“You’re feeling homesick,” Reid said, as if he understood. But how could he? He was already home. I nodded, and he continued, “Why don’t you tell me about it, then? Home. If you think it’ll help.”
I hesitated for a moment. Could I really expect Reid to understand? Was it worth sharing details about my life with him, or would he just roll his eyes and laugh like he had thus far? We were so different, he and I, right down to the worlds we came from. What could he possibly hope to get out of this? For that matter, what kind of hope of making a connection did I have?
And was that what I wanted—to get closer to Reid? It was certainly what Hannah had pushed me into. Sure, I was curious. Reid was unlike anyone I’d ever met. But was that enough of a reason to go telling him my life story?
He didn’t press the issue, regardless of how long I stayed silent, though he did slip an arm behind my shoulders while I was debating. I sighed and leaned back against him. This was improper, surely, but it felt good to know he was there—that he was holding onto me, ensuring I came to no harm. Just like he had back when that man had grabbed me… and I’d come off so ungrateful…
Slowly, I said, “Home is… different from here. Very different.” Before Reid could say something snarky in reply, I added, “There’s a lot more space, for one thing. Fields and meadows, devoid of man’s touch. Farmland, too, though. And of course, we do have the village itself. But we know when to leave land well enough alone. Not everything was meant for us. Some things are meant to stay as God created them. We do our best to figure out what’s what.”
“Meanwhile, we turn every available scrap of land into a Starbucks or a parking lot,” Reid said with a low chuckle that made me look at him. He was shaking his head. “I can see how that’d be kind of a culture shock for you. But I’m sure there’s more.”
I nodded. “Yes. Much more. Like what happened down there, before—with that man.” I looked away again. I couldn’t bear to behold that bruise. “Reid… I’m sorry. I am grateful to you for trying to protect me. I was just… startled. And scared. Things like that don’t happen where I’m from. And I can’t condone violence of any kind, but given how things seem to work in the English world, I… accept that you felt you had no other choice. And considering what he did to you… you were obviously right.”
Reid let his fingers trail over my shoulder softly. His touch was feather-light, not at all how I’d imagined it, and goosebumps rose in the wake of his ministrations. I could feel my cheeks heating up again and I tried to look away, but he just swept his arm tighter around me and tugged until my head was nearly on his shoulder.
“Tell me more,” he said. “About how things work back home.”
I laughed nervously. “Well, this certainly wouldn’t be tolerated. Courtships aren’t very… physical affairs. That doesn’t come until after marriage.”
Reid laughed. I tried not to take offense to it. “How the hell can you know if you wanna marry someone if you don’t get to test drive them?”
I looked up at him, brows furrowed in confusion. The way Reid was grinning at me told me all I needed to know about that particular insinuation.
“Oh—you mean…” I bit my lip and came away with a thin layer of skin. “Well, you just… do. That’s not the most important part of being married, anyway.”
“Probably not,” Reid agreed. “But it sure as hell is up there on the top ten list. Hell—top five.” He considered this for a moment. “So, you don’t do anything physical while you’re dating? You don’t even… y’know… kiss?”
A faint smile curled my lips. “Kissing isn’t so forbidden. It’s frowned upon, and in the wrong context, you could get shunned for it. But it’s been known to happen…”
My sly grin must have tipped Reid off, because he drew away from me with a disbelieving, but good-natured, look on his face. “Sarah Miller—you mean to tell me you’ve kissed somebody?”
I couldn’t help it. This time, I was the one who laughed. “Yes. I mean—kind of. It didn’t mean anything. Well, at the time I felt pretty brave and grown-up, but now I realize it was… silly. Just kid stuff.” I pushed a few strands of hair behind my ear, torn free by the wind. “His name was Gregory. We were ten. And it was, more or less, a dare. It happened under my favorite oak tree, and I remember thinking at the time how special it was, how I’d remember that day forever. It was the tail end of sunset and the fireflies were out—very romantic—and we bumped teeth and knocked our heads together when we did it. But I was right. I didn’t forget it.”
Reid’s smile turned a little softer. There was something in his dark eyes I didn’t recognize—at least, not from him. A tenderness that hadn’t existed before, and a longing, and… something else. A low flame of desire that made my breath come faster and the flesh between my legs spark, ready to ignite.
He wet his lips. “So, you’ve kissed a boy.” He raked his gaze over me very slowly from head to toe, and back to my face again. I noticed he’d leaned closer, though he’d done it so subtly the realization made me gasp. “But have you kissed a man?”
My heart beat so loud I was sure he could hear it. “N-no.”
That cocky smirk began to grace Reid’s lips again, and I just barely stopped myself from whimpering when he asked, “Do you want to?”
He lifted his free hand to my cheek and I closed my eyes, leaning into his palm. A good Amish girl would have said “no,” would have turned Reid and his temptation away, would have remained strong in the face of sin, Rumspringa or not. But at that moment, all I knew for sure was that when he touched me, I wanted more. His scent, thick and masculine, was overwhelming. He enveloped me in every sense of the word, and yet my lips ached to be engulfed at last, to commune with his desires and allow myself to entertain my own.
I opened my eyes again, slowly, and drew in a shaky breath. “Maybe,” I whispered. “Maybe I do.”
9
Reid
A second ago, I had been sure I had Sarah exactly where I wanted her. Paying off the attendant to stop the Ferris wheel when our car was at the top had been worth the ten dollars and then some. I’d gotten her to open up to me up here, to let her guard down. She was putty in my hands, almost literally. Her face felt so soft and smooth in my palm, and some instinct inside me told me to be careful, to handle her delicately, or I’d risk tearing her apart.
But I didn’t want to be gentle. I wanted to thread my fingers into her hair, grab a handful, and take her mouth with the kind of passion a woman like her deserved. Sarah had no idea what she was missing out on, and I desperately wanted to show her.
And I was about to. Right up until I heard that plaintive little sound she made in response to my questions.
“Maybe. Maybe I do.”
Despite my urges, those words gave me pause. They were the right words, sure. But how she said them—like she was trying so hard to put on a brave face, even though she was scared out of her mind—that wasn’t at all what I wanted. Yeah, okay, so I had a bet to win, but if I was going to play into Ash’s stupid game, I was going to do so on my terms—and that didn’t include taking advantage of a woman who wasn’t completely sure what she wanted at all.
Oh, I’d take her. In every way possible. But when I did, she wouldn’t be saying “maybe.” She’d be screaming “yes.”
I shifted just a little so I was fully facing her. Then, looking into her eyes, I said, “We’ll go slow. Okay?”
Sarah nodded. She looked so mystified. I chuckled and leaned forward, grazing my lips past the curve of her ear and relishing the shudder she gave in return.
“Tell me—does this feel good?”
I worked my fingers into Sarah’s gorgeous locks just the way I’d imagined I would, only I took my time, savoring how silken those tresses felt against my palm. She smelled divine too, but it wasn’t any kind of perfume. It was something natural, like those meadows she’d talked about had worked their way into her skin. When I inhaled her scent, all I could smell were wildflowers and somet
hing sweet, like a drop of honey. It took everything in me not to push her down on her back and strip off her clothes so I could get an even better whiff of that heady fragrance.
Lightly, I gripped the hair at the back of Sarah’s neck. Her lashes fluttered against my cheek and she sucked in a breath through her teeth. I asked again, “Does this feel good?” and in a mewling tone, Sarah answered, “Yes.”
I let my left hand drift down Sarah’s side, grazing my fingers down her arm, then her ribs. She straightened against me and when her back arched, her breasts drew up along my chest. Even through the thick material of her bodice, I could feel her nipples were hard.
I paused when I reached her hip. With any other woman, this gesture would’ve been prosaic. Expected. But it made Sarah gasp. Made her squirm. And suddenly, I would have given anything to make her do those things again. Suddenly, I wanted to make her moan.
Gingerly, I raked my teeth across her earlobe. “How about now?” I asked her, pressing my thumb into the sensitive flesh above her thigh. “Does this feel good now?”
“Yes,” she whispered again, though this time, it was husky. Throatier.
Now I pulled away, just a little, and Sarah lifted her hands to my shoulders, digging in her nails. She was holding onto my jacket so hard her knuckles were white. I grinned at her despite the throbbing in my jaw. Her eyes were glazed and smoldering and her perfect, pale cheeks had blossomed into a shade of pink that made my blood pump all the harder. I could feel my hard-on straining against my jeans, uncomfortable and thrilling all at the same time. I didn’t press it against her—not yet. For now, I only needed one thing.
“Do you want me to kiss you?” I asked her for the second time.
This time, I got the answer I wanted. “Yes,” Sarah moaned. “Yes, please…”
Bingo.
I leaned down, closing what small distance there was between us, and captured her lips with mine. They were soft. Pliant. And when we made contact, they parted, letting me in. Letting me devour Sarah the way I’d been wanting to ever since I saw her at that seedy bar.
I cupped the back of her head in my hand, holding her close to me. I didn’t want to be separated from her. Not yet. Not when everything about her was so yielding, so warm. Not when the very touch of her mouth on mine sent my pulse into overdrive, a rampant beating that deafened me to all else.
It took several moments for me to realize that Sarah wasn’t breathing. Reluctantly I freed her lips and looked down into her eyes, tilting her chin up to have her meet my gaze. Her lips were still parted and her breath came in ragged, hushed gasps as she trembled in my embrace. I searched her expression but found only wonder and wanting. Her teeth slipped firmly into her lower lip.
“You all right?” I asked.
She nodded slowly, then emphatically. “Yes. I just… how do people breathe? When they kiss like that, I mean…”
I grinned. “Through their noses.” I brushed my thumb along her cheekbone. “But it’s nice to know I took your breath away.”
“You did,” Sarah said, lowering her head as she laughed a little. It was a sweet sound, like the melody of a songbird. “That wasn’t at all like how I remember it.”
“No?”
She shook her head and some of her hair fell into her face. “I think Gregory could have learned a thing or two. And… so could I.”
I brushed Sarah’s hair back with my fingers, exposing her pretty face once more. “Well, darlin’, if you’re willing to be my student, I’m always willing to be your teacher.”
Her lips were inches from mine. So close I could taste her breath. So sweet. So innocent. I’d never had a woman like this before—one who’d come to me untouched by any other man. Sure, the prospect of virgin territory was hot as fuck for sexual reasons, but there was a purity to Sarah’s heart, too. An openness on her face, an earnestness in her eyes that nearly broke my heart. A sliver of guilt worked its way into the back of my brain, reminding me that I was taking a good, honest woman into the depths of my own depravity for the sake of a bet. But it wasn’t like Sarah wasn’t enjoying the things I was doing to her. It wasn’t like she wasn’t getting anything out of our arrangement. Granted, she wasn’t exactly clear on what that arrangement was, but she knew enough. She knew I was untamable. She knew this couldn’t last forever.
Didn’t she?
The Ferris wheel lurched suddenly and Sarah shrieked, hooking her fingers around my arms. With a metallic scream the gears began turning again, pushing us away from the stars and backward toward the ground. The car tilted back and I swept my arm around Sarah’s shoulders again, keeping her close as the night sky receded and some of the stars we’d admired faded from view.
Sarah put her hand in mine. I leaned my cheek against the top of her head. She somehow seemed to… fit. The way she curled against me was just so perfect, like two puzzle pieces snapping together. Like the space between my collar bone and throat had been crafted for the express purpose of her head fitting there.
Something warm and fuzzy took up residence in my stomach and I tried to shake it off, but it was no use. This was… nice. Different from what I was used to, but nice. And I kind of didn’t want it to end so soon. Didn’t want to return to Earth and the reality that came with it, including my brothers and our stupid, childish bet.
As I held onto Sarah for as long as I could, I wondered if it would have done me any good to have bribed the operator with more than just ten bucks.
10
Sarah
My lips were still stinging and raw from the heat of Reid’s kiss when the Ferris wheel shuddered to a halt right where we’d boarded it to begin with. My face felt hot despite the coolness of the wind, and I was sure someone would see how swollen my mouth surely was. When I stood to disembark, my knees were like jelly. It took everything I had not to pitch over the side of the car and go sprawling along the ground at Reid’s feet.
Lord, I thought, touching my chest to feel the beating of my heart. It seemed to me it had never pounded so fast, not even after playing outside all day or after a particularly hard day’s work on one of the nearby farms. What have I done?
It was a question I was still struggling to answer. Obviously, I’d kissed Reid—but I’d potentially done so much more than that. I’d delved into parts unknown, explored the first few feet of a fathomless depth, an abyss whose nature I still could not discern. Was I falling into darkness and depravity, or merely indulging myself in a necessary and expected part of the human condition? We Amish kissed, after all. Just not usually like that. At least, not before marriage. And even then, I wondered. I’d never seen Father kiss Mother that way. In fact, I’d never seen anyone kiss the way Reid had kissed me.
The most disturbing question of all was this: if I was descending into a chasm of sin… was I enjoying it? Would I be found weak and wanting in the face of temptation? Would God turn away from me? Surely my family would, if they knew.
To an outsider—an English one in particular—shunning might not seem so bad. But it’s more than just your family giving you the cold shoulder. Everyone in your community does, too. You’re disinvited from events. You aren’t included in family discussions or conversations. Sometimes, in extreme cases, you aren’t even allowed to sit at the same table as your parents and siblings. You are required to eat on the floor, or outside, like a dog. Else you will have to wait until everyone else has finished eating so that you can eat your meal in a chair, like an actual person.
To be so disconnected from one’s loved ones, from one’s community, and from God… I could imagine no darker hell on Earth. Which was why, even with my feet on the ground, I felt a pit open up in my stomach as if I was falling from a great height—from the top of the Ferris wheel where Reid and I had so passionately, deviously kissed.
Maybe I was over-thinking things. Maybe nobody had to know. Rumspringa was a time of experimentation, right? I’d never heard of anyone who returned having to tell their family everything they’d been up to while awa
y. Father was different, of course—he’d surely ask questions, especially given the fact he’d forbidden us from going in the first place—but was it absolutely necessary to give him complete answers?
Great. Now I was considering lying as a viable alternative. Honor thy mother and father, the Bible said. Who on Earth was I turning into?
As I fell into step at Reid’s side, lost in an existential crisis, I was pulled from my thoughts by the appearance of a familiar figure standing near the operator’s booth. My heart leapt into my throat as closing the distance between us brought him into better view. He was staring at me and Reid, his gorgeous, hazel eyes flashing devilishly in the dim light cast from the Ferris wheel. Wyatt, Reid’s younger brother, had a smirk on his face that could only be described as the expression of a cat who ate a canary and knew he was going to get away with it.
I stopped short and my blood froze. Had he seen Reid and I kiss?
Wyatt pushed away from the booth as Reid regarded him with a raised brow. “What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Beth?”
“Saw you guys get in here and we came by to wait for you, but didn’t know you’d be up there so long. What’d you do, bribe the guy to stop you at the top? Anyway, Beth had to go to the ladies’ room, couldn’t very well follow her in there.” Wyatt replied, shifting his gaze to me. “Besides, I wanted to know if the game was still afoot, or if we had a winner.”
I frowned. “Game?” I looked up at Reid. “What game?”
Reid’s eyes had darkened and his lips had flattened into a thin, grim slash. His hackles rose and one of his hands tightened into a fist. “It’s nothing,” he said through his teeth. “Wyatt’s just talking about the shooting game I played earlier. Aren’t you, Wyatt?”
The Brody Bunch Collection: Bad Boy Romance Page 7
