by Kahlen Aymes
Now, back in L.A., our film done; he hit on me. Huge. My face flushed with heat, and my heart pounded just thinking about it. Not because of Sheldon, but because of Cade. It seemed innocent enough, and he’d been nothing but nice to me during filming. Despite that, I was panicking. Cade and I were closer than ever, and I shouldn’t have brushed off his warning about that asshole.
I hadn’t told Cade because all it would do was cause him to worry and he’d probably find Sheldon and cause a scene. I felt stupid for even going, and nothing happened. Cade would be leaving on another job soon, and the last thing I wanted was to upset him. I wanted to enjoy the time we had left. We promised not to have secrets, but Sheldon Richards was insignificant to me, and my life with Cade. The fingers of my right hand fiddled with the engagement ring on my left.
We were settling into the new house, and making appearances here and there around Hollywood and L.A. The appearances were nothing too over-the-top; just out for tacos, to the grocery store, or driving to my mom’s house. Our relationship wasn’t official yet, and we found that letting the press see us together did little to dispel their interest. Cade thought if we just came out with it, they’d back off… that wasn’t the case. Now they were stacked five deep at the entrance to the house. We’d started staying home more and more as it got worse.
“Look at the bright side; you’ll get to show up with Cade.” Jeanne broke me out of my thoughts. “That will make him happy.”
I sighed and rolled over on my stomach and stared into the big brown eyes of our new puppy, Lucky. He was a mutt we’d gotten from a shelter when my mom refused to let me take Molly. He was adorable as he looked at me apologetically as if he understood exactly how I felt. I reached out to scratch his silky black head and his eyes started to droop immediately. He had taken ownership of both of our hearts at first sight and was perched in his place of seniority on my pillow.
“I know,” I retorted sulkily. Cade would be happy, but my life had been almost normal the past couple of weeks. I was hanging out with my brother and spending time with my parents. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed it. Not that I didn’t miss Cade. I did. It was fucking ridiculous.
“The official “coming out” was supposed to be the premiere of the third film. I’m still not sure about this.” I was feeling uneasy. Unsure if I’d be able to look Cade in the face and hide the incident with Sheldon.
“Get your game face on. It’s almost over.”
“The hell it is. I’ve got another eighteen months of this crap if we keep getting more of these dumb nominations.”
“Ugh!” Jeanne protested. “I’m sorry I do my job so well. You’re welcome,” she teased, the amusement trickling in with every syllable.
“Ha ha. You’re hilarious. If I didn’t love you so much, I’d rip your hair out.”
“I can’t take all the credit. These films blew up because of you and Cade.”
“Yeah; it had nothing at all to do with the plot or the big studio money behind the promotion. Not a bit,” I mocked. “It was filming this movie; I loved. I should have listened to Cade when he told me two years ago fame wouldn’t be what I expected.”
“Aw, honey, just take it one day at a time. The stylist has three outfits for you to choose from and they’ll be there tomorrow around noon and Mickey’s coming. I’ve made it as painless as I possibly can.”
“Oh, boy. Mickey’s coming? Can’t wait to see Cade’s reaction!”
“I thought you loved Mickey?”
Lucky whined and crawled onto my lap. I lifted him up and kissed his sweet face three times.
“I do, but he loves Cade. Doesn’t he, Lucky?” I asked my sleeping puppy.
“What about the red carpet?”
“What about it?” She couldn’t have missed the disgust in my voice.
“Brook,” she said sternly.
I cringed. I knew we’d agreed to walk the carpet… finally giving the fans what they’d been waiting to see, but it went against everything I believed or wanted. Even if Cade and I didn’t confirm our relationship for sure, speculation was everywhere. At first he’d been elated, but now he acknowledged it only made the stalking worse. There were women who hated me just because he was with me, and I loathed dealing with them. No matter how good I’d gotten at hiding how much it affected me, it still stung more than I wanted to admit. And worse; I hated how it worried Cade.
“Can’t we just sneak in right after the awards begin, and then leave after we present the clip?”
“Uh…no. Best Actor is the last award, and what are the chances your boy won’t win?”
Jesus. I knew she was right. I rolled over on my back taking Lucky with me. He snuggled onto my chest. I let out a deep sigh, trying to concentrate on the soft golden glow reflected through the closed blinds and the shadows being cast on the ceiling.
“None, what-so-ever,” I admitted. “The hormones in the room are always enough to make me gag… and the screaming… make it fucking stop.”
“The screaming is for you, too.”
“Humph!” I scoffed. “Marginally, maybe. I see some of the same faces at these things, and I wonder if they have a life beyond worshiping Cade? I mean, seriously?”
“You aren’t jealous, are you?”
I laughed. “No. It’s annoying, that’s all. Some of them are great, but others, just… Ugh!”
“Have you and Cade worked out what you’ll do about coming and going?”
“We’re gonna figure it out when he gets here.” Cade was flying in from a short visit to his parents in London, mostly, in effort to divert attention of the press, and allow me to come and go from the house undetected for a while. It was technically his house, but they were on watch for any appearance from me. No doubt that was the money-shot; absolute proof Cade and I were together.
“Why don’t I believe that?”
“We have to practice. I mean, in case we win.” I chuckled softly, and Jeanne’s face showed her amusement.
“Yeah, sure you do. When does Cade get in?”
“He texted he was on the ground, so any time now. I’m sure he’s tired, and probably starving.” My voice softened and my heart sped up. Just a few minutes now…
“Hmm, yes. At least you have twenty-four hours to um… ah, rest up.” Jeanne laughed as she headed for the door.
“Right. We’ll do loads of resting.” I laughed along with her. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
MY STOMACH WAS full, Lucky was sleeping beside the bed, and my girl was draped over me. I was lying on my back in the middle of our new bed, Brook’s naked body felt like silk against my skin, and her head rested just below my rib cage, her arm flung over me. I lazily stroked her long hair down her back.
“Hard to believe it’s been a year since you cut your hair. It’s almost as long as it was when we met.”
“Mmmm… don’t remind me. Ugh. That first separation was a bitch. I missed the crap out of you. I guess some things will never change.”
I smiled into the darkness. “A lot of things won’t, babe. I miss you, too. Even though we have the house, it still feels like a long-distance relationship because of the traveling.”
“I know,” she said softly, her mouth tracing a line of soft kisses up my chest until her head was resting beneath my chin and I wrapped my arms more tightly around her slight form.
“I still think I should stop acting and devote myself to music and you.” Brook would think I was joking, but I wasn’t. I had enough money I’d never have to work again, and there were times, I didn’t want to do even one more film. “I’d have a lot more time in L.A.”
“Sounds good. Like heaven, but I’d still be traveling. And after a while, you’d have tours. What would change?”
She was right.
“Did Denise give you the line-up for tomorrow night?”
“Not really. I only know that they want us to walk the carpet together. At last.” Pinnacle had vacillated between the MTV Awards and the premiere, but they probably reali
ze trying to hide our relationship was a lost cause at this point. My chest lifted beneath her as I breathed in. Her scent surrounded me, and my heart tightened. I was finally at peace with the situation because everyone knew, and that was the way I liked it. Little by little, we were confirming it. Her presence at the premiere of my last film left
little doubt every news outlet and gossip rag blew up with speculation.
It was unbelievable that some of the fans were saying Brook was with me for PR reasons. It was hilarious, in a twisted sort of way. If she came with me, they said it was PR and she was trying to take emphasis away from my co-stars, and if she stayed away, she wasn’t supporting me. Damned if she did, and damned if she didn’t. Finally, I had to agree with her. Fuck them all. I knew the reasons and I knew she loved me; more than loved me to put up with all the bloody bullshit.
My fingers drifted down her arm to her left hand, and found her engagement ring; her secret engagement ring. I moved it back and forth on her finger, well aware that she wore it whenever she was alone, and or just with me. I longed for the day it would she would wear it constantly.
“Someday soon, babe” she murmured softly, and I smiled again. She was reading my mind.
“Not soon enough for me, Brook.”
“You’ve always been impatient.”
“Oh, sure; because three years isn’t long enough to wait or hide my feelings. Since the day we met, I was totally over the moon for you.”
“I’ve always loved you, too.”
“I know.” Warmth spread inside my heart at her teasing words.
Brook raised her head and rested her chin on my chest, her eyes sparkling in the darkness. “Remember the first time we made love in L.A.?” Her fingers traced little figure eights in the hair on my chest. It was something that had become a habit of hers whenever we talked in bed and I loved it.
“Of course. Two years ago. After the first movie awards; when you attended with David.” I wasn’t sure if the burning in my gut was resilient jealousy or just that the memory of it was still so real.
“Mmm… but that whole weekend was heaven. Remember the pool?”
“Of course. I remember it all. I replay it all in my head when we’re apart. So many things remind me of you.”
“You’re such a sap.” She was teasing as her fingers found my jaw and skittered along the stubbly skin. “I love the stubble. So sexy.”
“You’ve distracted me long enough.” I placed a soft kiss on her mouth, and reluctantly pulled back. I would be exhausted if I didn’t get some sleep, but we had to discuss the kiss. “What do you want to do tomorrow night?”
“I don’t know. Skip it?” Her voice was amused, but I knew she meant it.
“I think we should just give them what they want to see.”
“Don’t you mean what you’d like them to see?”
“Yes, exactly. It’s no secret anymore, anyway. I just want to kiss you like it’s us, and not an act. I think we should just do it. Forget that millions of people are watching and go for it, full on. Let them know it’s not a one-off. I’m tired of denying each other, because that’s what it comes down to.”
Brook was silent and I could practically feel her conflict. She drew in a deep breath.
“I know you don’t want to, babe. It’s okay.”
She met my eyes and shook her head. “Cade, it’s not that. But it’s one piece of you that is mine. It’s so intimate… I guess, I just don’t want to share everything. Something has to be ours.”
When she put it that way, my heart melted. Hearing that it wasn’t just the momentum of her career or studio regulations that made her want to keep things quite, resonated. I nodded, fully understanding. “Every piece of me is yours.”
“You know what I mean. The whole stinking world thinks they know you, and so many try to tear what we have apart; I just… I don’t want to give them more ammunition. This part of us is private, and I like it that way. I’m scared if we come out with it, something will happen.”
I rolled her over quickly and she gasped in surprise as I loomed over her. My fingers were eager for her flesh, my mouth hungry for her mouth as I explored her softly. Her hands drifted gently down my back before sliding up and into the hair at the base of my neck. My dick hardened and swelled as the delicious pulse began, but my heart was also aching.
I let my nose trace along her jaw, and she moaned softly, quietly echoing my own need, her sweet breath washing over my face and calling my mouth to hers.
“Nothing will happen,” I whispered against her mouth. “I hate being away from you.”
She shifted underneath me, and her hands tightened in my hair; pulling my mouth to hers as we kissed deeply, our tongues moving together slowly, slowly savoring the magic that was us. My hands cupped her face as our kisses grew passionate and my body pushed into hers. No matter how many times I made love to this woman, it would never be enough. I marveled at the magnitude of the thought.
“Cade.” The word was reverent, her voice breaking slightly between her panting breaths. “You feel so good.”
“I swear, I do not want to do this anymore.” I buried my face in the curve of her neck, my elbows under her arms and my hands wrapped around the top of her head, cradling, my thumbs brushing across her cheekbones. Even as our bodies wrapped around each other, our legs entwined, emerged as I was in her, it wasn’t enough.
“You don’t?” Her question was wary, even with the passion between us, pushing deeper, partly because I needed to, and partly to punctuate my meaning. I studied her face as her mouth fell open, her hair splayed out beneath her head. I slowed my strokes and pulled back to look into her eyes. I knew she felt the same pain but seldom voiced it. She was stronger, more able to keep it from showing to the world than I.
“I’m tired of not having you with me, of leaving each other. I’m sick of lying in interviews.”
“We don’t lie.” Her eyes filled with understanding and began to shimmer with unshed tears. Even as we continued to make love, and she clawed at my back and ass, begging me to ease the one ache we created in each other, that always hung over us.
“We don’t tell the truth, either.”
“Just kiss me. Touch me. Cade, we’re together. The moment is perfect.”
She was right. No matter what we had to give the world, this closeness we felt, the amazing and overwhelming love… even the aching sadness when we were apart was something we gave only to each other. It didn’t matter if anyone else knew, or understood. It would never matter what anyone else wanted or expected.
Brook cried into me; her soft moans echoing my own, our bodies fell apart. Afterward we lay together, neither willing to separate, our hands still worshiping, our mouths still clinging desperately together, I realized it was always so bloody perfect, and it always would be.
“CADE! PLEASE!”
“Please, what? What the fuck do you expect from me? I trusted you!” He stormed at me. I’d never seen him so upset. His face twisted as he rushed around the house. Lucky cowered on the sofa.
My heart exploded in pain. “I expect you to listen! Just listen!”
“No! I don’t want to listen! They have more than fifty pictures of the two of you making out? I have to see it when the whole fucking world sees it, Brook! You did this to us! You! Now we both have to live with it! I don’t want to hear the details! I’m already in bloody hell!”
My heart felt like it was about to explode as I watched the man I loved break. Tears glistened in his eyes as his jaw jutted out as he rushed around throwing his guitar in its case, and gathering clothes from the floor and a couple of drawers.
“Oh, fuck it!” He threw the clothes down and headed for the door to our house; his phone now lying shattered into a million pieces after he’d flung it against the wall a few minutes before. It was the only time I’d ever seen him do anything violent.
I rushed after him and wrapped my arms around him, locking my fingers together as I cried into his back. He stopped;
unmoving. His chest was heaving so much it was almost enough to lift me off of the ground. I felt sick.
“Cade, stop! It’s not what you think. You know those bastards take a hundred pictures in three seconds! Please! I’m begging you! Let me explain. It’s not what you think. Don’t go. I love you.”
“Don’t you dare say that to me right now!” His back stiffened in front of me.
He didn’t move, but I could feel the anger and pain writhing inside him; threatening to explode. “Please,” I cried softly against his shoulder. “Don’t leave me. Please, I just… I just need you to listen.” My own body was shaking so violently I thought I’d break.
“I… can’t!” The words wrung from him. “All I can hear is Denise telling me that the love of my life was photographed making out with that bastard! Sheldon Richards? How could you do that to me?” He was shaking with his sobs. “Did you… Did you let him fuck you the entire time you were filming together?” The words were laden with hurt and disgust.
I breathed him in, memorizing his scent, feeling him against me as I held on to him for dear life. I was dying. “No! It’s not like that! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have met up with him, but it’s not what you think. Pl… Please let me explain,” I begged. I’d beg and plead until my knees bled if I had to. “Oh, God. Please, Cade.”
His voice was soft and thick with emotion when he spoke, the back of his hand wiping at tears on his face. My heart was breaking as much as his.
“I can’t think! All I can do is feel. And it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch! I can’t even fucking breathe. I gotta get out of here. Let go of me, Brook.”
I couldn’t. My arms held him tighter, the fingers on both hands turning white as they clenched together.
“Brooklyn, let. GO!”
“I can’t!” I screamed out my misery. I felt the earth opening up and swallowing me whole. “I’ll never let go.”
