by Vivian Arend
Walker dipped his head. “I know. And hey, I came back, didn’t I? I know how much you care, in spite of you not talking up a storm.”
“But you’re not going to tell me anything more…”
“You ready to admit your secrets, bro?”
They stared sheepishly at each other. Stalemate. Nothing to admit until he’d figured out the next step, preferably with Tamara.
Silence surrounded Caleb on the walk to the house, the icy winter air slicing into his lungs, sharp and painful. At the same time, the world sparkled. Crisp and shiny, the fresh-fallen snow painted the landscape clean.
Stepping into the kitchen was like walking into a hug, the house filled with all sorts of delicious scents and the low murmur of voices.
An excited squeal accompanied Emma’s rush in his direction. She stopped a foot away to take a cautious sniff before throwing her arms around him. “It’s Christmas.”
He caught her in his arms and threw her skyward, joy kicking hard through him as laughter spilled from her lips. “How did that happen? I could have sworn it was summer. What’s Santa doing coming in the middle of summer?”
Sasha was there, catching hold of his other side and squeezing tightly. “Merry Christmas, Daddy.”
He reached down and lifted her as well, their squeals of delight making the warmth of the room all but disappear because this warmed him even more, inside and out. “Merry Christmas, pumpkin. Are there really presents under the tree?”
Two heads nodded. They squirmed to be set free, and he put them down, pausing to remove his boots as he gazed into the living room. “That’s a fine-looking tree,” he said to Tamara who sat all bundled up under a blanket on the couch. A cup in her hand and laughter in her eyes.
“It’s amazing,” she replied. “One minute it wasn’t there, then poof. The next it was.”
Emma paused at Tamara’s knee for two seconds before climbing into her lap as if she belonged there. But it wasn’t until she cupped a hand to Tamara’s ear that Caleb’s throat threatened to close off for good.
Tamara’s gaze met his as Emma whispered something, a sweet smile directed at him before she turned her attention to his daughter and nodded vigorously. “I’m sure Santa found the things you made. You should check the packages and see if any of them have your daddy’s name on them.”
Caleb stood there for one more moment before his feet carried him down the hall, vanishing into his room without a word.
He leaned his hands on the door and fought for control. This was what it was supposed to be when you had a family. This was what Christmas morning should be like—and the sheer wrongness of the past threatened to choke him.
He took a few deep breaths, attempting to push away the old. Wendy wasn’t part of the girls’ lives anymore. She hadn’t been for a couple of years, and she couldn’t come in and hurt them.
Tamara had shown him he had that right.
He changed from his work clothes, a real mixture of pleasure and pain swirling in his gut. This was going to be the best Christmas ever for the girls, but he still…
Why did he feel as if there were an aching, empty hole inside?
The modestly noisy house grew louder as the morning progressed and as the rest of the family arrived, the back door opening again and again as his brothers joined them.
Dustin wore a Santa hat, the paper bag in his hand that held presents taken eagerly by Emma to be placed under the tree. Sasha hauled him off to help set the table for the upcoming meal, and secrets in the form of low whispers bounced back and forth between the two of them as they worked, the lanky young man and his energetic niece.
Walker hung his cowboy hat on one of the hooks by the door before coming forward with small, twisted bits of tin foil he placed at each person’s spot at the table.
Luke marched in right when they were getting ready to sit down to dinner, his arms full of packages. Penny wasn’t with him.
Tamara eyed him. “Where’s your fiancée?”
Luke blinked, looking up from where he’d been hugging the girls. “Penny? Oh, she said to pass on her apologies, but she couldn’t make it. She’ll try to come tonight, but there was something her dad needed her to do, so she couldn’t leave until later.”
He shrugged.
Caleb wondered if Luke really didn’t mind, or if his brother was putting on a show and hiding his disappointment.
Tamara pushed past Caleb, muttering under her breath. “I hate that woman. Twit. Mean, nasty twit.”
Caleb’s lips quivered, but he managed to keep from outright laughing. “That’s not a very Christmassy-like sentiment,” he murmured back.
“She doesn’t engender very many charitable thoughts on my part, but I kind of figured she’d do this.” She turned, brushing accidentally against him, giving his arm a squeeze before stabbing a number on her phone. He waited with great curiosity until she barked an order at someone. “I win. Get your ass up here.”
He raised a brow, but Tamara put her phone away and patted her pocket with a smug smile. “I do so like being right.”
Caleb wondered if he should give the room a warning of some kind, but then it wasn’t him she was pulling a fast one on, and he wasn’t about to rescue his brother.
When Kelli slipped in the door five minutes later, offering Tamara the evil eye, Caleb couldn’t help it. He outright grinned, especially when Luke paused in the middle of what he was doing. His eyes went wide before his lazy, half-hooded look returned.
It seemed the friendly feud between the two of them continued.
“Okay, everybody to the table,” Tamara ordered, and the next few minutes were filled with the noise of moving chairs and overfilled platters being laid on the table.
An amazing spread of food greeted them. Caleb picked up the first serving spoon, and that’s when he noticed half the stack of plates waited beside Tamara. She worked at his side, scooping up half of everything before the plates were handed around the circle, and slowly everyone was served.
As traditional, Ashton had joined them, and he sat there with a huge grin on his face that only got wider as the meal progressed.
They ate until Caleb couldn’t think of eating another mouthful. At which point, Sasha proudly brought out a pie she had made, and they all had to eat a little more.
Luke made the coffee, and as they finished the last of the goodies, Ashton delivered his present, which was to open his fiddle case and play a few songs for them.
The responding applause that followed was the cue for Dustin to turn into a giant elf and start passing out presents from under the tree. The volume in the room rose, and wrapping paper flew, and through it all Caleb forced himself to keep from staring at Tamara between discovering what had caused the squeals of excitement from his children.
They ended with the little twist of metallic foil that Walker put in front of each plate.
Caleb lifted the small black device hidden inside. “Something for the computer?”
Sasha rolled her eyes. “Daddy. It’s a USB. It means Uncle Walker gave us pictures or something. You plug it into your computer, and you can download them.”
Caleb nodded at the serious expressions on Emma’s and Sasha’s faces. “Good thing I’ve got you guys to help me with that.” He turned to his brother. “Rodeo pictures?”
Walker was occupied straightening his utensils. “Something like that.”
Caleb wrapped his fingers around it and nodded. “Thank you.”
Emma slipped to Walker’s side and gave him a big hug, and he held her tight for a moment, eyes closed, contentment on his face.
Games were brought out, more music played. The afternoon drifted into evening. Everyone who wanted to eat again loaded a plate with leftovers and heated it in the microwave, Dustin going back for thirds.
They took turns heading out in pairs to finish chores, returning to the warmth of the house as if they couldn’t bear to let the holiday be over.
Twenty minutes past their bedtime, two little
girls were falling asleep in the corner of the couch, but their eyes were bright with happiness and Caleb wasn’t willing to send them from the room yet. So they sat, curled up together, staring at the Christmas lights and the family who were still visiting.
Luke, Kelli and Ashton were talking up a storm, the older man settled on the ledge before the fire as Kelli sat on the floor, hands waving animatedly. Dustin fooled around cautiously on Ashton’s fiddle while Walker teased him.
Caleb drifted around to where Tamara sat playing with the puzzle Dustin had given her, settling on the arm of her chair.
“Thanks.” He wanted to say so much more. Like thanks for poking his stupid ass and making him a better father. Thanks for taking care of his family and making sure they were all as happy as possible.
He couldn’t get the words out.
She put the puzzle aside, tilting her head as she gazed up. “It’s been a good day.”
“Tomorrow, your family.”
“And yours,” she pointed out.
They and the girls were headed north to Rocky Mountain House for the annual Boxing Day Coleman clan gathering, which included his sister’s new family and Tamara’s family.
Shockingly, he was looking forward to it, which wasn’t like him. The idea of a crowd, with so many strangers, usually would put his back up and make his protective instincts go into overdrive. Take his little girls into that situation? Never…before now.
Because while it would be loud and noisy and full of people, he was fairly certain they would care and tease and love his girls and make them feel welcome.
This trusting business was addictive in a way. It seemed every time he’d opened up a little he’d been rewarded—
He wondered if he should plan on ducking soon, because nothing went this well, for this long, without coming back and kicking him in the teeth.
But that hollow, empty place inside him had filled up over the past hours, and he knew the reason why.
More specifically, he knew the reason who, and she was watching him closely. Her face smooth and content, but a question in her eyes.
He broke eye contact, hoping his feelings weren’t written too clearly on his face. He nodded politely, then rose and joined Walker and Dustin who were trying to convince Ashton to play some more fiddle.
Maybe…
Maybe Tamara was right about something else. Maybe it was time for him to do something that would make him happy. He didn’t need to know what came a year down the road.
Tomorrow would be a good enough start.
Chapter Nineteen
It was the first time Caleb remembered having more secrets the day after Christmas than before.
“Will there be any other little girls like Emma and me? The twins aren’t as old as us, but they’re nice.” Sasha bounced forward and leaned up on the back of his seat. “Can we go to the barn? I want to see the kittens. Do they have goats?”
“Is your seatbelt done up?” Tamara interrupted.
Sasha didn’t break stride, but she did slide her hips back a few inches. Caleb heard the click as she redid her seatbelt. “Can we go tobogganing? Do we have to do chores while we’re there? If we do, and there’s chickens, I can help with the chickens so Emma won’t have to. Right, Emma? What would you like to help with if we have to do chores?”
Caleb peeked in the rearview mirror so he could watch as Emma spoke quietly to Sasha before turning and tapping Tamara on the shoulder.
Tamara twisted in her seat. “Yes, sweetie? Do you have a chore you want to help with? Although I don’t think you have to worry, because we’re going for a party. We won’t be there long enough to help with chores.”
Caleb glanced off the road for a moment as a whisper drifted from Emma, too faint for him to hear.
“Nope, you don’t have to talk to anybody if you don’t want. Sometimes my sister Karen goes whole days without saying a word, but that’s more because she’s trying to be a pain in the butt.”
“Tamara!” Shock rang in Sasha’s nine-year-old voice. “That’s not nice.”
Tamara looked genuinely surprised. “Pain in the butt? The words, or the sentiment? I love my sister, but sometimes that’s what she is.” Tamara turned to Caleb in appeal. “Tell me I can say ‘pain in the butt’.”
“I seem to have heard it three times in the last minute, so I don’t think you have any trouble saying it.”
Giggles erupted from the back seat.
Tamara winked before rotating to the back again. “Remember, Auntie Dare lives with my family now, so I’m sure she has talked about what amazing little girls you two are, but if anybody forgets their manners, or if you need a break, come and find me, or Daddy, or Auntie Dare. And hey, you get to see your new cousin Joey again. He’s going to be a lot bigger than the last time.”
“He won’t be able to walk,” Sasha informed her as if that were the end of that discussion. “I want to play with the twins.”
Tamara turned back, a deep sigh of satisfaction escaping before she turned her smile on him. “I’m glad you agreed to making the trip. It’s a long way to go for one day, but it’ll be good to see everyone. I know Dare will appreciate it, as well.”
Before he could stop himself he grabbed her hand where it lay resting on the console between them. “Figured it was about the best Christmas present we could give you. The boys are doing my chores, so there’s no rush to get back.”
He squeezed her fingers then forced himself to let go, gripping the steering wheel and staring ahead as if it was the first time he’d seen this stretch of highway instead of the millionth.
Caleb could feel her looking at him, but it was too soon to reveal his cards. He stayed focused until Tamara gave up, distracted by something else.
“Hey, I brought something along.” She shook it in the air. “Wait until you hear this.”
It was the USB that Walker had given him, and she slipped it into the dash of the truck and fiddled with the buttons as he watched with amusement. “You’re kidding me. I didn’t know this truck could do that.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know your brother could do this.”
She hit play then turned up the volume. They were in the middle of a country-and-western song, familiar words with a simple guitar playing in the background instead of a full band, but the tune was catchy, and the performance solid, and he tapped his fingers in time with the rhythm. “Not bad. I hope that’s not pirated.”
“Daddy. That’s Uncle Walker,” Sasha chided him.
Caleb listened in shock, but after a few more beats it was clear his daughter was telling the truth. “Okay, that’s a puzzler. I knew he could sing, but that’s not half bad.”
“That’s better than not half bad. You never told me Walker was a singer.”
“He isn’t. I mean…” He gestured to the radio and the music pouring from the speakers. “Okay, he is, but he’s never done anything more than help get us through singing Happy Birthday without breaking people’s eardrums.”
Tamara grinned. “Well then, I think it’s a perfectly marvelous Christmas present.”
“Me too,” Sasha piped up. “Maybe I can get Uncle Walker and Ashton to play at my birthday next year.”
Caleb glanced at Tamara. “That’s a long way away. You’re already planning your party?”
“Kelli says it’s important to plan ahead and not just go off half-cocked. Kelli says a lack of planning on someone else’s part is no reason for her to get all bent out of whack.” Her confused expression was clear in the rearview mirror. “Daddy, what’s bent out of whack mean?”
Thank God that was the expression she wanted to know more about. “It means Kelli should remember little people have good hearing.”
Tamara snickered, covering it up with a cough.
He was so tempted to reach over and catch hold of her hand again it was brutal.
He still had no idea what was going to happen in the next twenty-four hours, but if things went the way he hoped, they’d both be getting a
very sweet post-Christmas present.
It was good to see everyone in the family again, the entire group of them gathered at the Moonshine Coleman’s.
Her uncle and aunt welcomed them in, but like any Boxing Day gathering, there were more people around than just family,
After making sure the girls were introduced to the other kids their age, Tamara found herself being kidnapped by her sisters, tucked in the corner where she could see the girls, but she and Lisa and Karen could talk openly without being overheard.
“You’re wearing a goofy smile,” Lisa pointed out. “Still having a good time in Heart Falls?”
Karen made a rude noise. “That’s a needless question. Let’s stick to the basics we need real answers to. What’s going on? You look as if you’ve got secrets, and that’s not allowed. Tell us now, or we’ll torture them out of you.”
Hand to God, Tamara was going to have reason to shoot them at some point.
Thankfully, she could answer somewhat honestly, because nothing was going on. Not really. “Nothing other than I’m being an excellent nanny.”
Karen and Lisa exchanged glances before looking back and leaning in closer. “Define excellent.”
“No, first define nanny,” Karen demanded. “Does your job description involve extensive one-on-one time with anyone over the age of ten?”
Tamara waved them off. “You guys are terrible. Nothing’s…happened.”
Her confession came out with just enough hesitation she was a goner. Her sisters pounced like birds of prey on a helpless field mouse. Wanting to know who and what and especially when.
Except a second after starting, Karen pulled up sharply. “We’re teasing you, but it’s because we love you. Something’s not okay.”
Tamara hesitated. These were her sisters. If she couldn’t talk to them about the most important thing happening in her life, she was in a bad way.
“I don’t know what’s going on,” she confessed. “Wait, I do know. Caleb and I have a serious case of the hots for each other, but it would be all kinds of wrong to act on it. The girls don’t need more chaos in their lives, so even though there’s an awful lot of chemistry between us, we’re going to do the right thing and ignore it for now.”
