The Coastal People must have surprised him, because his weapon was clean.
Tzadok bowed his head to the man. “May you find your way in the misty canyons of Eternity, Brother. When you stand before Chox, tell him that you died a warrior born, with blade in hand and oaths of hate on your lips.” He took the axe from the man’s clenched fingers. “I will drench your axe in the squirming entrails of those Coastal dogs. Your ancient enemy and mine will remember your name. And long fear your blade. I, Lord of Salt, swear this to you.”
“VIOLEEEEEET!” Kobb screamed again, still looking for the missing woman and growing panicked. Yelling probably wasn’t the best of ideas, but Tzadok didn’t bother to point that out. Honestly, he didn’t care if the noise attracted more Coastal People or not.
Let them come.
Tzadok turned away from Jairo’s body, refocusing on Kobb. “We’ll find her.” He assured the man, utterly certain that no man could possibly harm that she-demon. “Perhaps she moved down the canyon? She could…”
A noise drew their attention to the left and they were instantly running towards it, a feat made difficult because of the bloody carnage their slaying had created. Around the next corner, a Coastal warrior on horseback was charging towards them.
Tzadok hefted his hammer, preparing the man’s grisly death.
He didn’t get the chance though, as Violet leapt seemingly from nowhere, dragging the man from his mount. The two brawled on the ground for a moment, fists flying.
Kobb started swearing, moving towards them as quickly as possible.
Before he ever got there though, Violet had the man’s arm in an armbar hold, and snapped the bone without remorse. The man screamed in agony, but was then silenced as she rolled on top of him, straddled his chest, and slit his throat with one quick slice of her dagger.
“Fuck you, you Coastal prick!” She wiped her weapon off on his forehead, cleaning the blade as her victim took his last gurgling breath. “Welcome to The Great Nothing.”
Kobb nodded in pride. “She’s really fitting in here, don’t you think?”
“Shut up, Uncle.” Tzadok replied, distractedly.
A second later, Violet was running at Kobb, full speed. She launched herself at him, jumping up to wrap her legs around his waist.
Kobb made a surprised sound, stumbling back and bracing himself with his leg, putting his knee at an awkward angle and undoubtedly pulling something.
Violet didn’t notice, too preoccupied with kissing his face like she hadn’t seen him in years. She started talking to him softly and urgently in her language, confessing no doubt disgustingly romantic nonsense.
Tzadok rolled his eyes, already stalking back the way they’d come. “We need to leave.”
Kobb nodded, moving so that his wife could slide back to the ground. As he walked after Tzadok, he was noticeably favoring his leg, thanks to his wife’s enthusiasm. “Any ideas on where we’re going?”
“I go to Galland.” He ran his hand over the rock wall which had once contained a tunnel, but which was now solid. He started slamming his war hammer into the stone, yelling. “I will go to Galland and I will show her kinsmen the cost of stealing from me! I will cut out each of their fucking hearts with a dull blade! One by one! I will peel the flesh from their weak bones, dry it out, then roll it into scrolls for My Prize to use as notebook paper! I will make them all beg to worship the Keeper of My Heart! Ages hereafter will weep when they think of what I did to those people! Poets will sing songs of their agony and torment, a warning passed down through the countless years! I will make their whole corrupt land tremble!” Chunks of the wall flew down in a shower of stone. “I am The Wasteland Butcher! I am the FUCKING LORD OF SALT! I will burn everyone and everything in that kingdom to smoldering ash and then piss on it!” He stopped hitting the wall. “…except her books. I still need those.” He decided. “But everything else.”
“Without the tunnel pass, Galland is over a hundred and thirty-six miles from here.” Kobb shook his head. “I don’t know how you…”
“I’m going.” He repeated, cutting the man off. “I do not ask you to come. But I am going to get my Heart back.”
“Seventy-two hours.” Violet informed him, like that meant something. “Galland has an annual festival for Gnag the Tainted and The One Who Wears Shadows in seventy-two hours. Whatever they do to Tandy, they’ll do it there.”
“Can we run one-hundred and thirty-six miles in seventy hours?” Kobb asked, sounding curious. “And still be ready to fight at the end of it?”
“I can.” Tzadok decided, having no real idea. But he was willing to die in the attempt.
Kobb nodded. “A light jog will be good for us.” He agreed.
They looked at Violet.
“Husband.” She kissed Kobb’s cheek. “Violet is solidly on ‘Team Wasteland’ now.” She assured Tzadok matter-of-factly. “Kobb is Violet’s soul.” She playfully swatted Kobb’s rear as she turned around, then raced to mount the horse of the Coastal warrior she’d just killed. She vaulted into the saddle from behind. “Violet will take coast road. Horse carries Violet better. Less weight.” She informed them. “Race you to Galland.” She took off down the canyon, taking the longer but easier route.
“Love you, flower!” Kobb called after her, then turned to Tzadok. “Isn’t she super?”
“No.” He frowned in confusion. “Why did she spank your ass like that?”
“I have no idea.” Kobb shrugged. “But I do not complain.” He sighed in contentment. “She gave me her ring.” He volunteered, holding up his hand. “Did I show you?”
“Yes, Uncle. Twice.” Tzadok started to climb the cliff, beginning his long journey westward.
To his Heart.
Chapter Twenty-Four:
The Serpent in the Flames
So, now Tandy was back in Galland.
She wasn’t particularly happy to be home. Even discounting the fact that she was currently tied to a huge stone orb, Galland was still terrible.
She’d never particularly liked this place. It had never seemed like home, especially since The Restructuring, when the kingdom had lost its collective mind.
The Wasteland was her home, she saw that now.
Tzadok was her home.
But that realization did little to change her current circumstances.
But, again, one had to expect this kind of thing when one went into the field of translational services. It was a life fraught with peril, but it was important work which had to be done.
Tandy didn’t regret choosing such a hard road to travel. Linguistics was a cruel mistress, but it had given Tandy so much over the years. It had all been worth it.
Beside her, Seax was continuing to prepare some magic thing-y. Tandy wasn’t exactly sure what was going on. She’d been unconscious for a long time, only reviving about an hour ago, to find herself spread eagle, her arms and legs secured by ropes.
She was tied to a huge stone sphere, which was perched at the top of a pyramid in one of Galland’s central squares. Tandy had always avoided this place when she’d lived in the capital. Too many Primacy lunatics running around. The entire area had a bad feeling to it. Like, if you stayed there too long, something bad would happen.
And now it had.
Still, that did invite some interesting ideas. Had she sensed this somehow? Was she psychic? Was the universe warning people to stay clear? Or was evil here just so strong that it led to feelings of terror in the un-evil?
She wasn’t sure, but she would have been interested to run some tests.
Sadly, it didn’t look like she’d have the time for that now.
But on the plus side, at least she now knew the reason for there being a gigantic stone pyramid in the middle of what had once been a peaceful park. Since she steered clear of it completely, she’d often wondered about that. Of course, “human sacrifice” is often the last rationale one immediately thinks of when a new city planning initiative is taking place.
Seax g
rabbed a wicked looking dagger and held it up in front of her.
Tandy braced herself, preparing for the end…
But instead, the man used the blade to begin cutting away her clothes.
In front of her, Hawser started chuckling in prurient amusement, enjoying the show. “I’m sorry that we couldn’t have time together ourselves…” He drew out, even his voice sounding slimy. “But Gnag the Tainted requires fresh meat.”
Tandy didn’t respond to that, trying to shy away from the blade as it finished its task.
Seax tossed away the remains of her clothes, placing them on a small altar which helped secure the stone ball she was tied to.
So, now Tandy was imprisoned by an evil cult, bound to a giant stone, about to be sacrificed to an unknown god, in the city she hated. And she’d be doing all of that in her bra and panties.
This day just couldn’t get any worse.
That’s when hundreds of people in robes started to fill the square below the pyramid, at the bottom of the stairs.
She rolled her eyes. Typical.
Nothing like an audience for her murder and semi-nakedness.
Seax ran his scaly hand down her face slowly. “Yesss…. Gnag will like thisss one…” The priest decided. “Ssshe isss the Heart of my massster’sss foe…”
Hawser was too busy looking at her body to care about what his newfound god desired. “I want to see her green pussy.” He proclaimed, eagerly reaching for her underwear. “Then you can have her…”
“No.” Seax slapped the man’s hand away. “Ssshe belongsss to Gnag now.”
Hawser’s eyes flashed dangerously, and for an instant, Tandy hoped that the men would somehow end up killing each other.
Then Hawser backed off. He didn’t look happy about it though.
Aix shook his head. “
Tandy tried to turn her head to look at him, perhaps ask him to free her, but the curve of the boulder made that basically impossible.
“
Seax glared at him in fury. “Gnag the Tainted will devour all non-believersss! He will cleanssse thisss world ssso that The One Who Wearsss Ssshadowsss may awaken! That isss our missssion! And tonight we will sssacrifice the Heartsss of hisss enemiesss, bleeding them for hisss glory and for hisss rebirth!”
Aix rolled his eyes. “
“Your ‘Chox’ isss dead.” Seax sneered. “He had hisss time. Now my Massster’sss Massster will be reborn.”
Several followers of The Primacy were dragging someone up the stone steps of the pyramid towards her, and Tandy craned her neck to see who it was.
Her mouth fell open in shock and surprise. “Ryle?!?” She gasped in disbelief. “What on earth are you doing here!?!”
The man she’d met in Tzadok’s village was tossed onto a large stone circle to her right, his arms and legs secured by rope. “You know what?” He asked, sounding resigned. “It’s a long story and I don’t feel like spending my final minutes going over it.”
“Did your pirate friends sell you or something?”
He shook his head. “Nah. This is a completely separate and unrelated bullshit kidnapping.”
Seax set about cutting off Ryle’s clothes.
“Thiiiiiis is the worst kidnapping ever.” Ryle decided, watching as Seax’s blade sliced through his pants. “Zombie dude? That was a bad one. Pirates? Not as fun as it sounds. My evil commanding officer in the army? Very unpleasant. But being felt up by Snake-Boy the Sorcerer here?” He let out a long whistle. “Fuck. Bring on death, I’m ready. End it now. Just don’t touch my junk again, dude.”
Tandy nodded. “Riiiight there with you.” She agreed, cringing at the memory of the priest’s hands on her naked flesh.
“And now I’m in my underwear.” Ryle informed the group, as if updating them on his life. “What the fuck kind of god do you people worship, huh!?! Why do we have to be in our underwear!?!” He paled. “Or… do I really not want to know the answer to that?”
The assembly ignored that.
“It’s one of those rape-y gods, isn’t it.” Ryle decided darkly.
Tandy nodded. “I assume so.”
“Fuck!” Ryle made a face. “If someone was going to rape me during one of my captivities, why couldn’t it have been Ransom’s hot sister!?! Or a fucking mermaid!?!” He made an incredulous sound. “Why does it have to be creepy-cult-god!?! Unfair. Completely unfair.”
Seax walked to the front of the platform, standing atop the long staircase. “The time hasss come!” He yelled down to his master’s worshippers. “The ssstarsss are in alignment, we have assssembled the Heartsss of hisss enemiesss, and Gnag the Tainted isss ready to crossss over!” He held up a ceremonial dagger. “He will feed on thisss virgin’sss blood firssst and be reborn!”
A sound of reverence went up from the assembly.
Tandy frowned at the words. “Umm…”
Seax started to read aloud from a tablet, doing a terrible job at the pronunciation. His spell was basically the same one which she’d seen etched on one of the tablets in the land of the Glass Wizard though… or whatever that guy’s name had been.
Seax stumbled over one of the passages, his translations like fingernails on the chalkboard of Tandy’s mind.
“There is a glottal stop there.” She informed him, unable to go a second longer without correcting his unprofessionalism. “If you intend to torture me, your piss-poor translating work is the way to do it, by the way.”
Ryle gaped at her. “Please don’t help them with the evil spell!”
Tandy shrugged. “Sorry.”
Seax corrected his pronunciation, then stalked back towards her. “BLOOD FOR OUR LORD!”
He slashed his knife across the top of her breasts, spilling blood down her body.
It wasn’t a mortal wound, by any means. It was just a surface cut. But it didn’t exactly feel good either.
Ryle began swearing at Seax, showing off a remarkably colorful vocabulary. She credited the pirates’ influence for that. The ropes strained against the surprising strength of his arms, but held.
Seax raised the dagger high, her blood dripping down the twisted blade.
Another low moan of religious rapture rose from the assembled throng below.
Seax moved towards several urns at the other side of the platform, which were decorated with gold and enamel. He jammed the knife into the dirt inside. “HE ISSS REBORN!”
All eyes remained on the urns, with grim expectancy.
Seconds ticked by in silence.
Nothing.
Ryle started snickering in a mocking way. “Looks like your god can’t get it up, snake-man.” He shrugged. “It happens, tell him not to feel bad. It doesn’t mean…”
A low rumbling sound filled the clearing, shaking the urns.
Ryle stopped laughing.
Tandy swallowed, beginning to get genuinely afraid.
The urn exploded in a shower of dirt and hot ceramic. The maw swirled in the air for a moment, then dots of light appeared in it, tracing their way around and around towards the center, like fireflies caught in a whirlpool.
When they met, they coalesced into a blobby formless shape. Like… like a frog mixed with a hippopotamus, a turtle, and a glob of mucus. It had odd protuberances on either side of its face and goofy-looking goggled eyes. A long tongue lolled out the side of its rat-trap mouth, dragging on the stones.
All in all, it looked more amusing than terrifying.
“That’s your god!?!” Ryle snickered in amazement. “Fuck, guys. You come dead last in the ‘deity’ department, don’t you?” He snorted in contempt as th
e creature in question began to lazily lope around the platform with a wet-squishing sound. “I think your god could be defeated with a fucking handkerchief, dudes.”
Seax looked down at the creature in horror, then stared at the knife in his hand. “I… I don’t underssstand.” He stammered. “I followed the ritual… I found the blood of a non-believing virgin…”
“Umm…” Tandy cleared her throat. “I’m… I’m not a virgin. I mean… you’ve seen Tzadok, right? The hot barbarian warlord?” She snorted. “No, I’m not a virgin. Obviously.”
Seax started swearing in his own language, screaming at Hawser, obviously upset that the man had procured a non-virgin for his purposes.
They both turned to look at Ryle.
“Oh, that’s just an insult.” Ryle decided after a beat. “Kidnap me, fine, but then insult my manhood?”
They kept staring at him.
“I’ve been single for a long time, but I’m certainly not a virgin.” He snorted. “This is a new low, I swear. I’m a virgin sacrifice.” He started mumbling to himself. “Never been a virgin sacrifice before. That’s just unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.”
Seax rounded on Hawser again. “My Lord demanded that you bring to hisss priessstsss, the matesss of hisss ancient enemiesss. The Cormoranian and the virginal non-believer with green ssskin…” Seax reminded him. “That wasss your duty. You have failed Him!”
Hawser started shouting at the snake-man, explaining why all of this was Tzadok’s fault.
Tandy could see that this wasn’t going to go anywhere good. The priests and the Coastal People were getting angrier and angrier.
She moved her wrist against her rope bonds, and found that she was still wearing the ring she’d taken from the cave where she’d slept with Tzadok. The sharp teeth and raised details on the golden snakes cut into the rope nicely, and Tandy started sawing at it, hoping that ancient Wastelandi gold could hold up against exceptionally cheap Gallandish cord.
After several minutes more, Seax decided that he’d had enough of playing nice. “We jusssst need more blood!” He proclaimed, stalking back to where she was imprisoned. “I’ll gut her open to sssee if that appeasesss my Lord…”
Captive of a Fairytale Barbarian Page 47
