“I’ve spent most of my life taking the opposite approach.” His eyes narrowed. “I have emptied their fragile skulls out onto the salt and exposed their stomach entrails to the blinding light of day.”
“Does that work any better?”
He shrugged. “I get by.” He leaned back again. “When my mother died, the other clans decided that I was too dangerous. See, my mother ruled these lands with a tyrannical zeal, embarking on an era of expansion and warfare unseen for generations. While the other clans honored her power and her victories with fearful respect, some of The Wasteland’s most prominent leaders didn’t really like the idea of a second generation taking over where she left off. They feared what I would do once I grew large enough to Challenge whichever other idiot they put in charge as my mother’s replacement. They didn’t want another Saltman in charge, no matter what the rules said.”
“I’m finding it difficult to imagine you ever being a child.” She observed, squinting at him slightly. “I imagine you stalking fully grown out of oblivion or something.”
“Well, not quite. I wasn’t a child for long though, true. I was too dangerous to leave alive, you see. I’d grow and Challenge and slay. None of them could stop me. They knew it. I wasn’t born to kneel. So, they decided to barricade me inside a hut as a child and set it afire as part of my mother’s funeral ceremony. A sacrifice to Chox.”
“Good lord!” She gasped. “That’s horrible!”
“It used to happen centuries ago, back when The Wasteland was more active in world affairs. The body of a Lord of Salt would be burned along with their youngest child, as a way to… I don’t know… grant them more power in the world below or something. But the custom had long since gone out of favor. Because it’s stupid. They resurrected it simply in an effort to be rid of me.” He stared at the horizon. “They set that fire with me inside… and I watched her body burn. The flames, they…” He cleared his throat. “My would-be assassins hadn’t been expecting my uncle though, and they could do little more than back slowly away from him as he freed me. My uncle…” he paused, searching for the right word, “…dealt with the men. He stepped into the power vacuum and preserved order through sheer force of personality.” He paused again. “Or he seized control through brutal savage violence and by inspiring soul-shattering terror, depending on how you choose to look at the situation and which clan you belong to.”
“I’m noticing that there’s a lot of stuff like that here.”
“In either case, I was then Lord of Salt. But that didn’t mean the other clans liked it. They don’t think I deserve my title and they think rescuing me from their ‘sacrifice’ was a dishonor to the kingdom and their god. They think I should be dead. And they’re always looking for ways to get rid of me. They can’t beat me in Challenge, but they would absolutely jump at the chance to poison me, banish me, or get me killed in battle.” He pointed at her. “The disagreement over you is just the kind of thing those dogs are looking for.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, don’t be ridiculous.”
“I know.” She calmly nodded in agreement. “It’s entirely your fault for killing my people and kidnapping me, obviously. But pointing that out seemed impolite, especially during such a tender moment. I decided to err on the side of being cordial, even if it was a conversational fabrication.”
He rolled his eyes. “I appreciate your restraint.”
“I’m a professional.” She reminded him. “Diplomacy is second nature to me.”
“Tell that to Aix.”
She gasped. “That was your fault!”
He held up his hands, avoiding the argument. “If you say so, Prize.”
“No, no, don’t give me any passive-aggressive dodges!” She snapped. “You recognize that my duty as an interpreter is to interpret every word!”
“And now you’re yelling at a dangerous man you’re terrified of.” He pointed out, sounding exasperated by her for some reason. “Where is your head? As a personal favor, please don’t scream at killers. You can yell at me all you want, but my countrymen are not people you want to anger.”
“Maybe they should worry about angering me.” She glared at him. “I’ve spent most of my life trying not to be seen, but if someone is wrong, I call them on it.”
He met her eyes for a long moment, once more coming closer to her. “I see you, Tandrea.” He whispered. “I see you.”
She stared at his gorgeous face and realized that she was totally going to break one of his rules…
For the first time in the conversation, Tandy didn’t back away from him as he prowled towards her. She stood right where she was, looking straight into his eyes.
He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her towards him, causing her to brace her hands against his chest for support. A moment later, his lips slammed into hers and Tandy had no words for how amazing it was.
Her mouth opened against his, helpless against his passion. His lips were demanding and fierce and… gentle in a way too.
Tandy had not been kissed many times in her life. But this was the only time she actually enjoyed it. It felt right.
He tasted like… power. Like some dangerous work of art which was hers to enjoy. Entirely safe but also enticingly forbidden.
Tandy’s mind went completely blank, surrendering entirely to the beautiful sensation and the deep passion the man had always inspired in her. The well-placed fear she’d also always felt just added fuel to that fire, making the emotional conflagration all the brighter and more exciting.
Tzadok deepened the kiss, holding the back of her head and pressing her to him.
A second later, she was throwing her arms around his neck, dragging him even closer.
He made a startled sound against her mouth, not expecting that.
He broke the kiss, stumbling backwards in surprise.
They stared at each other, both breathing hard and wondering what had just happened.
A commotion sounded from the camp, as Xiphos came running over. “Tzadok?” He skidded to a stop in front of them, holding up a scroll. “We have problems.”
Chapter Eight:
A Legend Sung Wherever Killers Gather
As it turned out, the “problem” in question concerned a messenger who had visited his uncle. As Tzadok arrived on the scene, the man was already gone, but the sense of doom still permeated the area, the way you can smell a dead animal from a great distance.
Tzadok made his way into his uncle’s tent, worriedly. “How bad is it?” He asked immediately, not even waiting for the door flap to close behind him.
Kobb looked up at him, his face pale. “The worst you can imagine.”
Tzadok sat next to him. “Shit.”
“They have called a Council of All Councils. About Tandy.” Kobb said seriously. “Leaders of this land and all allied to us are required by honor to send a representative to oversee the decision.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, looking tired. “It is the highest authority we have, Nephew. The only group who could hope to overrule The Lord of Salt.”
Tzadok had no idea what he was going to do about that.
He was not a smart man. At all. That wasn’t false modesty on his part, he’d failed in every lesson the elders of the clan had ever tried to teach him, despite Kobb’s endless attempts at instruction. He didn’t understand a lot of what other people were even talking about most of the time.
The one thing he’d always excelled at was fighting though. That he understood. He could slay any man you put in front of him. But anything deeper? Not so much.
If he were smarter he could have figured out a way around this. He could have expertly maneuvered his enemies into giving him exactly what he wanted. He could have easily devised a cunning strategy to get his people out of this crisis unharmed.
But Tzadok had always possessed more brawn than brains, sadly.
It was one of the reasons why he found Tandrea so fascinating and exotic. Her mind was sharp as a blade and always moving.
She knew facts and could put things together faster than he’d ever seen.
For a man accustomed to slogging through the mire of his own limited intelligence, seeing someone able to sprint for a proverbial horizon was like a miracle.
Granted, the woman was also completely insane and periodically delusional, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t also brilliant. You could see it, just by looking at her. It sparkled like diamonds in her beautiful eyes.
“This is not good.” Xiphos observed. “I’ve never seen a Council of All Councils called except to discuss war. I didn’t even know that could happen.”
“They can’t overrule me.” Tzadok reminded them, feeling the need to restate his Claim. “They can just whine at me like old women and ask me not to do it again in the future.”
“This is a serious matter. Not to be taken lightly.” Kobb met his gaze. “They can overrule you. Hawser has made a Claim of Keeper of Heart, which will mean that the Council will be forced to agree with him. That is the law. No clan has ever kept a Keeper of Heart away from a mate before.”
“Well, it’s about to happen.” Tzadok scoffed. “They’d have to Challenge to overrule me, which they’re not going to do, because they know I would shear through their warriors like a blade through the wind.”
“They’re going to kill you, cousin.” Xiphos said softly. “I’m sorry, but if you try it, they will. You are tough, but no one can stand against so many.”
“I will.” Tzadok promised. “I have not fallen before my foes yet and I do not intend that to ever change.”
“You seem to be missing the point here, which is that…” Kobb began, then stopped, as Tandy arrived.
Rather than sitting down around the fire with them, like any normal person would do, she instead busied herself with poking at all of the sacred objects and fragrant herbs which lined his uncle’s walls.
The three men were almost hypnotized by her weirdness, sitting in silence and simply watching her. Nothing in their lives had ever prepared them for her. She was just… a breed apart or something. A delicate and fascinating little mystery.
“Oh, don’t mind me.” She finally said, recognizing that they had fallen silent. “I’m just…” She trailed off. “Do you know if your architecture has its roots in Adithian, Grizzwoodian, or Perraulti? Because I…” She trailed off. “You know what, I’ll just let you guys, um… You can…” She sat down beside them. “Oh… soup.” She reached for the ladle and helped herself to some. “Why do you call it ‘brain’ soup, anyway? It’s quite good and…” She looked at him and trailed off.
Tzadok shook his head, unable to follow her words and feeling generally unhappy. She’d stopped talking because he scared her for some reason. “I don’t know why you’re always afraid of me.” He grumbled.
“Maybe if you want her to see you as less threatening, you should make fewer threats.” Kobb suggested.
“Thank you, Kobb.” Tandy bobbed her head in agreement, then turned to Tzadok. “At least someone in your family understands civility.”
“I am very civil.” Xiphos told the room at large. “My woman tells me that my manners are impeccable.”
“Oh. Well, that’s nice.” Tandy smiled pleasantly, putting her empty bowl down. “Dory is lovely and it’s so sweet that you appreciate her.”
Tzadok scowled, unhappy over the idea that his idiot cousin was better at something than he was. While he was busy glaring at the world, his eyes settled on a bandage which was wrapped around his uncle’s arm. He pointed at it. “What the fuck happened to you?”
“Nothing.” Kobb said quickly, trying to hide his arm. “Don’t worry about it. I simply… fell.”
Tzadok’s eyes narrowed. “That looks like a knife wound.”
“Yes. I… fell on the knife.” His uncle explained.
Tzadok made a disbelieving sound and pointed at the wound again. “Twice?”
“When you get to be my age, you fall a lot.” Kobb smoothly clarified, not missing a beat.
“Yeah, being approximately forty must be a living hell, Kobb.” Tandy teased. “I don’t know how you manage.”
Tzadok’s hands fisted in anger. “Did that crazy foreign she-bitch stab you?”
“No!” Kobb declared a little too quickly. “No, of course not.” He cleared his throat. “Well… yes. But it was an accident.”
Tzadok crossed his arms over his chest. “She stabbed you twice, how could it possibly be an accident!?!”
“Well, she’s very young.”
“My woman has never tried to stab me.” Xiphos announced with obvious pride. “Because my heart beats only for her. It is her property. If she wished it to stop, she need only issue the command.”
“Aww.” Tandrea made a little coo of appreciation at the sentiment.
The others ignored the man’s idiocy.
“Fine. We will ask Tandrea.” Tzadok decided, looking over at her. “What do you think of the girl?”
“Well…” She paused to consider that. “I think she pronounces her vowels briefly with some shifting taking place, a few of her consonants are strongly enunciated while others are ignored, and she tends to front the ‘o’ diphthong and the ‘a’ vowel.” She nodded. “It’s all fairly characteristic of the slums of Galland, particularly the frozen mountains to the north of the capital.”
Tzadok stared at her for a beat, waiting for her to reveal that was a joke. “As a person, I mean.”
“Oh.” She shrugged. “I guess I’ve never really thought about her that much.”
“You just listed off all of those foreign words about how she talks, but you ‘haven’t thought about her much’!?!” Xiphos gasped in incredulity. “What…?”
Tzadok held up his hand, halting the issue. “Well, if you had thought about her, you’d realize that she’s been infected by dark spirits and the fog of madness. There is demonic cruelty in her soul, which knows no light.”
Tandy pursed her lips in deep thought and glanced at Kobb. “Were you trying to sodomize her? When she stabbed you? Is that why?” She asked conversationally. “She seems very concerned about that, so it could explain things.”
They all turned to stare at her again.
Xiphos opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. All he got out was a weak “…wha….?” sort of sound. He looked almost afraid of her now.
She shifted uncomfortably under their gazes. “I was just asking, jeez.” She defended. “I wasn’t… you know… accusing Kobb of… you know, trying to rape her in… umm… Because you’d obviously never…” She cleared her throat nervously. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay.” She let out a theatrical sigh to distract them, trying to sell it. “What a relief.” She pointed at the pot. “Is there more soup?”
Silence.
“I… I think we should speak slower.” Kobb decided, looking deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed. “I don’t think Tandy understands our language as well as we assumed.”
Xiphos started to speak very slowly, carefully enunciating and elongating each word in an effort to help Tandrea understand. “Whaaat…… cooould…… sheee…… pooossibly…… haaave…… thooought…… yooou…… saaaid…… tooo…… proooompt…… a…… queeestion… abooout… yooou… fuuucking… thaaat… she-panther… in… the… ass?”
Tzadok swatted at him. “Shut up. You’re pissing me off right now. Stop speaking or I’ll make a goblet of your severed head, and raise a jubilant toast to your never-ceasing anguish.” He refocused on Kobb. “I am going to slay her.” Tzadok announced. “The pitiless way our ancestors slew all monsters.”
“I wouldn’t start a fight with her, cousin.” Xiphos whispered, sounding rather scared and not taking his eyes off of Tandy. “Her thoughts are dark…”
“Not Tandrea, you idiot!” Tzadok snapped. “The nightmare wench!”
“I wouldn’t start a fight with her either.” Xiphos decided seriously. “She’s mean. She won’t even allow Kobb the pleasure of her rear. What kind of selfish Keeper of Heart is
that? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
Everyone ignored him.
“Oh, you are not to hurt her, Nephew.” Kobb waved off that idea. “You’re not going to do anything. You can’t kill her because officially she’s mine and you can’t banish her because the Coastal People would grab her on her way back to her homeland and torture her to death.”
“So?” Tzadok scoffed.
“So, no one touches a guest in my home while I still breathe, do you understand me?” Kobb said flatly. “She will not be harmed. She will not be intimidated. She will not be threatened. She will be allowed to do whatever she wants.”
“The girl is a maniac.” Tzadok insisted, once again, tired of being ignored on that issue. “The foul legendry of her criminal deeds will be remembered forever, like the sins of all hellish beasts which have thus far escaped the righteous swing of some unforgiving victim’s terrible axe.”
“Jeez, not to overstate.” Tandrea started laughing. “Someone should write a heroic ballad commemorating this noble struggle you’re having with a bored and rebellious twenty-five year old.”
“Tzadok should just concentrate on the matter at hand and not compose any sagas.” Kobb announced seriously. “My business is my own, and I refuse to…”
“She’s going to kill you, Uncle!” Tzadok interrupted in protest.
“If that is her choice.”
“Your woman isn’t here now, is she?” Xiphos looked around quickly, trying to spot the girl concealed in the shadows. “If she’s going to spring out at me, I’d like a warning. I’ve stopped even going to the west side of the camp altogether, because that’s where she most often dwells.” He sounded frightened, his voice far away. “That’s her territory now...”
“She is not here.” Kobb assured him.
“You should take this opportunity to arm yourself, then.” Xiphos suggested warily. “The girl is unpredictable and dangerous. She bit me once, did I tell you?”
“Yes.” Everyone chorused, sick of him harping on that story.
“She’s not dangerous; she’s scared.” Kobb corrected. “And unhappy. Both of which are our doing, Nephew.”
Captive of a Fairytale Barbarian Page 17
