He laughed again, but this time, he had the audacity to sound amused. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Well, you’re wrong,” I insisted. But, yet again, his claims writhed beneath my skin, forcing doubts I hadn’t wanted to admit existed to become more clear. Halvor was kind, and he tried to be there for me—to understand me. But there was so much he couldn’t, that he never would. I didn’t know why—if it was the darkness, or the having barely escaped death together more than once in a day, or just his proximity, but I had a sudden urge to admit the truth to Loukas—to this man I hardly knew, but feared might understand me better than anyone else in my life. Even Zuhra. “I don’t know,” I finally whispered.
There was a pause, and then, “I agree, there are a great many things you don’t know, but you will have to be a bit more specific for me to follow.”
“I don’t know if I love him,” I clarified, part annoyed at his continual mocking and part horrified to realize I’d admitted to him what I hadn’t even dared admit to myself until that moment.
Loukas exhaled, his warm breath brushing over my exposed skin and making me shiver. “I have to admit I’m surprised you can be that honest with yourself.”
“Excuse me?” Before I could think better of it, I rolled over to face him, indignation burning in my chest. But my heart stuttered when I realized he was even closer than I thought—his face only a few feet from mine, pillowed on his arm, watching me, his expression inscrutable in the darkness. “What is that supposed to mean?” I forced out past the sudden pounding of my heart.
“You’ve been trapped in a roar most of your life,” he said. “You’ve met only one boy—until now—but you also healed him and created sanaulus between the two of you. So even though you’ve known him less than a month, I was fully expecting you to believe yourself to be madly in love with him. I’m impressed that you can be objective enough not to be certain.”
I stared at him, at a complete loss for words. He’d somehow managed to make me annoyed and proud all at once with his summation of the last few dizzying weeks of my life. “I think having known a girl for most of your life and still not being certain that you love her is far worse than if I had believed myself to be in love with a boy I’ve only known for a month.”
Louk’s eyes widened, but before he could respond, I added, “Don’t you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone in a few weeks? Especially if you’re together all the time? I’ve seen Zuhra and Raidyn together—I am certain he loves her. Don’t you think he does?”
A shadow crossed Loukas’s face, a muscle in his jaw tightened. “I don’t know why you insist on talking about this. We need to rest.” And with that, he rolled away from me, leaving me to stare at the wide expanse of his back, my mind racing and my heart a jumbled mess of uncertainty.
* * *
It took me an eternity to get to sleep, but I must have eventually dozed off, because I woke to Loukas shaking my shoulder and the sun rising above the trees to the east of us.
“Time to go,” he said, not meeting my eyes. “I found some wildberries if you’re hungry.” He pointed at a pile on his blanket that was folded near my head, and then walked away to where Maddok sat on his haunches, saddled and ready to go.
I blinked the lingering fuzziness of sleep away and sat up, grabbing a few berries and shoving them in my mouth before scrambling to my feet. I picked up both blankets, the rest of the berries plopping on the ground, and hurried to Maddok’s side, ignoring the stiffness in my legs.
Loukas wordlessly grasped me around the waist and lifted me up into the saddle. I ignored the heat of his touch through the thin material of my blouse. Why was I reacting to him this way? Why did he have any effect on me at all?
I didn’t know anything about boys or what it felt like to be in love—but I was pretty certain that if I was in love with Halvor, I wouldn’t have felt anything when Loukas was near, when he touched me, or when his eyes met mine. Would I?
But if that was true … then what did it mean?
I was miserable and confused and achy and still exhausted. Focus on getting back to Zuhra and your family. Focus on stopping Barloc. None of this matters right now. The terror of what might lay ahead finally forced away everything else, so when Loukas swung onto the saddle behind me, his arms encircling my waist, I almost didn’t notice the muscles in his forearms flexing, or the strength of his body pressed up against mine.
* * *
“We’re about to go through the pass,” Loukas said, the first words he’d spoken in what felt like hours. We’d flown most of the day without a break, and the sun had already set again, hours ago. “It’s a tight squeeze, so you’re going to need to hold on to Maddok’s neck while I hold on to you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will.”
Maddok soared up higher and higher, toward what looked a lot like insurmountable peaks to me. “Are we going over those?”
“Not over. Through.”
“Through?” I repeated weakly.
“Get ready to lean forward,” Loukas warned, pushing me down onto Maddok’s flank.
Uncertain of what was happening, I wrapped my arms around the gryphon’s muscled neck, as Loukas pressed his body over mine, his arms going around me and Maddok. My heart raced—from fear and his closeness. Before I could ask what he thought he was doing, the gryphon suddenly banked, tipping his entire body so he was nearly perpendicular to the ground far, far below.
A scream built in my throat as we soared straight toward the hulking mass of the mountains. Right when I was certain we would smash into the rocky face of the cliffs, the gryphon slipped into a narrow gap between the two peaks. I slammed my eyes shut. The loamy scent of earth and rock filled my nose; I could feel the cold rock faces as we soared past them.
And then, suddenly, Maddok straightened back out and the air turned sweet and clear once more.
“There it is. Soluselis. I never thought I’d see it again.”
My muscles trembled with the surge of adrenaline; I was certain we’d narrowly escaped death. When I finally forced my eyes open, the sight that greeted me took my breath away. A massive city spread out across the valley nestled among all those colossal peaks. It was mostly dark, its inhabitants sleeping, only a few homes glowed with light. But ahead, on a hill in the center of the valley, the most beautiful building I’d ever seen, in life or book, towered over the city below. It was entirely white and seemed to glow, even in the darkness of a moonless night.
This was where Zuhra had been? Where my father was from?
It was magic given shape, in the form of a castle.
We were silent as we soared across the valley, but I sensed a building tension in Loukas. His arms tightened infinitesimally around me the closer we got. Finally, we glided over the hedge—so similar to the one surrounding the citadel—and landed in a huge, empty field near the castle. Before we’d even had a chance to dismount, a handful of Paladin rushed out of the castle, jogging over to us.
“Loukas? Is that really you?” one of them shouted.
“It’s really me, Teron.”
“We heard you were trapped in Vamala!”
Loukas climbed off Maddok’s back and faced the group of Paladin now standing a few feet away. “I was. Did Ederra … is she…”
“They healed her. She’s here.”
Loukas’s shoulders sagged in relief. “I need to speak with her—immediately.”
“Of course.” Teron, the man in front who had recognized Loukas first, glanced up at me. “But what about her?”
Loukas turned back and reached up to help me get down. “She comes with me.”
“Are you sure Ederra will—”
“Yes,” he cut him off. “This is her granddaughter.”
I froze. “What?”
“What?” Teron said at the same time. “The one everyone risked so much to get back home?”
“No. This is her other granddaughter.”
With that
, Loukas grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. I stumbled past the Paladin, my legs still partially numb from the long flight.
“Where are we going?” I was afraid I already knew.
“To talk to your grandmother.”
TWENTY-NINE
ZUHRA
A dozen more arrows followed the first from unseen archers in the trees around us, but this time they bounced off Sharmaine’s shield. The men wielding swords and spears charged across the stream, their boots churning the previously pristine water into a morass of mud and uprooted moss.
Raidyn vaulted onto Naiki’s back, his veins lit with power. It gathered in his hand and he launched the fireball at the oncoming soldiers. It exploded into the first few, blasting them off their feet, toppling over several men behind them. Another blast from my father took out at least a dozen more.
“Take off! Take off now!” Father shouted, digging his heels into Taavi’s side, even as he sent another blast at the garrison.
“But Halvor!” I screamed, my eyes going to where he lay on the ground in a puddle of blood, his eyes only half-open.
Sharmaine still sat on Keko, her arms shaking from the effort of holding her shield up against the continued onslaught of arrows. Raidyn sent another blast of Paladin fire at the seemingly endless tide of men, barely keeping them from reaching us as they clambered over their fallen comrades, heedless of the danger. I stared at the carnage in horror, the scent of burnt flesh caustic in my nose.
Though I knew it would mean even more death, I also knew this had to end—and now—or else Halvor and possibly the rest of us would all die.
The gut-wrenching truth was I would rather all these men died than any of us.
“Stop them. Stop all of them!” I cried, as I reached out and clamped my hands onto Raidyn’s arm.
My body filled with fire, my veins exploded with the heat and power of it. Dimly I realized my back had arched, my mouth falling open in a silent scream. Unlike the other times when I’d enhanced his ability to heal, I didn’t see any flashes of Raidyn’s life. There was only endless, all-encompassing fire consuming every cell of my body. Even my vision was full of blue flame, the world washed cobalt.
And then it was sucked out of me, rushing down my arms, out my hands, and into Raidyn. He bellowed, a nearly inhuman sound, as the entirety of it surged into his body. My vision returned to normal, but I still panted, my power continuing to fuel his as it gathered in his hands, so bright, it was nearly blinding. When it exploded out, it erupted not as a fireball, but a continuous stream of blue flames that he aimed at the men. It blasted through the onslaught of soldiers like they were nothing more than kindling. One second they were running at us, weapons lifted, and the next instant they were gone, incinerated into ash.
Though the flames came from Raidyn, it felt as though I were the one being ravaged, my muscles and veins liquefied by fire and then draining, draining, draining out of me into him and on to destroy an entire battalion of men—until I was nothing more than a dried-out husk, barely aware of anything beyond all-consuming, devouring, death-delivering fire.
Within moments, they were all gone. Dozens and dozens of men made of flesh and bone and life obliterated by our combined power. Those far enough away to avoid the blast finally turned and fled.
There were a few shouts from the trees above, but no more arrows came.
Raidyn finally cut the fire off. My fingers unclamped, but remained curled like claws, sliding limply off his arm; the outlines remained on his skin—burns in the shape of my hands. Darkness hedged the outer edges of my sight, tunneling in faster and faster as my entire body began to shake violently.
“Zuhra?” Raidyn’s soft voice sounded as if he were far, far away, not sitting right next to me.
“Don’t ever let Barloc see you do that, unless it’s two seconds before you do it to him.”
I couldn’t even tell who had said it, as the darkness closed in on me, swallowing up my desiccated body.
* * *
The darkness was sweet, and so, so soft. It was rest, and it was release. It was temptation and ease. It was a gentle drifting away. But there was something … a tug … just beneath my ribcage, as though there were a hook lodged in the tender flesh of my heart, attached to a cord that kept tug, tug, tugging with just enough force to send a twinge of pain through the lovely dark, refusing to let me entirely submerge and lose myself in it. Each sharp pull was accompanied by a glimpse of something other than the neverending blackness surrounding me.
Tug.
A shock of blond hair falling forward into devastatingly blue eyes.
Tug.
A rare, cherished smile on a girl’s face whose name I should know.
Tug.
A tiny woman who somehow reminded me of a mountain made flesh.
Tug.
A mouth lined by grief and eyes that were permanently crinkled by laughter, who should have been dear to me but had been taken away for far too long.
Tug.
A hand, reaching out to me in the darkness—the key to unlock the only true home I’d ever known.
Part of me wanted to reach for it, but I was tired. So very, very tired.
And the darkness was so sweet and gentle.
Tug, tug, tug.
Lips that taught my mouth to love without words, eyes that burned into my soul when they met mine, a heart that had already broken into too many pieces and would shatter completely if I stayed here.
Something else entered the darkness, a flickering of light that I recognized, but only vaguely. It beckoned to me, trying to coax me out of the shadows.
Who or what was it? I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out. But something inside me told me I needed to reach out to it … or it would be too late.
Though I didn’t truly want to, I forced myself to stretch toward the light … reaching and reaching as the pain intensified, until my entire body burned with it, as though I were the one incinerated by fire, not those men.
All those men …
Lives snuffed out in an instant because of me.
The flames scorched. I burned, but there was no relief; I writhed, but I couldn’t move; I screamed, but there was no sound.
Until the darkness, ever caring, ever gentle, swooped in and soothed away the pain, the struggle, the scream. It swallowed up the light, and the tug, until there was nothing but velvety night and oblivion.
THIRTY
INARA
I trailed half a step behind Loukas as he stormed into the beautiful castle, his hand still around mine, forcing me to follow. I barely had a chance to take in the thick wooden doors, the gleaming floor and soaring ceilings, as he marched us through a maze of hallways that all looked the same—polished and perfectly white, glittering as if magic was imbued into the very floors and walls.
My heart pounded harder than our feet with every step that carried us closer to my grandmother. I hadn’t heard much about her, except that she had been formidable, not very happy Zuhra had been there, and had almost died when Barloc came through the gateway and blasted her with the full brunt of his power.
I was glad, in a detached, unknowing kind of way, that she’d survived. Because Adelric—my father—would have been devastated if she, too, had died, after losing his father.
My stomach sank as I realized she didn’t know her husband was gone.
The world was upside down and wrong—I was in the wrong world—and my sister was the one left behind this time, and I was going to meet my grandmother and be the one to tell her that her husband had died and I didn’t know if I could.
The emptiness inside me had receded in the face of the little bit of power I’d managed to take from Barloc, but it wasn’t enough. Already, I could feel the hole inside absorbing that trace of power, refusing to let it take root. It felt like I’d eaten something bad, but instead of my belly rebelling, it was the space where my power had once resided that was cramping and clenching, fighting against the emptiness.
“She’ll
probably be asleep,” Loukas warned me, the first thing he’d said since we’d entered the castle.
“Couldn’t we wait until she wakes up, then?” My voice trembled.
“No.”
I didn’t argue with him. I knew Barloc was out there, wielding the power of three Paladin, with the ability to tear temporary gateways between worlds. We didn’t have time to let her sleep in. But I dreaded waking her up to give her all the terrible news we brought.
He stopped before a door and dropped my hand to knock once, loud and hard. I sucked in a breath, waiting … and waiting.
When nothing happened, I exhaled slowly.
Rather than knocking again, Loukas turned the knob. I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could, he spat out a word in Paladin under his breath and then turned to me. “It’s empty. She’s not here.”
I couldn’t help the relief that washed over me. There would never be enough time to prepare myself for meeting her, but every extra minute I got felt like a reprieve. I wasn’t sure why, but some part of me knew that once I met her and told her everything that had happened, the course of my life would change irrevocably—and she would be the one who decided what direction it would go.
“Come on.” Loukas grabbed my hand and pulled me forward again. “We have to find her.”
I wanted to resist, but knowing he wouldn’t be deterred, I let myself get dragged back the way we’d come. At least, I thought we were going back. I really had no concept of direction in this building. All the hallways curved slightly, as though they were circling something in the center of the castle.
We stopped at two more doors, but both rooms were also empty. I didn’t need sanaulus to sense Loukas’s building frustration. His hand tightened on mine, the temperature of his skin rising a degree every time he failed to find her.
We’d only passed a couple of other Paladin, but before I’d been able to get a good look at any of them, they’d taken one glance at the thunderous expression on Loukas’s face and scurried away like mice who had been spotted by a cat.
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