“I’m Max.” He smiled at her.
“Alice.”
“You know Marshall?”
She turned a little red and shook her head. Max could read the signs. She wanted Marshall.
“He’s a top bloke. Hey, Marshall, you scored all right to get some attention from Alice. Don’t blow it.”
Marshall just grinned.
“So what sort of farm do you have?” asked Alice.
Max’s moved his attention away from the conversation. His nerves were already on alert having to wait for Zoe, then being there in a loud and busy pub and the beer, all added to him snapping. He couldn’t bear to listen to the tongue-tied conversation anymore. Marshall was fucking it up big time. The least he could do was to help his mate get laid, Alice was so clearly offering that as a potential.
Max could see the signs. Hell, not that long ago he would’ve been the one talking up someone like her for some casual sex. He swallowed hard, realising that’s no longer what he wanted. He wanted Zoe, more and more, the last day had only revealed that to himself. Who gave a shit about them only just meeting, he knew how he was feeling, and he couldn’t deny such emotion. With a giddiness of feelings adding to his alcohol affected mind-set his usually blunt-talking approach escaped.
“Mate just get drunk and go upstairs to your room and fuck her. If it doesn’t work out well, then you can kick her out, and you don’t even have to wake up to her in the morning,” said Max.
Marshall laughed, nervously. Max took a deep breath ready to say something more, but the woman standing there had turned pale, her eyes widened. Max glanced at Marshall, who did nothing, just stood there.
Fuck. Everyone knew that Marshall lacked social skills, big time, and even though Max was trying to help out, what he’d said had actually made the situation worse. It was so obvious that they both wanted to have sex with each other.
Alice’s eyes filled with water then she turned and left.
Marshall stood there awkwardly, holding his beer, face blank as if he had no emotion in him. Perhaps if he were young now, he’d be diagnosed on the spectrum. Fuck it. Max knew he’d ballsed it up for his mate. He was about to tell Marshall to go after her when he felt a punch at his arm.
Max turned to see Zoe standing there, face angry as fucking hell.
“You’re a fucking dick.” Zoe spun around and left.
Bloody hell. Max stood there stunned for a moment. Then realised his tackless, demeaning comment might’ve just cost him a chance with a girl he couldn’t help thinking about a future with.
Max couldn’t believe he was actually chasing a woman. And he wasn’t sure when this casual thing had turned into something a little more. His mind raced. He had to get to her before it was too late.
“Wait, Zoe, it wasn’t what I meant,” Max called out from behind her.
Zoe spun around on her heels, her full skirt spinning outwards slightly, emphasising her anger. “Like fucking hell you did.” She stood there, anger burning through her body.
To think I could be falling for a fuckwit like that. She couldn’t believe it. The last day had been so hard to keep away from him, but she wanted to, just to make sure. It made the feelings seem more real. Not fucking now. There was no way she could be with a man like that. It ripped through her, squeezing at her heart.
Billie and Ellie had been right. Fuck them. She was so angry. Her friends being right only made her emotions more intense. To have heard Max speak like that about another woman. No way was she going to let him get away with that. And she didn’t even know who she was.
She stood firm, angry as he approached her.
“It wasn’t.”
“So fucking what. You said it. You’re not the man I thought you were.”
He kept coming towards her. Something changed in his demeanour—he looked angry too.
She held her ground, not backing off. She didn’t realise how close he would come to her. But she wasn't scared, no she was so angry she knew she’d take him on.
He pushed his body into her, he was hard, and she sensed he was going to take her right here. Rough. Dominant. She wasn’t going to let him. Ever again. That was no way to treat a woman. And if he treated a woman like that what was to say he would treat me any differently. Emotions whirled inside of her. She was falling for him, but she pushed that thought away with the force of her anger.
“I could take you here,” Max said.
“So, that’s what sort of man you are?”
His eyes widened.
A hint of shock spurred her on. “One that can’t get a woman for himself because he’s so hated he has to take one with force? That’s why you’re alone in this world. You’re so busy taking, your heart is hardened against the reality of what you’ve become,” Zoe spat the words at him.
“You’ve got no idea,” he growled back at her.
He was so close she could smell his familiar scent, his breath on the skin of her face. She held her resolve. There was no way he could come back from that.
“I have. You saying that you can take me. That’s what you want? Cold sex? Well, go pay for it.” She turned away.
He grabbed her arm. She stopped and turned to face him, not pulling out of his grip. She knew she could. Power rippled through her.
“You don’t know what I’ve been through,” Max said, his voice edged with a tone she didn’t like.
“No, I don’t. So be a man and tell me.” She waited, holding her breath, hoping he would tell her. That he would allow the protective shell around his heart to break and truly let her in. That’s what she really wanted. Not this aggressive behaviour and possessiveness. His lips remained closed. His eyes were a turmoil of emotion. She waited. Giving him the time to speak and to tell her why he would behave so poorly towards her, especially when it was becoming obvious they were developing emotions. Her gut clenched tight. The reality hit her and not him. He can’t do it. Tears filled her eyes. “I thought so. You can’t.”
He let go of her arm.
That was his answer.
She spun on her heels and ran from him. A small part of her thought that maybe he would manage to come after her.
But there were no sounds of footsteps behind her so she kept walking away.
What the fuck have I done? His voice caught in his throat. I can’t tell you how much I’ve been hurt in love before, and how I nearly lost everything that was meaningful in my life. He wished he could yell the words after her. He wished he could take back the fucking insensitive comment he’d said in the bar. Somehow he’d managed to upset two women, and ruin his own chance of love.
I was going to take a chance with you, though. Old habits were hard to break. The wall around his heart which had kept women away for the last few years was strong and made him act poorly.
I’m an idiot.
It wasn’t an excuse.
He didn’t want an excuse.
He wanted Zoe back, to have her in his arms, to wake up next to her in the morning, every morning, and hopefully at his farm. But he’d let his temper get the better of him, and she’d seen a part of himself that even he was beginning to despise.
Max knew this behaviour had completely pushed her away and that there was no way he could turn this situation around.
Fuck it. He turned to go back into the bar. I don’t want to be with a woman anyway.
Max tossed and turned all night. Why did I have to go and say that? It didn’t seem to matter that he was trying to help Marshall. He had made things worse for his mate, and then much worse for himself. It doesn’t matter anyway. Not like she was the sort of woman who would live on his farm and be happy. Not with her perfect hair, designer clothes, and sassy-city attitude. The thought of her caused his body to respond. But it wasn’t just that. There was a tightness in his chest, a longing to simply see her again, to apologise properly this time.
She’s not going to forgive me. He’d seen the hurt in her eyes. He groaned as if in pain. He’d gone too far trying to dominate h
er when in the carpark. I’m a fucking tool. He put his pillow over his head and yelled into the softness. It smelt faintly of Zoe, the floral perfume she wore, with a hint of vanilla, that part which was her.
The tightness around his chest increased. Max knew he needed to do something. But what? This is how his mind cycled through the thoughts. There’s nothing I can do to bring her back to me. He wasn’t satisfied with that. The ache inside of him over how he’d hurt Zoe was getting worse.
Max had rung her later, but she didn’t pick up. So he’d sent a message or two last night saying sorry. If I can just see her again maybe I can convince her it wasn’t the real me she saw last night. It wasn’t the real him, not really. The problem was though, his behaviour last night had become part of his reputation, his attempt to keep women away from wanting to commit to him. It had served him well for years, until now, after meeting Zoe and beginning to develop feelings for her.
She’s not going to see me now. I just have to accept that this is the life I’ve chosen.
Single.
Forever.
Max rolled out of bed and went to have a shower. The hot water pelted his skin. He couldn’t get Zoe out of his mind, that there had been something more developing between them and it wasn’t at all lost if only he could come up with a way to right his wrong. Trying to come up with an answer of how to do that was sending his stomach into tight, painful knots. He was going back to the farm tomorrow morning and didn’t know where she lived, though he could hardly turn up to see her that would sort of be stalking. She wasn’t going to answer his phone calls. He could only assume she would at least read his text messages, and so far he had only said sorry. I need to dig deeper. He had to show her he was on his knees over this. Do I really have something to offer her? Take her away from city life? There was no way he could live in the city. He shook his head and turned off the water. He didn’t care about the details like that. If anything, if he could only get her to see the positive impact she’d had on him in a few days, and that he was genuinely sorry, then that would have to be enough.
He got out the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Dripping, he rushed to his phone. He picked it up and typed.
I know you don’t want to see me, and there’s no way you’ll forgive me. I want you to know, you make me want to live fully again, you give me hope that there’s something worth living for. You. No other woman has done that. You’re special. I blew it. And deserve to be lonely for the rest of my life. You deserve better. I only wished that I was the man to give you that.
Max hit send before he changed his mind. It was the most heartfelt message he’d ever sent anyone. He felt good, but that was tainted because of his behaviour. Let it go. He knew he was going to struggle to do that. He couldn’t help but think that if it was meant to be between Zoe and him, that there would be some higher intervention or something, even though he didn’t believe in that shit.
He threw his phone on the bed. Let it go. He knew how it felt to be treated wrongly by someone he’d loved. That was exactly what he’d done now. It was bad enough what he’d said to Marshall, but then the way he treated Zoe in the carpark only made it so much worse.
I love her? The pain in his chest told him the answer.
Yes. It defied all logic. He hardly knew her. It was too soon.
Yet, he’d been willing to let her close to him. He’d let no other woman that close since his ex-wife had cheated on him and left him.
There was so much he wished he could say to Zoe not just in the hope that she would forgive him, and they could pick up where they had stopped, but so she could get a clearer picture of who he really was. That was what she was trying to get him to do last night. I wasn’t ready. And he wasn’t sure he was ready now, or that he could find the words to explain to her. He hated being like this, a mess of emotions.
Best I high tail it back to the farm. He began to get ready to go into the show for the last day. Tomorrow he would be heading homewards. I’ll be right then. He knew he wouldn’t. The only way he thought he had any chance of changing this situation around was to try and see Zoe. If only she was going to be at the show and would meet me. He didn’t want to send a message to her saying that. He knew she wouldn’t want to see him. He didn’t blame her. He kept repeating to himself to let it all go, as he left his hotel room to walk to the showgrounds. He wanted to at least respect her, and hounding her to meet him wasn’t showing her respect. The bottom line was that he’d messed up big time.
The last place Zoe wanted to go on a Friday night was back to the show, but somehow Billie and Ellie had found out that there was a scene with Max and wanted to see her. She’d left work a little early, saying she didn’t feel well, which wasn’t exactly a lie. It had been a big week, and she was exhausted. More than usual.
I just need an early night and a restful weekend. I’ll be right by Monday. But she couldn’t shake this tiredness. Or her friends’ persistence to come and meet them one last time. So she did. She didn’t want them to worry about her. It wasn’t as if she’d even shed a single tear over this entire incident with Max. He wasn’t worth it.
She made sure that they at least didn’t meet anywhere near the cattle, or the Jumbuck. The last person she wanted to see was Max. Though his last text message had gotten under her skin, as well as squeezing at her heart. But she refused to give in to her feelings. She knew there was an attraction and connection forming, not just from her but from him as well. And she guessed from his past with his ex-wife that he’d been so hurt he couldn’t handle what was happening between them. But it didn’t excuse him to treat her with such disrespect. She hurt too much herself now to be able to forgive him.
Zoe spotted Billie ahead in the crowd by the Secretary’s office. Through a series of text messages, they had decided on ice cream for their meet up.
“Hey you,” said Billie, she gave Zoe a hug. “Are you all right?”
Zoe felt the first sign of tears form in her eyes and quickly blinked them away. “I am. He’s not worth getting upset over.” She braced herself for an ‘I told you so,’ but Billie didn’t say anything more about it.
“Ellie’s coming, she’s just a bit late.”
“How did the shearing go?”
Billie shrugged. “Good. I made it to the next round.”
“Great.” Zoe smiled. “You’ll beat him.” She knew Billie was keen to win, or at least place higher than her ex.
“I bloody hope so. But it’s you I’m worried about.”
“Nothing that a bit of ice cream can’t fix and a chat with friends. Easy come and easy go.” Zoe suppressed the burning emotions that were surfacing. It wasn’t going to be easy at all. She’d struggled all day to forget about him, and the messages he left didn’t help. I should block him but she couldn’t bring herself to do that. She wasn’t sure why.
“Come on then, Ellie will catch up.”
Billie linked hands with Zoe and dragged her to their favourite ice cream stall inside the Goyder Pavilion. It was a warm spring day and the perfect weather for a treat to brighten the day.
Zoe ordered her favourite, butterscotch and coffee ice cream. She took the first lick enjoying the cool sweetness on her tongue. She turned around and came face to face with Max.
Fuck.
She froze.
Her voice evaporated, and a shiver slid over her body.
“Leave her alone, Max. She’s done with a fuckwit like you,” said Billie roughly.
“I just want to make sure Zoe is all right.”
“No thanks to you. You’re an idiot.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to do what I did. It’s just… it’s just…” His hands hung lost by his side and Zoe could feel empathy towards him. She guessed it was to do with his ex-wife.
“You’re a fucking prick,” Billie said.
He nodded his head. “I know what it’s like to love someone and then be betrayed by them. I just never thought I would behave like that myself.”
Zoe’s
heart quickened. Did he just say the L word?
“Bit late, so piss off.”
Zoe put her hand on Billie’s arm. “It’s okay.” Her voice shook.
“It’s too soon to say I love you, but I want to, but I should never have treated you the way I did last night, or say what I did to Marshall. I… I… have no excuse really. I’ve been alone too much, keeping people, especially women at arm’s length, that I’d forgotten how to act properly and respectfully.” He took a deep breath.
Zoe felt her entire body shake with the words she was hearing. She didn’t know whether to forgive him, or to punch him, or to kick him in the groin. Or… kiss him. She wanted to do the latter, but wouldn’t let herself.
“I’m not asking for a second chance, I don’t deserve it.”
“Damn fucking right,” said Billie.
“Shh,” said Zoe. “Please.”
Billie shook her head but didn’t say anything else.
“I don’t know what it is about you, Zoe. You have broken down the walls around my heart that I’d put there, and I would do anything to have a chance to spend time with you so I can get to know you even more, and to make up for what I did.”
Zoe shook her head. Now real tears were filling her eyes. “I was falling for you, then you show me that you’re a real piece of work,” said Zoe, anger flooded her body and making it difficult for her to keep calm. Along with the attraction, the building love she had for him made it so hard for her to think straight. “How can I trust you again?”
“Because it won’t happen again. Because I don’t want to not see you or not be with you. But then there’s the details I get stuck on, which drive me mad. I want you to come to my farm, live there with me, but everything about you is so city that I’m scared you’ll say no, and I don’t want you to say that no me. Because I don’t want to be denied you. Because I know now what I have to lose if I do treat you like that, and I couldn’t live fully without you.”
Best in Show Page 9
