“Excellent. You’ll let me know a figure?”
“No, no charge, Mike. We’ll call it a birthday present to the lucky sub.”
There was silence for a few seconds. “I can’t let you do that, Braun.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Kathleen’s a club favorite and a valued member of the community, as are you. It’s my pleasure to be able to give her something so simple to make her happy after everything you’ve both been through lately. Just tell me what you need me to do and I’ll get it done. I’m sure the Masters and Mistresses will be happy to help set everything up.”
“If you’re sure, Braun, I appreciate it more than you know.”
“I’m absolutely positive. Let’s get the details down so I can make a headstart on things.” Braun opened a new document and set his fingers on the keyboard, propping the phone between his shoulder and his ear. “Ready when you are.”
*
This was such a stupid idea.
Bodie huffed loudly and shook out her hand, annoyed at the cramp in her wrist and the one building in her fingers from gripping the pen. She was on her third sheet of paper, and with every line she wrote, her handwriting deteriorated a bit more.
If Master Braun gives me an order, I will obey it.
That one sentence circled around and around in her head until her lips formed the words as she scratched ink onto paper. It was seeping into her blood, tattooed into the ache of her muscles. The more she repeated it, the less...adverse she became to heeding it.
Why oh why had she offered to do this?
Because he hadn’t demanded it.
Damn him, if he’d acted like a prick the way she’d anticipated and tried to force her to conform to the rules of the club, she would have balked. She’d learned long ago to dig her heels in when pressured into doing something she didn’t want to do—even if it meant a black eye.
For years she’d rebelled against her parents...until their threats were no longer threats but reality.
But Braun hadn’t threatened her, hadn’t coerced her. He’d simply laid down the facts without demanding anything from her, and her own guilt at disobeying him had done the rest.
She hated displeasing him.
God, she was so confused. Used to bullies, she could deal with them. Her family was something else entirely, a force so vicious she couldn’t stand against them, so yes, she gave them what they demanded so that they’d leave her alone for a few months. That was self-preservation, wasn’t it?
Braun...he made her yearn to say and do the right thing to make him happy. The stroke of his voice, of a gentle good girl, was more exhilarating than finally achieving a perfect grand jeté after months of practice.
Writing these fucking lines had given her plenty of time to think. Not about why she was doing so in the first place, but about what he said in the minutes before she started.
Surrender. Control. Trust. Power. Bravery.
He was a lot smarter than she’d given him credit for. Planting seeds that sprouted into questions until she had so many of the damn things circling her brain she couldn’t stop thinking about the whole sordid situation.
And then, oh, and then he’d had the gall to ignore her. Going about his business like she didn’t exist, sitting directly opposite him. Her attempts to goad him into speaking hadn’t worked, hadn’t garnered her much more than the occasional glance as if asking her was she sure she wanted to continue annoying him?
Now he was on the damn phone, having a casual conversation with someone named Mike, and his fingers were flying over the keyboard.
Long fingers on strong hands, she mused. Hands that maybe wouldn’t hurt her if she let them touch...
No!
A bitter taste filled her mouth as she dropped the pen and shoved back from the desk. Shaking, she cursed Braun for putting her in this position and tempting her to stray from her comfort zone into the unknown world he governed. Teasing her with ideas of bravery and submission.
“Okay, Mike, I’ll see you then.” The man in question ended his call and rose, walking around the desk to crouch in front of her as she huddled in her chair. “What spooked you, little one? You were doing so well.”
There he went again, soothing her with the voice she hated to love.
The big man with his big hands confused the hell out of her. He was everything she didn’t want or need in her life, yet he’d slithered into it and under her skin in a matter of hours. He’d done what no one else had ever done and convinced her he was an okay guy.
“I-I need to go get ready to dance.” It was a lifeline she grateful grabbed onto with both hands. An excuse to get away from him for a while, away from this room where his scent permeated every single breath she took.
“Don’t think so.” Braun shifted his hands so they lay on the arms of the chair, blocking her most direct escape route without touching her. Did he know she’d lose her shit if he touched her now? “You can get up on that stage at midnight for all I care. I’m concerned about you, darlin’.”
Goddamn him.
“I don’t need your concern,” she snapped. Wow, that came out bitchy.
Braun’s blue eyes turned so dark, she thought they were black. There was a flash of temper before he closed them and took a long, slow breath. When he looked at her a few tense moments later, he was calm again, but his tone of voice was something else when he spoke. Like thunder in the night, it rolled and boomed. “Seems to me you need two things, Boadicea. A lesson in how to communicate effectively,” he growled, fingers digging into the chair arms, “and a lesson in how not to speak to a man who spanks the attitude out of rude submissives any given day of the week.”
Trapped in the chair, facing down an angry Dominant, Bodie whimpered. She pressed her legs together tightly as her body responded to his words with a swift and mortifying rush of fluid. “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered, unnerved by how swollen she felt between her legs. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“Do we need to add lying to your newest set of infractions?”
Oh fuck, she’d unleashed the Dominant, hadn’t she? With one ill-considered sentence, she’d managed to banish the sweet, easy-going, understanding man who’d been so patient with her, and freed the demon beneath. Well, at least now she’d see just what kind of monster he’d been hiding from her before she did something really stupid like fall for him or volunteer to be his human whipping post.
She flinched from his hand when he lifted it, steeling herself for the crack of his heavy hand across her face. Her arm rose in what seemed like slow motion to shield herself, but Braun’s long fingers wrapped around her wrist and lowered it back to her lap.
Held it there while his other fingers pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He stayed like that for a long time, long enough for her heart to ease off its frantic pace, before he scrubbed his face roughly and studied her intently. Then he cupped her cheek with his massive palm. “Never have I raised my hand to a woman in anger, little one. I’m not going to deviate from that with you. My word on it.”
Lip quivering, Bodie felt another chunk of resistance float away. The heat and gentleness of his palm burned inside her, urging her to lean into the caress like a cat. He was making it so easy for her to trust him, and the more time she spent in his company, the more she wanted to sink to her knees and just...give in.
What would it be like to stop fighting? To just surrender and let the fear, the unholy anxiety, pass into his hands? She couldn’t recall a period of time where she didn’t carry that burden around with her wherever she went, every second of her life. Constantly searching her surroundings for her parents, for her past to sneak up behind her and stab her in the back.
Or worse, drag her kicking and screaming back into hell.
“Whatever you’re running from, whatever demons you’re battling with, I can help you, darlin’. We’re all here to help however we can. Being strong is all well and good, but sometimes we get mired in shit too deep to climb out on our own.” Bra
un sighed and brushed his thumb beneath her eye. “I know the signs of a woman on the brink of snapping, Bodie, and you’re one short step away from tumbling off the cliff. I think you know how close you are to shattering, don’t you, darlin’?”
No, I’m not. I’m stronger than that.
His lips twitched. “Strongest woman of my acquaintance,” he murmured as though she’d spoken aloud, “but not invulnerable. Bet there’s moments where all you want to do is cry, right? Bawl your eyes out until there’s nothing left. You go through periods of time where things seem settled and good, then swing into moods so dark and angry, you scare yourself with how violent you become. And then there’s the days where you think no one loves you, no one cares what happens to you. That no one ever will.”
Bodie stopped breathing. Her heart and lungs constricted in sync with each other, bound up in a giant fist that crushed them into bloody, useless pulp in her chest. The painful truth—because damn him to hell and back, it was the horrible truth—hurt more than anything her parents had ever done to her.
She didn’t want to be loved because she couldn’t be loved.
Vehemently, she shook her head in denial.
“What you haven’t quite grasped yet,” Braun continued relentlessly in that soft, empathetic voice as she fought the urge to cover her ears with her hands, “is that you’re already loved, little one. There are people who care for you, about you. Spend any amount of time here and I have no doubts the Mistresses will have you tucked under their wing, and the Masters will fawn over you. Take a chance, Bodie. Close your eyes and take the leap. We’ll catch you, I promise.”
“Nobody wants to love a crazy person,” she whispered dully.
The noise he made was almost non-human. He stood abruptly, and Bodie silently mourned the loss of his touch. Her wrist and cheek pulsed warmly where his skin had pressed to hers, and she wanted the security of—holy shit, what was he doing?
She squeaked in alarm, wriggling frantically as he plucked her off the chair with strength no man should have. He swung her around, then sat down and arranged her on his lap like an overgrown child. Her ass nestled into his lap; her thighs draped over his. His hand pushed her head into the curve where shoulder met neck. “I don’t usually take matters into my own hands like this, Boadicea, but I’ve never known anyone as conflicted as you are. You are not crazy. You are not unlovable. Why won’t you give me a chance to prove it to you?”
Body rigid, she refused to relax into his hold no matter how wonderful it felt. Maybe she sniffed at his throat—just a little—but only because she liked the scent. He smelled like bergamot and smokey wood. She hummed low in her throat and nuzzled a bit nearer, discovering the smell calmed her ragged nerves.
Braun cradled her, his hand rubbing up and down her arm until, before she realized it, she was snuggling deeper into the warmth of his body. “There we go, darlin’. Takes a bit of time but nothing beats feeling lonely like a cuddle.”
She shouldn’t be doing this. The angry side of her paced restlessly inside her head, disgusted by the frank display of weakness. She might as well be laid on her belly, naked ass in the air, and her throat bared for the taking. She’d never been as exposed as she was in this moment.
But the side of her that was dying in increments from loneliness and abuse lapped up every second of his attention. Could it be like this if she went against her gut instincts and offered herself to him?
A sob built in her chest. A huge bubble of emotion rising up her throat, triggering her usual response—throttle it back, swallow it down before tears burned her eyes and her breath hitched.
“No, you don’t, darlin’. Not this time. That shit’s coming out one way or another, and this way, I don’t have to spank it out of you.” Braun pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and his hands stroked and petted. His body was relaxed under hers, rocking her gently. “Once that first painful wave passes, the rest will follow, little one. You’ll feel so much better if you let it go.”
Bodie struggled in his arms but he wouldn’t let go. All the tender caresses and gentle words messed with her self-control, distracting her so the reins slipped through her slippery fingers an inch at a time. She twisted and bucked, terrified by the savage pressure in her head that wouldn’t back the fuck off despite her best attempts to thwart it.
“This is necessary, Bodie. For once in your life, trust someone else to take care of you the way you deserve. Trust me.” He rose from the chair and sat her on the desk briefly.
Her fists pounded on his broad chest, bouncing off the muscles under his shirt until they felt bruised and swollen. The agonizing shriek in her throat wouldn’t shift, choking her. The room around her blurred dangerously with hot, thick tears ready to spill and humiliate her.
Braun’s hands grasped her hips and he hefted her off the desk. Her legs clamped around his waist automatically, her arms coiled around his neck, and she clung to him desperately as she fisted her hands in the soft silk of his shirt. There was no fight left in her when he coaxed her to rest her cheek against his neck, nothing left to stop the crack in the dam from splitting wide open when one big hand patted her back and rubbed slow, firm circles over her shoulders.
He walked with her around the room that way, crooning to her, reassuring her, prying open more and more old wounds inside her already bleeding heart.
The sob burst free with a keening sound that burned her throat.
“Good girl, Bodie. Such a good fucking girl. You’ve been strong for so long, but you don’t have to be, darlin’. Give it all to me now. Let me shoulder the weight for a while.”
She didn’t have a choice; he’d taken it out of her hands.
Somewhere in the ensuing chaos, she silently thanked him for it.
*
The deluge erupted in a cacophony of noise that was barely human. The sounds she made tore holes in his heart and ripped his composure to shreds. Tears soaked his shirt, his skin, within only a minute or two.
How the fuck she’d kept this bottled up inside her for all this time, Braun didn’t know. He sure as hell couldn’t have done it, just as he was positive she couldn’t have continued for much longer. There was so much pain crammed into every inch of her, it was a wonder she could still function like a normal human being.
He could feel her fingers flexing on his back, kneading the muscles in what he could only assume was an act of self-comfort. He didn’t care what she used if it worked to bring her some peace. Hell, he’d even let her beat on him some more—she definitely didn’t hit like a girl, those tiny fists of hers packed a punch.
With Bodie wrapped around him, he strolled around and around the office. Her slim body vibrated under his hands, her slight frame heaving with sobs that almost shook her apart at the seams. Someone needed to take charge over her, take care of her, before this downward spiral landed her in shit.
If she let herself trust him, that would be a damn good start.
“That’s my girl, Bodie. My good, clever girl.” His hands moved constantly over her back, letting her know he was still listening. That he wasn’t scared off by wrenching sobs and the tears of a strong woman. “There, that’s better. Things are starting to settle now. Deep, slow breaths, darlin’. Relax now, the worst’s over with.”
As the minutes ticked by, the storm abated. Sobs turned into heavy breaths and hard snuffles. Tears dried up. Her tense body went limp, and Braun tightened his arms around her to keep her from slipping down his body.
Still he rocked and murmured to her until the last tremors ceased.
Until she slept on his shoulder like a child.
Chapter Five
Hushed conversation and low, feminine laughter wasn’t so bad to wake up to when she was snuggled inside a warm cocoon of softness, breathing in a familiar scent, with strong arms banded securely around her like a safety net.
Bodie breathed through a moan, her head stuffy and pulsing with a headache. Her throat was too dry, and it hurt to swallow. There was an ache in
her chest that told her taking a deep breath would be uncomfortable, and her eyes...ugh, her eyes barely cracked open, they felt so puffy.
“Stay still, darlin’. I’ve got you.”
Braun’s lips brushed her hair, his voice hardly a whisper. The blanket shifted away from her face, and she moaned again as cool plastic touched her lips. Cold, fresh water dribbled onto her tongue, just a splash, but enough to drive her instincts toward drinking. Her hands grabbed the bottle, sloshing the contents all over as she fumbled.
Braun simply covered hers with his own and guided the bottle to her mouth, holding it steady with her so she didn’t drown herself. “Little sips to start, Bodie. No need to rush.”
Easy for him to say when it wasn’t his system desperate for hydration, she thought. She nudged the bottle higher, gulping water until he tutted at her and lowered it again. Her sound of protest was met with a nuzzle of his nose against her hair.
As she drank, her surroundings became clearer bit by bit. Several male voices, including Jasper’s and Liam’s, and a husky female who laughed. A lot. Forcing her eyes to open, Bodie surveyed the situation she found herself in and froze.
In the sunken pit big enough to perch a dozen bottoms on the circular padded seats, she was surrounded by five impressive specimens of humanity, and was more than comfortable on the lap of the sixth.
Heat wormed up her neck into her face, and Bodie squeezed her eyes shut hoping she didn’t appear as ridiculous as she now felt. She tried to shove off Braun’s thighs, but the bastard’s arms were akin to steel beams.
“Relax, little one, they’re friends. I believe you’ve met Master Jasper,” he said quietly, waiting until she reluctantly met the sadist’s amused gaze. “The man next to him is Master Loki.”
Shaggy brown hair, cunning chocolate eyes. The man had the air of a prankster, Bodie thought. One to stay away from—pranks made her antsy.
Dance for Me Page 8
