‘Jade,’ he began, realising that for the first time in his life he wanted more than a one-night stand. He wanted Jade in his life for ever. ‘Last night was wonderful and I hope we can find a way to make this work...’
‘Let’s take it slow. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I wanted you and you wanted me. I am so happy here with you right now. Let’s see where this leads.’ It was the Jade of old speaking and she was happy to hear that voice from the past. As they lay in each other’s arms, they heard voices outside.
‘Do possums talk?’ she whispered with a smile in her voice.
He put his finger to her lips and softly said. ‘Let’s pretend we’re asleep and they’ll go away.’
The male voice drew closer. ‘I can’t hear you very well, the reception out here is terrible but I’ll see if he’s awake and get him to call you back.’
Jade drew the covers up as she heard the footsteps next to the zip door of the tent.
‘Is anyone awake?’ the man’s voice called. ‘It’s quite urgent. There’s a call from Adelaide.’
‘Just a minute.’ Mitchell struggled in a half-kneeling position to pull on his boxers and jeans before he bent down and tenderly kissed Jade again. ‘Hold that thought and don’t get dressed. I’ll be back soon. I’m sure it’s nothing. The plane’s not due for another hour.’
He unzipped the tent, stepped into the warm morning air and stretched.
‘Sorry to wake you but you left your phone out here on the chair and it was vibrating on and off for about ten minutes so I picked it up.’
Mitchell noticed the serious look on Jack’s face.
‘Who was it?’ he asked with concern in his voice.
‘Your mother...’ he began.
‘Is everything all right?’ Mitchell could hear the man’s voice was sombre. ‘Did she say what it was about? Has there been an accident?’
‘Not an accident but apparently your niece had a turn of sorts. She’s in hospital, something about her kidney failing.’
‘I mean, she has another one so I’m sure she’ll be all right,’ the man said with an inflection that made the statement become closer to a question.
‘No, she won’t, my niece only has one functioning kidney.’
* * *
Mitchell and Jade were driven back to the makeshift airstrip by one of the men from the camp. The plane would arrive half an hour earlier than originally planned to get them to Adelaide. Jade was back in her nursing uniform. Mitchell was had also changed back into his hospital clothes, and they stood under the shade of a giant eucalypt.
‘I should never have come.’ She scowled at herself. ‘I should have insisted that you take another nurse. It just was another bad choice I’ve made in life. I can’t believe what I’ve done, what we’ve done. I left Amber alone so far away from me. I was stupid and thinking about myself. Last night while we were...’ She fumbled over her words, not wanting to admit to what had happened between them. ‘Last night Amber needed me and I wasn’t there.’
‘You mean when I was making love to you.’
‘While we were thinking about ourselves and forgetting the real world and our responsibilities,’ she corrected him without referring to their lovemaking. ‘I let Amber down, and I let Ruby down. It was wrong of me.’
‘You didn’t let anyone down. We spent the night together, and there was nothing wrong about it.’
‘It shouldn’t have happened. I came to Adelaide to let Amber meet her grandparents, not to hook up with her uncle.’ She bit her lip angrily. Her breathing was laboured as she paced the dusty track and looked up at the sky impatiently.
‘Call it whatever you want, but I’m not sorry it happened. I have feelings for you. I’m not sure where it will lead us but last night was not just a hook-up. It wasn’t planned and it isn’t why Amber is facing health issues right now. The two aren’t related any more than the accident three years ago that you still carry around as if you personally caused it to happen.’
Jade shot him a look of contempt. ‘You don’t know anything about it. I booked the holiday for them. I told them to go and get away to Palm Springs. It’s my fault they are both dead and now look what has happened to Amber because of me being away from her. She was probably fretting, I could have stopped it happening...’
‘Don’t do this,’ he said firmly as he walked to where she was still pacing and pulled her to him. ‘You couldn’t change what happened. You’re a nurse and you know that Amber’s condition was present at birth and there was every chance this could happen without warning. The nephrologist would have explained that to you before you left Los Angeles to come here. You can’t keep Amber in a glass room inside bubble wrap so she can’t hurt herself and you can’t watch over her twenty-four seven.’
Jade angrily pulled herself free from his embrace. ‘I should have refused to come here.’
‘You had no choice, you had to travel with me. You were the best nurse for the job. And if it wasn’t for you, those two babies might not be alive today.’
‘The plane is here,’ she said, ignoring his remark about the birth and the positive outcome. It was still not enough to balance out what she had done wrong in her eyes.
There was an uncomfortable silence for the hour’s flight. Mitchell did not want to add to Jade’s stress or create a scene in front of the pilot. He was grateful that no bad weather was predicted and there was little chance of turbulence as he knew that Jade would never let him help her and he would hate to watch her suffer that anxiety along with the worry of Amber.
With clear skies, Mitchell’s focus was on getting back to Adelaide to speak to the nephrologist at the Eastern Memorial. He knew that Adelaide had world-class renal facilities and he would turn every stone and make every call to ensure Amber had the best care.
Amber and Jade now meant so much more to him than he had ever thought possible. Even if Jade didn’t want to pursue their relationship, he would always be there for the two of them, however that played out. He was certain it would be from a distance, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was Amber.
* * *
Jade had caught a cab with Mitchell directly to the hospital as he had insisted on being present to discuss his niece’s medical condition with the specialist.
‘I can handle it,’ she told him tersely when they arrived at the Eastern Memorial.
‘I am fully aware that you can and do prefer to do things on your own. But I am here and I want to help if I can. I’m her uncle. I have a right to be there.’
‘Just as you have been for the last three years?’
Mitchell ignored the remark. He knew it was deserved and he also knew that Jade was lashing out from fear. He refused to walk away and demanded to meet the renal specialist in his office before they saw Amber.
‘What’s the prognosis for Amber?’ Jade asked as she tried to pretend that Mitchell was not in the room.
‘Well, when the kidneys aren’t working well, symptoms are varied and may be the same as many other conditions, but when her grandfather, Dr Forrester, Senior, accompanied Amber here last night, he quickly alerted the staff and A and E about her situation. After the initial examination, the senior consultant contacted me immediately and Amber was transferred to the renal unit.
‘Amber, I note, has been feeling tired since arriving from the US, but I believe everyone put that down to jet-lag, which is understandable. She has also lost her appetite but, again, in a three-year-old that can be pickiness about food. But it was the swelling in the hands and the associated numbness that concerned Arthur so fortunately he drove her straight in to be seen and we immediately noted high blood pressure. We have tested her urine and it’s positive for protein and the bloodwork shows creatinine. As you know, healthy kidneys usually filter both. Her only working kidney is failing. We have her on dialysis now.’
Jade gasped, and Mitchell instinctively moved towards her but she shot him a look that told him everything. His arm dropped away, and Jade moved away to stand
alone and receive the remaining news.
‘So are we looking at a transplant?’ Mitchell asked.
‘Yes, I’m checking the donor register now—’ the doctor began.
‘I want to be tested as soon as possible,’ Jade announced. ‘Family should prove a better match.’
The doctor nodded his head. ‘Sometimes but not always.’
* * *
Mitchell found Jade pacing the corridor outside Amber’s room a few hours later. She was back to the drab clothing again, which he suspected his mother had brought in for her.
‘How’s Amber?’
Jade looked in silence at Mitchell. She hated him for the choices she made when she was with him. First the motor bike ride and then...then making love in the tent when she should have been home with Amber. For the way he made her feel and the way she forgot her responsibilities in life. She couldn’t be around him. Not now and not in the future. People she loved got hurt when she didn’t think things through properly and that could never happen again.
‘What is it? Are you still angry for what happened between us? Because I’m not. Together we can help Amber.’
‘Amber and I don’t need your help. We’ll be fine on our own.’
‘I know you can cope on your own. You’re a strong woman, but you don’t have to take on everything alone and think Amber’s your sole responsibility. And you have this idea that everything bad that happens is your fault. And that if you behave in a certain way then everyone you love will be safe.’
‘What’s wrong with that? I love Amber and want what’s best, and I know that if I don’t watch out for her then something bad can happen. Look where we are today.’
‘That has nothing to do with you not looking out for Amber. You left her in the care of my stepfather, who is a retired medic, and he saw the signs and brought her straight to hospital.’
‘But I should have been there.’
‘Why? What possible difference would it have made?’
‘Because it’s what Ruby would have wanted and what she would have done. She would have been there. She wouldn’t have run off to the bush and slept with a man she barely knew.’
‘Stop trying to live your life as if you were Ruby. She was a wonderful woman and my brother loved her. But you’re not her. You’re an amazing woman in your own right. You have to stop living your life in the shadow of someone else.’
‘I’m not now, nor was I ever amazing,’ she told him. ‘I was shallow and didn’t take life seriously. Hardly admirable qualities and definitely not good enough for Amber. She deserves so much more.’
‘Having fun and loving life is not shallow in my book,’ he told her as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. ‘What Amber deserves is to know the real Jade. To see that the woman who willingly and selflessly put her life on hold to take care of her niece is not a serious, staid old spinster. Since when does having fun and living life make you less admirable? You didn’t hesitate to take on the role of bringing up your niece so I think that makes you extraordinary and you need to stop judging yourself. No one else is. You’re the judge and jury.’
‘But Ruby was sensible and sweet and a warm and wonderful wife and homebody.’
‘And you’re not Ruby.’
‘She was my sister and I can be like her. I owe it to Amber to be like her mother.’ Jade knew even as she said it that it wasn’t true. She was nothing like Ruby and that was what troubled her most. How could she be everything Amber needed if she wasn’t like her sister?
‘Were you ever looking for a man like David?’
‘That question is so wrong,’ she snapped. ‘David was my sister’s husband and he’s dead. How can you ask that question?’
‘It’s not wrong. It goes to prove my point. Would you have ever seen a future with a man like my brother before the accident?’
‘He was stable and considerate...’
‘Was he your type before you became Amber’s guardian?’
‘No, he was Ruby’s type.’
‘Then stop trying to be Ruby. You’re a wonderful person, Jade, and you should let Amber and the rest of the world see the woman who is hidden inside this shell.’
‘But I was irresponsible and crazy and nothing close to what Amber needs.’
‘No, you weren’t, you aren’t and you never could be,’ he insisted. ‘You stepped up and became the best parent that Amber could hope for while you were still the old Jade. The accident didn’t give you time to reinvent yourself. You instantly and without hesitation did what you knew you had to do for your niece. And it was what you wanted to do. Nobody had to force you to do it. Dressing and behaving in a way that mimics your sister isn’t going to bring her back or make you a better person.’
‘But you didn’t know me then, so you can’t pass that judgement.’
‘I know you now. I know the real you. The woman who was saving those babies then climbing rocks and then sharing a makeshift bed in that tent with me. That was the real Jade.’
‘Amber loves me the way I am now...’
‘Amber loves the woman who would give her life to make her happy, the woman who has that little girl in her heart so deeply that she is a part of her, but she would love you no matter what the packaging. You don’t need to be someone else to have her love.’
‘But her respect as she grows older is just as important.’
‘Do you honestly think that a teenager is going to be able to relate to her maiden aunt looking and behaving like she stepped from a nineteenth-century novel?’
‘I hardly dress or behave like that.’
‘Jade,’ he said as his fingers softly moved the stray wisps of hair from her fringe, ‘you are behaving exactly like that. I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not, I’m asking you to be exactly who you are. A passionate, fun-loving woman who will raise Amber to be the best she can be and allow her to have fun and experience life at the same time. Not someone who will make her fear her own shadow.’
Jade flinched then moved her head away. ‘But what if something happens to her along the way? What if she’s hurt because I allow her to take a risk, to live life the way I did?’
Mitchell looked into the eyes of the woman he knew had crept into his heart. ‘You are here, you are alive, despite the fun you had. Ruby and David were cautious and safe and they are not here to raise Amber. I’m not judging them, they lived life the way they wanted to, but it shows that you can’t guarantee a long and healthy future by being pedestrian about life choices. Sure, you don’t make ridiculous choices that will put you in harm’s way but I don’t think surfing or a spin on a motorbike or a Ferris wheel ride are called dangerous by definition.’
‘But Amber was admitted to hospital while I was away...with you. Walking in the bush and then sleeping together.’
‘Yes, while you were away with me, not because you were away.’
‘That’s the same thing,’ she argued.
‘Not even close,’ he returned. ‘You did nothing to cause Amber to be admitted. That was decided at conception. Genetics delivered her prognosis and now she needs a donor. It’s earlier than her doctor had envisaged, and earlier than any of us imagined. But you can’t take any blame for that, neither can I, or anyone in this world. It’s the hand that Amber was dealt and we will do our best to turn it around. And I want us to do it together.’
‘But I need to behave in a way that will make Amber proud of me and look at me the way she would have looked at her mother. I took that away from her when I sent her parents on that holiday and now I need to make it up to her. Somehow I need to make sure that Amber doesn’t miss out on the upbringing that Ruby and David would have provided if I hadn’t...’
‘Hadn’t what?’ he cut in angrily. ‘Caused the accident? But you didn’t, Jade. You weren’t the cause, it was some idiot on the 101 who caused the pile-up and the deaths of innocent people but you were not that person. You generously paid for a holiday for my brother and your sister and they both died. Bu
t you were not responsible.’
‘You’re just trying to make me feel better, but I know the truth and I will spend my life making it up to Amber and trying to be as close as I can to the mother that she will never know.’
‘So you’d rather be a poor impersonation of Ruby than a brilliant version of you?’
‘It’s not like that,’ she retorted, tears spilling down her face. ‘I know that if I hadn’t suggested the trip they would still be here today to raise Amber a certain way, and that’s just what I’m doing.’
‘That argument doesn’t hold any water for me,’ he said, holding her shoulders with his hands and forcing her to look into his eyes. ‘We don’t know what might have happened and whether they would still be alive now or not. Perhaps it was not their destiny to raise Amber. Maybe that was always going to be your role. Perhaps even my role too. Who knows? But we can’t change the past. We can just build on what we have. Don’t sell Amber short. Let her see the awesome woman you are, not some poor version of her mother.’
‘I’ve managed so far and she seems to be doing okay,’ she retorted angrily. ‘I know what I’m doing and I’m doing a good job of raising her.’
‘You won’t be able to keep it up.’
‘And you would know that because?’
‘Because you will burn out. You are trying to fool the most important person in your world—yourself. You can’t keep telling yourself it’s okay to live a lie. It will crush you because one day it will become too much. I know that from experience.’
‘Loving Amber would never be too much,’ she spat angrily. His words cut her like a knife.
‘I’m not talking about Amber being too much. I mean the lie you are living, trying to be half the woman you really are. Suppressing how you feel, needing to live up to an unreal image that no one but you wants.’
‘One night sharing a bed doesn’t mean you know me or have any right to tell me how to live my life. You told me yourself that you’ve spent the last decade running from anything close to resembling ties or responsibility. Last night was fun but I know in my heart there’s the chance you won’t stay around. I may be the only one who will be here for Amber after the dust settles. I can’t lean on you and have you leave me. And I won’t risk putting Amber through that. Just go now before she falls in love with you.’
A Baby to Bind Them Page 14
