by LJ Swallow
“Whatever happens, we will walk out the other side.”
“And I need to be 'me' for that to happen.”
I reach out to him again, and this time he takes my hand and squeezes. “But will we walk out together?” I ask. “Because right now you’re walking alone.”
My heart thumps and the heaviness of the situation crushes my lungs. Xander stands before me, chest rising and falling rapidly and the struggle in his face clear. I ache for him to reach out to me and accept what I’m saying.
He drops my hand. “I’m sorry, Vee. I can’t do this. Not now. Not yet.”
I place a hand over my mouth, holding in the anguish as he walks away from me. I close my eyes and push away the pain.
But I refuse to cry.
In this moment, I hate whoever created me with a fury greater than the hate I have for Chaos. I despise whoever did this to us all. Why create a human side and force us to go through these situations and emotions?
If I ever find out who screwed with us, they’ll be the ones who burn.
13
VEE
I compose myself. Take calming breaths and walk out of the bathroom. The house is still and the sound of Heath snoring amuses me briefly, breaking the tension in my head.
What do I do now? Who do I go to? My instinct is to find Xander, but I don’t think I can cope with his rejection.
A sudden sharp pain in my head destabilises me and my shoulder bumps the wall as I steady myself. The dizziness pulls me back from reality. Each time the pain comes, it’s more intense and frightening.
I swear beneath my breath.
A bedroom door opens and Xander walks out. He stops in surprise. “Are you okay?”
I force a smile and straighten, but I can’t answer. I’ve pushed at him too much tonight.
“I was coming back to find you,” he says. “To talk to you. I shouldn’t have walked away.”
“Progress!” I say and he shakes his head with a wry smile. “What did you want to say to me, Xander?”
He scratches an eyebrow and inclines his head to the bedroom. I follow him in. The curtains are open and the half-moon casts a blueish light across the bed. Papers are spread across the carpet, and I crouch down to pick a sheet up.
“Have you been going through Seth’s files again?”
“Yes, with Ewan.” He takes the paper from me. “I know Seth. I’m sure he’s hidden something in here.”
Is the research what Xander wanted to talk to me about? Because this hurts more than if he’d stayed away tonight. “Oh. Okay. Did you find new information you wanted to show me?”
Xander stares down at the paper in his hand as my heart continues to sink. The silence in the room grows.
“Xander?”
“I don’t want to be alone, Vee.” His words come suddenly and I stumble as he cups my face with his hand. “I love you so fucking much that it tears at me when I hurt you. I hate myself when I do. That I can’t show you the way the other guys can.”
I move closer and hold his face too. Force him to look at me. My body never calmed after the intensity in the bathroom, and my pulse races again. “I love you, and I try to understand you. But you don’t make that easy.”
“I don’t understand me.” He laughs at himself. “So you have no chance.”
“But this is a start.”
Xander gently holds the back of my head and draws my face closer. He moves his mouth close to mine and hesitates—something unusual for him. For moments, our lips remain close but too far, and in his pause I realise how big this is to him. Everything he said. Everything he exposed. And Xander doesn't need to say anything more. With his words came the final surrender. A surrender to himself, to trust, and to allowing his love to push through to meet mine. I wind my arms around his neck and pull him so our lips meet.
He drops his hand from my head and pulls me towards him. Xander runs his tongue along my bottom lip and I part my mouth, allowing him to kiss me deeply. I grip his short hair and the way our bodies shape against each other pulls my awareness away from everything apart from this. Xander’s kiss fills with his passion for me, but also the love reaching out. The moment takes hold, and he draws me away from the edge of the world falling apart around us.
Xander pulls me to him by my hips and slides his hand up my back. Unable to breathe from the kiss’s crushing intensity, I pull away. Convinced my legs are about to collapse, I hang onto his shoulders, and his grip around me tightens. His arousal against my hip spikes my own in return.
As he cups my backside and holds me against him, heat from his desire consumes me and a familiar, ferocious need overtakes my thoughts. I need to be naked. To be surrounded by Xander and share the love he’s admitted.
I pull at his t-shirt, and when he pulls away to tug it over his head, my hands go straight to the button on his jeans. My fingers tremble with the need to connect to the new Xander who’s opening up to me. To show him I feel the same. He pushes me towards the bed and I drop back with my hands still on his button.
Xander pauses and looks down. Looking into his eyes is like looking in a mirror. We've always been part of each other but something was always obscured. Now he reflects what I always craved him to—something greater than any word or touch. Xander’s heart and soul are open and raw.
The moment drops away into a rough passion—the shared desperation to get skin on skin. Xander pushes my shirt to my shoulders and I tug it over my head. Sliding a strong hand under my back, he moves his face downwards, kissing my naked skin. His stubbled cheek presses against me and he pauses.
“Xander,” I whisper and tip his face.
We let go of any remaining control as we pull at clothes, kissing and touching every inch of newly revealed skin as we undress. Naked, I arch my back as his mouth closes over my nipple. Teasing. Turning me into a trembling mess. He slides his hand downwards and I tense waiting for his touch.
Xander circles his thumb against my inner thigh teasingly close to where I ache for him. As he slides a finger along my damp heat, my body lights up with memories of times before. But this is different. Gentler. More connected. As if sensing this, he eases his fingers into me and I make a soft sound.
He buries his face into my hair, hot breath against my ear. “You’re beautiful, Vee.”
He moves his fingers, circling my clit with his thumb and I grab his hair, pulling his face around so our mouths meet. His heart thumps against my chest and I can barely breathe. When he pulls away, the dark intensity in his eyes ramps up my lust. He’s hard against my stomach and there’s only one thing I want right now. That we both want. I move my hand between us and stroke him from the base to the tip, enjoying how he closes his eyes and his mouth parts in pleasure.
I guide him towards me and he holds himself up on his arms. Xander’s gaze moves hungrily across my breasts before looking back to me. He pushes my hand away and takes himself, rubbing up and down. Biting his lip, he pushes harder against me. If this was anybody but Xander, I’d think he was hesitant. But he’s teasing, not waiting.
Xander fists my hair and pulls my face up so his mouth meets mine and at the same moment pushes into me hard and fast. I groan as he fills me and wrap my legs around his waist to hold him closer. He holds my hair tighter and match his movements. We kiss with the fervour to match our lovemaking, harsh and frenzied, and the intensity builds.
In a sudden move, Xander turns over on the bed. He holds my hips and thrusts into me as I steady myself on his hard stomach. Taking over, I move against him and rest my forehead against his. Our skin slicks as we move and our heated breath mingles.
“You better hadn’t break anything else in the house,” I say.
He slaps my backside. “If I do, it’s your fault this time.”
“You always blame me.”
He chuckles and pushes hair from my face, pressing his mouth on mine again. He kisses me hard and deep, gripping my ass as he thrusts harder. “You feel so fucking good.”
I want to
reply but my orgasm hits, a shockwave tearing into my heart and soul. I dig my fingers into his shoulders as he continues to push into me. He swears as I tighten around him again As he comes, he closes his eyes and bites my shoulder to muffle his shout.
I collapse forward onto him. “Bloody hell, Xander. You could at least be gentle for once.”
He kisses my shoulder. “Shit. Sorry.” He trails his fingers along my back. “But we didn’t break anything.”
“What?”
“The room.”
I roll off him and lie on my back, arm across my face as I concentrate on regaining my breath . My cooling skin still tingles and I swear I won’t be coming down from this for a long time.
“Oh yeah. Light bulb intact.”
Xander chuckles and rolls onto his side. He explores my face with his fingers and stares down at me as if I might disappear if he closes them again. In them, there’s more than the reflection from before. In Xander’s eyes, I see the fire we need to walk through, the one he’s stayed away from because he’s terrified how much it will hurt for him to take the step into the flames. I shake, overwhelmed by everything he’s giving me.
“Did I mention that I love you?”
“Yes. At least you told me before the world ends,” I joke.
He pulls a stern face, so I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer. We lie together and a peace I never expected to find with Xander flows between us. Our hearts beat in a matching rhythm as we move forward towards something new.
14
XANDER
I'm yanked back to consciousness by a blinding, screaming headache, and when I wake I can barely see anything. My body pumps with adrenaline, hands shaking as I spring out of bed and grab my jeans.
No.
No fucking way.
The dread flows through me in waves, and I burst through the door, knowing the others will meet me soon.
Portal.
“What’s wrong?” A bleary-eyed Vee looks back at me as she props herself on her elbows in the bed.
“Seth. Don’t you feel it?”
Vee rubs her face, pulling herself back to consciousness, then winces and grips her head. “Shit. What’s that?”
I grab her hand. “He’s screwing with a portal.”
“Omigod, I’m naked, what if—” Vee jumps out of bed and rummages around on the floor for her jeans and shirt.
I catch the reason for her panic. “You don’t feel like he’s about to pull you there, do you?”
“I bloody hope not. Pass me my shoes and stay close so I can grab you if he does.” She struggles with her jeans, almost falling with one leg in and one leg out.
This would be amusing if it wasn’t so fucking scary. We both dress and I keep one eye on her, for more than wanting a last glimpse at her before she covers up.
“I don’t have the same sensations as last time.” She drags a hand through her tangled hair. “Come on.”
Vee takes my hand and we rush from the room.
"Ewan?" He passes me, dragging his shirt over his head as he thunders downstairs. Joss appears and stares. "Joss?"
"Yeah. Seth attacked a portal, didn’t he?"
"Which, though?"
"Close by. I think it’s the same one where he killed the fae." I turn my head as Ewan charges past and down the stairs.
Joss nods. "I'm pretty sure it is too. I be that's why he wanted us to come here."
"What do you mean?" Vee calls after me as I rush downstairs. I scout the room for car keys and we blindly reach around the unfamiliar house for light switches.
“The portal wards usually take a couple of days to break through,” I explain to Vee. “This gives us time to reach the ones on different continents if they’re interfered with. Seth can obviously break them in hours.”
Vee takes my hand. “Last time, when we were in the forest, the portal dragged me there. Why hasn’t that happened?”
“Maybe the portal didn’t teleport you,” Heath says. “Maybe Seth did.”
Vee’s face pales and she clutches my hand tighter. Any talk of her closer connection to Seth and she freaks out. I hug her to me. “We’ll be okay.”
Ewan walks around the room peering at the floor. “Where are my fucking shoes? Just get the hell out of here and in the car.”
I locate my keys. “Come on.”
“Do you know where you’re going?” Vee asks me.
“Always.”
15
VEE
As we drive along the freeway towards a desert two hours’ drive away, we remain silent for most of the trip.
"Is he still attacking the portal?" I ask Heath, leaning between the driver and passenger seat from the car's rear.
"The wards are weaker."
"The other creature—the one we killed. If he managed to break portal wards before without us detecting, why can you sense it this time?"
"Because he wants us to, of course." Xander accelerates harder as we hit the open road.
I sink back and look to the rising sun. "Another test?"
"As long as we get there before anything else breaks through." Ewan finally speaks, the words we've worried about the most—including that the guys don’t know what lies behind this one.
A rough track leads through the scrub, which guides us to the area holding the portal. The Jeep easily navigates the terrain, built for off-road. As it continues to bump along, I grip the door handle, ready to jump out.
Xander pulls the car up beneath a single Joshua tree and I stare out in confusion. The scenery surrounding us is no different than a few hundred metres behind. Why stop here?
“The portal must be intact.” Xander opens his door. “I can’t see anything. Check the wards.”
He steps out, closely followed by Heath. I cautiously follow. They stride from point to point around us, crouching down to touch something on the floor. I look over Heath’s shoulder. A stone rests near a larger rock, coloured a different grey and smoother. He touches the top. "Wards are broken."
"Shit." Ewan pushes hair from his face and spins around before yelling, "Seth! We're here. There aren't any other trees for you to hide in so where the fuck are you?"
Something pulls at my chest, as if an invisible band tightens and I stumble forward. A few metres away, something shimmers on the ground. If the sun were stronger, I’d swear this was a mirage, but the shimmering grows and moves into the air. Portal. There’s no question because my head spins and the pull toward it intensifies.
“Maybe he isn’t here. Hopefully we’re only dealing with the portal,” mutters Xander, and I sense relief mingled with the disappointment.
A dark shadow looms in the portal centre, blotting out the bright shine and beginning a crack from the middle as the last one did.
“I’ll stop this.” I break into a run but this time I’m pulled back by Ewan, who clamps his arms around me.
“Remember the dog? Whatever is behind there could be worse. Wait.”
I pull from his grip as if a child was holding me. “No.”
As I move closer, the shadow does too and I’m half a metre from the portal when the line tears the mirage in two.
Seth steps from inside the shimmering oval in front of us, which closes behind him. He’s dishevelled, dressed in the same T-shirt and jeans combination, his lanky figure the exact same body as before. The only thing missing is his glasses.
Seth takes on a mock-surprised expression. “Hey guys. How’s things?” He points at the portal. “There’s some weird shit living behind there."
Ewan growls something under his breath.
“Don’t go to him,” I whisper. “Stay back.”
Is this it? Is here and now where the prophecy fulfills?
Seth pokes at the barrier with one finger. "Did you bring me answers? If you won't bring me the book, at least tell me what's written inside.”
“No.” Xander’s firm, and to my relief he stays where he is.
“Did you meet my new friends yet?” he asks
.
“What friends?”
Seth steps toward Xander who holds his ground. “They’re special friends who I want to meet you. Just like Joss and Ewan met some before.”
“Oh my god,” I whisper. “You did open portals before. Is that where the things that attacked Joss and Ewan came from?”
Seth claps his hands together then points at me while keeping his eyes on the guys. “See. One of you is smart.”
Ewan crosses his arms. “How? We’re connected to them. We know.”
Seth scoffs. “My portals. I do what the fuck I like. You think I can’t break through pathetic warding magic and not be detected?”
“This time we knew,” says Joss.
“I’ve been waiting for you to find me, but you’re taking too long. I thought I’d let you know this time. See if you could deal with more than a dog." He waves a hand at the portal. “The guys behind there? They’ll have so much fun in this world.”
A sound and new pull in my chest interrupts our conversation as the crack reappears, sudden, fully instead of slowly.
“Close it!” I demand.
“You close it.”
I narrow my eyes and step toward the portal. As I pass Seth he snatches my arm and pulls me to him. "Can you kill me, Vee?”
"Try me and find out.” Dragging my arm away, I fight the rising fear. Is it sensible to challenge him right now? “We can end this."
Seth tips his chin to Heath, closest to me, who’s moving forward with an arm outstretched to me. "Nah. Not yet. I want to kill your Horsemen first."
He flicks his fingers at Heath, who flies backwards, landing on the ground twenty metres away. He groans and attempts to sit as Xander rushes over to him. I turn my head between the opening portal and Heath on the floor. What do I do?
“Go on. See if one of your lapdogs is okay,” he mocks.
Ignoring Seth, I continue to stride toward the portal, but the energy dragging me closer shifts polarity and I’m pushed away. My head snaps back as Seth grabs my hair.
