by Ruby Rowe
My cock, which is most alert in the a.m., twitches to remind me it controls my head, but as I approach Sailor, I try to think with my heart instead.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I grip her shoulders and turn her body sideways. She’s holding a piece of paper in her hand, and I recognize Jake’s writing. This can’t be good. Sniffling, she wipes her eyes and nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.
“I was going to wake up Jake this morning to talk, but when I went to his room, it was empty … his stuff gone, too.” She sucks in a breath as tears trickle down her cheeks. I’m going to kill him.
“I ran downstairs and found this note he left. It says he needs more space to think and is going back to New York.” Sailor weeps, her pain dripping onto the note in her lap and spreading like a poisonous substance, the biological warfare attacking my heart, too.
Her cries are different this time, more like the shock is wearing off and she’s crying over truth … a reality I don’t want to acknowledge any more than she does, and that fact shocks me.
At a loss for words, I pull her against me and scratch the back of my head. I don’t know what went wrong or how to fix it.
“What did he say last night?” I ask.
Sitting up, she palms her eyes and exhales. “He told me he thought he was going to be my whole world. In a nutshell, he believes he’s only half of it, and he thinks he loves too hard to live with that.”
Shifting my body to face her, I lean back against the island and cross my legs at the ankles.
“He’s never loved anyone before. I guess he had no way to know until it happened.”
“Does that mean you think he’s done, too?”
Clasping her chin, I stare into her eyes that are waiting to see my response as much as her ears are waiting to hear it.
“Listen to me. Jake loves you with every fiber of his being. I know it. If I didn’t believe it, I wouldn’t be in this triad, and I sure as hell wouldn’t share you in my bed–something I’ve found is more intimate than anything I’ve ever done before. He won’t give you up.”
Her gaze strays, taking the trust she holds for me with it. “Baby, I mean it. Even if he leaves, he won’t stay away. The fact that Jake’s never loved until now also means he’s never experienced heartache. He won’t be able to take it.”
“You were able to take it when you left me.” Covering her face, she slumps over again and cries, and as her old pain penetrates my ears, I feel like a fucking asshole. Lifting her off the stool, I bring her against my body and kiss her head.
“Shit, Sailor. Jake’s not the coward I was. It might seem like it since he left, but if I had to guess, he knew if he stayed, he’d have to tell you exactly what’s going through his head, and it would only hurt you.
“Jake won’t lie. That’s why he gets quiet and wants to be alone when he’s upset or pissed.” Gripping her arms, I move her backward a few steps so she’ll see my face. “I have faith he won’t fuck this up.”
“I hope you’re right. I can’t spend another decade in mourning.” I comfort her, my arms and warm body in autopilot while I think of the best way to confront Jake.
“We need a distraction. This trip was supposed to be a vacation from stress, so go take a shower, and I’ll fix you some breakfast. Then, we’re getting off land for the day.”
“What do you mean?”
“I chartered a yacht. We’re going to relax in the sun, sip on those fruity drinks you like and whale watch. We’ll make love under the deck, too, so I can remind you how damn special you are. It’ll be cool.”
Sailor grins as her strength regains its footing.
“You’re the sweetest; the old Elliott I fell in love with.”
“That’s because of you. Since you were a kid, you’ve been showing the world how to be nice and thoughtful.” Giving me an appreciative kiss, she heads for the stairs, and as soon as I hear the shower come on, I hurry to our bedroom to grab my phone.
Returning to the kitchen, I dial Jake, hoping he’s not in the middle of his flight back to New York.
“Hello,” he says after three rings.
“Where are you?”
“The airport, waiting to board the plane.”
“Knowing the grief it would cause Sailor, how could you leave? I found her sobbing over your note.”
He’s quiet, and I can picture him closing his eyes and pursing his lips from the guilt. While people in the chaotic airport bustle like ants in their mounds, he sits frozen in pain. “Just talk to me, bro,” I add.
“You pissed me off last night.”
“How?”
“You weren’t supposed to touch Sailor until she and I were finished, but like always, you had to be in fucking control.”
“Seriously? Every time we’ve had a threesome, we’ve ended up touching her at the same time.”
“I know, but last night was different. I specifically said you could join in afterward.”
“I thought that meant I wasn’t supposed to stick my cock in her ass until you were finished fucking her, douchebag. You never told me not to touch her period. And you know what? That’s not even what this is about. You’re only using it as an excuse.
“You had a problem with this situation before you ever showed up in L.A., and I’m sorry I pressured you to come. I should’ve known you needed space like you always do when you’re feeling pissy over something.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, especially in a busy airport.”
“Fine. Take the remainder of the time we’re away to figure your shit out, but I have one more thing to say. I get that you didn’t mean for this happen–to fall so fucking hard for Sailor that you don’t want to share her with any other man–but it did happen. All we can do now is commit to her or break it off.
“She shouldn’t have to keep doubting if you’re going to stay when she does all she physically and emotionally can to show you how much she loves you.”
Jake exhales a heavy breath. “I’m aware of all that, but like you said when you ran off to the Hamptons … you needed space to see if you could live without her. That’s what I need, too.”
“Don’t make the mistake I made years ago, because I can tell you right now that the fucking regret will change who you are, leaving you bitter and useless to anyone else.”
“I’m not taking the decision I have to make lightly. They’re boarding now; I have to go. Wait a second… Take care of her. I’m moving out for a while.”
He hangs up on me, and I suck in a breath.
Mother. Fucker.
Sailor
“I’m so ready to talk to Jake,” I say to Elliott as he unlocks the door to our condo.
He exhales loudly and turns to me. “I have to tell you something. I didn’t do it sooner because I worried it would spoil the rest of our trip.”
The reluctant, dreadful look on his face leaves me feeling as if my stomach’s been cut open and splayed out on the floor of a crime scene.
“This is about Jake, isn’t it?”
“He told me he’s staying somewhere else for a while.”
Shoving the door open, I push past him, drop my shit and stride to Jake’s room. I look around, searching for things that would prove he’s here, but it’s obvious he packed some of his belongings and left.
From behind, Elliott grips my shoulders, but I pull away, feeling the need to revert to my imaginary bubble where I counted on no one but myself.
“Everyone leaves. Even Carrie, who I know loves me, has managed to leave me alone.” As I turn around to face Elliott, the tears blanket my eyes to the point he’s blurry. “It’s only a matter of time until you disappear again, too.”
He grabs my face. “You don’t get to think you’re unlovable just because Jake needs time to figure out if he can be in an unorthodox relationship. It isn’t about his love for you. It’s about his insecurities and whether he possesses the strength to stand up to those who are closed-minded. Like I told you before, he won’t be able to stay away.
”
“I need to talk to him. I can’t help the situation if he doesn’t tell me what his family said and what he’s feeling.” I widen my eyes. “I know where he’s staying.”
“Where?”
“Um, shit. He was supposed to tell you about this place, but I’m sure he hasn’t had the chance. He rented an apartment attached to Jeanine’s pottery shop. It was his Christmas gift to me. He said it would be a getaway for us when you were home yet it was our time to be together. A place for Jake and me to have some privacy.”
Dropping his hands, Elliott purses his lips.
“That conniving little shit. He’s been thinking about taking you away from me for a while now. This wasn’t something he suddenly felt because of his family’s persuasion.”
“Jake wasn’t trying to steal me.”
“Then why were you hesitant to tell me what he did?”
“It was only because he didn’t inform you ahead of time. We agreed not to keep secrets, so I felt he should’ve run it by you before he rented the apartment. I don’t believe he was plotting anything.” I rub my temples. “Why did I let you two talk me into this? Why did I agree to get closer to you both, ultimately loving each of you more, only so I can be left alone and ruined when this relationship unravels?”
“You’re not losing anyone.” Elliott wraps me in a bear hug, and I breathe in his clean scent while wanting more than anything for him to be all the safety and love I need. But I love Jake, too, and I’ll be devastated if he doesn’t come back to me.
“I’m going to go unpack.” I conjure a weak smile and kiss Elliott’s lips. “Despite the turmoil with Jake, I loved my time with you this week. It was fun, relaxing and memorable, so thank you.”
He leans his head against mine. “Promise me you won’t let Jake’s issues mess up our relationship. Don’t put a wall up between us.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jake
I rub my towel over my head one last time before I drop it on the floor of the small bathroom. I stroll naked into the bedroom, which is only a few feet away and almost as cramped.
No one was supposed to take up residence here. The tight quarters were only appealing when I thought I was going to be sharing them with Sailor. I sigh, and as if she can read my mind, my phone buzzes on the bed with a text from her. Seeing her name makes my heart beat faster.
Sailor: I’ve tried to give you space, but I can’t take it any longer. I miss you … a lot. Please spend New Year’s Eve with me.
Me: I already told Thatcher I’d come to his party.
Sailor: Elliott’s working, so we’d be alone.
Fuck, she can’t spend New Year’s Eve alone. But, is that why she wants to see me? Is it because Elliott won’t be home to keep her company?
Dammit, I hate that I’m questioning her motives when deep down I know how strong her love is for me. As much as I’m frustrated and confused, I don’t want her to be alone.
Maybe I should take her to Thatcher’s. The party will be too distracting for her to corner me about our relationship. I’ll only have to keep us off the topic while we’re in the car.
Me: Would you like to go to Thatcher and Marybeth’s party with me?
Sailor: I’d love to.
Me: I’ll pick you up at 8:30.
Sailor: I’ll be ready. I love you.
I toss my phone on the bed, and the second it hits the mattress, I groan and grab my damp hair. Fuck. I pick my cell back up.
Me: I love you, too.
What am I doing? She’s going to suck me right back in before I’ve had time to figure shit out, and then if I can’t stay with her for good, I’ll have given her false hope.
I’ll feel like a selfish dick no matter which choice I make, so I do what my aching heart wants and begin to dress.
***
“Sailor, I’m so glad you could make it,” Thatcher says to her at the door as he gives me a wink.
“Yeah, why don’t you ignore that your most awesome cousin has graced you with his presence?” I reply.
“What in the hell do you think I was doing?” He smacks my back. “No, I’m only fucking with you. I’m glad you’re both here … the way it should be.”
I want to tell him to shut the hell up before he adds something to solidify what I’m sure he’s insinuating, which is that he’s glad the two of us arrived without Elliott. “Come on in, and order some cocktails,” he adds.
I need a damn drink. Every time Sailor began to speak on the way here, I brought up random shit. We burned up a good ten minutes when I asked her what she thought of her little excursion on the yacht.
During dinner the night before I left Laguna Beach, while Sailor was in the restroom, Elliott told me about how he’d reserved it.
Reluctantly, Sailor filled me in on the details, her voice only raising an octave when she told me about the dolphins they’d spotted.
“What would you like to drink?” I ask her.
“Champagne please.”
“She’ll have a glass of champagne, and I’ll take a double shot of rum,” I say to the young female bartender at the makeshift bar in the living room. I imagine there’s another bartender in Thatcher’s family room. He never disappoints at parties.
He and Marybeth have settled into their new house, and I wish I could give Sailor a luxurious place like this. I can envision us now, raising kids in a home of our own and hosting hip parties.
And whether it’s right or wrong, I can only picture Elliott as a guest, not a man who lives there, banging and impregnating my wife, as well.
The brunette bartender extends our glasses with a smile, and I gulp my drink like a man in desperate need of fresh water after being washed ashore on a deserted island. I want something to stop these incessant thoughts and the obsession I have about Sailor being only mine.
“I thought you said rum makes you mean,” she utters, the alarm evident in her voice.
“Only if I drink too much of it. Let’s mingle.” Hearing chatter from the family room, I walk that way. I’m looking for a crowd, and that’s the perfect name for one. Their noises crowd out the thoughts that threaten to ruin two of the most important relationships in my life.
We enter the space that’s packed with probably thirty-plus people, and in seconds, Marybeth’s at our side, wanting to talk to Sailor. Good. That should keep her occupied for a while.
Slipping away, I stroll over to catch up with a couple of my and Thatcher’s mutual friends. We talk sports until I’ve drained my glass. I get a refill, and when I turn around, Harrison, Thatcher’s half brother, approaches me and smiles.
“Jake, how’s it going?”
“Good, I guess. How are you?”
“Awesome as always. I have plenty of money, success, pussy and bourbon. What more could a guy ask for?”
As he holds up his sloshing tumbler, I watch two women’s eyes dart his way for his vulgar choice in words.
I’d like to reply that he could ask for the pride of knowing he earned those things, instead of having them handed to him by his rich daddy, but I leave it alone.
“Sounds like your life’s golden,” I say instead.
“What about your life, Callister?” He stretches out his hand that’s holding his glass until it’s pushing against my chest. I don’t like him in my personal space.
He’s drunk already, which means he probably won’t be standing at midnight. “Do you have plenty of those things, or are you having to share more than pussy with that roommate of yours?”
I shove him away from me, and he struggles not to spill his drink.
“What did your brother fucking tell you?”
“Nothing more than what you and I discussed the last time you were here.” He smirks. “I’m only fishing to see if I can take a turn since Sailor seems to be communal property.”
Nostrils flared, I pull my fist back and punch him square in the nose. Blood squirts from it before I can even draw back again.
“Jake, stop!” Sailor pleads while hooking her arm around mine. As Harrison groans and curses, all eyes are on me. “Let’s go.” Sailor drags me behind her to the kitchen and empties what little is left of my glass of rum.
Opening cabinet drawers like she owns the joint, my angel goes into teacher mode. She finds a Ziploc bag and fills it with ice before covering my knuckles with it. Brushing hair from my face, she stares into my eyes.
“We need to talk.”
“This isn’t the place.”
She fists her hip. “Oh, but it’s the place to punch someone in the face? What the hell did he do?”
“He said you were communal property and wanted to fuck you. Wanna know why he thinks that? I can take a guess.”
“Shut up. If you only invited me to this party because you felt bad that I’d be alone on New Year’s Eve, I’ll relieve you of that guilt; I’ve spent most of them alone and could certainly handle it again.”
“I know you could handle it.”
She glances toward the entrance of the kitchen since people keep peeking inside at us.
“If guilt’s not why you brought me here, then it’s the other reason I suspected. I know you would’ve cancelled on Thatcher to have time alone with me, so the fact you didn’t jump on that chance tells me you were looking for a buffer.”
Fed up with all the bullshit between us, I drop the bag of ice in the sink, grip her bicep and pull her down the hallway. We enter Thatcher’s study, where I lock the door behind us.
Sailor pierces me with a dirty look before she strolls toward my cousin’s clean distinguished-looking desk, surveying the room with each step.
I follow her, and when she reaches it and turns around, she gasps from how close I am in proximity. I inch closer until her sultry body is backed up against the hunk of cherry wood. Without taking my eyes off Sailor, I grip the desk, pinning her against it.
She’s inside my cage, and that’s exactly where I want her.
No thinking.
No talking.
