“What’s up with your music, Flynn?” X asked.
Flynn didn’t respond, probably because he knew it wasn’t a real question.
“It’s better than that shit Cooper usually listens to. I’ll give you that, but I don’t get this song at all,” X said. “Is this guy really singing about learning to swim? And is that all he can say? Seriously, are there any other—”
“Would you shut the fuck up already?”
The words exploded from my mouth before I could stop them, but I wasn’t going to apologize. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to X go on one of his my-music-is-better-than-everyone’s rants.
“We get it. You don’t like anyone else’s music, but we don’t care,” I continued. “You get your turn same as everyone else in this shop and you don’t hear the rest of us bitching about your shit.”
X smirked. “That’s because you know my music is the best.”
“No, it’s because we’re not attention whores who think we’re so funny that everyone else wants to hear what we have to say.”
“Damn, dude, what’s up with you? Did that sexy little nurse finally get sick of your oversized ass and kick you to the curb?”
As soon as I shot to my feet, intent on laying him out, the humor fell from his face. X’s expression took on a deadly seriousness that made most people back off. I wasn’t most people, and I was going to deck that smug son of a bitch. I didn’t give a shit that we had customers in the shop.
“Take your shot, asshole,” X sneered.
Before I could get to X, Flynn stepped in front of me, placing a hand on my chest and pushing me back.
“Step aside, Flynn,” I ordered through clenched teeth.
My anger wasn’t intended for him, but if he didn’t get out of my way, he was going to end up an unfortunate casualty in X’s long overdue beat down.
“Yeah, step aside, Flynn and let’s see if Heath’s ass can cash those checks his mouth just wrote,” X taunted.
“Now is not the time,” Flynn said, looking pointedly around.
The entire shop had gone silent. The only sound to be heard was Flynn’s music of choice pouring from the speakers.
Cooper had paused in his tattooing of the mother and daughter who’d come in for matching ink. The young woman who’d been getting a consultation from X stared at us with wide eyes while the guy at Flynn’s station looked bored. Damian, who had come from the front to see what was going on, was the only one who looked worried.
“Take a walk,” Flynn suggested, and I knew he was talking to me.
My station was the only one empty.
Casting one last glare at X, I turned and stalked toward the office. What I really wanted was to storm out of the shop, but I couldn’t. I had a couple of customers lined up to come in tonight.
In the office, mostly used by Damian, I dropped into the chair behind the desk and cradled my face in my hands.
Two days shouldn’t have made me feel like this. I’d dated plenty of guys before Ned, and not one of them had made feel like this; like my heart was honest to God breaking. I wasn’t sure I could take this feeling, and didn’t that sound fucking melodramatic?
The door to the office opened. Figuring it was my brother, I didn’t look up when I spoke. “I’m fine, Coop.”
“Are you sure?”
I lifted my head at the sound of Flynn’s voice. “Yeah, man, I’m good.”
“No offense, but you look the opposite.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get my shit together before I tear up the shop.”
“Actually, I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem.” Flynn grinned. “Turns out that mom and daughter Cooper’s working on are huge MMA fans. They told Coop it was like having front row tickets to a match.”
For some reason, that didn’t surprise me.
“Look, man, I’m not gonna push, but I’ll listen if you ever want to talk,” Flynn offered.
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” Flynn said, already on his feet.
When I was alone again, I pulled my phone from my pocket and stared at it. I wasn’t sure if I was willing it to ring with a call from Ned or trying to talk myself in to reaching out to him.
I wondered if he was waiting for me to make the first move, but I knew better. Ned had asked for time to think about everything. As much as it sucked, I owed it to him to give it to him.
The door opened again, X being the one to step inside the second time. When he dropped down on the battered couch we kept in there, I knew he was settling in for a long chat.
“You gonna tell me what’s up?” X asked.
I could have said it was nothing, but X wouldn’t have been fooled, nor would he have respected the unspoken ‘I don’t want to talk about it’.
“I told Ned about the porn.”
“And he didn’t take it well?”
“Nah, man, he was ecstatic. Asked me to sign his DVD and everything.”
“You know, if he was a true fan, he’d have that shit on Blu-Ray.”
I just gaped at him for a moment before I shook my head.
“What? I’m just saying,” X said and shrugged.
“Yeah, well, don’t.”
“Let me guess, your sweet, innocent little boyfriend couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that you did porn because it was the only way to get the money we needed to open this place.”
“Was it though, or is that just something we tell people to justify what we did?”
“I don’t have to justify shit to anyone.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do, and you’re right, we didn’t have to do porn. We could have just spent God knows how many years working in someone else’s shop, paying rent for the space on top of trying to save up the money to buy this place.”
X was right, of course. Doing porn wasn’t the only way we could have earned the money to buy this place, but it had been the quickest.
While I wasn’t ashamed of it, I wasn’t proud of it. It was just something I did to get what I wanted, and I couldn’t be mad when those royalty checks came in the mail.
Yeah, I’d done a lot of movies, but I wasn’t a big name or anything. X had actually been more well known than me and had been recognized a couple of times. Unlike me, he wore that shit like a badge of honor.
Until Ned, I hadn’t really cared if a man approved of what I’d done or not. If he didn’t, then he could move the fuck on and I’d find someone who understood it wasn’t who I was. It was just something I did.
“So, you told him about Ty Harder and what? He got pissed and dumped you?”
“Not exactly, he asked me to give him time.”
“Time to what? Watch some of your movies and decide what he wants to try with you?”
“Mother fucker, I will punch you.”
Leaning back against the couch, X spread his arms wide. “Go ahead if you think you can.”
I was tempted, but I stayed put. Hitting X might feel good in the moment, but not even that could take away the pain of the fact that Ned was probably done with me.
“So, Ned wants time to get used to the idea of dating a porn star,” X concluded. “What are you gonna do?”
I shrugged. “Not much I can do.”
“You could find your balls and go after him.”
I’d given it some thought, but I’d decided against it. I didn’t want to risk pushing him away by pushing too hard. Not when there was still a chance I might get him back.
“I can tell by the look on your face that you’re not gonna take that advice, but you need to get your shit together,” X said. “Ned’s either gonna come back or he’s not and acting like a dick to your friends isn’t gonna change that.”
I just glared at him, but it wasn’t like I could argue.
“Besides,” X said with a grin, “I’d hate to have to kick your ass.”
Somehow, I doubted that. Just like I doubted he could kick my ass, but I’d let him live in his fantasy world a lit
tle longer.
The first thing I did when I made it home was head straight for the kitchen to pull a cold beer from the fridge. Well, after I spent a few minutes petting my dog. No matter how shitty my mood was, Daisy always managed to lift it a little with her undying affection.
Case in point, my ass had barely hit the cushion of my recliner when she jumped onto my lap. After circling a few times, and making me smile as she did, she found a spot she liked and settled in. While she lay there, curled in a happy ball, I petted her with one hand and held my beer in the other.
As I nursed my beer, I tried not to think about Ned too much, but I couldn’t help it. The thought of never seeing him again hurt down deep in a place I’d never even known existed.
Unable to help myself, and because I was apparently a glutton for punishment, I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened the photo gallery. I couldn’t stop my smile as I scrolled through the pictures. Ned probably had no idea how many pictures I’d taken of him, but I hadn’t been able to help myself.
Ned was truly beautiful. I loved his deep brown eyes and soft brown hair and the warmth of his lithe body pressed against mine when we slept, but it was more than that.
Ned had an inner beauty that shone through and made him even more stunning. He was caring and thoughtful with a need to care for those around him.
I wished I hadn’t been such a coward and had told him the truth from the beginning. At least if he’d walked away then, it wouldn’t have hurt so much because I wouldn’t have known how much I was missing out on.
Whoever came up with that phrase about it being better to have loved and lost than never at all was full of shit. They’d obviously never known real love, the kind of love that went bone and soul deep. Losing that love felt like losing a piece of your heart and soul, like losing the thing that made you look forward to each day, the thing that made you breathe. And losing that after having a taste of it was definitely not better than missing out on it in the first place.
The ringing of the doorbell had Daisy shooting off my lap while I frowned. I had no doubt it was Cooper on the other side of my door. When I finally came out of the office, the shop had been too busy for him to do more than cast me a few worried glances.
I’m sure he wanted to make sure I was all right. I didn’t blame him. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have wanted to do the same for him. Didn’t mean I was in the mood to deal with it. I just wanted to drink my beer in peace and then go to bed and hope I could actually fall asleep.
“Look, Coop,” I said as I pulled the door open.
My words died on my tongue. It wasn’t Cooper at my front door.
“I know it’s late,” Ned said softly as he bit down on his lower lip.
I just blinked at him, not sure what I was seeing was real. I had the urge to reach out and touch him just to find out.
God, he looked gorgeous in his dark skinny jeans and a red T-shirt with matching red Vans on his feet.
“Can we talk?” Ned asked.
Finally, I snapped out of it. “Yeah, of course, come on in.”
Holding the door open further, I stepped aside to let him in. As I closed the door behind me, Ned sank to his knees to pet Daisy and coo about how much he missed her. I hoped he’d missed me as much and that he wasn’t here to do the official break up.
“Did you want something to drink?” I offered.
“No, thank you.” Ned rose to his feet. “I’m fine.”
“Okay, did you want to—”
I didn’t even finish the question before Ned launched himself at me and threw his arms around my neck. I immediately cinched my arms around his waist, drawing his warm body as close to mine as I could.
“I’m so sorry, Heath,” Ned said, sounding breathless. “I never should have told you to leave, but I was just so scared.”
Pulling back, but not letting go in case I was dreaming, I frowned. “Scared of what, baby?”
“That I wouldn’t be enough for you.”
“Why would you be afraid of that?”
“You’ve been with so many men. Men who can give you something I can’t. How can I compete?”
“There’s no competition, Ned. None of that was real, and you’re wrong.” Lowering my head, I brushed a gentle kiss to his plump lips. “You’ve given me something no one else ever has. Something I don’t want from anyone but you.”
It was Ned’s turn to frown. “What?”
“Your love,” I said. “You still love me. Don’t you, baby?”
“I love you so much, Heath. I just don’t understand how someone like you can love me.” Before I could reply, he added, “You’re so driven and successful and gorgeous and just so much man.”
Pressing my forehead to his, I whispered, “I’m your man, if you still want me.”
“Of course I still want you.”
The petulant tone made me smile. There was my sassy little nurse.
“Can you forgive me, Heath?” Ned asked softly.
“If you can forgive me for not telling you sooner.”
“I forgive you, but no more secrets, okay.”
“What about your Christmas present? Can I keep that secret, at least until Christmas Day?”
“Christmas is a long time from now. What if—”
I cut off the question with another kiss, this one a little harder. “Don’t you know, baby?”
“Know what?”
“Now that you’re back in my arms where you belong, I’m never letting you go ever again.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Good.”
When I kissed him again, pouring every ounce of my heart and soul into it, I made a silent promise that never again would this man doubt that he was enough for me. Never again would he doubt how much I loved him.
Ned’s chest heaved up and down as he pulled back. “Let’s go to bed, Heath.”
“Hop up, baby,” I said, and he didn’t hesitate to obey.
With Ned clinging to me, arms around my neck and legs around my waist, I headed down the hall. As I walked, we traded kisses. I wish I could say they were fluid, but the truth is that it’s awkward as hell to walk and kiss at the same time.
“Um, Heath?”
“What, baby?”
“Is now a bad time to tell you that I told my parents about you doing porn?”
From the way the question had me stumbling, I’d say that yeah, it probably wasn’t the best time to bring that up. Was there ever a good time to bring up something like that though?
“Were they mad?”
“Not even a little.”
“Then it doesn’t matter.”
When we reached my bedroom, I was relieved to see I’d left the door open. Walking inside, I moved toward the bed. Doing my best to be careful, I lowered him to the mattress. As I crawled on top of him, Ned wound his arms around my neck. There was so much love and adoration in his eyes as he looked up at me that it took my breath away.
Suddenly, I didn’t care what his parents or his brothers or anyone else knew or how they felt about it or me. The only thing that mattered was what Ned knew and what he felt.
As long as I had Ned, in my bed, in my arms, by my side for the rest of my life, I could handle everything else.
Author’s Note
I want to thank all of you for taking a chance on this book and coming on this journey with me and of course, with Ned and Heath. While I’ve been a longtime reader of the m/m genre, most of my novels are m/f with the occasional m/m thrown in. When these two started talking to me, I knew I had to tell their story right away.
This book was so much fun to write, but it was also difficult. All of these guys are so much larger than life that they’re all clamoring for me to tell their story. Don’t worry, there are more books coming. Up next will be Flynn’s story. Will Derek get his man, or will Flynn manage to stay out of his reach?
Reviews help other readers find books. If you liked this book, please consider leaving a review.
Trish Edmisten is the author of several novels, including Extraordinary Will, a Reader Views Literary Award Winner. Her work has appeared in Writer’s Journal, Creative With Words and A Long Story Short. Besides being an author, she holds a degree in criminology. Trish lives in Fresno, California with her husband and their teenage daughter. To learn more about Trish, visit her website www.trishedmisten.com. You can also follow her on Twitter, @trishthewriter and be sure you follow her blog [email protected].
Look for these titles by Trish Edmisten
Like You Mean It (m/f)
Extraordinary Will (m/f)
No Matter What (m/f)
Time for Love Series:
This Time (m/f)
Next Time (m/f)
Tough Times (m/f)
It’s About Time (m/f)
Taking On Love Series:
Taking a Gamble (m/f)
Taking a Chance (m/f)
Taking a Risk (m/m)
Taking Another Shot (m/f)
The Lincoln Brothers:
Letters from Linc (m/f)
After All These Years (m/f)
Kinkaid Brothers
Change Up (m/m)
Heading for Home (m/f)
Triple Play (m/f/m)
New Beginnings
The Truth Inside (m/f)
Standing on His Own (m/f)
Going Inksane (Nice Ink Book 1) Page 28
