“She has these little chubby red cheeks. What’s wrong? Have you heard news about Kelsey? I would have thought we wouldn’t have heard anything for a few hours.”
Riley’s elation turned to worry, and Jennifer hated having to break her heart.
“You’re scaring me. Jenny, what’s wrong?”
“She’s gone,” she murmured, taking Riley’s hand. “She’s dead.”
Riley yanked her hand away, anger flashing in her eyes. “You’re lying! She wouldn’t leave us. She wouldn’t leave me. I don’t believe you.” She turned on her heel and sprinted back down the corridor.
“Riley, wait!”
“I have to get out of here,” she said as she disappeared through the door at the end.
Jennifer sank to the floor, cradling her knees to her chest. Kelsey was gone. And now so was Riley. She understood how difficult this would be for Riley, but Kelsey was her sister. She had raised her as her own for sixteen years. She needed Riley to comfort her, to hold her. Instead she had run. Run away from her. She didn’t know what hurt more. She had lost everything in one night.
No, not everything, I have a niece. Slowly she got to her feet and headed to the neonatal unit. She hoped seeing Kelsey’s daughter might help her feel less barren, less alone.
Chapter Twenty-four
Jennifer stared at herself in the mirror, her black trouser suit matching her mood. Today she would be burying her sister. It had been a long eight days trying to arrange everything. She had taken the week off work to organise the funeral, contacting friends and family to let them know the time and place. In all that time she hadn’t been able to find Riley. She had tried calling her, texting her, and drove by her house on numerous occasions. She had looked for her at the garage, but a Closed sign was up. Jennifer even tried her dad’s house, but Riley had completely gone off grid. Jennifer had never felt so alone. The empty house was a stark reminder how lonely Jennifer truly was.
She missed Kelsey so much, missed the energy she brought into any room. Her sister’s friends had stopped by to pay their respects, but all Jennifer could do was nod at their sympathetic words and force herself not to cry. She needed Riley. Jennifer had been cruel to her at the hospital, but she had hoped Riley would understand she was speaking out of anger and fear. And it turned out that her worries were well founded: Kelsey was gone.
She finished tying her hair into a tight bun at her nape and straightened her shoulders. She would get through today. She would come home and change, and then she would go see the baby. Jennifer had seen her every day, and every day Emily got a little stronger. She had phoned Mike to tell him about his daughter, and about Kelsey, but he still refused to have anything to do with Emily. He was coming to the funeral, and Jennifer hoped she would have the chance to talk to him, try to get him to relent. If he refused, Jennifer needed to make an appointment with a solicitor to look into adopting Emily. No way would she let her niece go into foster care.
The doorbell rang, so she went downstairs to answer the door. Her aunt Izzy stood at the threshold, holding a suitcase. She was dressed similarly to Jennifer, all in black, except her outfit was a skirt and blouse, and as Jennifer locked eyes with her, her heart clenched. Izzy looked so much like her mother, and every time Jennifer saw her, a stab of longing pierced her heart. She hadn’t seen her in a couple of years, as Izzy had moved to Australia with her husband when Jennifer was eight. Izzy was the only family Jennifer had left, and Jennifer couldn’t help but collapse into her arms, crying.
Izzy dropped her suitcase by the door and wrapped her arms around her niece. “It’s okay, honey. I’m here,” she said whilst rubbing Jennifer’s back.
Jennifer had been so strong all week, and now she could no longer hold back the grief filling her body and soul. “It’s so good to see you,” she murmured as she pulled back from Izzy.
“You too. Jeff sends his love.” Jennifer smiled. Izzy’s husband was a good man and had completely swept her aunt off her feet.
“Thank you. I just need to grab my handbag, and then I’m ready.”
They settled into Jennifer’s car and she drove them to the church. The sun shone through the windscreen, warming Jennifer’s skin. She was pleased the day had turned out nice instead of rainy like the forecast had said. Jennifer liked to think that Kelsey was shining down on them. Before too long they pulled up into the church carpark, and she smiled at how many cars were here. Kelsey had always been popular, and although Izzy was their only family, she had plenty of friends who obviously missed her and wanted to say goodbye.
Izzy took her elbow as they entered the church, Jennifer taking a deep breath to settle the pain in her stomach. The last funeral she had been to was Riley’s dad’s, and, this one felt so much different. Last time was all about supporting Riley. Comforting someone felt so much easier than being the one holed up with grief. For the hundredth time that day, she wished Riley was here. Jennifer looked for her in the church as she walked up the aisle to the front pews, but she wasn’t there. She had hoped Riley would want to be here anyway, to say goodbye to her best friend, but clearly, she couldn’t do it.
After the hymns were sung and the priest went through the order of service, Jennifer and her aunt headed out to the cemetery, Izzy holding her hand. Kelsey would be buried next to her parents. Jennifer herself didn’t like the idea of being put in the ground, but Kelsey had always said she wanted to be close to her folks.
Jennifer glanced around the crowd gathered at the freshly dug grave as the priest said a prayer. She noticed movement about a hundred feet away, and her pulse quickened as she caught sight of Riley leaning against a tree. Even from this distance she could see the lines of tension etched on her handsome face. Her hair was mussed, her face pale, but she was still the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.
She leaned in closer to Izzy and whispered, “She’s here.”
“Who is?”
She motioned toward Riley with her head. “Riley.” Izzy had met Riley a few times when Izzy had come to visit her nieces over the years.
“Why is she standing all the way over there?” Izzy asked, puzzled.
“I think this has hit her hard. They were best friends for so long.”
“Are you okay? You look a little shaken.”
“I’m fine.” She shrugged. “It’s just I haven’t seen her all week. She looks terrible.”
“You don’t look that great either, darling,” her aunt said kindly.
“Thanks,” she replied dryly.
She turned her attention back to the grave as Kelsey’s pink casket was lowered into the ground. They all took turns dropping a pink rose on top and slowly the crowd dissipated, heading back to their cars. Jennifer remained where she was, still clutching Izzy’s hand.
“I can’t believe she’s gone. What am I going to do now?”
“You keep going. You have to.”
“When do you head back to Oz?”
“I’ll be here for the next couple of weeks. I wish I could stay longer, but Jeff isn’t great at baby duties.” Izzy had a set of twins who were now in their teens, but she had given birth eighteen months ago to a little boy. It had been a surprise for her and Jeff, but they were immensely happy about having another child.
“I guess I’ll be doing my own baby duties soon enough.” She sent up a silent prayer for Kelsey and they made their way back to the car. The restaurant where Kelsey had worked was holding the wake, and as much as Jennifer didn’t want to go, she didn’t want to be rude to Kelsey’s friends.
“So, you’ll definitely try and keep Emily?”
“Of course. If Mike doesn’t want anything to do with her, I will do it on my own.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want? I’m just saying you had it hard raising yourself and Kelsey. I know I wasn’t much help, but I tried as much as I could.”
“I know, but you had just had the twins. I wouldn’t have expected you to take on two teenagers as well. You helped where it mattered. If you ha
dn’t bought half the house, we wouldn’t have been able to carry on living there.” Izzy’s husband was an engineer, and he and Izzy had re-mortgaged their own house to help reduced the amount of outgoings Jennifer would have to pay. They also helped toward the monthly bills. It had still been tough, but if Jennifer hadn’t had their financial help over the years, she doubted she would have been able to keep Kelsey or the house.
“Still, I wish I had done more.”
Twenty minutes later they arrived at the small Italian restaurant in the city centre. The sign on the door said, “Closed to Private Function,” and as they stepped inside, Jennifer looked around the room. The tables had been pushed against the walls so people had space to mingle. A buffet table covered with a pink tablecloth had been set up, and plenty of sandwiches and snacks were piled high. Kelsey’s boss had refused any payment from Jennifer to cover the costs, telling her it would be his honour to do this for Kelsey. She hadn’t expected such a spread and it brought a tear to her eye.
Izzy led her to the bar and handed her a glass of white wine. Jennifer’s gaze swept the room again and she spotted Mike talking to an older gentleman whom she recognised as his father.
“There’s Mike.”
“He’s handsome.”
“Us Wilsons always did have good taste. Excuse me a moment.” She handed her drink back to Izzy and went over to him. “Mike?”
He turned to her and his features softened. “Jen. I am so sorry about Kelsey.”
“Thank you.”
He had always been a kind, generous guy, his recent behaviour excluded, and she had always enjoyed going out with him; however, she just wasn’t attracted to him, no matter how hard she had tried to force herself to be. In the end she had broken it off with him and they left things on good terms. She still couldn’t believe he had slept with her sister, but what was done, was done.
“Have you given anymore thought on Emily?”
“Yes, but I don’t think you’re going to like it. I saw my solicitor a couple of days ago. He’s drawing up papers to absolve my parenting rights.”
“You’re going to give her up?” She had expected this, but she had hoped he might have changed his mind.
“She needs more than what I can give her. She belongs with you.”
“How can you just walk away?” She had to concentrate hard on not yelling at him.
“I’m not walking away, not completely. I’m going to pay child support and I wouldn’t mind being kept up to date with how she’s developing, but I can’t be a full-time dad. I’m sorry.” He glanced behind him at his father, who stood a few feet away. She wondered if she had told him he was now a grandfather. From the way Mike was shielding her from his sight, she doubted it.
“She’s your daughter.”
He shook his head, his eyes tinged with sadness. “Not anymore, not legally.”
“Have you even been to see her?”
“No.”
She sighed. “If you do this, then I don’t want anything from you. And you won’t know anything about her. You sign those papers and you will never see her. You will never see her or hear from her unless she wants to contact you. I will not allow her to be hurt by this. You sign those papers you will no longer have a daughter in any way.”
He briefly closed his eyes and she could see the indecision in his face. He clearly hadn’t made this choice lightly. She wouldn’t have been surprised if he was relinquishing his rights so his father wouldn’t find out. His dad was strict and followed a certain set of principles, which he expected his two sons to follow. Having kids outside of marriage would be something he wouldn’t approve of. She imagined if he found out his son had an illegitimate child, he wouldn’t be best pleased.
“As you wish,” he said. “I won’t stand in your way to adopt her. You’ll be a wonderful mother to her.” Her turned away and headed to the bar. He ordered a whiskey, and Jennifer grimaced when he knocked it back in one swallow.
She didn’t notice Izzy now stood beside her until her aunt said, “How did it go?”
“He’s giving her up for adoption. He doesn’t want to be a father.” Still, she had to hope she was mistaken. She would try to talk to him again in a few days, and if he still felt the same, she would continue with the adoption.
“What an asshole!”
The events of the day suddenly caught up with Jennifer and all she wanted to do was get out of her depressing clothes and go see Emily. “I don’t really want to stay here any longer.” She looked at Izzy. “Do you want to come and meet your great-niece?”
A huge smile blossomed on Izzy’s face and her eyes lit up. “Just try and stop me.”
Chapter Twenty-five
Jennifer and Izzy stepped into the small neonatal room an hour later. They had gone back to Jennifer’s so she could change into something more comfortable, and she now felt more like herself, as though shedding her suit had helped shed some of the gloom still hanging over her. Getting her life back on track would take more than a change of clothes, but it was a start.
Jennifer glanced around the room at the other incubators and the medical equipment surrounding them. For a second her heart clenched as she remembered at how close she was to losing Emily. She thanked God for the millionth time since Emily’s birth that she was lucky enough to still have her.
Her gaze zeroed in on the only adult in the room, and her breath left her in a giant whoosh when she realised it was Riley. She was standing next to the incubator, one hand through the hole in the side stroking Emily’s tiny head. Emily had been born three weeks early, and the stress of the birth had weakened her some. She had made great progress over the last week, though, and soon Jennifer would be able to take her home.
As if sensing her presence, Riley glanced up, and her eyes went wide when she saw Jennifer. “Jenny? I thought you would still be at the wake.”
Yeah, I bet you did. “So, you thought you would sneak in when you knew I wouldn’t be here?” The nurses had told her that Riley had come to see Emily a few times, and since Riley wasn’t family, Jennifer had had to give her consent for that. Jennifer had hoped she would see her here, as Riley hadn’t answered any attempts to contact her. Still, it pissed her off that she was here on today of all days.
Before Riley could reply, Izzy said, “Hi. I’m not sure if you remember me. I’m Izzy, Jennifer’s aunt.”
“Of course I remember you. It’s nice to see you again.”
“You too. Although I must say you’ve grown a lot since I saw you last.” She must have known that Jennifer wanted to talk to Riley, as she continued with “Well, I’m going to go find some coffee. Give you two a moment to talk.”
Jennifer watched her leave, then went to the incubator, where she stood on the opposite side to Riley. Other than the sounds of machines beeping and babies cooing, the room was quiet at this time of evening. She put her hand through the hole on her side of the incubator and took Emily’s little fist in her fingers. Without looking at Riley she asked, “Where have you been, Riley?”
“Around.”
Jennifer’s head shot up and she glared at her. Riley’s tone had been so flippant, as though what they had shared didn’t mean anything to her, as though Kelsey’s death hadn’t ripped open both their hearts. “What kind of answer is that? You’ve ignored my calls. You haven’t been at home.”
“I have been home. I just didn’t answer the door when you came by.”
“You were watching for me? So you have been avoiding me.”
“I needed to be by myself, you know, to process everything.”
“And what about me?” she whispered fiercely. “Have you thought about me at all?”
“I think about you all the time.”
The low, husky tone of her voice sent a shiver up Jennifer’s spine. No matter how angry Jennifer was, Riley could still turn her on. Determined not to let Riley affect her, she said, “Really? Because I think all you think about is yourself. I lost my sister, for God’s sake, and I needed you
, but you were gone.”
“I’m sorry. I miss her so much.”
Riley’s voice was filled with anguish. Jennifer had known this would be just as hard for her as it was for herself, but she’d still hoped they would face this pain together. “Me too. We could have helped each other, been together.”
“I thought you wouldn’t want that, after what you said.”
Riley hadn’t looked at her since Jennifer had noticed her, and the dismissal wounded Jennifer. She could see the tremor in Riley’s body, and her pulse beating wildly in her neck. She appeared as if she was barely holding on. Jennifer could see her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and her skin had lost its usually tan complexion. Jennifer needed to apologise for what she said in the hospital when she’d called the most magical moment in her life disgusting.
“I’m sorry. I was upset. I was worried about Kelsey. You must have realised I was just lashing out.” Riley glanced at her, then looked back down at Emily. “But you didn’t, did you? You thought I was serious.” Of course she had. When had Jennifer ever said anything to her that wasn’t spiteful? No, that wasn’t right. They had connected over the last few months and were building something together. They had made love and it had been amazing. How could Riley think anything she’d said in that damn doctor’s office meant anything?
“I don’t exactly have a good track record,” Riley murmured.
“No, I guess not, but I thought we were different, that maybe we were heading somewhere.”
“We still can, if you can forgive me for disappearing on you.”
“I do forgive you, but right now probably isn’t the best time to be getting into anything.” As much as she wanted, needed Riley, Jennifer couldn’t give a relationship with her, her full attention. “I spoke with Mike at the wake. He doesn’t want anything to do with Emily. He’s given me the green light to adopt her. She’ll be coming home next week with me and I’ll need to concentrate on raising her and trying to fit work and studying in as well. Things are going to be difficult for me for a while, so dating isn’t something I can think about now.”
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