Crashing Tides Duet: Anchored and Adrift

by Ruby Rowe

Jake makes my stomach flutter in a fun, exhilarating way, whereas Elliott evokes a fight or flight response. It’s scary, and it’s not so much him I fear.

  It’s the reckless, bold behavior I suspect he could draw out of me. I often wonder if there’s anything I wouldn’t have let him do to me the night he took my virginity.

  As he explores my mouth, I slide his t-shirt up and clutch his waist. He lowers his long, broad body onto mine and kisses me deeper like I’ve invited him in, and I guess I have.

  His solid weight and hard dick against my leg make me feel like he’s making me his, and in the moment, I am his, but I can’t avoid thinking about how I was with another man only last night.

  It doesn’t feel wrong to be with Elliott, only wrong to be with him right after Jake, and that confuses me further.

  Elliott fists my hair and skims his mouth down my throat, inciting a whimper I can’t hold in. He hums appreciation against my skin with his sultry lips, and I skim my fingers up his back.

  “I want to hear that sound again, but louder,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m going to make you moan.” He raises up and peels off his shirt, but the panic takes over in an instant, so I grab his legs.

  “I’m–I’m not sure I’m ready.”

  Falling over, he catches himself with his hands by my head. We stare at each other as I gnaw on the inside of my cheek.

  “You slept with Jake soon after you met him. What’s different about us?”

  “I told you over the weekend that it was going to take time for me to trust you. Having sex with you is a much bigger deal.”

  “Why?”

  “I can’t talk about it yet.” I look to my right, far away from Elliott’s eyes, and I feel how the tears want to bubble up with the pain and memories.

  “I’m worried you’re going to choose him, and it will crush me if you do.” Lowering his body back on mine, Elliott plays with my hair and presses a gentle kiss to my lips.

  “You’re not his. Not yet. Give me one night to feel your body trapped beneath mine. If I don’t get the chance, it will haunt me for the rest of my life. This is the only way I’ll be able to let you go.”

  I stiffen. “So, you’re going to do what you did the first time; take what you want and leave me?”

  “That’s not at all what I meant. I have no intentions of leaving you, but you may choose him. Look, if this is about our first time, I know you were too young and it happened too fast. I’m sorry.”

  “To this day, I’m glad you were my first. I guess I worry if we have sex, it’s going to trigger other memories.”

  “What other memories? Did someone hurt you after me?”

  My chest tightens, the anguish returning, and I squeeze my eyes shut like I always do when I think about that day … or him. It’s too painful.

  “Sailor, I feel like I’m playing a game where I don’t know the rules, or I’m taking a pop quiz on shit I never got to study for. I’m worried it’s too late for me to catch up.”

  “I don’t want it to be, but I need time to tell, and I don’t think you have the patience for that.”

  “I do if you give me a fighting chance.”

  “I’m trying, but my concerns aren’t about sex. I’m sure we’d be compatible in that area.”

  “Then we’ll only talk.” Moving off me, Elliott lies on his side and covers my stomach with his hand. “Tell me about your students. Who are your favorites and why?”

  I smile over how he’s wanting to turn this around and make it better, which is sweet of him.

  “I shouldn’t have favorites, but if I was forced to pick, Maddie would be my favorite girl, and it’s not because of her uncle. She has a kind soul and is inquisitive.

  “She listens to me teach, but then she gets in her own world, and I can tell from the way she scrunches her forehead that she’s thinking about so many things at once. I love this age because their brains are like sponges, ready to absorb all the information they can soak up.”

  “She is a cute kid.”

  “And as far as boys, it’s actually the one who is the biggest pain in my butt so far, Logan.”

  Elliott cock an eyebrow. “How is that?”

  “He’s smart, and I think he only acts up because he wants attention. He’s too young to feel like he has to try that hard for it, which makes me wonder what his home life is like.

  “He does everything he can to hold my attention when he’s supposed to be listening or working. He can do something as simple as grin ridiculously wide, showing me his teeth, and I’m putty in his hands.”

  “Maybe he has a little crush on his teacher. I can understand why.” Elliott leans in and plants a kiss on my cheek. “You really love teaching, don’t you?”

  “I do, and the kids are the best part. Do you want children?”

  “I don’t think so. My career will probably keep me busy. I mean, I’ll be working a lot of hours and varied shifts.”

  “A lot of doctors have children.”

  “Yeah, and a lot of doctors didn’t have an abusive father. I guess I worry I’ll be a bad dad, too. My fists have a fondness for walls and doors, so what if I have a kid and then somehow become my father?”

  “You’re not like him. Maybe you do have pent-up anger needing to be released, but I don’t believe you could ever direct it toward a child.” I lower my gaze. “I want kids, Elliott. I need a man who someday wants them, too.”

  “You have hard exams to pass, Sailor Girl.” Smirking, he circles his arm around my waist and pulls me until I have no choice but to lie on top of his body.

  He captures my mouth, so I run my fingers into his hair and kiss him back. I might not be ready for more, but I do love his kisses.

  ***

  “I can’t believe it’s two o’clock in the morning. I think my lips are bruised from kissing you, and the little monsters are going to walk all over me today if I don’t get at least a few hours’ sleep.”

  After pressing his lips to my forehead, Elliott yawns, causing me to yawn, too.

  “We had a lot of catching up to do.”

  “We did, and I loved talking to you. Now, I might know more than who’s sleeping with who while I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy.”

  Elliott chuckles. “I get carried away when talking about medicine. I’m sorry you have to work today.”

  “What are you going to do on your day off?”

  “I’m having lunch with my mother.”

  “Tell her I said thank you for the room.” I glance around the tranquil space. “I love it. I feel like I’m at the beach every day now.”

  “When was the last time you were in Southampton?”

  “The summer before I started college. How about you?”

  “I’ve been to my family’s country home several times, but it was only to be alone.”

  “I guess we’ve both been alone a lot.”

  Slipping a hand in my hair, Elliott pulls me close and kisses me.

  “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

  “Neither do I.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Sailor

  I’m nervous as I step foot in the kitchen before leaving for work. Neither of the guys are around, so I start a pot of coffee and grab the lunch I’d prepared last night from the refrigerator.

  Hands grip my waist, so I stiffen.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you. Good morning,” Jake’s voice says softly in my ear. Knowing which guy is behind me, I exhale and turn around. My eyes can’t help but drift to the exit as I worry about Elliott appearing.

  “Good morning,” I say. “What time did you get home last night?” I don’t know why I asked him that. Yes, I do. I asked because I heard him come in late, and Elliott and I lowered our talking voices afterward. I guess I asked to see if he realized we were in my room together.

  “It was about eleven. What are your plans for tonight?”

  I move away from him to fill up my to-go mug.

  “OK, please don’t get mad,” I say with my
back to him, “but I’m going to ask Elliott to go out with me. He returns to work in the morning, so I figure I’ll be alone with you for a couple of days, and then we’re going to the party Saturday night, right?”

  I turn around to see his expression, which I suspect will be one of disappointment or anger.

  He scratches the back of his head. “Yeah, and I understand. I don’t like it, but I guess it’s only fair.” Walking over to him, I breathe in his fresh, citrusy smell and give him a kiss.

  “Thank you for understanding.”

  “I try. Have a great day, Teach.” He brandishes one of his boyish grins, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. His confidence and enthusiasm are waning, and it makes me feel bad.

  It worries me, too. What if he decides I’m not worth the effort? Does that mean he didn’t care enough, or does it mean I blew it by not showing I care enough?

  Sliding a hand behind my neck, he kisses my forehead, and I realize I’ve been standing there, thinking too long.

  “It’s all good, Sailor. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You read my mind. Thank you, and I’m sorry this happened.”

  “Shit happens. It’s part of life.”

  We say our goodbyes again, and I leave the condo. Once I’m in my car, I pull my phone from my purse to charge it, since I forgot last night, and I see I have a text message that was sent only moments ago.

  Elliott: I thought I’d give you space this morning. It sucked, but I figured Jake would try to see you. I wanted you to know I had a great time hanging out with you in your room.

  Me: Thank you, and I had a great time, too. I need a dress for a special event, so I was wondering if you’d want to go to the Upper East Side with me this evening. We could have dinner afterward.

  Elliott: Sounds great.

  Me: Cool. I’ll hurry home after work.

  Elliott

  “Good thing I have a driver,” my mother says as I hold the chair out for her at the nicest restaurant I could find in the Village. “I can’t believe you wouldn’t come to me for lunch.”

  “I told you why I needed to meet here.” Once I’m seated across from her, she smiles.

  “Oh, right, because there’s another woman you’d rather accompany to the Upper East Side.”

  “It’s only because two trips in one day would be a nightmare. I’d be coming home only to turn right back around and leave again.”

  The waiter approaches, and my mother orders wine. I ask for bourbon since I need it for this conversation.

  “So, tell me all about this woman you’re seeing.”

  “You already know her. The room I had you decorate was for Sailor … Sailor Lockwood.” My mom glances around the restaurant. “No one here knows us,” I add. “Please don’t make this a huge deal.”

  “What if she causes trouble? How did the two of you even cross paths?”

  “We’re adults. No one is going to dredge up information about the accident, and it wouldn’t matter if they did; Sailor would never change her story.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re speaking to her. Is she living with you?”

  The waiter returns with our drinks, and my mother is frazzled as she tells him her lunch order. “Oh, and I’ll need more wine.”

  Picking up her glass, she takes another drink while tugging on the neck of her blouse and messing with her blond hair. After our waiter leaves, I take a much-needed drink, as well.

  “It happened by chance, but I’m glad Sailor and I found each other. I never wanted to stop talking to her, but I didn’t have a say in the matter. Now, I do. We’re older and can make our own decisions.”

  “Are you dating her?”

  “Sort of. It’s complicated, but I wanted you to know she’s in my life again.”

  “I don’t approve. I believe you should leave the past alone.”

  Swallowing the bourbon in my tumbler, I let the burning sensation soak in as I think of how to tell her what I’m feeling without spilling the anger behind it.

  “I spent years trying to understand why you stayed married to my father and allowed him to beat on us day after day, year after year.

  “I know you worried he would take me away from you because of the power he held. You wondered how we’d survive financially if you lost his side of the family’s wealth, but it doesn’t make what you did any more right.

  “I found it in my heart to forgive you, so what I need now is for you to forgive me for one mistake I made a decade ago. Dad’s dead, and a lot of time has passed. No one is going to investigate the accident.”

  Reaching across the table, she clutches my hand.

  “I know that.”

  “Then why are you against me seeing her?”

  “From how comfortable you seem talking about Sailor, and the fact you’re not furious with me, I’m guessing she hasn’t told you her secret.”

  “What secret is that?”

  My mother rubs her lips together, and I notice the burgundy color she’s wearing on them.

  “I haven’t told you because I wanted to protect you. You endured enough pain over the years, but if you’re going to have a relationship with Ms. Lockwood, you should know all the facts before making the decision.

  “You need to understand why her parents may never approve of you two being together. Honestly, I’m shocked Sailor wants anything to do with you.”

  “Thanks, Mother. Care to elaborate now that you’ve gotten the insult out of the way?”

  “I can’t. It’s not my place to tell, but I’m sure you’ll wish to discuss it with me once you know. In the meantime, let’s talk about something else while we enjoy lunch.

  “Then, you can ask Ms. Lockwood yourself. If you choose to be with her once you hear the truth, I’ll give you my blessing. It’s the least I can do after your childhood.”

  She squeezes my hand again. “Elliott, I didn’t stay with your father for the money. With his career and connections, I do believe he would’ve won custody and harmed you even more. I couldn’t risk it. I hope you mean it when you say you’ve forgiven me since there is no one in this world I love more than you.”

  “I do, Mom, and I need forgiveness from both you and Sailor for what happened with the accident. I abandoned her all these years when it was never what I wanted.”

  ***

  Sailor walks in the front door and smiles at me. As she comes closer to where I’m sitting on the couch, I notice her tired eyes and the smeared makeup beneath them.

  Her ponytail is falling, too, stray hairs sheltering her face, yet she’s still as pretty as ever.

  “Hi,” she says. “I’m exhausted. I know it was my idea to go out tonight, but would you mind if we stayed in? I can’t deal with trying to shop after so little sleep.”

  “That’s cool. We need to talk, anyway.”

  “Oh, OK. Let me go upstairs and change.”

  “Since the weather’s great, we can sit out on the terrace and get takeout later.”

  Leaning over, she kisses my cheek.

  “Sounds perfect.” While Sailor goes upstairs, I fix her a glass of wine and open the sliding glass door. I sit at the table and stare out over the park.

  I hate talking about feelings and personal shit. I’ve avoided it as much as possible until I was shocked to find Sailor back in my life … and in my home.

  I’ll do anything to be with her, even if it makes me uncomfortable. I’ll open up since I owe Sailor everything. She deserves the world, and if that means I have to talk about difficult shit, and rehash the past, I’ll do it.

  Sailor walks outside in a long-sleeve brown t-shirt that barely covers her earthy-green yoga pants. If her looks weren’t so breathtaking, she’d fade into the view of the park behind her.

  Eyeing the wine goblet, she smiles. “You knew exactly what I needed today. What did you want to talk about?” After taking a few sips, she gives me her attention while still holding a smile.

  “Something heavy again. Sorry.”

  She fro
wns. “All right.”

  “I need you to be honest with me. Do you have a secret you haven’t told me?”

  “I said last night that there was something I wasn’t ready to talk about.”

  Nervously, I pat down my blond hair. “I need to tell you something, too, and although it’ll be uncomfortable for both of us, I think we need to share our shit right now. I want everything out in the open so we can mean it when we say we’re moving forward.”

  She sighs dramatically. “You were patient when we were young. When did that change?”

  “I told you–with Jake in the picture, I don’t have time to be patient. I want the past to stay in the past so you and I can have a future.”

  “I’m scared to tell you. It could change things between us, and I could lose you all over again.”

  “That’s not possible. Look, I’ll go first.” Nodding, she picks her glass up again and takes a long drink. “You have to know why I never contacted you so you’ll believe me when I say that it’s not what I wanted.”

  “If it would help me understand, I’m all ears.”

  “Our parents knew I was driving the night of the accident.”

  She sits back in her chair, already wanting to put some distance between us.

  “No, my parents suspected it briefly, but I assured them it was my fault. Like everyone else, they’ve always believed that.”

  “The evening of the funeral, they came over and confronted my parents and me, saying they knew I was driving. They had talked to the cops and everything, and I wouldn’t be surprised if my father paid the authorities off the next day to keep their mouths shut.

  “Your mom and dad agreed with mine that we shouldn’t change our story. My father convinced them it would cause a scandal for all of us.”

  “My parents wouldn’t have done that. They would’ve at least told me they knew and that we shouldn’t tell anyone.”

  “Maybe they thought you were more likely to keep it a secret if you were even keeping it from them. I don’t know their reasoning.”

  “How could my parents let me believe all these years that they didn’t know?”

  “I’m sorry. I never told you because I didn’t want you to think less of them.”