Nicole gasped. In her mind's eye she saw the friendly octospider standing in the cul-de-sac, juggling many balls to the delight of the children. She tried to tell herself that she should be rejoicing because Richard's prostate cancer had been cured, and should not be concerned about the death of a relatively meaningless octospider. But the image of Hercules continued to haunt her. They are an altogether different species, she told herself. Do not judge them by human standards.
As she was about to leave Dr. Blue's house, Nicole suddenly had an overpowering desire to know more about Katie. She remembered that one recent night, after an especially vivid dream involving Katie, she had awakened and wondered if perhaps the octospider records might allow her to see more of Katie's life in New Eden.
"Dr. Blue," Nicole said as she was standing in the door, "I would like to ask a favor. I don't know whether to ask you or Archie. I don't even know if what I'm asking is possible."
The octospider asked her what the favor was.
"As you know," Nicole said, "I have another daughter who is still living in New Eden. I saw her very briefly in one of the videos the Chief Optimizer showed us last month… I would like very much to know what is happening in her life."
9
During a conversation the next day, Archie told Nicole that her request to see videos of Katie could not be granted. Nevertheless, Nicole persisted, taking advantage of every opportunity when she was alone with Archie or Dr. Blue to reiterate her request. Because neither of the octospiders ever indicated that images from Katie's life in New Eden did not exist in their files, Nicole was certain that the video data were available. Viewing these data became an obsession with her.
"Dr. Blue and I talked today about Jamie," Nicole said late one night after she and Richard were in bed. "He has decided to enter optimizer training."
"That's good," said Richard sleepily.
"I told Dr. Blue that she was lucky, as a parent, to be able to participate in the events in her child's life. I then expressed again our concern about knowing so little about what's happened to Katie… Richard," Nicole said in a slightly louder voice, "Dr. Blue did not say today that I would be unable to see the videos of Katie. Do you think that signals a change in their attitude? Am I wearing down their resistance?"
Richard did not respond at first. After some prompting, he sat up in bed. "Can't we go to sleep just this one night without another discussion of Katie and the damn octospider videos? Jesus, Nicole, you've talked about nothing else for over two weeks. You're losing your balance—"
"I am not" Nicole interrupted defensively. "I'm simply concerned about what has happened to our daughter. I'm certain that the octospiders have many many segments they could put together to show us. Don't you want to know?"
"Of course I do," Richard said, sighing heavily. "But we've had this same conversation several times already. What is to be gained from having it again at this hour?"
"I told you," Nicole said. "I sensed a change in their attitude today. Dr. Blue didn't—"
"I heard you," Richard interrupted crossly, "and I don't think it means anything. Dr. Blue is probably as tired of discussing the subject as I am." Richard shook his head. "Look, Nicole, our little group is coming apart at the seams. We desperately need some wisdom and sanity from you. Max grumbles every day about the octospiders' invasion of his privacy, Ellie is downright lugubrious except during the rare moments when Nikki causes her to smile, and now, in the middle of everything, Patrick has announced that he and Nai want to get married. But you are so obsessed with Katie and the videos that you aren't even able to give advice to anybody else."
Nicole gave Richard a harsh glance and lay down on her back. She didn't reply to his last comment.
"Please don't be sullen, Nicole," Richard said about a minute later. "I'm only asking you to be as objective about your own behavior as you usually are about the actions of others."
"I'm not being sullen," Nicole replied, "and I'm not ignoring everyone else. Anyway, why must I always be the one who is responsible for the happiness of our little family? Why can't somebody else play the role of group mother occasionally?"
"Because nobody else is you," Richard said. "You have always been everyone's best friend."
"Well, now I'm tired," Nicole said. "And I have a problem of my own, an obsession, according to you… By the way, Richard, I'm disappointed in your apparent lack of interest. I always thought Katie was your favorite."
"That's unfair, Nicole," Richard said quickly. "Nothing would please me more than to know that Katie was all right. But I do have other things on my mind."
Neither of them said anything for about a minute. 'Tell me something, dear," Richard said then in a softer tone. "Why has Katie become so important all of a sudden? What has changed? I don't remember your being so incredibly concerned about Katie before."
"I have asked myself the same question," Nicole said. "And I don't have a straightforward answer. I do know that Katie has been in my dreams a lot lately, since even before we saw her in the video, and that I have been having an intense desire to talk with her. Also, my first thought after Dr. Blue told me about Hercules' death was that I had to see Katie again before I died. I don't really know why, and I don't know either what I want to say to her, but the relationship still seems terribly incomplete to me."
Again there was a long silence in the bedroom. "I'm sorry that I was a little insensitive just now," Richard said.
Nicole reached over and caressed her husband. "I accept your apology," she said, kissing him on the cheek.
Nicole was surprised to see Archie so early in the morning. Patrick, Nai, Benjy, and the children had just left to go next door to the schoolroom. The rest of the adults had still not finished breakfast when the octospider appeared in the Wakefield dining room.
Max was rude. "Sorry, Archie," he said, "but we don't allow visitors—at least not those we can see—before our morning coffee, or whatever this shit is that we drink with breakfast each day." Nicole rose from the table as the octospider turned to leave. "Don't pay any attention to Max," she said. "He is in a permanent bad mood."
Max now jumped up from his chair, holding one of the mostly empty packages in which there was a little cereal remaining. He swooped the container through the air, first in one direction, then in another, before sealing it tight and handing the package to Archie. "Have a few quad-roids," Max said in a loud voice. "Or did they move too quickly for me?"
Archie did not reply. The rest of the humans felt awkward and embarrassed. Max returned to his place at the table beside Eponine and Marius. "Shit, Archie," he said, facing the octospider, "I guess pretty soon you'll be marking me with a pair of those green dots. Or will you just terminate me instead?"
"Max," Richard shouted. "You're out of line. At least think of your wife and son."
"That's all I've been thinking about, friend," he said, "for almost a month now. And you know what, Richard? This Arkansas farm boy cannot figure out anything he can do to change…" His voice trailed off. Suddenly Max slammed his fist against one of the chairs. "Goddammit!" he yelled. "I feel so useless."
Marius began to cry. Eponine scooted away from the table with the baby and Ellie went to help her. Nicole took Archie with her into the atrium, leaving Richard and Max alone. Richard leaned across the table. "I think I know what you're feeling, Max," he said gently, "and I empathize with you. But we don't improve our situation any by insulting the octospiders."
"What difference does it make?" Max said, looking up at Richard. "We are prisoners here, that's obvious. I have allowed my son to be born into a world where he will always be a prisoner. What kind of a father does that make me?"
While Richard was trying to soothe Max, Nicole was receiving from Archie the message that she had been seeking for weeks. "We have obtained permission," the octospider said, "for you to use the data library today. We have compiled videos featuring your daughter Katie from our historical files."
Nicole made Archie repeat his col
ors to make certain that she had not misunderstood.
Archie and Nicole did not converse as the transport carried them, without stopping, across the Emerald City to the tall building that housed the octospider library. Nor did Nicole pay much attention to the street scenes outside the transport. She was completely immersed in her own emotions and her thoughts of Katie. In her mind's eye she recalled, one after another, key moments from her life when Katie was a child. In the longest memory segment, Nicole relived both the terror and the joy of her descent into the octospider lair years earlier to find her missing four-year-old daughter. You've always been missing, Katie, Nicole thought. In one way or another. I have never been able to keep you safe.
Nicole could feel her heart pounding furiously when Archie finally led her into a room that was empty except for a chair, a large desk, and a wall screen. Archie indicated that Nicole should sit down in the chair. "Before I show you how to use the equipment," the octospider said, "there are two things that I want to tell you. First, I want to respond officially, as the optimizer for your group, to the request by some of you to rejoin the others of your species in New Eden."
Archie paused. Nicole collected herself. It was difficult for her to put Katie temporarily out of her mind, but she knew she had to concentrate completely on what Archie was about to tell her. The others in the group would expect a verbatim report.
"I'm afraid," Archie continued a few moments later, "that it is not possible for any of you to leave in the near future. I am not at liberty to tell you anything more than that the issue was considered by the Chief Optimizer herself, in a major staff meeting, and that your request was denied for security reasons."
Nicole was stunned. She had not expected this news, certainly not at this time. She had told everyone that she thought they would be allowed—
"So Max is right," she said, fighting the tears that were threatening to flow. "We are your prisoners."
"You must interpret the decision for yourself," Archie said. "But I will tell you that insofar as I understand your language, I think the term 'prisoner,' which Max has often used lately, is not correct."
"Then give me a better word, and some more explanation," Nicole said angrily, rising from her chair. "You know what the others will say."
"I cannot," Archie replied. "I have transmitted our entire message."
Nicole paced around the room, her emotions swinging wildly from rage to depression. She knew how Max would react. Everyone would be angry. Even Richard and Patrick would remind her that she had been wrong. But why won't they explain? she thought. It's not like them. Nicole felt a slight pain in her heart and slumped into her chair.
"And what's the second thing you want to tell me?" Nicole said at length.
"I have personally worked with the data engineers," Archie said, "to prepare the video files you are about to access. From what I know about human beings, and you specifically, I think that if you see this material, it will cause you extreme distress. I would like to ask you to consider not looking at the files at all."
Archie had chosen carefully what he had said, doubtless because he understood how important the videos were to Nicole. His message was clear. What I am about to see will cause me grief, she thought. But what choice do I have? "Between nothing and grief," she remembered, "I will choose grief."
After Nicole thanked Archie for his concern and informed the octospider that she wanted to see the videos anyway, Archie pushed the chair in which she was sitting over in front of the desk and showed her how to control the data access. The time code had been translated by the octospiders into human numbers, in terms of days before the present, and there were four speeds at which the images could be shown, covering four octal orders of magnitude, from one-eighth real time to sixty-four times normal speed.
"The data on Katie are nearly complete," Archie said, "for about the last six months of your time. It is our normal data management process to filter and compress older data, based on its importance. The extended files on Katie show most of the key events for the past two years, but are fairly scarce before that."
Nicole reached out for the controls. As she dialed up the most recent data entry and saw Katie's face appear on the screen, she felt Archie tapping on her shoulder. "You may use this facility the rest of today," the octospider said to her when she turned around, "but that is all. Since the amount of data available is enormous, I suggest you use the high speeds to locate events of interest."
Nicole took a deep breath and turned back around to the screen.
She felt as if she could not cry anymore. Her eyes were nearly swollen shut from the constant stream of tears. Nicole had watched Katie inject herself with the drug kokomo at least half a dozen times already, but as she saw her daughter tie the rubber cord around her upper arm and plunge the needle into a bulging vein again, a new set of burning tears found their way into Nicole's eyes.
What she had seen in almost ten hours was so much worse than her most horrible imaginings that Nicole was utterly destroyed. Despite the fact that there was no sound with any of the pictures, it had been easy for Nicole to understand what Katie's life was all about. First, her daughter was a hopeless drug addict. At least four times a day—more if life was not going well for her—Katie retreated to her fancy apartment, either by herself or with friends, and used the elegant drug paraphernalia that she kept in a large locked box in her dressing room.
Katie was charming immediately after the drug rush. She was friendly, funny, and full of both energy and apparent self-confidence. But if the drugs wore off while she was still partying, Katie was quickly transformed into a screaming, hostile bitch who ended many evenings alone with her needle in her apartment.
Katie's official job was the management of the Vegas prostitutes. In that position Katie was also responsible for recruiting new talent. At first Nicole's broken heart was unwilling to acknowledge what her eyes were telling her. But one long, sordid sequence, which began with Katie befriending a lovely but poor teenage Hispanic in San Miguel and ended with the girl, now magnificently dressed and bejeweled, becoming a temporary concubine for one of Nakamura's zaibatsu chiefs a few days later, forced Nicole to admit to herself that her daughter had absolutely no morals or scruples.
After Nicole had been watching the videos for many hours, Archie entered the room and offered her something to eat. Nicole declined. She knew that in her agitated state there was no way she could have retained any food in her stomach.
Why did Nicole keep watching for so long? Why didn't she just switch off the controls and leave the room? Later she would ask herself the same questions. Nicole concluded, when she thought about it later, that after the first few hours of watching she began, at least subconsciously, to search for the existence of some signs of hope in Katie's life. It was not in her nature to accept without argument that her daughter was fundamentally corrupt. Nicole longed desperately to see something in the videos that would suggest to her that Katie's future might be different.
Nicole eventually found two elements in Katie's unhappy life that Nicole somehow convinced herself were signs that her daughter might someday break out of her self-destructive pattern. During Katie's terrible bouts of depression, which occurred most often when her supply of drugs was low, Katie would often fly into a frenzy, smashing everything she could find in her apartment. Except for her framed photographs of Richard and Patrick. Toward the end of these frenetic tantrums, when her energy was exhausted, Katie would always take those two pictures off her dresser and lay them gently on her bed. She would then lie beside the photographs and sob for twenty to thirty minutes. To Nicole, this recurrent behavior indicated that Katie still retained some love for her family.
The other hopeful element, in Nicole's mind, was Franz Bauer, the police captain who was Katie's regular consort. Nicole did not pretend to understand their bizarre relationship—one night the pair would have a terrible, obscene fight, and the next Franz would read Katie the poems of Rainer Maria Rilke as a prelude to
several hours of endless, energetic sex—but she thought she could tell from the videos both that Franz loved Katie in his own strange way and that he did not approve of her drug addiction. During one of their fights, in fact, Franz picked up Katie's drug supply and threatened to flush it down the toilet. Katie went completely berserk and attacked Franz wildly with a hairbrush.
Hour after hour, Nicole continued to watch in an attempt to comprehend her daughter's tragic life. As the long day progressed and Nicole scanned through the earlier videos, some as early as the first days of Katie's drug addiction, Nicole discovered that Katie had even had a sordid affair with Nakamura himself and that the New Eden tyrant had regularly provided Katie with drugs during the time they were sexual partners.
By this time Nicole was numb. She was also so emotionally drained that she did not have the strength to move. When Nicole finally switched off the controls, she put her head down on the desk, cried for a few more minutes, and then fell asleep. Archie woke her four hours later and told her it was time to return home.
It was dark. The transport had been parked at the plaza for ten minutes, but Nicole had still not disembarked. Archie was standing beside her.
"There is no way that I can tell Richard about what I have seen today," she said, glancing up at the octospider. "He will be absolutely destroyed."
"I understand," Archie said sympathetically. "Now you see why I suggested that you not watch the videos."
"You were right," Nicole said, slowly releasing her grasp on the vertical bar and resignedly extending one leg out of the car, "but it's too late now. I can't erase the horrible pictures that are in my mind."
"You told me earlier," Archie said as soon as they were outside the transport, "that it was obvious from the videos that Patrick had known something about the life Katie was leading before his escape. He elected not to tell you and Richard the worst details. Is it a violation of your personal principles to do something similar?"
Rama: The Omnibus Page 150
