by Donna Fasano
That's it! He was overly tired. Fatigue was making his thoughts shoot off into directions they didn't need to be going. He simply needed to keep his mind on the issue at hand; that of hiring a sitter for his daughter.
"Well, Katie Smyth-with-a-y—" He spoke the words lightly, hoping to cover the few silent and awkward seconds he'd spent staring at her. "Tell me a little about yourself."
Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, Katherine—no, Katie, she reminded herself—Katie felt her guard go up at his request. She wanted to tell him everything he needed to know in order to give her the job. Yet, she knew she had to be careful not to expose too much about herself, and having been taught the importance of honesty, she couldn't live with herself if she were to out-and-out lie to the man.
But you lied about your name, a silent voice in her head accused.
That had been a necessity, she silently fought back. Granted, no one she knew called her Katie, but lots of women named Katherine the whole world over freely adopted the nickname. She was choosing to do the same… starting now.
But what about—
She hushed her conscience. She didn't have time to argue with herself about semantics, when her prospective employer was waiting for her to speak.
"Well," she began, "I went to school in France." Then she said to clarify, "In Limoges."
"Limoges? Aren't they famous for their china or crystal or something?"
"Porcelain, actually." She couldn't hold back her smile as she said, "My mother loved the gifts I brought home to her." Then her smile faded as she concentrated on what she said. "Anyway, I attended a small women's college there."
She watched Jason Devlin nod. "So you studied abroad," he said. "I'm impressed."
Wanting him to remain that way, she hurried on before he could ask her any detailed questions about her education. "I can speak French, Spanish, Italian, and a smattering of German." Then her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Not fluently, of course. But I can get by."
"Wow," he said. "You speak five languages."
His awe-filled expression gave her a twinge of guilt. She would hate to have to admit that all the German phrases she knew would probably fit into a Limoges teacup. But she did feel confident that she could hold her own in a conversation with someone from France or Spain or Italy. Of course, area dialects could make things difficult, but—
"You said you worked at Children's Hospital in Salisbury?"
She blinked at his question. "Yes," she answered. She wasn't lying. She had worked at the hospital—maybe not for wages, but he didn't need to know that. "For the past three years I helped out in the terminally ill ward."
"I see."
Again he looked extremely impressed.
"It was my job," she went on, "to make the children as comfortable and as happy as possible. I played a lot of games, sang a lot of songs. Offered up lots of hugs and smiles. Compassion and encouragement, and whatever else the children needed. Often it didn't seem like a job at all."
Her last statement was entirely the truth. She loved spending time with the boys and girls. And it nearly destroyed her every time one of them lost their battle to live. In the three years she'd volunteered at the hospital, eight children in her ward had died. Mostly of cancer, but from other ailments, too. She remembered one precious, dark-eyed little boy who had a genetic heart defect that the doctors couldn't do a thing about. She had become so close to Bobby that, when he'd died, she'd nearly given up her work at the hospital altogether.
As though reading her thoughts, he commented, "It must have been tough... dealing with kids you know aren't going to get better."
Katie nodded, relieved that he seemed to understand. Not only that, but there was a tenderness in his comment that she found surprising. This man was not your stereotypical, hard-nosed, uncaring police officer. No, Jason Devlin might be big and brawny, but she could tell he had a kind streak running through him.
"Is that why you decided to leave the job?"
His gentle question was spoken in a soft tone, but nonetheless, it startled her. Why hadn't she had the presence of mind to anticipate some of these questions he was asking her?
The situation in Salisbury had spiraled out of control so quickly last evening. The problems had piled, one atop the other, until all she'd focused on was getting away. Early this morning she only had the time to worry about throwing some clothes into a bag and leaving before her parents could awaken and stop her.
Well, the man has handed you a perfectly good excuse, she thought.
"The pain and suffering of others is a really difficult thing to witness."
"I can certainly understand," he said softly. "Then again, I'm sure you had moments that were rewarding."
His eyes were intense with a sincerity that made Katie feel as though he fully comprehended and empathized with not only the pain but also the pleasure she'd experienced in working with sick children.
"You know that I'm a single parent?" he asked.
She nodded. "I had heard that."
"Marie—my wife—passed away giving birth to our daughter. There were… complications."
Katie heard his voice waver just the slightest bit as he explained, and her heart went out to him. It was so obvious to her that there was a huge amount of emotion pent up inside of him regarding his wife's death.
Several questions floated through her mind as she wondered how a woman could die in childbirth with all the advanced medical technology in hospitals today. It simply didn't seem logical that a healthy woman could—
Katie had no idea if Marie Devlin had been a healthy woman. This thought only succeeded in churning up even more questions, highly personal questions she didn't dare ask of the man she hoped would become her boss. Hearing the silence grow, Katie thought it was becoming evident that he wasn't going to elaborate further. Suddenly his forlorn demeanor changed.
"Well, Katie Smyth-with-a-y—" a small smile pushed up the corners of his mouth "—I'd like to hire you right here on the spot, but—"
The hesitation in his voice and in his body language made her heart patter a quick beat in her chest.
"—before I can," he continued, "I'll need to ask for a reference." He shrugged one shoulder a fraction. "I mean, I really need a sitter—Mrs. Haskell just quit this morning—and you seem to be perfect for the job. But in these days and times, you never know who will come knocking on your door. I hope you'll understand that I really feel it's necessary that I check—"
"Of course," she rushed to assure him. "I understand completely. The head nurse of my ward said she'd be happy to talk to you. Sharon—"
Panic seized her throat like murderous claws, killing off the mention of the woman's last name.
Smyth, she'd been about to say, with a y. How could she have been so stupid as to have used her friend's last name? She'd ruined everything! When Jason Devlin called the hospital, Sharon would be expecting the man to be asking about Katherine Wellingford, not Katie Smyth. The question rattled around in her agitated mind: how could she have been so utterly stupid?
It was just clear proof that people who usually practiced honesty and forthrightness made terrible liars.
"Sharon said she could tell you all about my work with the children." The rest of the sentence came out rough, as though she'd forced the words from her sandpapery throat. And she had.
There was nothing else to do but let him call Sharon.
"I'll write down the number for you," she said.
Katie reached for her purse, tugged it open and fumbled inside for pen and paper as a means of giving herself some time to think.
Come clean, a tiny voice yelled at her. Tell the man the truth. Now!
But he's an officer of the law. He'd never condone her behavior. He'd never allow her to hide out here if—
The sudden agitation that churned her emotions had her fingers trembling violently. She couldn't tell him she'd lied about her name. He'd think she was a horrible person. And she wasn't. B
ut he wouldn't know that, and not knowing that, he wouldn't want her caring for his child.
Besides, she didn't want him to think badly of her, she'd only just met him. Dear Lord! Her mind was in such a spin.
Katie darted a glance at him, and she answered his smile with a shaky one of her own. Then she focused on the well-organized interior of her purse. The pen was right there. So was a small scrap of paper.
Calm down, she lectured herself. This wasn't the end of the world. She should just ride out this wave and see where it took her.
Extracting the pen and paper, she scribbled down the name and telephone number.
"The head nurse's name is Sharon," she said as she handed him the information. She swallowed. "Sharon Smyth."
He took a moment to read it. "Smyth, with a y," he noted. "Are the two of you related?"
Katie shook her head. "No, we're not related, believe it or not."
She gave a halfhearted chuckle, but guilt gathered in her chest like a fist. He was going to find out who she was. She just knew it.
You don't know that, she thought. Don't borrow any more trouble than you already have. Sharon knew her circumstances. Maybe she wouldn't give anything away.
But Sharon didn't know Katie was going to literally steal her last name! She wanted to kick herself.
She raised her gaze to his face and saw that he was still studying the slip of paper she'd given him.
"This is really strange," he murmured.
Tell him the truth! Her gut wrenched. Tell him!
"Uh, Mr. Devlin—"
"Jason," he corrected, lifting his eyes to hers. "Call me Jason."
At that moment the cutest little girl Katie had ever seen entered the room. Katie couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped from her lips, and she was laughing because the toddler was just as naked as she could be. The toddler's small face exuded a terrific amount of irritation as she marched right up to Jason, bunched up the material of his pant leg in her hand, and tugged hard.
"Daddy," she huffed angrily, "find Gina."
"I'm sorry, honeybun." He reached down and scooped her up into his arms. "We need to get you dressed."
The little girl's frown deepened. "Gina hide. Daddy come. Funny Daddy come."
Katie smiled. Gina was obviously at the age where she was still trying to figure out the English language. Katie loved the sweet sound of her voice even though she seemed to be reprimanding her father.
Suddenly she realized for the first time how lovely it would be to take care of a child who was healthy and happy—although Gina didn't look all that happy at the moment. However, it was then that Katie understood just how much she really wanted this job. It would be a new start—in so many ways.
"Well, Gina," Jason said, "I didn't come find you because I was busy talking to—" He hesitated. "Gina, this is Katie," he introduced. "Katie, Gina."
"Hi, there, Gina."
The anger in the child's clear blue eyes, so like her father's, faded instantly. Gina's gaze lit with a cheerful, inquisitive light that told Katie she was both trusting and good-natured.
"Hey, lady," Gina greeted.
"It's Katie, not lady," her father corrected.
She frowned at her father. And Katie watched as Jason teased his daughter with a lopsided grin that soon had the child giggling. It was a charming sight, one that had Katie smiling, and she felt that smile all the way to the tips of her toes.
But then the scene changed dramatically. Gina's eyes grew wide. Jason's brow gathered in obvious confusion regarding his daughter's expression, and then his eyes, too, went wide.
"Gina!"
"Uh-oh." The toddler's gaze displayed a sudden sorrow.
Finally Katie understood what was happening. She watched a wet pool make a downward trek as it stained Jason's shirt.
"Uh-oh, is right," Jason said sternly.
Gina looked at Katie. "Gina peed, lady."
The child shook her head in a deeply regretful manner that made Katie cover her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
"Here," Katie said to Jason as she took a step closer. "Why don't you let me diaper her?" Then Katie directed her next question at Gina. "Would you let me clean you up and dress you?"
"Sure, lady."
Gina reached out for Katie.
"That way," Katie said to Jason, "you can get changed and make your phone call."
He nodded his agreement.
Jason handed his daughter over, and Katie set the child onto the floor, keeping Gina's damp skin well away from her silk blouse.
"There are baby wipes on the changing table," he told Katie.
Taking Gina by the hand, Katie said, "She'll show me. Won't you, Gina?"
The little girl turned her innocent eyes up to her daddy. "I like lady."
The statement warmed Katie's heart, and when she saw Jason Devlin's smile widen, the warmth spread all throughout her body.
Katie started down the hallway, then stopped.
"Oh," she said, "that number I gave you will ring at Sharon's station. You won't have to go through the hospital switchboard."
"Thanks," Jason said. But as he watched the golden-haired angel disappear down the hall with his daughter, he couldn't help the niggling doubt that gnawed at the back of his mind. Those deep blue eyes of hers seemed open and honest, but...
Maybe it was simply because he'd had so many bad experiences with sitters. Or maybe it was the fact that he was a cop and saw the awful treatment that children often were given. Or maybe it was just the fact that he was a father and he loved his daughter dearly. But he really felt he needed to make a call to Children's Hospital and check out Katie's reference.
He wanted Katie Smyth to be the one. He wanted her to be the perfect person to watch over his precious Gina. It would make his life so much easier right now. However, he had to admit that it was strange that Katie would have the same last name as the woman she'd specified as her reference.
Coincidences did happen, he reminded himself. But then she'd given him a telephone number and said that he could use it to contact this head nurse—direct. Was there some reason she didn't want him to go through the hospital switchboard? Heck, for all he knew, the number Katie had given him could ring through to a telephone of a private residence somewhere. Anywhere.
In his line of work one had to be a pretty good judge of character. A cop often had to have an intuition where people were concerned, and sizing someone up in the few moments of a first meeting wasn't always easy. But Jason hadn't heard the jangling of any of the usual warning bells inside him that would have alerted him to any darkness or deception hiding in Katie Smyth's character.
He truly felt she was exactly what she appeared—a woman who was friendly and honest, a woman who was capable and qualified, a woman who was looking for a career change—
And she was a woman who was beautiful, to boot. Jason's mouth literally dropped open, so stunned was he by the thought. He hadn't noticed a woman physically for... months and months.
Immediately, thoughts of Marie crept into his mind. His wife had died nearly two years ago. He'd been married to the woman for more than ten years before she'd passed away. Had he ever, in all that time, thought of her as... beautiful?
A huge tidal wave of guilt crashed into his brain, seizing up his thoughts, threatening to drown him in a sea of thick, heavy remorse. Struggling his way out of this dark, oppressive place in his mind, Jason shoved his fingers through his hair and vowed to steer clear of it in the future. And the only way to do that, he felt certain, was to focus on the attributes Katie Smyth possessed that would make her a good caregiver for his daughter.
Those attributes had nothing to do with the physical, so it didn't matter that Katie's eyes were as blue as a sapphire sea, or that her skin was as milky white as—
Stop! his mind commanded, and he felt the dense cloud of guilt hovering at the fringes of his consciousness, ready to roll over top of him, to wrap him in an engulfing fog. But he pushed it back, lecturing himsel
f to concentrate harder on the more important aspects—the woman's qualifications.
Katie Smyth had said she'd worked with children. The woman had experience, she had training. Granted, her knowledge had come from working with terminally ill kids, Jason thought, but wouldn't that tend to make her all the more patient and caring? All the more perfect? He thought so.
Without even bothering to change his shirt first, Jason went into the kitchen and picked up the phone. He'd call information to get the telephone number of Children's Hospital in Salisbury. He'd ask if they employed a head nurse by the name of Sharon Smyth. That way he'd feel certain he could believe whatever it was the nurse had to say about Katie.
* * *
As she walked down the hallway, Katie recognized the lump in her throat as a knot of fear. She would hate it if Gina's father found out she hadn't been completely truthful to him.
But only about your name, she reasoned. You're a competent woman who could care for his daughter.
Well, she hoped he found that out by calling the head nurse at the hospital. And she hoped that was all he found out from Sharon.
The thing to do, she felt, was to put the anxiety out of her mind for the next few minutes at least. The matter was out of her hands. If he found out... then, he found out. But, Lord, she hoped he didn't!
The little girl's bedroom could easily have been declared a disaster area. Pull toys, dolls, stuffed animals, puzzle boards with pieces missing, and colorful wooden building blocks were only a few of the items Katie saw strewn about. The room needed straightening up. Toys were on the unmade twin-size bed, on the white dresser, the changing table. There were even several stuffed animals tossed on the deep sill of the window.
Katie was certain Gina never wanted for anything to play with. The room looked like a veritable toy store.
"Okay," she told Gina, who had been silently staring at her with a keenly curious gaze since the two of them had left Jason. "Let's hop up here and put a diaper on you."
