My cheeks flush. “You don’t have to call me pet names anymore, if you don’t want.”
“If I don’t want. Got it, beautiful.”
“You’re not going to make this break up easy, are you?”
“Hey, I never make anything easy. That’s what comes with such amazing territory.”
I pause. “I’m going to gloss over the fact that you just called yourself ‘amazing territory’.”
He winks. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
How in the world am I supposed to tell him what Chris said to me?
“Take your time, Libby. We’re in no hurry right now.”
I sigh. “Can I ask you why you’re curious?”
He blinks. “What?”
“About my conversation with Chris. Why are you curious? Why did you bail me out the way you did on the sidewalk?”
“Because everyone thinks we’re still together because we haven’t broken up yet. Officially. Well, you know what I mean.”
“That still doesn’t tell me why you’re curious.”
His eyes hold my stare. “Because it’s obvious you’re upset about it. And that matters to me.”
I feel my heart melt a little more towards him and I curse myself. That isn’t going to help me when I’m trying to break up with this guy and push on with my life. Like our agreement said we both would.
“Take your time. Whenever you’re--.”
My lips ran away with me. “Chris said he wanted to get together and look out for me because he sees that you’re playing a game.”
“Oh.”
I sigh. “Chris said at the coffee meet-up that I obviously deserve better. But, if I’m looking for better, you’re not it.”
His face turns red. “Uh huh.”
“He said that he knows his kind. Like, children on the playground who gravitate to people who are like them. Chris told me you’re one of his kind, and if I was looking to not get hurt and really move on, I didn’t need to be with someone like you.”
“What did you say to that?”
“Nothing, really.”
He looks as if he’s been slapped. “You didn’t say anything?”
“I mean, I told him he was wrong. That he had no place in my life to comment on such things. He got belligerent. Upset that I wasn’t taking his word as gospel and immediately doing something about it. He got a bit manipulative--.”
“He what?”
I rub his arm to calm him down. “Please, Ian. I don’t want to have to field another angry man. Just take some breaths.”
He draws in one through his nose. “What an absolute fuckwad.”
I giggle. “Yes. He really is.”
“Did he say anything else?”
“Not really. Not anything of importance.”
“Is it important to you?”
I consider his question for a while before a smile spreads across my face.
“Actually, it isn’t.”
He grins. “Good girl.”
I snort. “Thanks for that.”
“What? That’s a serious step. That man did you wrong when you did nothing but love him. Then, you see him at a party while orchestrating this entire thing just to save face to him, and he asks you to coffee? That would put any heartbroken girl in a vulnerable situation.”
“I’m not heartbroken over him anymore.”
“But, you are still hanging on a bit.”
“No. I don’t think so, at least. If anything, I wanted closure. I wanted that apology. I wanted him to admit that he was an ass. To acknowledge something that even remotely makes him human.”
“Did you get what you needed out of it?”
I nod with confidence. “Yes. I did.”
He smiles brightly. “Then, I’m glad it took place. Even though I do still think he’s an asshole that deserves to be tossed off a cliffside.”
I bark with laughter. “Can I be the one to do it?”
“Can you Sparta-kick him off?”
“Sparta-kick?”
His face falls. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen that movie.”
“Uh, what movie?”
“Oh, no. No no no no. This isn’t going to do. I thought every woman on this planet has seen that movie!”
“What movie!?”
“300?”
I blink. “What?”
“Does the movie ‘300’ ring a bell?”
“Uh, no.”
“The movie with Gerard Butler and a billion other ripped, shirtless guys going to war?”
I blinked. “Did you say ‘ripped’?”
He grins. “We’re definitely watching that movie the next time I have you over for dinner.”
His words stun me. “Wait, there’s going to be a next time.”
“I can’t have a beautiful woman over to my place for dinner every once in a while?”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong. That would be great. But, it kind of seems like you’re asking me back for another dinner date.”
“And if I am?”
My brow furrows. “I would’ve thought you’d be happy for this moment. You know, where we have to discuss our breaking up. You can get back to your life. Get back to what you do. I mean, think of all those women out there going un-wooed because you’re messing around with me.” I try to keep my tone light, making it clear I’m not judging him or anything, but when his head comes up, his brow is furrowed.
“Is that what you think I want?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know what you want.”
He opens his mouth and then closes it, letting out a rough sigh. “Okay, fair. Well, tell me this. What do you want?”
It’s not really fair for him to turn this around on me, but it’s a valid question. I remember all the things I decided the night before and tell myself firmly to stick to my guns.
“I want to matter to you,” I tell him. When he just looks at me like he doesn’t know what to say to that, I continue. “I want to be more than someone you call when you’re horny. That’s not … I’m never going to be okay with being used like that. Not after everything that’s happened. And I want to still be your friend, even if everything else goes away because getting to know you and spending time with you has been one of the best parts of this whole thing.”
It feels kind of lame now that I’ve said it, but I can’t take it back. I can only wait and see how Ian will react.
To my surprise, he starts laughing.
I’m still standing, and I put my hands on my hips, glaring down at him. “I’m glad you think that’s so funny.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, that was really rude. No, that’s not why I’m laughing. It’s just … how could you ever think I’d think of you as just a booty call? You’re not that kind of girl, Libby.”
I frown at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re not shallow like that. And hey, nothing against women who just want that, they’re definitely nice to have around sometimes, but you … you’ve always been different. You listen to me when I talk, and you’ve gotten to know me outside of my money and my dad’s business. You don’t want anything from me other than me. Do you know how rare that is? How much I … ” He hesitates and then lets out a breath. “How much I don’t want to give that up? I know we had a deal, and it was just for the party, and now that the party’s over we should just move on or whatever, but what if I don’t want to?”
You’d think I’d be over being surprised by him, but apparently not. I just stand there, staring at him, a little bit shocked. “Oh,” I say. “I didn’t know you felt like that.”
He shrugs, looking self-conscious.
“I’m capable of complex emotions,” he says, and there’s a ring of bitterness to it.
I can understand that. For the entire time I’ve known him there have been plenty of comments about his womanizing ways. I’ve made a good deal of them myself. It’s easy to write someone off as being one thing and not expect more from them t
han what they’ve shown you, but it’s not fair of me to treat Ian like that.
In the time since we’ve been “together,” he’s shown me a lot more than I ever would have expected, and I have to start remembering that.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, hoping I sound as sincere as I feel. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I don’t think you have depth. I know you do. I just didn’t realize those things mattered to you, and that’s on me. I’m happy they do matter, though. Because I want to keep doing it. I want to know more about you and your work and your family. You’re amazing in bed, which I don’t even need to tell you, but you’re also a good friend, and that’s harder to find.”
He smiles, and it’s warm. “Apology accepted. I mean, I can’t complain too much because I did used to be that shallow, but sometimes someone comes along and changes how you look at things, and makes you realize you wanted something more the whole time, you just didn’t know what it was.”
He means me, and it’s crazy to hear it. After Chris made me feel so inadequate, here’s someone who really thinks I’m worth his time and worth more than just sex. It’s an amazing feeling, no matter where we decide to go with this.
“Well, thank you,” I say. “I appreciate that. We probably should have talked more about what was going to happen when we didn’t need to pretend anymore, huh?”
“Probably,” he says with a sigh. “But I was sort of caught up in the fiction.”
“Verisimilitude can be dangerous.”
“They should put that on the label.”
We both laugh and then lapse into silence for a few long seconds, clearly not knowing what else to say about the matter.
“So … ” Ian asks after a bit, looking up at me. “Does this mean we’re dating for real now?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Are we friends with benefits?”
“I don’t know.”
He laughs, looking exasperated, fond, and relieved all at once. “Well, at least you’re as confused as I am. That’s something. I didn’t expect things to go like this.”
“What did you expect?” I want to know.
He shrugs and then seems to consider something. “Well, if you want me to be honest … ”
“I do.”
Ian nods. “If you want me to be honest, I was hoping you’d find yourself so unbelievably attracted to me that you’d want to sleep with me. Because I definitely wanted that, but I respect you too much to seduce you.”
It’s such an absurd thing to say that I can’t help but start laughing. Of course that’s what he was thinking. His reasons for agreeing so easily make sense now. I’m not even upset about it, honestly. Mostly I’m flattered, I think.
“Thank you for your honesty,” I say, grinning.
“I thought you’d be upset.”
It’s my turn to shrug again. “I could be, but I’m not. I wanted you, too, so being mad about it would make me kind of a hypocrite. And now you want more than just my body, so I have to be happy about that. I’m okay with how things turned out.”
“Me, too,” he says, smiling. “But I still have no idea what we’re doing.”
“Let’s not rush to define it,” I suggest. “People already think we’re dating, and that’s okay. We can let them think that while we figure stuff out. Nothing really has to change from the way it was before.”
“Yeah?” he asks. “I’d like that. It felt a lot easier before.”
“It really did. I wondered if that was because it wasn’t real so there was less pressure, but I don’t know. Keeping it low key seems like the best way to go.”
The oven timer starts going off again, and Ian swears under his breath. “This is what we get for trying to have a serious conversation before dinner,” he grumbles. "“Let’s just eat and we can figure out the rest later.”
I smile at him because that sounds good to me.
It’s different from anything I’ve ever done before. He’s different. Chris tried to make me into someone I wasn’t, someone who would better fit what he wanted, and he never even once tried to find out what I wanted. And for the longest time, I thought that was okay. I thought that was just part of how things worked and if I didn’t like it, then I was the one with the problem.
Now I know better. Now I know that it doesn’t have to be some grand love you see yourself being in forever. You can start small; just find someone you like to be around and make it work from there.
I have no idea what’s going to happen with Ian and me, but once again, I decide not to worry about it. It doesn’t have to be written in stone. We can feel it out as we go.
The attraction is there, and so is the friendship and respect and mutual care, and that’s a damned good place to start if you ask me.
Ian gets up to go work on the food, and I follow him into the kitchen, stomach growling all over again. Everything looks delicious, laid out on the island, and I blush, thinking of just a few days ago when he had me bent over that same island, making me a mess for him.
There’s so many more places we haven’t tried having sex yet. My place holds a lot of flat surfaces, and there’s my car and his car, bathrooms and dressing rooms.
I don’t know how just being around Ian makes me horny immediately, but I’m drawn to him. He feels the same, so that’s all good. At least it’s mutual, and neither of us are making idiots of ourselves. Sometimes that’s all you can hope for. Sometimes people can surprise you and people can change. Sometimes you’re the one who changes, maybe without even realizing it.
For the first time in a while, I feel pretty optimistic about the future. I don’t know what’s ahead, but I know pretty sincerely it’s going to be better than what came before, and that’s good enough for me.
Epilogue
Nine months later
Libby
“Is the blindfold really necessary, Ian?”
I wrap my hand around his wrist to try and pull it down. But, he fights me until my hand falls back to my side.
I snicker. “You do realize I hate surprises, right?”
His hand is over my eyes, blocking my view of wherever he’s decided to take me. And it makes me more anxious to get the surprise over with, because I can’t stand the anticipation.
“You’re just as impatient in bed, beautiful. You know that?”
My voice falls flat. “Not the same thing.”
He chuckles. “Come on, gorgeous. You have to trust me. Don’t you trust me?”
I speak my only truth. “You know I do.”
“How much do you trust me?”
“With everything, Ian.”
I hear him chuckle. “Then, trust me with this. You’re going to love it.”
This is one of those moments in life where I honestly don’t know what to expect. These past nine months with Ian have been some of the most insane and incredible and wonderful times of my life. We figured out how to make things work with us. We figured out how to fuse our lives together. With both of our families under the impression that we were already dating, it gave us the breadth and the space we needed to explore things on our own.
And it felt outstanding.
Waking up to Ian most every morning makes my heart skip a beat. Making love to him most every night makes my skin crawl with delight. He surprises me with the smallest things that make my knees weak. Like flowers in my office after a hard week. Or, coming by to surprise me with lunch when my days are much too busy to get out with him. On a couple of occasions, Ian’s father flew him out to other international destinations to scout out new business. Which meant I got to take some much-needed paid vacation time off work to go with him.
Though, I do work remote sometimes.
“Ian, come on.”
He kisses my cheek. “You were the one that insisted on walking instead of driving any further.”
“Because I was getting car sick in the back of that taxi with my eyes blindfolded.”
“Hey. What makes you think were you in a taxi?”
I pause. “The smell of it?”
He playfully scoffs. “Why, I never.”
I throw my head back in laughter before Ian’s lips fall to my neck. The feeling is tantalizing. But, not as tantalizing as trying to figure out this surprise. The roar of the city fades into the background as I hear what sounds like a door opening and closing. I hear people shushing and stifling giggles as my heels click across the floor. It’s a Saturday, for crying out loud. All I want to do is lounge around at home in my sweatpants, a bra, and have Ian draped around me while we watch movies until we fall asleep.
“Remind me again why I had to dress up for this?” I ask.
“Because once you see it, you’re going to wish you were.”
I shake my head. “I still don’t understand what that means.”
I hear something akin to a button click. “Trust me, you’ll see.”
I mock him. “Trust me, you’ll see.”
He laughs as he leads me into what is most certainly an elevator. But, an elevator to where? I rack my brain with all sorts of things. Wondering what this might be. Something that requires an elevator that also requires me to get dressed up?
“Holy shit, you’re not proposing, are you?”
He barks with laughter. “Even if I was, I’m pretty sure that’s not the reaction I’d want from you.”
“I-I-I mean, all I’m saying is--.”
He kisses my cheek. “I’m not proposing, beautiful. Not yet, anyway.”
I pause. “Wait. Not yet?”
He chuckles, but doesn’t say anything.
“What do you mean, not yet!?”
The elevator rises and rises. It stops and I hear people shuffling in before more shuffle out. Up and up we go, rising up what seems to be an endless cavern. I cling to Ian’s hand. I lean against his strong body. I envision all of the things I’m going to do to him tonight for torturing me and getting me out of my cave on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.
“All right. We’re here,” he says.
The elevator dings and I hear the doors open. The smell of cinnamon and apples waft up my nose as Ian guides me off the elevator. I try to focus on the sounds and smells around me. But, I still can’t figure out where we are. It feels bright, if that makes any sense. Like there’s a lot of light around. And while my heels are clicking against a floor, there also seems to be an echo.
Off Limits Page 16
