by Donna Fasano
He stopped abruptly, swallowed, blinked, then pursued his apology in, obviously, the only way he knew how: to blame himself.
"What I'm trying to say is… I'm sure I'm not the kind of man a woman like you would find attractive."
"And why not?"
The small, simple question slipped from her lips before she even had time to think. A tiny frown passed across his handsome features.
"Well... I," he began, "I've been married. I'm a widower. A widower with a baby daughter. No woman in her right mind would take on such a tremendous responsibility."
Her head bobbed in a small up-and-down motion. "You're right when you say that Gina's a pretty big responsibility. But we're talking about you. It bothers me to think that you feel women wouldn't find you attractive. You're an extremely handsome man, Jason. And you're—" even though she hesitated, she found herself smiling at what she was about to reveal "—you're very well built."
Is that an understatement or what? The question popped, unbidden, into her mind as she darted a helpless gaze at the broad expanse of his powerful chest and shoulders. She forced herself to look into his eyes.
"You're more than physically attractive, actually." Much more, she added silently. "You're attractive on the outside—and on the inside. I've seen you with Gina, and your in-laws. You're kind and considerate. You've got a good heart. You're dependable. You're..."
She let the sentence trail when she saw the look on his face. Was he actually blushing?
The fact that her praise embarrassed him let her know just how modest and unassuming he was. And Katie couldn't help but find those traits very sexy.
"I wasn't fishing for compliments," he murmured. "Honest." Then he grinned. "But flattery will get you—" his small shrug was charming "—just about whatever you want."
She chuckled with him, knowing his joke was a means of deflection. But then something happened. Something intense. Something mysterious.
The air around them seemed to throb and grow thick. Their eyes locked and held. Neither one of them moved a muscle for several long moments.
Katie felt her heart hammering against her ribs, felt her blood rushing through her body, felt her muscles quiver with some new and exciting emotion she couldn't seem to identify.
But then Jason's light blue eyes hazed over with what looked to be doubt or—Just as she was about to place a name to what she saw exposed on his face, he leaned away from her, pulling his hand back to his side of the table.
Sheer instinct forced Katie to dart a quick glance toward the playground. Gina was having a grand time rocking on a tiny, child-size jet that had been painted bright orange.
Looking back at Jason's now-benign countenance, Katie was left wondering if what she'd thought had happened had really been a figment of her imagination. He turned his head to search for Gina.
"I guess I'd better talk to Jack and Ellen." Jason spoke the words softly.
He was facing her again, but his eyes were on the table, the paper soda cups, the salt and pepper shakers, anything but her face.
Something had happened. She was sure of it. Why else would he avoid looking at her? Why else would she perceive this sudden awkwardness between them—an awkwardness that had never been present before?
Oh, yes. Something had definitely happened. Katie might not be about to explain what had taken place, but something had occurred, all right. Something on a very... personal level.
* * *
Later that same night, Katie was still puzzling over the things Jason had said to her over dinner.
He was busy reading Gina a bedtime story, and Katie sat in the living room, trying hard to concentrate on the mystery novel she'd found in the bookcase. But she failed miserably; the words continued to run together as her dinner conversation with Jason—specifically the part where they had both admitted the other was attractive—kept running through her head.
Ever since she'd moved into the Devlin house, she'd been conscious of Jason's presence whenever he was home. And even while he was at work or out running errands or visiting friends, Katie found herself thinking of him often. It was only natural; she was living in the man's house, taking care of the man's daughter.
But over the past few hours her awareness of him had become... acute, keen, bordering on obsessive.
That was just silly. She was not obsessive.
But she had been extremely aware of him. And he of her.
After dinner Jason had asked if they could stroll around the mall. Katie had agreed. And the entire time they had window-shopped they had darted tentative glances at each other. Both of them had thought their looks had been in secret. But over and over she had caught him, and he had caught her. And over and over their eyes had locked long enough for their hearts to beat once, twice, three times, before they would avert their gazes to the floor or to Gina or to some shiny new item in a store window.
It had been an odd and wonderful game. One that had Katie feeling quite exhilarated. It had almost been as if they'd been testing themselves and each other, thinking about what might be, wondering about and gauging the possibilities.
Focusing on page five of the book that lay in her lap, she forced herself to read the page for the third time. She still couldn't seem to work out how the body in the novel had gotten from the library of the rambling old house to where it lay sprawled at the base of the curved staircase.
"She's asleep."
The sound of Jason's soft voice drew her attention from the murder mystery.
"Good," she told him. "She enjoyed getting out of the house, I think. That girl does have a good appetite. And a lot of energy."
Her light banter trailed off, and their gazes touched and then slid apart. That invisible awareness was back in the atmosphere. It enveloped them like thick, clinging fog. Katie was finding it hard to breathe.
She'd never experienced this awkwardness with a man. Hadn't noticed it with Jason before now. They had spent many evenings together, after Gina had gone to bed, without the least bit of self-consciousness cluttering the air. But things were different now. Both had confessed that they found the other attractive, and Katie was finding out just how much that disclosure was swiftly changing their relationship.
The silence was tense, and it became increasingly more uncomfortable with each passing second.
She wanted him to address this awareness that had suddenly sprung up between them. She wanted him to bring it out into the open where they could talk about it. Maybe even explore it. But he remained silent.
Unable to stand the uneasiness any longer, she said, "Well, I guess I'll go to bed."
She didn't feel the least bit tired. In fact, she felt vibrant, edgy. She wanted to...
Placing the book on the end table, she decided she didn't know what she wanted to do. But she did know she didn't want to sleep; however, Jason's continued silence was forcing her to act on her words.
She rose from her seat. "I guess I'll say goodnight," she murmured, and then she took several steps across the living room toward the hallway.
"Katie, wait."
A shadow of a relieved smile crossed her mouth, but she made certain that no hint of it showed when she turned to face him.
"Yes?"
He studied her face, his steel blue eyes filled with intense expression. He didn't move, didn't speak.
"Jason?" she prompted. "Did you want to say something?" Fear now pounded at her temples. What would she do if he chose to ignore what they both knew was right in front of their faces?
His voice was soft and caressing as velvet. "I, uh, just wanted to say goodnight."
Disappointment welled up inside her, sharp and painful.
Why couldn't he acknowledge what he was feeling?
Why couldn't she bring herself to voice what was going on inside her? Swallowing around the aching lump that had gathered in her throat, Katie knew the answer to this question.
Ever since she was a little girl, she'd gotten the unspoken message from her parents, friends, movies, books
, television, Hallmark commercials—from society as a whole—that it was inappropriate for a woman to approach a man for whom she had feelings.
She admired Jason, thought he was handsome. He appealed to her as no other man ever had—and she'd been introduced to many far more cosmopolitan men, men from all over the world, men with wealth and status. Yet none of them melted her heart like Jason did. Yes, she thought, she would even go so far as to say that she desired him. But she simply didn't feel right making the first move.
"Well," she said, her voice full of reluctance, "goodnight then."
She watched the taut muscles in his neck contract as he swallowed. And when she looked into his eyes, she frowned.
There in his powder blue gaze she read... something. A need. A want.
He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to be close to her. He wanted to explore this new awareness that had sprouted between them. She could see it in his eyes so clearly that it was nearly a tangible thing. But he was being held back. By what, she had no idea.
Jason was communicating his feelings to her silently. Did she want to let the opportunity pass? If she did, would he be left thinking she wasn't interested? But then, what if she was reading the signs wrong?
But that was ludicrous. The signs were blatantly obvious. His desire to pursue whatever it was that was hanging between them was as clear as shining crystal. Now all she had to do was decide if her own yearning to explore this magnetism was strong enough to force her to act in a way that went against everything she'd been taught.
In a split second she found herself walking the few steps it took to reach him. The closer she got, the heavier and less breathable the air seemed to become.
Before she even had time to contemplate her actions or her words, the question was forming in her throat. With the tiniest of exhalations, it was on her tongue, passing over her lips.
"Would you like to kiss me?"
Chapter 5
"So, what the hell did you do?"
"Yeah, Jason, how did you answer the woman's question?"
Jason leaned back against the high booth seat and stared across the table at his friends, Derrick Richmond and Reese Newton. The steaming cups of coffee that sat on the Formica tabletop were forgotten as his friends waited for his reply.
These men had been his buddies since their college days, and Jason respected their opinions of him, although he would never admit that to them. Not in a million years. He'd come to them for some advice, but now he was feeling a little self-conscious about what they might say when he told them what happened.
He and Derrick and Reese had formed a sort of club—a club of single dads who looked to each other for support in raising their kids. He'd never come to his friends for advice regarding women. Up until now, he hadn't needed any advice regarding women. But the golden-haired beauty living in his house had his gut twisted in knots, and his need to vent blazed like a freakin' house fire.
Derrick picked up a teaspoon and absently smoothed his fingers over its handle. "Come on, Jason. I for damn sure hope you kissed her."
Reese frowned at Derrick. "There was no way he kissed her. The woman is his daughter's nanny. You know what trouble he's had keeping a sitter. He has to keep their relationship strictly on a business level."
"But," Derrick said, "she asked him if he wanted to."
Reese shook his head. "But he's got everything he needs for Gina now. Not to mention the house keeping." He stuck his finger into the air. "And the cooking. No way he should jeopardize that."
Their voices faded in with the rest of the background noise of the small, busy coffee shop. Remaining silent, Jason let his friends argue, and he utilized the time to try to sort out his feelings.
With her honey blond hair, all shiny and soft, her creamy skin that glowed, her perfect pink lips, full and lush and so damned kissable, Katie's beauty couldn't be matched. Not even by one of those models who smiled on the cover of a glossy magazine.
His throat tightened with a nervous swallow. Everything about Katie looked wonderful, looked inviting. The thing about it was, he couldn't bring himself to actually touch. Something inside him just wouldn't allow it.
He was attracted to Katie Smyth. That was a fact he couldn't disclaim. He had been since the first day she'd arrived on his doorstep. Oh, he never would have admitted it then; not even to himself. But what good would it do to lie?
Jason hadn't allowed himself to dwell on his feelings, though. For one thing, he never expected someone like Katie—a woman as gorgeous and graceful as an angel—to find him in any way attractive. There was nothing smooth or refined about him. He was a 9-to-5 kind of guy, and something about Katie gave him the idea that the perfect man for her was someone who was… well-bred, for lack of a better word.
And another reason why he hadn't spent much time pondering how he felt about her was because he simply hadn't thought of himself as available.
"Come on, Jason—" Derrick reached across the table and nudged Jason's forearm to get his attention "—are you going to tell us what's happening behind those closed doors at your house or not?"
"Yeah, man," Reese added, "don't tell me you were stupid enough to kiss the woman who's been the answer to your months and months of babysitting problems."
Before Jason could get a word out, Derrick frowned at Reese.
"You're acting like an ass again, man," he said. "Always Mr. Negative. For cripe's sake."
Reese took the comment in stride and grinned. "That's my job."
"I mean it this time." Derrick's frown deepened. "Jason's been without a woman in his life for nearly two years. Everyone needs a little tenderness."
The grin on Reese's face slipped. "And ever since you've been seeing Anna, you've turned into Mr. Sap."
"I have not—"
"Guys, guys," Jason said. "Let's not fight, here."
Derrick and Reese both looked at Jason with surprise in their eyes.
"We weren't fighting," Reese told him.
"Yeah, we were just having a discussion," Derrick agreed. "Man-to-man."
There was a moment of silence during which Jason wondered if the conversation would ever get back around to his problem.
Derrick leaned his elbows on the edge of the table. "So, what's the problem? It's obvious to me that your new nanny wants a relationship. When she asked if you wanted to kiss her, in essence, she was asking to be kissed."
"And that's the problem." Reese followed up his contribution with an emphatic nod of his head. His tone grew dead serious as he added, "The woman is too forward. She's up to something."
Jason caught Derrick's gaze. The two men sent a silent message back and forth, then broke out in uncontrollable laughter.
"What?" Reese bristled under their humor. "What the hell are you two laughing at?"
"You," Derrick said between chuckles.
"What the hell for?"
Jason snickered. "Because you said that exact same thing about Anna when Derrick first met her."
"Yeah," Derrick continued, "and you say that about every single woman you meet."
"I do not." Reese's gaze narrowed into a scowl. "But now that you've made me think about it, most women are up to something."
Derrick and Jason just laughed.
Finally Derrick said, "Jason, getting information out of you tonight is like yanking teeth with a pair of pliers. Did you bring us here to tell us what's going on, or what?"
"I did," he proclaimed. "And I plan to." He paused a moment while the waitress refilled their cups with hot coffee. Once the girl left, Jason cleared his throat and began, "Well, I didn't kiss her."
"See there," Reese piped up happily. "I knew the man wasn't stupid."
Derrick only shook his head. "And why not?" he asked Jason. "You told us weeks ago when you hired her that she was a knockout. Everything you've said about her has been wonderful. She's great with Gina, she keeps the house in order. She cooks, shops." He shook his head. "She even does the laundry. You have a gold nugget there, if
you ask me."
"Jason pays her to do all those things," Reese pointed out. "He doesn't need to go messing up a perfect arrangement with personal entanglements."
Jason looked at Derrick. "I'm afraid Reese might be right,"
Reese gloated silently, and Derrick rolled his eyes.
"But what do you want?" Derrick asked. "How do you feel about her?"
Heaving a sigh, Jason was silent a moment while he contemplated the questions. What did he want? How did he feel?
Katie was everything he could ever want in a woman. And he felt drawn to her. But when he thought of holding her in his arms, of kissing her lips, he felt weird inside. It was almost a… he didn't know… a fear that welled up inside of him.
God, he couldn't admit that to these guys! They would razz him about it till his dying day.
"I don't know," he finally said.
It really wasn't a lie. He knew what he was feeling, yes. But he didn't know why he was feeling it. And he didn't think it was necessary for a man to be entirely honest with his buddies until he'd had a chance to work everything out in his head first.
"Well, you'd better find out in a hurry," Derrick said. "Because if you leave a gold nugget lying around for very long, someone else is going to notice how it sparkles and do whatever they can to make it theirs."
"Speaking of gold nuggets," Jason blurted out, snatching at this chance for a new topic of conversation, "is Anna ready for the wedding?"
Derrick's eyes warmed at the mention of his fiancée. He grinned. "Yeah," he said. "She's all excited. She says that she's chosen a dress—"
"It's called a gown," Reece corrected.
"Whatever, dude," Derrick jeered. "Just hearing you say that word makes me want to tie a bow in your hair." He turned back to Jason. "Anyway, she said I'll be surprised."
Jason chuckled. "Knowing Anna's colorful taste in clothes... do you really think she can surprise you?"
Shaking his head, Derrick replied, "You know my Anna."
"We sure do," Reese chimed in, a hint of sarcasm lacing his words. "I still say she's rushing this wedding."
"You would!" Jason playfully nudged Reese on the arm, happy to give his friend a hard time about his overly suspicious nature where women were concerned. He grinned, relieved that he and his new nanny were no longer the subject of the discussion.
