“I’m not,” I reassure him, touching his face to pull him back where I want him. It’s the truth. I care too much for him to use him that way. Even though I’m sure he’s going to be upset when he realizes I’m gone, I have no intention of escaping while he’s awake.
“Then why?” He sounds so confused, like he can’t possibly imagine why I’d want to be with him if it’s not for some ulterior motive. When I think back to the life he led in the pack that might as well be on the other side of the world, it makes a little more sense.
Rowan has never had a shortage of women willing to go to his bed, but I know now through my short-lived experience as a Princess just how hard it is to separate the people who actually care about you from the people who only want you for your power.
“Because you’re…” I trail off when I realize I don’t have the words I need to describe the way I feel. This subtle passion that’s built up between us so gradually that I didn’t even notice it, until it became overpowering.
There are so many reasons, really. The way he makes me laugh when I’m having an absolutely awful day, without even trying. The safety I feel just knowing he’s around. The sense of security that wraps around me as I feel his steady heartbeat beneath my hand. The warmth of his smile and the way that dimple in his left cheek shows when he’s embarrassed, making his hard, rugged features seem a little less intimidating but still impossibly gorgeous.
Rowan is so many things, so many of them a complete surprise, even though I’ve known him almost all my life. Sometimes I wish I’d figured out just how much we had in common sooner, but I know we were different people back then. We couldn’t have been what we are to each other now, and maybe that’s okay.
I just hope I have more time to figure out what we can be. More time to get to know all the parts of him he keeps locked away, even now.
“You’re you,” I murmur, realizing that’s the only explanation I can give. The only one my heart needs.
He kisses me as hard and recklessly as I want to be kissed, and I return it just the same. My words seem to have given him permission to overcome whatever doubts he has about my intentions, and I squirm beneath him, inviting him to take it all the way.
James is almost frustratingly gentle at times, but while Rowan is in complete control of his immense strength, he doesn’t handle me like a fragile, broken thing. As his big hands explore my body and his tongue enters my mouth, his touch makes me feel both desired and able. Dizzy and grounded. Fragile and strong.
My nails rake against his back, peeling up his shirt to reveal the thick muscle of his chest and arms. The growl in his throat sparks a fire in the pit of my belly and I feel a thrill of excitement as he tears my gown open. He gazes down at my body, unapologetic and eyes dark with approval. I squirm once more, because his gaze is as rough and possessive as those hands around my wrists, pressing me into the bed as my hips lift up in unabashed desperation.
“Look at you,” he purrs, his voice like velvet and sex. Heat surges to my core and I lick my lips in anticipation as I feel his thick member pressed up against my thigh through his pants. I want to taste him, but I want him inside of me more.
It occurs to me that this is a dangerous game, this plan to circumvent going into heat by delving into the very temptation that’s capable of triggering it. Even now, I feel so close that it’s only sheer willpower that keeps it at bay, but I want him too much to turn back.
I want…
Oh, hell, I don’t even know. I just know I want it and since he’s got my hands pinned, all I can do to tell him is open my legs wider and offer him my pulsing sex like I have no shame at all.
When I see the hunger flare in his eyes, I have no regrets. His hands release my wrists and I miss the thrill of restraint, but only until his head disappears between my legs and he starts worshiping me with his tongue.
“Rowan!” I gasp, arching up against him. He grabs my hips and pins them down as my fingers slip into his short hair, desperately gripping onto whatever they can to pull his head closer. His tongue slips deep inside me like he’s as eager to please as I am to receive, and I forget all about decorum as I moan his name over and over again until…
Sparks of light blind me as my orgasm comes crashing down like a tidal wave. Just when I can bear the lavish caresses of his greedy mouth no more, Rowan comes up for air and brings his body down on mine. He kisses me hard and I reposition myself beneath him to take what he’s freed from his boxers.
I’m still twitching and tingling with pleasure as he grinds into me, his girth stretching me open delightfully. He’s barely halfway in before I feel myself on the verge of a second orgasm, but I hold back, determined to enjoy the sensation of him filling me for as long as possible.
I can tell he’s being gentle, but the sheer size of him makes my body work to accommodate what it craves. My fingertips bite into his shoulder blades and I arch into him desperately, because wherever he is, whatever the angle, he’s hitting something that’s absolutely dizzying, maddeningly…
“Fuck!” I gasp, my torso cresting up against his firm stomach as my body convulses with another blinding wave of pleasure.
His throaty laugh makes the satisfaction linger on, and he nuzzles my neck as he thrusts even harder, giving me more but still not enough. It’s like something snapped, unleashing a side of myself I didn’t even know was there, and this feeling of perfection and hunger and need swells until I can no longer contain it. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face against his sweat-drenched skin, breathing in his masculine scent. There’s something about it that’s different now, and my tongue travels along his neck, exploring and tasting fearlessly.
Rowan shudders on top of me, gripping me tighter as his hips grind into mine. “Dani,” he moans. “Your teeth…”
I only realize I’ve been grazing my teeth against his neck when I taste blood. Panic surges through me. “I’m sorry.”
Rowan looks down at me, his eyes glazed with pleasure. “It’s okay… I like it.”
I’m not sure what’s come over me, but the line between wanting his body and wanting something I can’t even identify has blurred. His words are an invitation some part of my subconscious mind takes all too eagerly and before I know it, I’m biting him. Not just nipping or grazing, but piercing, blood-drawing biting him and the taste of the hot liquid that fills my mouth is too deliriously good to care.
Rowan groans and sinks down on me a little more, but he doesn’t seem as freaked out as a man in his position should probably be. I tell myself I should stop, that I’ll hurt him, whether he cares or not, but his blood…
Blood shouldn’t taste like this. I’m a wolf, not a vampire. What the hell am I doing? And why can’t I bring myself to stop?
The satisfaction of sating a thirst that shouldn’t exist mingles with physical pleasure and I’m enjoying it too much to answer any of the pressing questions. I somehow manage to flip our positions so Rowan is the one on his back, his shaft still buried so deep within me I’m sure I can feel it in my chest.
I drag my nails down his bare chest and relish the growl that tears from his throat. Surprise flashes in his intense eyes, but it immediately becomes lust. He pitches his hips up into me and I throw my head back with a cry of ecstasy as my spot throbs with need. His big hands dig into the soft flesh of my hips, claiming and grinding me down as I ride him like I’m afraid I’ll fall off.
My breath rushes through my lips in short, frantic pants as I push him to the limit of his considerable endurance. He’s the first to relent and I decide not to count all the other times I came as he fills me up.
“I win,” I say breathlessly, laying my body down on his, my face burrowed in his recently healed neck. It still hasn’t quite sunk in what I just did, but I’m enjoying the blissful aftershocks too much to care.
“Didn’t know it was a competition,” he grunts, shifting over so we’re both on our sides, still locked together.
I smile against his lips, tasting mys
elf on his tongue. As my blood pressure comes down, reality sets in and I stare at the faint punctures on his neck. “I bit you.”
“Yeah.” He touches his neck and his fingers get wet. “I noticed.”
I blink. “Why aren’t you freaking out?”
“Let’s just say I lost a bet,” he mumbles, pulling me closer. “But it was worth it.”
“A bet?” I shimmy away from him without disconnecting. It still feels too good to give up that contact, even if I’m starting to doubt my own sanity. I just bit Rowan and drank his blood and he’s acting like everything is normal.
Hesitation flickers over his face and I have another clue about what his closed-door meeting with James was all about.
“You knew this would happen?” I ask doubtfully.
“No,” he mutters. “He warned me it might and I didn’t believe him.” He rubs his neck. “Obviously I do now.”
“I don’t understand.” I finally pull away, sitting up on the edge of the bed and pulling the sheets to my chest, since I feel vulnerable all of a sudden. I felt powerful and sexy in Rowan’s embrace, but that was an oasis that can’t hold up in the real world, it seems. “Why did it happen? And why are you okay with it?”
“I don’t know why. James just said he had a theory.”
“A theory? About what?”
“About you,” he answers, taking my hand. “That’s all I know, Dan. I promise.”
I search his gaze and decide he’s telling me the truth. He pulls me into his arms again and I relax in them, wanting to take comfort where I can find it. Rowan may not be the least bit bothered about what just happened, but long after he falls asleep, I still can’t get it out of my head.
Chapter Eighteen
In the middle of the night, while Rowan is fast asleep, I wake up and change into street clothes, piling my hair up underneath a hat so I won’t be recognized by anyone who happens to be out in the city at this hour.
Jenna promised to take care of the distraction, and while I feel guilty about tricking Rowan and the others, I know it’s the only way I’m getting out of this castle. Once I’m ready to move, I slip back underneath the covers, close my eyes and wait.
Not five minutes later, the sound of a crash down the hall tells me Jenna came through with the distraction. I hope.
Rowan flies out of bed, acting before he’s fully conscious. “Stay here,” he mutters, stumbling into his pants. I try hard not to laugh and look the part of someone who’s half-asleep, but I get up as soon as he’s gone.
The hospital door is locked from the outside, which comes as no surprise. A moment later, it opens and while there’s no one in the hall, I’m sure I have one of Jenna’s accomplices to thank for that.
I make sure Albien’s locket is tucked in safely next to mine and zip my borrowed uniform jacket before heading down the hall.
Sure enough, she’s waiting right where she said she would be in the garden. She’s done a far better job of looking androgynous than I have with her light hair pulled back behind a uniform cap and her curves hidden under light armor.
“You made it.” She sounds surprised, and I’m not sure how I should feel about that.
“What did you do, have someone knock over the entire kitchen pantry?”
“Supply closet,” she corrects me, glancing over her shoulder. The night watchman outside the east gate is looking at his phone, which bodes well for our escape. “You sure about this?”
“Absolutely. With the Pentarch running around this place, I’m safer outside the castle walls.”
“You may be right,” Jenna says grudgingly, handing me a pistol. “Have you ever shot one of these before?”
“Um… not really.”
She hesitates, trading me the pistol for a sheathed knife that’s as long as my forearm instead. “Better go with this.”
“Thanks,” I say, hiding the knife in my coat. “Now, how are we going to get out of here?”
“Up ahead,” she says, nodding toward the tall bushes that conceal the inside of the iron gate. “This place is meant to keep people out, not in.”
It’s a fair point. I follow Jenna, relieved when we make it past the hedges. The gate proves less of a challenge, since I can slip through the bars.
“Alright,” she whispers. “We’ll go along the side roads until we get to the city. From there, we’ll figure out how we’re going to get into this vampire city.”
“James should already be there by the time we arrive. We can join up with him.”
“Isn’t he going to be pissed at you for leaving?” She winces. “Pardon my language, Your Majesty.”
“Danica,” I remind her, struggling to keep up. She has long legs. “And he will, but I’m pissed at him for leaving and locking me up, so we’ll call it even.”
She chuckles. “You know, you’re not like any princess I’ve ever met.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Just as I’m about to step out onto the road, Jenna grabs me and yanks me back. She holds a finger to her lips and points up ahead where a guard truck is rolling past the palace.
I haven’t actually ventured this far off the grounds before. The palace itself is like a small city with everything you could ever need or want inside its gates. I’m starting to realize just how much I’ve missed out in my sheltered existence. The city is beautiful, lined with all sorts of small shops and vendors. There’s a fountain in the town square made of beautiful white stone, and the streets glisten in the moonlight.
“What do you think of your kingdom?” Jenna asks knowingly.
“It’s beautiful. So different from where I grew up,” I admit.
“Yes, I’ve heard the outlands are quite austere.”
“That’s an understatement, but they have a beauty of their own.”
“Do you ever miss it?” she asks, glancing over at me. Now that we’re past the castle, I feel like I can breathe a bit easier.
“I don’t really know.” I can tell that answer doesn’t make any more sense to her than it does to me, so I clarify. “I guess it’s complicated. You know, I grew up there. It’s home, but it’s… not. Not really.”
“I can’t imagine what it would be like,” she murmurs. “Waking up one day, finding out your whole life was a lie.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say my whole life.” It’s only then that it occurs to me how most of the parts of that life that actually feel like mine came with me. “There are people back home who are good. People just doing the best they can to survive. I’d like to believe the woman who raised me was one of them.”
“I didn’t know Ryland well, but I heard stories,” she says carefully. “He was a manipulator, through and through. I’m sure anyone who came into his web got used by him.”
“Thanks,” I say with a small smile. I hesitate, weighing out the question I want to ask. “Could I ask you a favor?”
“Of course.”
“There’s a little boy back in Marok. One I promised I’d never leave behind,” I murmur. “His name is Aspen. It’s not safe now, at least until I know who betrayed us this time, but if anything happens to me, would you make sure he’s alright? That he gets here, when everything is back to normal.”
Jenna frowns as she listens. “Nothing is going to happen to you, Princess. I give you my word. But yes, I will make sure the boy is taken care of.”
“Thank you,” I say, letting out a deep breath. I realize Jenna is watching me curiously and ask, “What is it?”
“It’s nothing, it’s just… At first, when you came here, I thought you and Albien were as different as two people could be,” she says with a dry laugh. “Now I see you’re one and the same.”
“How do you mean?”
“You’re both so young, and yet you take so much responsibility for others. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and still feel guilty for not doing enough.”
My face grows warm at her assessment. That’s not how I see myself. Sometimes I feel incredi
bly selfish, living the life I live, considering where I came from. I’m sure my former pack members would see it differently. “I just want to do whatever I can. Albien has done so much more.”
“He cares for the humans,” she says thoughtfully. “More than I understand.”
“You don’t share his passion?”
She gives me a tired smile. “I admire his passion, but the only thing I’m devoted to is the royal family.”
“And him.”
This time, it’s her who blushes. “Yes,” she says, looking up ahead. “And him.”
“We’re pretty deep into the city,” I murmur. “How are we going to get to vampire territory?”
“A car is coming to pick us up,” she answers. “It’s not much further.”
That’s a good thing, since these boots I took from the spare uniforms aren’t half as comfortable as they look. I follow her downtown to a mostly quiet street. There are only a few lights and I can see the water by the pier. The air is cold, and I find myself wondering where James is tonight.
I walk over to the railing and look down at the water to keep myself occupied while we wait. Once it’s been a while, I turn to Jenna. “Are you sure they’re coming?”
“They’ll be here,” she reassures me, watching from a short distance away.
A few moments later, a black limousine pulls up to the curb. Jenna looks over at the man who slips out, half his face covered by large dark sunglasses even though it’s the middle of the night.
I freeze when a strangely familiar scent hits the air. It’s something like the herbal concoction James gave me, but not quite as strong. Is he using it to mask his scent?
Something about the man makes me uneasy right away, but Jenna walks over to him and he leans down to whisper something in her ear like they’re old friends. She nods and turns to me. “Come on, Princess.”
The man gets back into the car without a word and Jenna opens the door for me. If she trusts him, he must be on the up and up, no matter how rude he is. Before I can climb into the car, Jenna snatches my wrist and when I turn to face her, her expression is one of someone who’s seen a ghost.
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