening to her body, and her fingers dipped inside, wanting to fill an emptiness she had never known.
He sighed. ‘I have never received a sweeter invitation. Do you understand what is to happen between us?’ Then he pushed his breeches to the floor, standing gloriously naked before her.
‘I think so,’ she said, staring. At least, she hoped so. But, with the size of him, what she was imagining didn’t seem quite possible.
‘This may hurt,’ he whispered as he stretched out on the bed beside her. ‘But only the first time. And I will try to be gen—’
She smothered the last word with a kiss. Whatever he was planning could not possibly hurt as much as waiting for it. Her body was slick and she spread her legs wide, then reached for him, dizzy with the feel of his flesh and all the places she wanted to explore.
His sighs turned to groans and for a moment she wondered if it might hurt him as much as it could her. Then he reached for her, pulling her to lie on top of him. The feeling of skin against skin was another unexpected delight, as was the way the sensations changed depending on how she moved.
He groaned again, then laughed. ‘You are the devil, woman. I do not know how much longer I can stand to have you wiggling against me without taking action.’
‘Do it, then,’ she said, feeling incredibly daring. ‘Make me yours.’
He slipped a hand between her legs, stroking where she had stroked, then he thrust a finger into the depths of her body.
She tightened on it, squeezing his hips between her thighs.
He was thrusting into her in a languid rhythm, smiling up at her in the firelight. ‘You have been mine in spirit since the first moment we met.’
‘And you have been mine,’ she said, smiling down at him.
Instead of correcting her, he flicked a finger against the sweetest spot and she thought she might die from the pleasure of it. ‘Now we will join, body and soul.’
He put her hand on his member, and together they brought it home to her body. He had been right. At first there was an almost unbearable tightness. Then it eased and the pleasure returned, growing with each subtle movement. Something was building in her, something wonderful. Something she had tasted before when he had looked into her eyes.
And then it happened. She was caught in a whirlwind, unable to control her body or her mind. She cried out, shuddering against him, holding him as if she was afraid he might escape and take this wonder away.
He was shuddering as well, lost in the moment. And then she felt a rush, a final surge of passion, and they collapsed into each other, exhausted.
‘I love you,’ she said, kissing him on the ear.
He tensed. ‘I hope this means you are still willing to marry me.’
It was not the response she expected, but it made her happy all the same. ‘Of course. And I shall do my best to be a good wife to you.’ Then she remembered Alister and his many prohibitions. ‘And in exchange you might do something for me.’
He kissed her back. ‘Whatever it is, it is yours.’
‘I would like to see my sister again, if only to know she is all right.’
‘That is all?’ He laughed. ‘For a moment I thought you might wish to be draped in Burma rubies, or some equally unattainable...’ He stopped, then began again. ‘Of course you will see your sister. She is family, after all, and cannot possibly be as difficult as your brother.’
‘I love you,’ she said again, happiness swelling inside her until she could hardly breathe.
‘And we shall be married by this time tomorrow,’ he said, tightening his arms about her. ‘Let us use the time we have left for some industrious sinning.’ And he kissed her with such force that she quite forgot what it was in his words that bothered her.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The morning sun rose bright and she could not remember such a beautiful dawn. Light streamed into the window of the inn and over the sheet that covered them both, making it seem such a pure and blinding white that Liv had to shield her eyes when looking at it.
And, best of all, she had slept deeply, free of nightmares. As she sat up, the muscular arm of her lover pulled her back down and into a musky kiss.
‘It is morning,’ she said, laughing and trying to sit up again.
He groaned into her neck. ‘And what does that mean to us?’
She sat up again and bounced on the mattress, making the ropes squeak. ‘You promised to take me to Scotland today.’
‘I did,’ he said with a smile, swinging his legs out of bed and walking to the basin to splash cold water on his face. ‘As always, I wait on my lady’s every wish.’ He was pulling on shirt and breeches. ‘I will go downstairs and make arrangements to get us two seats on the next coach.’
‘And some breakfast,’ she said, smiling back. He had said nothing about love, but at least he was still firmly set on the idea of marriage. It worried her that she knew very little of what life with him might be like. But he had already promised to take her dogs and had nothing against visiting Peg. No matter what else might happen, it would be better than living with Alister.
* * *
A few minutes later she had washed and dressed and come down the stairs, sca
nning the tap room for him, ready for their next great adventure. Instead, she saw the last person she had hoped to see.
‘Hugh!’ Her smile disappeared and she felt a rising tide of panic, so similar to the way she’d felt when she’d found her father, and when she’d had to admit that her sister had run away.
‘Olivia.’ Just as he’d been on those other occasions, her brother’s face was impassive, but she could feel the rage roiling, just below the surface.
‘What are you doing here?’ she said, trying to pretend that she did not know what the answer would be.
‘I have come to bring you home,’ he said, opening his hand to reveal the silver rabbit brooch.
‘Surely that was not necessary,’ she said, forcing the smile back in place and trying to be glib. ‘Mr Solomon has come to fetch me.’
‘I am aware of that,’ he said. ‘He set out after you yesterday.’ There was the faintest emphasis on the last word to remind her that the timeline had too many hours unaccounted for.
‘It was already dark when I arrived at the inn,’ she reminded him. ‘I needed some rest before setting out again, so Mr Solomon was going to make arrangements for this morning.’ But she must hope that her brother did not see the tickets he had purchased, for they were going in the wrong direction.
‘I see,’ Hugh said, staring through her as if he could, indeed, see everything, especially those things she most wanted to hide.
‘He has finally convinced me of the error of my ways.’ She waved a hand around her to indicate the absence of other men. ‘I promise, after this, there will be no more talk of running away with Alister.’
‘Solomon convinced you?’ Her brother stared at her all the harder. ‘And how did he do that?’
She had to come up with a better answer than the truth, or Michael would end up as dead as Richard Sterling was. ‘He has been allowing me to get as far as I have on these elopements to prove to me that Alister is not the man I thought he was. When we were together, Alister treated me horribly.’
Harlequin Historical September 2021--Box Set 1 of 2 Page 17
