“She thinks I kept her mother from her,” I say.
“Does no one remember that Sheena’s the one who left in the first place?” Devlyn asks.
“I haven’t forgotten that,” I say. “But . . .”
“No buts!” she says, pulling away from me. “She left! End of story.”
“She regrets that,” I say without thinking.
“Now you are defending her,” Devlyn bites.
“I’m not defending her.”
“And when did this change of heart take place?” Devlyn asks. “A week ago? A year ago? Just how long has she been missing you and Mia?”
“We aren’t talking about me,” I say.
“Oh, yes we are,” Devlyn says, putting her finger in my face. “Make no mistake about it. Sheena didn’t just come back to see Mia. She came to see you, too.”
“You’re acting like a jealous girlfriend, Devlyn.”
“I guess fucking me every chance you get doesn’t earn me the right to be a little jealous.”
Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I kiss the top of her head. “I’m telling you that you don’t need to be.”
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m tired. I know that’s no excuse. You don’t need me acting all cray cray right now.”
“I’m used to it,” I tease then add, “We’ve got to find Mia.”
*
I might be the only person up at this hour. Well, the only person in Eden Valley, anyway. I know that’s not true, either. I’m sure my dad isn’t sleeping. I got Devlyn to go home, but I’m sure she’s not sleeping.
A worried parent makes an insomniac look like a narcoleptic. Apparently, that’s one trait of motherhood Sheena inherited. I see her through the window of my house, sitting at my kitchen table. I came home to check the workshop one more time. Of course, Mia’s not there. A quick piss, and I’m going to make my loop through town again. As soon as the sun comes up, I’ll start making another round of phone calls.
I open the front door, and Sheena leaps to her feet. I hold my hand up, indicating Mia’s not with me, knowing she’s got no news, either. She sinks back into the chair. “I shouldn’t have come. It’s my fault she’s missing.”
God help me! I have to be reaching my limit of emotional women. Guess I can hold my piss a minute longer. “Tell me again what you said to her.”
She repeats what she told me earlier. “I just wanted her to know that I loved her. I wanted to be with her.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, feeling my defenses shoot right up. “You wanted to be her mom? You wanted Mia?”
“I wanted both of you,” she says, looking up into my eyes. “I always wanted both of you.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “Sheena?” I say and step away from her slightly.
“I know,” she says. “At first I thought it was just a normal reaction to have after giving up our baby. I went to birth mom support groups. Had a shrink for a while. I had this empty feeling inside me. It never went away.”
“You regret leaving?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says then shrugs. “No. At the time, it was probably for the best. I was in no condition to be a mother. I’m sure I would’ve fucked her up.”
“I never thought that,” I say. “I thought you’d be a great mother.”
“I was,” she says. “I did what I thought was best for my daughter. Just like I’m doing now. I came here because I thought it was for the best. I thought she’d want to see me. I never imagined this.”
“We will find her,” I say.
“Garrett,” she says, reaching for my hand, “this is my fault. I need you to know that. Nothing you did or didn’t do made me leave that day.”
“We were so young,” I say.
“And scared,” she says, and I nod in agreement. “I was so grateful when the Eden Valley newspaper went online. I searched it every day for glimpses of you or Mia.”
My face must show my shock. She was across the ocean searching for news about us?
“I didn’t really have any friends in Eden Valley that I could call for news. Not that anyone here would help me, anyway. I’ve got to be the most hated woman in the history of the town.”
“I don’t remember being in the paper,” I say.
“When you bought the store,” she says, “there was an article about the change in ownership. And once there was a picture of Mia on your shoulders at some Christmas event. It was from behind. She had on this polka dot and striped romper-looking thing. The photo was black and white, so I couldn’t tell the colors. Then there was the school honor roll listing every quarter. And . . .”
She keeps listing articles, like she has them filed in a card catalog or something. I can tell she hung on to those tidbits of information like her life depended on it.
“These are letters,” she says, reaching into her purse and pulling out the box with the ribbon on it from Mia’s party. “Every year on her birthday, I wrote her a letter, and I couldn’t send it.”
Hating her all these years was easier than this, witnessing her pain. I sit down beside her, having no idea how much pain she’d been in. I always assumed she was off living the high life while I was changing diapers and wiping up vomit. “I’m sure Mia would love to have those.”
She nods, trying in vain to pull herself together. “I shouldn’t be crying. It’s just hard. I’ve missed so much, and now I’ve hurt her again. Maybe I should just go back home.”
A few days ago, those words would have been music to my ears, but I know how badly that would hurt Mia. “You promised her you wouldn’t just leave again.”
Her eyes grow wide. “You want me to stay?”
Choosing my words carefully because I don’t want them to come back and bite me in the ass, I say, “I think you need to keep your promise to Mia.”
She nods. “This is why I stayed in Europe and never moved back to the states. I needed an ocean between us. That was the only thing that kept me from showing up on your doorstep again. Still, do you know how many times I went to the airport to fly here? Every birthday. Every Christmas. Hell, a few times I even bought the ticket.”
“Why didn’t you?” I ask. “Can’t just be because of the contract.”
“Fear,” she says. “I’d get there and talk myself out of it. Telling myself to let you be happy. That I didn’t deserve to see her. That it was selfish of me.”
She looks at me with those brown eyes, the same ones Mia has, and I soften. It makes me uncomfortable. I’ve held onto my hate for her. That’s what I’m comfortable with. I’m now conflicted, aggravated, tired. “I better get back out there and look for her,” I say, getting to my feet then heading to my bathroom to take a long-awaited leak.
“Garrett,” she says, causing me to turn back. “I think there’s a lot we need to talk about, to say to each other.”
Now is hardly the time.
“For Mia’s sake,” she says.
“For Mia,” I say.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
DEVLYN
So I lied to Garrett again. Geez, I’m making a habit of this, but he wanted me to go home and sit on my hands while Mia is missing. Not gonna happen. I did go home to clean up the cut on my leg and change my clothes, but now the search is back on.
Eden Valley is quaint and charming during the day, but there’s something special about it at night. It’s quiet and still, and you feel like you’re the only soul here, but it’s not scary or lonely. There’s a peace to this town, to the people here. A peace that comes from knowing that your neighbor has your back. The people here look out for each other, which is how I know Mia will turn up. Someone here had to see something, has to know something.
I take a seat in the gazebo in the middle of town square. “Mia, where are you?” I whisper to the wind, hoping it carries a message to her. My feet hurt from walking, my leg hurts from banging it, my head hurts from stress, my heart hurts from worry. I’m now the very definition of the phrase “worried sick.”
&nbs
p; I’ve been a teenage girl. I’ve been a teenage girl pissed at her parents. I should be able to figure out where Mia is. I made pissing my mom off an art form when I was Mia’s age. I was the freaking Leonardo da Vinci of teenage girl passive-aggressive behavior.
Once when I was mad at my mom, I rode on the back of a motorcycle with a boy without a helmet, making sure to cruise by the diner for extra drama. Another time, I showed up to church in a short red dress that left little to the imagination. But mostly, I hung out with the local teenage father—which left my mother in a perpetually bad mood. Garrett is good at lots of things and yanking my momma’s chain is one of them.
“A boy,” I cry out, feeling silly that I didn’t realize it before. There is no easier way to get your parents’ feathers in a ruffle than getting mixed up with the bad boy.
But Mia doesn’t have a boyfriend. I know that doesn’t matter. Boys are a dime a dozen, and there’s always a bad boy around looking for some trouble.
I reach for my phone but find nothing, now realizing I left it plugged into the charger at home. I know Garrett’s out searching for Mia, but I need to tell him my theory. I hate to do it, knowing Sheena could still be at his house, but I head back that way. She can’t object to me using the phone to call him. If there is anything we can all agree on, it’s that we need to find Mia.
I’m surprised when I see his truck in front of his house. I didn’t think anything could tear him away from finding Mia. Maybe he found her? I quicken my pace. He could be calling my cell to tell me, and I wouldn’t know. Please God, let Mia be safe and sound inside.
I start making promises to God in my head, vowing and swearing to do anything and everything I can think of. I’ll stop gossiping. I won’t swear anymore. I will no longer judge those unfortunate souls who are unlucky enough to end up in front of me in the grocery store line. I know God doesn’t make deals, but I’m hoping he’ll make an exception just this once.
A prayer on my lips, I walk through Garrett’s front door. If God was listening, he just got a prayer full of expletives. Garrett’s walking out from his bedroom, pulling up the zipper of his jeans. I see Sheena, too.
My eyes dart back and forth between her and his fly. My head yells at me not to react, searching for an explanation. He wouldn’t do this—and certainly not now, with his daughter missing. A few hours ago, he swore I had nothing to be jealous of.
As usual, my heart wins, and tears rush down my face. Garrett looks down at his pants, holding his hands out. I turn and rush out the door, hearing him yell, “This isn’t what it looks like!”
I don’t have a car here. Crap! No way am I going to escape on foot. Garrett grabs me, turning me toward him. “I was taking a piss,” he says, his voice sharp. “I heard the door open and ran out hoping it was Mia. That’s it.”
That’s a logical explanation, and I know by his voice, his eyes, that it’s true, but my heart doesn’t recover as quickly as my head.
“I’m sorry you walked in when you did, but . . .”
“I don’t want to hear you’re sorry,” I snap. “I can handle being second place to Mia, but not Sheena. Not again.”
“You aren’t.”
“Then why were you even here with her? You sent me home. Didn’t want me to search with you, but here you are with her.”
“I came home for just a minute and . . .” he pauses. I hate it when people do that. It’s like they are parsing their words, searching for the right ones. The truth is the truth. It should just roll off the tongue. “Something came up.”
“I know what came up!”
His jaw tenses. “Sheena was crying and upset, okay? I came home to piss, and she wanted to talk. For Mia’s sake.”
Shaking my head in disbelief, I say, “She’s using Mia to play you.”
“Devlyn,” he says, reaching out for me. “Do you believe me when I tell you nothing happened with her?”
“I believe you didn’t sleep with her,” I say. “But something did happen. You don’t hate her like you did.”
“Here’s the thing,” he says. “You either believe in us, or you don’t.” I want to yell that I believed in us before he even knew there was an us, but he lowers his head to mine and whispers, “I’m really hoping you do because I do. More than anything.”
“I’m trying, Garrett,” I whimper.
Pulling me to his side, he walks us back toward the house. When we reach the porch, I step away from him, but he takes my hand, leading me inside. Sheena’s eyes are like a laser on our joined hands.
Garrett squeezes mine and says, “I’m sure you’ve pieced together by now that Devlyn and I are together.” Sheena glances at me. No smile, no frown, no expression at all. It’s kind of scary how in control she is. “Only a few people know. Mia isn’t one of them.”
“Why doesn’t . . .”
Garrett shakes his head that she doesn’t get to ask questions. “I expect you to keep this to yourself until Devlyn and I have had a chance to tell Mia ourselves.”
“Of course,” Sheena says.
I inch a little closer to Garrett, letting him know I appreciate this gesture. It should make me feel better, but it only makes me worry about how she could use this information against him. Against us. He looks down at me, giving me a small smile.
“Maybe I should call nearby hospitals,” Sheena says.
“I did that earlier. Called some cab companies and the bus terminals from neighboring towns, too.”
“Where the hell is she?” Garrett asks, growing more agitated by the second.
“I had a thought. It’s why I came over,” I say, looking up at him. “You aren’t going to like it.”
“What?”
“If I were mad at my parents and wanted to get even with them about something, I’d find some trouble. Maybe a boy?”
“I’ve called every boy in her class,” Garrett says.
“Mia doesn’t strike me as that way, anyway,” Sheena says.
I try my best not to cut her a look that says “how the hell would you know?” I mean, she’s known the girl for like two days.
“I think she’s just hurting and needs some time alone,” Sheena says. “That’s how I am.”
“I don’t think runaway behavior is hereditary,” I say. Unable to help myself, I add, “But on second thought, maybe it is.”
Was that petty? Probably so, but it’s just too damn soon for everyone to forget what she did.
Garrett glances at Sheena. “I’m going back out to look for her. Let me know if you hear from her.” Then he places his hand on the small of my back, directing me outside. “Guess I need to take you home for the second time tonight,” he says, raising an eyebrow and opening the door to his truck.
“I had to keep looking.”
“I know, and I appreciate it,” he says. “But you’ve got to open the diner in a few hours. Please go get some rest. I need to know that you’re okay.”
Garrett is my weak spot. We all have one. Some of us have more than one. Like coffee or chocolate or wine. For Garrett, it’s Mia, and for me, it’s him. I can’t shake it. No matter how hard I try, he will always be my weakness. Maybe that’s where the phrase “weak in the knees” comes from. Weak, so I can’t run away. There is no escape. Who am I kidding? It’s not as though I’ve tried very hard. Even if I could run away, I’m betting he would chase me. At least I hope he would. Let’s hope I never have to find out.
*
Pajamas are on. Teeth are brushed. Hair is combed. Lights are out.
Sleep is non-existent.
Every time I text Garrett for an update, he simply responds by ordering me to sleep, and that I’ll be the first to know when he finds her.
I stare up at the ceiling fan in my room. When’s the last time I dusted that? Throwing the covers off, I stand up in the middle of my bed, reaching up and barely grazing the blades of the fan with the tips of my fingers. Pretty good!
I tilt my head, trying to catch a glimpse at the top of the armoire. No tellin
g what’s living up there. Hopping off my bed, I walk to the kitchen to get a chair. Apparently, cleaning is a side effect of insomnia.
A small knock halts my progress. That’s not Garrett’s knock. He’s more of a banger. Smiling at the pun, the knock comes again. I flick on the porch light, moving back the curtain to check who or what is making the sound. This is Eden Valley. There hasn’t been a violent crime here that I can remember, but I’m not going to be the first victim.
Mia!
Flinging the door open, I pull her into my arms, crying like a fool and kissing the top of her head over and over again. She clings to me, sobbing into my pajamas. She’s petite anyway, but right now she feels so young, so little. I’m so thankful to see her that I don’t even think to scold her.
Pulling back, I hold her face in my hands, scanning her for signs of injury. Her blonde hair is tangled, her face tear-stained, and she’s trembling. “I didn’t know where else to go,” she sobs.
I pull her inside. “I’m glad you’re here. What happened?”
She shakes her head. “Dad lied to me about Mom. He’s been lying to me my whole life.”
“No,” I say. “He didn’t know about that part of the agreement. Your grandfather put that in without him knowing. Garrett loves you. He wouldn’t keep something like that from you.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize Garrett actually has been keeping something big from her—me.
“Granddad?” she asks, and I nod. “But why? How could he do that to me?”
“I’m sure he was just trying to protect you and your dad.”
“I never want to talk to him again!”
Patting her leg, I know that’s a conversation for her to have with Garrett. “Let me call your dad,” I say.
“No!” she cries. “Please, Devlyn, I’ve been so stupid.”
I reach for her hand. “Stupid how?” I ask and then it hits me—the way she looks at me. I know before she says a word. Please let me be wrong.
“He’s out of his mind with worry. I have to call him.” She leaps off my sofa, rushing to the door. “Okay, okay,” I say. “How about I call him, let him know you are safe, but tell him you aren’t ready to see him?”
All My Life Page 20
