I sighed and lowered my face into my hands. “I know,” I muttered darkly.
And he was right—obviously. Infuriatingly. I hated him for it in that moment. Hated him almost as much as I loved him for giving a shit about me and my sisters. For thinking of them and their safety above all things. He almost cared as much as I did, was willing to make things uncomfortable for the sake of their well-being. I had to admire that. I’d do the same thing.
But it still hurt to even consider it. That process would be humiliating—I’d spoken to enough women to be sure of that fact. There would be all kinds of questions. Why didn’t I come forward sooner? Why did I wait over two years to file the report? How many sexual partners had I been with? Had I been drinking? Was there anyone who could corroborate my story?
Yeah, assholes. My rapists. But you won’t bother asking any of them these questions. Will you?
For Sarah’s and Beth’s sakes, though… I had to do it. Even if I never saw justice myself, I had to make sure if anything ever happened to either of them, they had a tool at their disposal I did not. And in the bigger picture, if any other girl from the community found herself in the awful position of having to file a report, my experience could help her too. If it was part of an official record, it would be harder to ignore. I wasn’t sure that, emotionally, I was ready for it. But truthfully, I never would be.
After a time, I looked back up at Ash. He regarded me with softly knit brows and creases at the corners of his eyes. He was worried about me. He didn’t relish this. He didn’t do this to tell me what to do, to instruct me on how to be a good and noble victim. He’d pushed me because it was his job—because that was the role I’d entrusted him with. I had to give credit where it was due: Ash hadn’t taken his task lightly.
“I’ll do it,” I said before I found some way to talk myself out of it. “I’ll go and file a report. On one condition.”
Ash turned on his side to face me, propping himself up on an elbow. “Name it.”
I pulled my hair to one side, averting my gaze. “I don’t want to tell them. Sarah and Beth, I mean. I… I don’t ever want them to know.”
Ash eyed me. “You don’t think they’ll believe you.” It wasn’t a question.
I shrugged. “Even if they do… I couldn’t bear the way they’d look at me. The questions they’d have. I’ve been lying to them for a long time, Ash. And I left them behind, right in harm’s way.” I shook my head, disgusted with myself. “I know I had my reasons. But ever since I got them back, I’ve realized they weren’t very good ones.”
It took him a while, but eventually, Ash nodded his consent to the terms of the deal. “You got it,” he said, reaching for my hand. “And I’ll protect your secret any way I can. You don’t have to keep it alone anymore.”
I let him entwine our fingers. “You’ll go with me to file the report?” I asked.
He nodded, eyes never leaving mine. “Yes.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “And you’ll do one more thing for me? It’s… it’s a little thing. Not big or complicated. Just… selfish.”
A wry smile quirked the corners of Ash’s beautiful lips. “Now I’m intrigued, Miller. What could you possibly want that I would consider selfish?”
He smiled wider when I told him. He said it wasn’t selfish at all, and that he understood completely. He would want the same thing, in my position. He made me feel like it was okay.
I knew, logically, that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world to want that kind of comfort at the moment. Especially with such a terrible task looming right ahead of me. I just hoped nothing ill would come of it. I couldn’t bear the thought of being responsible for any more pain.
18
Ash
All the poor girl wanted was to see Beth.
It seemed like such a simple thing to me. But then, Hannah was always assuming the worst. Now I knew why, though—it was because for years now, she’d been looking over her shoulder. Going to extraordinary lengths to protect her family, even from a distance. Paranoia had been her one constant companion, and not only had it kept her alive and well, but it was now the agent that kept her sisters safe too.
She felt bad for pulling Beth away from Wyatt. But from what I understood, they weren’t up to anything terribly important. Well, nothing they couldn’t get back to at a later date, anyway. And Beth had been only too happy to receive an invitation to an impromptu barbeque. Even if Sarah wouldn’t be joining us—Hannah was even more hesitant to interrupt Sarah’s time with Reid, since the fact she hadn’t received any calls yet made her believe they might actually be having fun—it’d still be an opportunity for the rest of us to get together and breathe. Enjoy ourselves. Like real, actual couples.
I kind of liked the idea of that. And judging by the way Wyatt talked about Beth over the phone, he wasn’t terribly opposed to the notion, either. Reid was the one we had to worry about. He made a bad habit of fucking things up—his ego really was out of control—and he was the only one of us who didn’t know about the bet being a ruse.
I’d told Wyatt what was going on the same day I came home to find my apartment in shambles. I couldn’t keep him in the dark—not when I needed a serious favor from him. I’d needed him to take Beth out for an overnight trip so I could have time alone with Hannah to get answers from her, and that meant I needed a good excuse for why it might look like I was giving Wyatt a huge advantage, where our bet was concerned.
At the time, coming up with a lie felt exhausting. So I’d come clean. The bet wasn’t real. It was only ever meant to get him and Reid interested enough in the girls to do as I said. Competition was the Brody way of things. It was no different with women.
“What the fuck, dude?” Wyatt had hissed into the phone. “Why weren’t you just straight with me?”
“Because you and Reid are dickbags with enormous egos,” I’d told him with a roll of my eyes. “I couldn’t think of a better way to make you stick to the girls like white on rice than to present you with a challenge. Something that would pit you against one another—and me. Tell me you weren’t just aching to show the both of us up.”
“Actually, I wasn’t.” He sounded cold now, a prelude to a more explosive fury, I was sure. “About twenty minutes after I met Beth, I couldn’t have given one good goddamn about what you and Reid did with Hannah and Sarah. I was only ever in it for her. I get why you had to lie to Reid, Ash, but fuck you for lumping me in with him. We are nothing alike.”
That wasn’t true. All of us, the Brody Bunch—we were peas in a goddamn pod, whether we wanted to admit it to ourselves or not. It was why we had trouble getting along. We were too much alike, in some ways.
But I had to give Wyatt credit where credit was due, on this one. When he talked about his feelings for Beth, I could tell he meant it. Poor kid had fallen for her, hard, right from the start.
“All right,” I told him. “You win. I was wrong. But there are way more important things we gotta talk about right now…”
Okay, yes. The whole thing was irresponsible of me, I know. But I also knew Wyatt would understand, in time, why I’d done what I did. He’d continue seeing Beth because he had the hots for her, whereas Reid might drop Sarah like a bad habit just to spite me, and I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let Hannah down. And I sure as hell couldn’t let Reid break Sarah’s heart because he wanted to get into a pissing contest with me.
Again. Over everything.
Always.
I didn’t bother inviting Reid to the cook-out. He’d made it pretty clear that he wanted alone-time with Sarah, and I figured I’d let him have his fun. Though I was convinced Sarah was too good for him—pretty much any woman, in my opinion, was—the fact remained that there was every possibility they were managing to have a good time. Hannah was of this opinion, as well. Beth and Wyatt weren’t too far out from the apartment, but calling Sarah home would’ve meant cutting her and Reid’s trip short, and she wasn’t about to do that.
Hann
ah was so selfless. It absolutely boggled my mind that she could possibly believe otherwise. But I supposed that was a trait of the truly selfless—you got so used to giving of yourself that asking for anything in return seemed monumental.
The barbeque wasn’t planned as a big deal. There was an outdoor common area right next to Hannah’s apartment, a disused space by the looks of it, with a few picnic-style tables and small grills that were perfect for our needs. All we needed were paper plates, condiments, and meat for the burgers and hot dogs, and those were easy enough to rustle up.
While Hannah was at the store, I sat outside and thought about how much was changing, not just between me and her, but between me and my brothers. I’d never imagined me and Wyatt hanging out with our girlfriends, together, sharing a meal. It just wasn’t something I thought was in the cards for us. We were the Brodys. We didn’t settle down. We didn’t end up with nice girls, having a nice time somewhere. Shit, even bikers had old ladies… but us?
We were different. We weren’t worthy. Or at least, that’s what I’d thought before the Miller girls showed up.
And now everything had changed. And I was… content. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was on my way to attaining something greater. To being something greater.
But of course, as usual, Reid had to go fucking everything up.
When Hannah returned from the store, her face was pale. I could tell by the look in her eyes—that dark, stormy glare—that something had happened. When she dropped the supplies off unceremoniously on one of the picnic tables, I got the impression that whatever it was, it was pretty bad.
Something had happened to one of her sisters.
And I could hazard a guess as to which one.
“What happened?” I asked her, my hands already clenched at my sides. I could feel the muscles in the rest of my body tensing too, preparing for the worst.
Hannah ran her hand through her hair, scowling as she pushed it away from her face. “It’s Sarah. I’ve gotta go get her. Something happened with Reid.”
I closed my eyes. Of course it did. Something always happened with Reid. “Did she say what?”
“No.” Hannah sighed, shaking her head. “Fuck. I feel awful. I told her it was going to be okay. You should have heard her, Ash. The way she was crying… I could barely understand her.”
Fuck! Why was Reid such a fuck-up?! Why couldn’t he let the rest of us have nice things, just this once? Why did he have to be such a selfish prick, always putting himself before others, never thinking of the consequences the people around him would have to suffer because of his bullshit? And why did I feel so responsible?
Maybe it was because of the role I’d played in his life. He wasn’t all that much younger than I was, but he’d still been my ward back when Dad went to prison. I’d still been something of an authority figure in his life. I thought I’d done a pretty good job, given the circumstances, but somewhere along the line I must’ve done something seriously wrong for Reid to have turned out like this. Wyatt wasn’t exactly well-adjusted either, but at least he could be alone with a girl for twenty-four hours and she wouldn’t run away screaming.
Christ, what a mess. I scrubbed my face with my palms and Hannah reached over to touch my arm. “Ash… I gotta go get Sarah. I’m sorry—I know Beth and Wyatt will be here soon, and it was my idea, and the police station…”
I took her hand in mine. “It’s okay. I get it. You made a promise to her. And the police station isn’t exactly going anywhere. We’ll take care of that later. If need be, we’ll just tell Sarah and Beth we’re going on a date and they’ll have to make do on their own for a little while.” I put on my best reassuring smile for her. “I’ll hold the fort down until you make it back here. Okay? You’ve got your hands full with Sarah. You don’t need to worry about anything else.”
“I’m gonna kill your fuckin’ brother,” Hannah muttered in reply.
I kissed her. “Not if I get to him first.”
Hannah kissed me back. When she lightly nibbled at my lower lip, I groaned and pulled her nearer, taking a moment with her for myself. Our lives were goddamn crazy right now, but I made a silent vow that soon enough, we wouldn’t have to deal in stolen moments anymore. We could take all the time we needed with each other, once this mess with her father and sisters was sorted out. I was looking forward to that day more than I had the vocabulary to describe.
“Go,” I said, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Do what you need to do.”
Giving my hand one more squeeze, Hannah nodded and hurried back to her car. I watched her go, heaving a sigh.
And then I pulled out my phone and called Wyatt, hoping like hell the call would connect. Hannah had done a number on it when she’d thrown it at me last night. The screen was cracked, the battery seemed to drain way too fast, and I couldn’t access my text messages or my voicemail. I’d have to pick up a replacement later—good thing I’d bought the insurance.
The line was staticky and garbled when Wyatt picked up. “Yeah, man, we’re on our way.”
“I know,” I said, plugging one ear so I could hear Wyatt a little better. He sounded a million miles away. “That’s not why I’m calling—”
“Say what?” he interrupted. “Bro, I can barely hear you.”
I rolled my eyes skyward. Awesome. “How about now?” I said, speaking up.
“Ash? You there, man?”
For fuck’s sakes…
“Yeah!” I yelled. “Can you hear me, motherfucker?”
Wyatt laughed. “Oh, there you are. What’s up, dude?”
I wanted to strangle him. “You heard anything from Reid, man? He call or text you today?”
“He doesn’t call or text me ever,” Wyatt replied with a little snort. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“What about Beth? Has she heard from Sarah?”
“Um…” Static. Wyatt’s voice got real distant again, and I figured he was asking Beth if she’d gotten any calls from her sister. “…no, man, nothing. Is everything okay over there?”
I sighed. “No. No, it’s… Hannah’s on her way over to the cabin. Something happened between Sarah and Reid. We don’t know what. Whatever it was, she was crying.”
“Goddammit,” Wyatt muttered. Even though most of his voice was lost to an electric buzz, I still knew what he was saying. “Fuckin’ Reid, man.”
Finally, something we could agree upon. “Fuckin’ Reid.”
“Do you think, uh…” He paused, and I got the impression he was trying to choose his words very carefully since Beth was in the car. “Do you think he said something stupid?”
I scoffed. “Uh, yeah, that’s kind of what he does.” When Wyatt didn’t answer me, it sunk in what he’d actually meant. My stomach dropped to my knees. “Wait. Do you mean about the bet?”
Wyatt kept his tone as light and even as possible. “Yeah-huh.”
I closed my eyes. Shit. I was willing to bet Wyatt was right. He was the only one out of the three of us who hadn’t been clued in on the fact that the bet was a ruse. If he thought he’d won, he might’ve run off at the mouth a little. Or worse, if she’d denied him and he got angry enough to throw it in her face…
Was Reid really that much of a monster, though? I knew when his pride was wounded, he could be. I gave him a lot of shit, but the truth was if he’d learn to check his ego, he might have a shot of being manageable. That was damn near the same as asking a tiger to change its stripes, though.
With a long, heavy sigh, I realized that whatever had happened between Sarah and Reid, the fallout could be bad enough to ruin everything.
19
Hannah
“Did you use the condom I gave you, at least?”
I knew it was a stupid thing to ask the moment the words left my mouth. Sarah was in a fragile state. She hadn’t said so much as two words to me since we’d left the cabin, and even now that we were on the highway headed back to my apartment, she remained sullen and silent, tears glistening in her ey
es.
I wanted to beat the ever-loving shit out of Reid. As angry as I was, I felt like I could very well pick up the whole cabin and drop it on him. But Sarah was my priority for now, and I needed to make sure that whatever had happened between them, there wouldn’t be a possibility of any more serious, lasting consequences.
Sarah didn’t answer me, but the look on her face spoke of utter disgust. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her response. What the hell did this silence mean? That she had? That she hadn’t? I needed to know.
“Well?”
My heart sank as she began to grind her teeth. That was a nervous tic of Sarah’s, one I knew all too well. “No,” she said, her jaw clenched tight, “we did not.”
Fuck. This was the last thing Sarah needed—to end up carrying around some disease, or even a baby, in exchange for… what, a night of passion? With that douchebag? A frustrated groan escaped my lips. “Goddammit, Sarah…”
“He promised me he was ‘clean,’” she said, a term I’d taught her. “And he withdrew.” I side-eyed her, hating that she’d trusted Reid to tell her the truth about his sexual health—that she was essentially playing Russian roulette with the possibility of pregnancy as the bullet. Then again, it wasn’t as though I hadn’t done the same thing not so very long ago, with Ash—only worse, because I hadn’t made him pull out. At least I was on the pill, though. Dammit, what were these boys doing to our common sense? “It shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Well, you only have, like, an eighty-something percent chance of being right,” I muttered, shaking my head. I thought I’d taught her better than this. I mean, I’d tried so hard to cover the relevant information—to not overwhelm her. In doing so—in just hitting the highlights—had I put her at a disadvantage somehow?
Breathe, Hannah, I reminded myself. Even if worse came to worst, there were still options available to us, provided we got to them within the right timeframe.
The Brody Bunch Collection: Bad Boy Romance Page 34
