by Donna Fasano
Her thinking was fogged with the wanting she felt. Her gaze was riveted to his, and she could tell that he knew exactly what it was she was feeling. And she didn't care.
She didn't care one whit because she could clearly read in the golden brown velvet of his eyes that he was feeling the same hunger as she.
He bent his head, and she felt his breath caress the tender flesh at the back of her neck.
"Thank you, Anna."
A heated shiver coursed across her skin, and her mouth curled into a languid smile.
His lips brushed the outer edge of her ear, and she heard the rhythmic sound of his breathing—a sound that set her heart to racing behind her ribcage.
The wild, frantic emotions that charged through her entire body were so at odds with the tortoise-like pace that life had seemed to take on in the small world of this sailboat.
Even though she was expecting it, wanting it, dying for it, his first kiss came as a complete surprise. The pressure of his lips directly behind her ear had her half-closed eyes opening wide and her breath leaving her in a tiny gasp.
Immediately she closed her eyes and tilted her head, giving him full range of her neck. He didn't disappoint her.
She inhaled slowly, deeply when she felt him take the lobe of her ear between his teeth. Then he pressed his nose into her hair and breathed in its scent, and she found the action highly erotic. He planted his mouth on the back curve of her jaw, the feel of him tasting her skin caused a heat to flush over her entire body—a heat she knew had nothing whatsoever to do with the full, midday October sun that blazed overhead.
His thumb had been leisurely playing over the hills and valleys of her knuckles, but now he raised his hand, catching her chin in his fingers. Ever so slowly, he turned her face toward his.
The intensity of his gaze was like a physical touch, and when she opened her eyes, she wasn't surprised to find him studying her features. He took in her hair, her forehead, her nose, her mouth and chin.
She wanted desperately to smile at him, to give him some sign of what she was feeling. But the magnitude of desire raging through her veins seemed to anesthetize the muscles in her cheeks, and all she could do was return his stare. However, she wasn't too concerned by the fact that she couldn't give him a smile, because she knew without a doubt that every emotion she was experiencing was displayed, as bright as daylight, in her eyes. She felt sure of it.
He slid his fingers back along one side of her jaw, his thumb back along the other. When he tilted up her chin, her breath caught in her throat, and she was certain he meant to kiss her.
He loomed over her, his mouth a scant inch from hers. He was so close, his shadow blocked the sun and she could feel his silky breath on her cheek.
It wasn't until he closed the distance by half that she felt the first jolt of warning from her brain. The tiny voice that had tried so hard before to be heard now screamed with a vengeance, warring with the hot and clamorous ringing and clanging of desire that held her a motionless captive.
In silence, with her mind fighting a mighty battle inside her head, Anna locked eyes with Derrick and watched him descend.
When his lips touched her, she lowered her eyelids and allowed her thoughts to go completely blank. She wanted to enjoy this, longed to savor every delicious instant.
His mouth was firm and hot, silky and moist. His kiss was tentative, yet exploratory. His tongue cavorted lightly across her closed lips. He wasn't requesting entry just yet. It was obvious to Anna that he wanted to take this new experience slowly. And she was nearly able to smile in agreement.
Please, she heard herself say silently, take your time.
Suddenly his hand no longer cradled her chin. She felt a tug on her waist, and before she knew what was happening, he had scooped her up and settled her on his lap.
Now she found herself looking down into his face, and she found her own mouth hovering just above his.
Lord, how she wanted to weave her fingers behind his head. To be the aggressor and lower her mouth to his. But the little voice of warning in her brain screeched its little heart out, stamped its little foot. And she was forced to take notice.
But Derrick evidently had no idea what was happening inside Anna's head, and when she didn't act on the mutual desire that wrapped them in its tight embrace, he became a bit more assertive.
Delving his fingers in her hair, he pulled her to him. The kiss became instantly more energetic, filled with raw passion the likes of which she'd never before experienced. All she wanted to think about was losing herself in this man's arms.
But that voice inside her refused to go away. It became frustrating and finally irritating.
"Afraid."
She whispered the word frantically against his lips. And when his eyes snapped open, she realized that she'd startled him just as much as she'd startled herself.
Where had the word come from? she wondered in hazy confusion.
He studied her intently for a few, heart-stopping moments. His jaw tensed as he swallowed and he pulled her close.
"Don't be," he said against her mouth. "Don't be." And his mouth was on hers once again.
His voice was rough with desire—so much desire that it almost overpowered the warning that thundered through her head. Almost, but not quite.
"No," she whispered between kisses. "No."
She pressed her flattened palm against his chest and tried to pull herself away from him. It was a feeble attempt at best and he held her to him with little more than a look.
The questions in his eyes matched the ones spinning around in her brain.
"It's not me who's afraid," she said, knowing she sounded as though she had more than one screw loose, but unable to help it, since she was working this out at the same time she was trying to explain it to him. "I'm not afraid."
She felt a sensuous chuckle vibrate deep in his chest. His mouth was cocked in a half grin that made her want to laugh with him, but the befuddled state she was in swept the thought away before it had even formed completely.
Stay focused, she silently berated herself.
"Well, I'm certainly not afraid," he whispered huskily. "This is a wonderful adventure we're having here. I refuse to let fear stand in the way."
The glint in his eyes was caused by more than simply the bright, autumnal afternoon sun. He wanted her. The message was crystal clear. And it made her feel joyous inside.
Smoothing her fingers along his jaw, she was nearly sucked back into the whirling vortex of desire and need that threatened to drown all reason.
He was pulling her closer to him, ever closer. And just as his mouth was about to take her once again to paradise—
"Timmy!" The child's name burst from her lips, and she straightened her spine. And like a thunderstorm washes the dust from the air, saying the name had cleared her head of clutter so that she knew exactly what it was she'd meant to tell him about the boy and his fear.
The romantic atmosphere that had so thoroughly surrounded them just moments before dissolved. It was as if they'd been cuddling in a dark room and someone flipped on a glaring overhead light.
It was awkward sitting there on his lap when the desire they had felt was completely and utterly gone without a trace. And Anna couldn't help but notice how, upon hearing his godson's name, Derrick had lost every nuance of passion that had been etched in his handsome features only seconds ago.
"What, Anna?" he said. "What about Timmy?"
"It's the other thing I meant to tell you...." She felt so foolish sitting in so intimate a spot, so she shifted her weight until she was once again on the bench seat beside him. "I wanted to tell you that Timmy's afraid."
"I thought we were finished talking about Tim," he said. He rubbed his fingers across the back of his neck. "I'm not real sure I like your timing, but I do want to hear what you have to say."
So she explained. She told him of the fear she read in the child's eyes when they had slipped into their life jackets. She told him of the
white-knuckled grip Timmy had kept on the edge of the seat. She told him how she felt his going to sleep was a defense mechanism to avoid the fear that plagued him.
"Feeling afraid can exhaust a person," she said.
"Damn," Derrick whispered. "I can't believe I put him through this. Time and time again, I forced him to come out onto the bay. And I never saw the anxiety he was feeling. I thought it was a fun diversion. Something the two of us could bond over."
He moved to the other side of the boat and began to pull up the anchor.
"Don't be too hard on yourself, Derrick," Anna told him. "He's trying his hardest to hide it. He doesn't want you to know."
He swiveled around to face her. "What?"
She told him about her attempt to comfort Timmy by holding his hand and how the boy had scooted away from her. "He's proud, I think," she said. "Or maybe embarrassed. I'm not sure. But I suspect he doesn't want you to look down on him for whatever it is he's afraid of."
"But that's silly."
She shrugged. "Not to him."
Derrick moved to the stern and tugged on the line that would start the outboard motor.
"You won't mind if we don't sail back, will you?" he asked.
"Of course not."
"I want to get back to shore as soon as possible."
Derrick's face was full of determination and worry as he turned the boat and headed for home. Anna reached for the bottle of now-warm juice that sat within close reach. She took a sip, but didn't even taste it.
Just as Timmy's fear had exhausted him until he felt the need to fall into a deep sleep, the riotous emotions Anna had experienced had sapped every bit of her strength. She didn't know what to think about what had happened between herself and Derrick. She didn't know what to feel. Her emotionally numbed brain told her it was best to think and feel nothing. At least for the time being.
So, taking another sip of the tasteless fruit juice, that's exactly what she did.
Chapter 4
Anna stared at the telephone, mentally debating the issue of whether or not to call.
The past four days had been fraught with emotional upheaval. She knew for a fact that she had a tendency to be... unfocused at times. But since going sailing with Derrick and Timmy last weekend, she'd been unable to keep her mind on any one thing for longer than a few seconds—unless that one thing was Derrick. Then she didn't seem to have even the smallest problem keeping her thoughts on track.
She was beginning to believe she was obsessing on the man, and she knew very well that wasn't a healthy thing. But, Lord, when she thought about that kiss...
No, she silently ordered herself, do not think about that.
Snatching her cell phone from her purse, she held it at the ready as she scanned Timmy's file to locate Derrick's number.
The information in the manila file folder blurred together as thoughts of Saturday came swimming into her head like a school of colorful, all-too-distracting tropical fish.
She had been elated that Derrick had immediately returned the sailboat to shore after she'd told him she thought Timmy was afraid. Derrick was so quick to do the right thing where his godson was concerned, often ignoring his own opinions and desires. Anna was certain now that his priorities were in the right place, and she had no doubt he'd do a wonderful job of raising Timmy. The road might be a little bumpy at times, but then every adult bringing up a child, natural-born parent or not, experienced a few rough rides along the way. She'd seen the proof of that over the years from the parents of her students.
Derrick had been very open to her suggestion that he not confront Timmy while she was with them. She'd explained how she thought his pride might be wounded if he were made to confess his fear in front of his teacher. Derrick had readily agreed that this was a topic that needed to be discussed between just the two of them, and he'd promised to have 'a guy talk' with Timmy as soon as he could.
Helplessly, Anna found herself slipping into that dreamy state of reminiscence as her mind conjured unbidden images of the moments on the boat when she was alone with Derrick. Closing her eyes, she could once again feel his warm, silky breath caress the sensitive flesh at the curve of her neck. She easily remembered the sensual sensation of his lips pressing on the tender spot just behind her ear. The taste of sea salt on his skin. The heated male scent of him. The touch of his fingers entwining in her hair. The pounding of her heart. The rush of hot blood coursing through her veins. The sizzling desire that pulsed a rhythmic beat, steadily accelerating, deep and achingly persistent—
"Stop!" Anna's eyes flew open and she pressed her free hand to her chest, marveling at how it rose and fell as she took in small, breathless gasps of air.
The memory was so clear, so vivid. Too vivid. It was almost as if she were once again nestled on Derrick's lap, once again feeling his arms about her, once again tasting his luscious kiss. Her ability to summon up her experience with him in such crystalline images had shocked her—and it had made her life over the past four days absolutely miserable. But it wasn't only images that her mind could so easily conjure. Tastes and sounds were so effortlessly recalled. She remembered the feel of his sun-heated cheek smoothing against hers with a striking realism that threatened to actually suck her into the past.
Anna shook her head. This was like nothing she'd ever experienced before. Derrick Richmond had left a salient impression in her mind—an intense and indelible mark that was his alone.
She stared off across the room with unseeing eyes. No matter how much she wanted to blame this on Derrick, she knew deep in her heart that there was something else about her experience with the man that caused the memory of it to come back to her so easily and so often. And no matter how badly she wanted to deny it, no matter how desperately she wished to ignore what she was feeling, she knew that the name of that something was desire.
The raw, blinding passion she had felt for Derrick had swept her away to the point where there was nothing else. There was no small boy with problems hiding in sleep below deck, there was no Bayview, no Chesapeake Bay, no state of Maryland, no world around her. There was only one man and one woman, and the urgent need to feel, to taste, to touch.
It was shocking to realize just how much Derrick had overwhelmed her with his kiss.
She pressed her lips together in self-annoyance. There you go again, she told herself, pointing the finger of blame at him when you are just as much at fault.
At that moment she became aware that she still clutched her cell phone.
Letting her gaze rove over Timmy's file, Anna sighed. She wanted terribly to deny what she was feeling for Derrick. She'd love to be able to turn a blind eye to what she was feeling. But that would be silly and futile. It was better to know up front the monsters you needed to battle. The idea that her physical desire was a monster that must be slain did not surprise or shock her in the least. Several times in the past she had been in relationships, and she'd experienced the rejection and felt the hurt when she'd been forced to reveal her condition, to disclose what she could and could not give.
The thought of being hurt and rejected by Derrick nearly made her frantic. She didn't stop to wonder why. All she knew was that she didn't dare allow a relationship between them to develop. It was imperative that she not see repulsion and scorn in his golden brown eyes, not hear the contempt he would inevitably hurl at her if they were to grow close to each other. Well, any closer than they were right now, anyway.
She had to keep her guard up, that's all there was to it.
However, realizing all of that didn't change the fact that she was Timmy's teacher, that she'd promised to help Derrick cultivate the budding relationship between him and his godson. Before leaving him on Saturday, she'd promised to call him to let him know how Timmy was doing in school, and she was curious to discover how he'd made out when he'd confronted Timmy about his fears regarding the boat, or the water, or whatever is was that had him so afraid.
Anna touched the numbers and tried to ignore the anxiety
she felt building in the pit of her stomach as she listened to the ringing at the other end of the telephone line. Just because she recognized she had a monster to destroy didn't make the task any easier, it just made the idea more... real.
"Hello."
Recognizing his voice, Anna said, "Hi, Derrick. It's Anna." Before he could respond, she went on, "Have I called too late?"
"Oh, no," he said. "In fact, this is a perfect time to talk—"
Anna detected the pleasure in his tone at hearing from her and tried to disregard the delight that swelled in her chest like a powerful wave.
"—seeing as how I've just sent Tim upstairs for his bath." There was a moment of silence before he added, "I've missed you, Anna."
The joyous rush she had felt just a second before metamorphosed into a huge lump of panic that lodged in her throat. Suddenly it was hard to breathe, and her words were totally blocked off by the hard knot. Placing her free hand at the base of her neck, she drew in a slow, measured breath.
"Anna?" he called quizzically. "Are you there?"
"Yes." The tiny word came out as a whisper. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Yes, I'm here. I told you I'd call and let you know how things were going with Timmy at school." She hated the breathless quality of her voice and vowed to slow down her speech so she wouldn't sound so rushed, so out of control. "I implemented some ground rules for the children. Very elementary principles of good manners. Saying thank you and please, patiently waiting for a turn, acting with self-respect and respecting the rights of others, that kind of thing. It seems to be working out just fine. In fact, Timmy called Andrew out for not waiting his turn at the drinking fountain. Andrew reminded Timmy that he'd cut in line last week. Timmy looked embarrassed and confused, and I was just about to intervene, but then he surprised me."
Derrick raised his brows.
