“That’s the trouble?” I ask, glancing around, unsure of what direction to head in next.
“Oh yes.” Greer fans herself with her fingers. “It’s the exact kind of trouble your mama likes. Let’s be honest, me too!” She gives a ghostly chortle that vibrates straight to my bones. Props to Greer for finally getting this haunting gig down pat.
“Where is the lucky lady?” I ask. “I’ve got news for her. Miranda Lemon’s luck is about to run out.”
I turn to head toward the conservatory, but Greer blocks me off at the pass—not that I can’t walk straight through her but choose to respect her hostage-like wishes.
“What is it, Greer?” I snip. “Noah is on his way to make an arrest, and I need to shake my mother silly until she comes up with a decent alibi.” Did I just say alibi? I look to Everett as if I just asked the question out loud and he shrugs.
“It works,” he grunts as he looks at the dead space before me. Just because he can hear Greer doesn’t mean he can see her. “Where’s Miranda? I’d like a moment to give her some advice before the homicide detective exerts his prowess.”
The thought of Noah exerting his prowess makes my entire body heat with the memory of his touch.
Greer moans, “She’s in the pantry. But before either of you pass judgment, you should probably know she hasn’t been this excited about anyone in months.”
“The pantry?” The words extricate from my throat with a certain heft only an exasperated daughter can provide.
I glide through Greer on my way to the kitchen, and Everett is right there with me when I fling the pantry door open with a lurch—promptly and wisely squeezing my eyes shut when I see the fleshy sight.
“Geez!” Everett barks, and I hear the pantry door slam shut and a string of salty expletives coming from the other side—all delivered by my salty and all too saucy mother.
Everett pulls me to the side. “I think I might have sustained an injury to the rods and cones.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, blinking back to life just as my mother and an older gentleman come tumbling out of the poor innocent pantry, struggling to adjust their clothes.
If the health department knew about my mother’s sexual shenanigans, they’d nail the doors and windows shut before sprinkling the property with gasoline.
My own sexual shenanigans at the bakery rush to the forefront of my mind, and I shoot a guilty look to Everett—the propagator of those sexual shenanigans.
“Lottie?” Mom staggers over, and it makes me question whether she successfully pulled her pantyhose back where they belong. “What in the world? Do you need to borrow some sugar?”
I take a moment to scowl at her gentleman caller. He’s tall, relatively decent looking with a full head of thick silver hair. Okay, I’ll admit, he’s an impressive specimen considering he’s had a considerable number of go-rounds on this spinning blue rock.
“Topper Blakley.” He offers his hand my way accompanied by a toothy grin. “Delighted to meet you.”
I glance down at his hand disapprovingly. “I’d say the same, but that was my mother you were conducting a full body search of.”
He cringes as he looks to Everett. “Are you the son?” Suddenly, there’s a note of terror in his voice.
“I’m her daughter’s boyfriend.”
No sooner does he get the words out than Noah bursts into the room.
“Hey, Lottie,” he says breathless with a smile as he plants a sweet kiss to my lips.
“And who is this?” the silver fox sounds off—more as a passing thought he said out loud than a judgment.
Noah wraps an arm around me. “I’m Lottie’s husband.”
Topper gags as he struggles to express himself.
“Oh, you’re one to judge,” I say as I pull my mother in. “Noah, would you mind if I have a few words alone with my mother?”
“Sure,” he says while inspecting the mismatched buttons on Topper’s shirt.
I yank my mother straight out of the kitchen and into the hall.
“Are you insane?” I balk as her fingers dance over the buttons on her own blouse in haste. “Don’t answer that. I’ll answer it for you. You are certifiable! And in the pantry? Really, Mother?”
She swats me before carrying on with her endeavor. “Oh hush, you. When you’re my age, you’ll be thankful for a visit to the pantry or two.” She fluffs her hair with her fingers before settling those sparkling blue eyes on me. “Now what can I do for you?”
“Noah is here to arrest you.”
“What?” she squawks so loud a group of tourists nearly tumble down the stairs in fright.
“Yes,” I say as I pull her deeper into a darkened corridor. “He says your fingerprints were all over my gun the day of the murder.”
“Well, of course, they were. How else was I supposed to do what I needed to do?”
“What?” Now it’s me squawking like a chicken about to have its mother hen hauled off to Ashford. “Explain yourself quickly. You have less than two minutes before Noah sniffs you out like a bloodhound.”
She scoffs. “Lottie, please, you’re getting yourself all worked up over nothing.” She makes a face while craning her neck past my shoulder. “Fine.” She pulls me in close. “The afternoon of the Haunted Honey Hollow Festival kickoff, I—we set out to have a little fun. He was raving about your devil’s food cupcakes, and I told him I knew where he could get a fresh one.” Her left brow rises with the double entendre.
“Very funny. And let me guess, you were that fresh one.”
“Only after we had our fill of your cupcakes. Oh, Lottie, they really are to die for.” She plucks at her blouse as if trying to cool herself off.
“Go on. Get to the homicidal details.”
“Oh, I didn’t kill him, and you know it. We were in your office, and it’s so darn tight in there we could hardly get around one another. Anyway, the back of my heel hooked onto something and the lid to your ground safe popped open. You really should have a professional look at that.”
“Perfect. I know just what to say to the repairman. Not only does my mother find my office a tad too cloistered to get coital in, but the broken ground safe has placed her as a prime suspect in a murder investigation.”
She waves me off once again. “I didn’t even know what it was until Stephen pointed out it was a safe. He tried fixing the do-hickey up top to close it. That’s when I spotted the gun. And that’s when I said, ‘Lookie here, Lottie has a toy gun in her safe’ and I reached in and picked it up and pretended to shoot him. Of course, he didn’t think it was funny and made me put it back. He said the last thing he wanted to happen that day was to get shot and killed.” She sobs instantly into her hands.
“Talk about a horrific prophecy.” I pull her into my arms. “Don’t worry. I believe you’re innocent. We’ll get this all figured out. Let’s explain this to Noah.”
“I can’t do that.” She wiggles out of my grasp like a toddler being faced with a needle.
“Yes, you can. Noah doesn’t bite.” Technically, he does, and in all the right places. In fact, every cell in my body was sounding off the hallelujah choir.
“Lottie?” Noah’s voice echoes from our left, and it sounds as if he means business.
“Come on.” I take her by the hand, with a death grip in the event she gets any wily ideas, and we meet up with Noah by the reception desk.
“Mrs. Lemon.” He exhales hard, his eyes compressed with a twinge of grief. “I’m sorry, but I need to look around, maybe have access to your personal computer? And I’d like to take a peek at your private quarters.”
Her mouth falls open. “Don’t you need a search warrant, Detective Fox? Where’s my attorney?” She cranes her neck past him. “Everett?”
Noah’s dimples press in, no smile. He’s all business, and I’d be lying if I didn’t find it incredibly sexy.
He sighs deeply. “Everett stayed behind to distract Mr. Blakley. We wanted to spare you any unnecessary embarrassment. And the
reason I didn’t go ahead with the search warrant is because you’re my mother-in-law. I didn’t want you to have to shut down the B&B while a bunch of deputies pillage the place.” He offers an affable smile. “I thought there was a chance you might give me access to things so I can have a quick look and then I’ll be on my way.”
A choking sound gets locked in my throat. “But aren’t you going to arrest her?”
“Lottie!” My mother gives my hand a hard yank. “My kind son-in-law has no intention whatsoever of arresting the best mother-in-law he will ever have, now do you?” She gives a sly wink. And if I didn’t know better, I’d say Miranda Lemon was flirting.
“That’s right.” Noah bows her way. “Unless, of course, there’s criminal evidence. We’ll start with a quick look around your bedroom, and then I’ll open up your laptop and we’ll be all done.”
She scowls and grumbles as she digs out a ring full of keys from her pocket and hands them to me. “The gold key is to my suite.” She glowers at Noah. “My laptop is on my desk. If you two don’t mind, I’m going to offer those gentlemen in the kitchen some hot apple cider. I’ll be lucky if Topper ever speaks to me again.”
She huffs off, and I lead Noah up the stairs and down the darkened hall on the way to my mother’s private chambers.
The upstairs walls are covered in wood paneling, but there are enough wall sconces to provide a trivial amount of light for the guests.
Noah picks up my hand and kisses the back of it just as a tiny hatchet-wielding poltergeist drops down before us and roars like a lion on fire.
“Geez!” Noah howls as he wraps his arms around me and lands us up against the wall, caging me in with his body. “What the hell was that?” he pants, quickly inspecting the vicinity.
“It was a six-year-old girl.” I glance past his shoulder and wave at the little ghoul. “Hi, Lea!”
A sparkle of light erupts at her feet, and soon enough Thirteen is here in all his glittering glory.
“Lottie, Detective Fox.” Thirteen hacks and chokes until a glowing orb emits from his throat. “Excuse the celestial hairball.”
I wrinkle my nose up at Noah. “That’s Thirteen, Pastor Gaines’ once upon a cat.”
Lea falls over him. “Oh, I love him, Lottie. Don’t you dare take him away. He’s mine. I’ve claimed him. It’s bad enough you took Beastie and Cookie. If you take Thirteen away from me, you’ll regret it.” Her voice echoes out that last sentiment, demonically low, as she dissipates to nothing.
“She’s gone,” I whisper to Noah.
He glances to the left without the benefit of moving his head. “Will you think less of me if I say I’m glad?”
A tiny giggle gets trapped in my chest.
I hook my gaze to his. “I’m so glad you know my secret.”
“I’m glad, too.” He lands a sweet kiss to my lips and lingers. Noah kisses me long and strong, pouring all of his love into me until I’m delirious and dizzy.
A shrill meow erupts from somewhere by our feet. “Can we get on with things, detective? I’ve a little girl to charm. If I play my unlucky cards right, I’ll be around to witness more than a couple errant kisses.”
Noah hitches his head toward my mother’s room. “Let’s do it.”
I take him on in, and Thirteen bristles right past us and hops up on my mother’s four-poster bed. I flip on the lights, and my mother’s cozy peach walls greet us with a warm visual embrace. There’s a wedding ring quilt that my grandmother made covering her bed and a stack of white ruffled pillows piled high by the white tufted headboard. On either side there’s a bone white nightstand—of which I will not delve into lest I cast my eyes upon objects that a daughter should never see.
Noah walks right over and opens the nightstand drawer before slamming it shut with finality.
“Geez.” He blinks hard. “Okay, let me do a quick sweep.” Noah looks in the closet, does a quick search of her drawers, looks under the bed, and glides his hand along the top of her bookshelf before sitting at the desk and opening her laptop. “There’s no password to get in. I’ll just do a quick search of her history,” he says, tapping into the keyboard. Noah freezes as he stops breathing for a moment. “Lottie,” he says it low and filled with disappointment.
“What is it?” I lean in over his shoulder and take a look at the screen. An entire history of all her recent searches is laid out for the two us to see, and I let out a hard groan.
Noah shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Lottie, but this casts a significant level of doubt regarding her innocence.”
“There must be some mistake. How to kill a person? How to get away with the perfect murder? Ways to commit the perfect crime? To poison or not to poison? Oh, Noah, I don’t know how she’s going to tap-dance out of this one.”
“Let’s give her a chance.”
“And if she can’t?”
“She’ll have to get a very good lawyer.”
Noah and I head downstairs and find my mother in the conservatory with Everett.
“Mother”—I close my eyes as I land before her—“please tell me you didn’t kill Pastor Gaines.”
She gasps as if she had just been caught. “What did you find?”
Noah twists his lips. “I looked at your search history, on your laptop.”
She looks to Everett with a genuine fear in her eyes. “What’s a search history?”
Everett leans in and whispers into her ear as if he were indeed her lawyer and Mom straightens like a pin.
“Noah Corbin Fox!” she snips at him. “How dare you invade my privacy.”
“Mother, you looked up different ways to kill a person.”
Everett’s eyes widen with alarm. “As your legal counsel, I advise you to not say a word, Miranda.”
Her nostrils flare his way. “Nobody shushes me, Judge Baxter.” She sets her wild gaze to Noah. “Of course, I looked up those things. It was all a part of my plan.”
A hard groan comes from me. “I think this is a good time to listen to Judge Baxter.”
She waves me away. “Detective Fox, if you must know, I looked up those things purely for research. And it was all Stephen’s fault. He’s the one that encouraged me to do so.”
Noah tips his head to the side, looking more confused than ever. “Why did he have you research those things?”
“To write a book. Why else?” She tosses her hands in the air with exasperation. “Stephen saw how involved I was with the book club and how much I enjoyed reading. He thought it would be a natural progression for me. He helped me brainstorm a murder mystery and gave me assignments each night, a different thing to research, and I would write down my ideas. Oh, Lottie, you’re going to love it. The story revolves around a woman who can see the dead!” Her enthusiasm returns full force. “The dead. Can you imagine?”
“I can try,” I say, pressing my lips shut tight as I look to Noah and Everett.
Noah decides to let my mother be for now, and the three of us take off and congregate outside the B&B.
“Thoughts?” I say to either of them.
Noah shakes his head. “It is odd.”
Everett tips his head back. “It’s highly coincidental.”
“I agree,” Noah says, casting his gaze out into the woods. “And I don’t believe in coincidences.”
“Do you think Pastor Gaines was setting my mother up in his own murder? It doesn’t make sense.”
Noah shifts his gaze to the B&B. “No, it doesn’t.”
Chapter 14
“And then what happened?” Keelie’s eyes are the size of coasters.
“And then Noah went back to the sheriff’s department trying to figure out how to defuse this bomb.”
Lainey leans forward from the back seat. “And how exactly is it that we’re on our way to Ashford ourselves?”
It’s the very next night, and Everett gave me a hot tip about Rachel Kane. He didn’t tell me exactly where we’d find her but asked us to meet him down at the courthouse.
Corr
ection, he asked me to meet him down at the courthouse, but Keelie and Lainey were there when I closed the bakery and neither of them wanted me to drive down to Ashford alone. And—they also hinted that they were itching for a little adventure. The only instruction Everett gave me was to dress warm. I texted Mom and asked if she would stop by my house and feed Pancake and Waffles for me and she kindly agreed so I don’t have to worry about rushing back home.
I turn to Lainey. “We’re on our way to investigate a woman by the name of Rachel Kane. She’s Elaine Gilmore’s daughter, the one I told you about yesterday.” Oh yes, I did. I called both Meg and Lainey and told them all about Mom’s doppelgänger—then I was obligated to tell them about her pantry session with Topper Blakley—silver fox pervert extraordinaire—and then that segued into the murderous evidence Noah and I found on her laptop and the fact Pastor Gaines was coaching her to write a murder mystery.
I shudder just thinking about it.
Meg said that if Pastor Gaines weren’t already dead she’d hunt him down and kill him. She’s working late tonight at Red Satin Gentlemen’s Club where she teaches strippers their hip swaying moves or she would have joined us on our endeavor.
Lainey takes a breath. “You know what I don’t get? Is how the church hired him in the first place.”
“Last month, when we discovered he had a different identity, Noah suggested he might have easily explained it away. And the church is so trusting. Apparently, he had bona fide referrals. Elaine mentioned he was a pastor up in Burlington, too.”
Keelie warms herself with her hands. “Creepy. It’s almost like you can never really know somebody. I mean, you thought you knew Noah—heck, you were about to marry him up until you discovered he had a wife hiding out in another state.”
My stomach churns just thinking about it. “True, but that was just an anomaly. I mean, Everett doesn’t have any skeletons hiding in his closet. He already told me all about the woman who was killed while carrying his baby—and we all know how that turned out. Bear for sure doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet—neither does Forest.” I glance to Lainey in the rearview mirror. “But I’m just going to take a wild stab in the dark and say that Topper Blakley most certainly does.”
Killer Cupcakes (MURDER IN THE MIX Book 14) Page 10
