by Toni Aleo
“Amberlyn, love? What’s wrong?”
Standing up, she puts her hand on her hips, holding my gaze with her angry one. “Oh, nothing much, just had myself a lovely conversation with your mother!” she says, her sentence dripping with sarcasm.
“Ah fuck,” I mutter, falling into the chair. “What happened? I just spoke to her; everything seemed fine.”
“What happened?! Oh, let me tell you!” she yells, and I look up surprised. Amberlyn doesn’t yell at me. Her eyes are filling with tears, and I stand back up, walking toward her, but she puts her hands up. “Not only did your mom know mine, but she dumped her as a friend for your dad.”
My brows are probably in my hairline. “Really?”
“Yes! But that’s not the kicker! She stopped being my mom’s friend because your dad made her.”
Looking at her, I can understand that this is upsetting to her, but I really don’t think she should be hostile and taking it out of me. I didn’t do anything. “I’m sorry, love, but why are ya so mad about this?”
That only makes her madder. “Because she then proceeds to tell me that he changed everything about her. That being an O’Callaghan wife, you lose yourself!”
I shake my head. “That won’t happen to ya. I’ve told ya that.”
“See, that’s what I said, but then she made some good points,” she snaps, and I don’t know why I am being dragged into this.
“Well, please, let me have ’em,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Would you want me to work after I have our first child?”
I feel like I’m walking into a trap, but I answer her. Truthfully. “No, sweetheart, I wouldn’t, but only for the fact I don’t want anyone caring for our wee baby but you.”
“But what if I don’t want to raise our wee baby!” she says, mocking my accent. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not, so I go for the latter since there are other things to be offended about.
I eye her as my heart starts to pound in my chest. “I’m sorry, love, but I feel like you’re trying to trap me. I don’t know the right answer here.”
“Just tell me the damn truth!”
Holding her gaze, I shake my head once more. “I’d try to talk ya out of it. At least till the baby is old enough to talk.”
She holds my gaze, hers darkening as she shakes her head. “Do you want me to go to school? To work now?”
I feel like I’m digging myself an even deeper hole, but I answer her truthfully. “No, love, I don’t. But only because I’m not used to it. I’ve always been told the wife stays home, the man works.”
“We don’t live in the fucking 1920s, Declan!”
“Yeah, I know, but that’s the way it is around here. I want to provide for ya, make sure you have everything because I gave it to you.”
“No! I want to work for what I get!”
“That’s fine,” I say, holding my palms up. “Calm down, now. No reason to be this upset.”
“Yes, there is. You’re going to try to change me!”
“I am not!”
“Yes, you are!” she yells, turning to head for the bedroom. “One thing at a time, and I’ll let it go ’cause I love you, and soon I’ll be unhappy and miserable!”
Following her, I am completely fed up. This is pointless and the stupidest thing in the world to be fighting about. “The hell ya will! I’ll make sure you’re always happy!”
“Oh, by throwing shiny things in my face or giving me things I ask for, but all while plotting to run my life. Why did you start the library thing? Just so you can shove it in my face when I ask to move? So I wouldn’t leave this damn house?”
Completely taken aback by that, I glare. “I mean, fuck Amberlyn, what do ya think of me? Do ya really think I’d do that to ya? Manipulate ya like that?”
She glares back at me. “I don’t know. I don’t want to think that, but I’m just so mad! Your mom is sitting there, telling me she is just warning me because she doesn’t want me to go through what she did.”
“So because my ma doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut, I’m being yelled at?”
Whipping her head toward me, her brow furrows more. “So a woman needs to just shut her mouth and do what a man says? Is that what you mean by that?”
Looking up at the ceiling, I let out frustrated yell. When I open my eyes, she’s got a bag and is stuffing clothes in it.
“Where do ya think you’re going?”
“Why? You going to tell me I can’t go?”
I glare, my blood boilin’ inside me. I don’t know how this escalated so quickly, but it’s just ridiculous. Still, I really don’t even know what I did wrong.
“Really, Amberlyn?”
“I’m gonna go to Fiona’s. We need to have some time apart,” she says as a tear rolls down her cheek. “Maybe we rushed into this.”
“Really?” I snap.
“Yeah, so you wouldn’t lose your precious distillery.”
I feel as if she’s slapped me. Taking ahold of her arms, I turn her to look at me. “Do ya think I care about that fucking distillery more than you? Is that it?”
“No, but your mom thinks that’s the reason you’re doing everything to make me happy. So that I don’t leave. After that, you’ll run my life.”
I am going to fucking kill my ma. I’ve never ever said something like that before, but this is insane. Holding her gaze, I practically plead with my eyes as I say, “I don’t care about that distillery more than you, Amberlyn. I’m not doing this to trap ya. I love ya and will give it all up,” I say, and she looks down, sucking in a deep breath. “Tell me something. Have I treated you like what you are accusing me of? What is this about? Are ya nervous? Cold feet? What? Tell me. What do I have to do here? I’m not gonna be my da; I’m gonna be me. The man ya love. And I’m gonna make ya happy.”
Shaking her head, she looks back at me, her eyes full of tears. Pushing away from me, she goes to the window, crossing her arms over her body. “No, I want to marry you because I love you with every fiber of my body, but I guess I’m scared. I don’t want you to change me.”
“I’m not going to. Have I yet?”
“No, but all I can think is that my mom was a good judge of character. She loved with all her heart, and if she could love your mom, she had to be a person worth my mom’s time. But now, I don’t even like being around your mom. And I could be friends with a rock, Declan! It scares me!”
Taking a cautious step toward her, I bend my head to look her in her eyes. “Love, I’m not my da, and yous aren’t my ma.”
She sucks in a deep breath and shakes her head. “I wonder if your dad said the same thing.”
Pulling in a breath through my nose, I stand back and put my hands on my hips. She obviously needs time to think. Nothing I say is gonna change her mind. I could talk until I’m blue in the face and she isn’t gonna listen to me. She’ll have to do it on her own. Trust that I love her and I would never hurt her. I don’t want her to leave, but if that’s what she wants, then I’ll do it.
“Fine, get ya bag packed. I’ll take ya.”
She looks up. “What?”
I look at her, confused. “Don’t ya want to leave?”
She nods slowly, but I can see in her eyes she doesn’t. She’s scared. That’s all there is to it, and maybe Fiona can help with that. I wish it were me, and I feel it should be me, but apparently not. I hope though that she says no.
But, unfortunately, she doesn’t. “Yes.”
My heart sinks as I nod. “Fine, then I’ll take ya,” I say, my own voice breaking. “But don’t come back unless you want to marry me and you trust that I won’t be my da.”
Reaching for the door, I stop at the sound of her voice. “Are you mad?”
I look back at her from the where I’m holding the door handle. “Furious, but that don’t mean I don’t love ya and can let this go the second you get your head out of your arse. But till then, I’m gonna do as ya ask. Ya want to leave, let’s go.”<
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She hesitates and I pray that she’ll stay, but then she grabs her bag. Opening the bedroom door, I slam it shut just at the main door to my suite opens and my ma pops her head in. “Declan, I heard yelling.”
“Yeah?” I ask, wiping my face free of the tears that burn my cheeks. “Probably the sounds of my fiancée deciding to leave to go to her cousin’s because you chose to warn her about how I’m gonna change her.”
She pauses, her eyes glassing over as I hold them with heated ones. “Why would ya do that to me, Ma? To her? Scare her like this? Do ya really think that of me?”
“I don’t want her to end up like me,” she answers.
Confused, I shake my head. “If yer unhappy, change it. Don’t bring everyone down with ya because you decided to be unhappy.”
“I didn’t decide this; it was chosen for me.”
“Again, not my fault or Amberlyn’s. Yours and da’s. I’m not him. I won’t hurt her. I actually love her. Just like I think he loves you.”
“And I love him, but now everyone is leaving me. I’m lonely.”
I can’t believe what I am hearing. Shaking my head, I yell at her as my skin burns with anger. “So you’re trying to ruin my marriage? To keep me here?”
“No, Declan, no. I love you and I want you to be happy,” she pleads, reaching for me, but I brush her to the side. “But I loved her ma, and I don’t ever want her to live like I have.”
Glaring, I go toe-to-toe with her, glaring at her. “She fuckin’ won’t because I’m gonna make her happy and love her for her. I’m not your husband. I’m you. The you from before what now stands in front of me.”
Tears stream down her face as we hold each other gazes. It’s like I’m not looking at the woman that has loved me unconditionally my whole life. The person who I believed loved her life. No, I don’t even know this person, nor do I have the need to. She might have pushed Amberlyn away from me.
“Declan, I’m sorry.”
Shaking my head in complete disgust, I hear my bedroom door open and then Amberlyn behind me. “It’s too late for sorry now, Ma. Yer words have spread like wildfire, and now I have to figure out how to put them out.”
Looking back at Amberlyn, I see that she is looking down, her bag on her shoulder, tears falling down her cheeks. I want to wrap her up in my arms, kiss her, tell her it all will be fine, but I know she won’t let me. My ma has poisoned her vision of me. Glaring back at my ma, I fight back the tears. I’m supposed to love her unconditionally, but how can I when she may have taken my life away? Clearing my throat of the sobs that threaten to break free, I basically growl, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna take Amberlyn to her cousin’s because she doesn’t want to be here.”
Not waiting for either of them to say anything, I head for the door, stomping to the front of the house. My heart breaks a bit, but I believe in Amberlyn and me. I do, and maybe by the time I get to Fiona’s, she’ll remember she does too.
Or maybe my ma has ruined everything.
Chapter 28
Amberlyn
I don’t know if I am doing the right thing.
I remember when my mom and dad got into a big fight once, they fought for hours, screaming and yelling at each other. My mom was crying and shaking, my dad shouting, his face red with anger. I remember hating that they fought and wanting them to stop. My mom packed a bag, told me to grab a few things, and that’s when my dad stopped screaming and started begging. I started to cry because I didn’t understand. I couldn’t have been over six, but I can still hear my dad’s voice.
Don’t leave. Stay. Talk this out. Don’t give up on me.
She didn’t leave. She told me to go to my room and I did, putting my head under a pillow as I cried. I didn’t know what was going on, and it scared me. I feel asleep, and when I woke up, they were fine. She was sitting in his lap, and they were looking at the checkbook as if nothing had happened.
Before she died, I asked her what had happened. She smiled and shook her head as she looked me deep in the eyes. My dad had a gambling problem and lost the college fund they had started for me. She was furious with him and said he needed a wake-up call. I thought for so long they were crazy, but really, she was trying to help him and did. Losing my mom and me would have been his downfall.
Looking over at Declan, I know I would be his.
I can see the whites of his knuckles; his jaw is taut and he just looks miserable. I started this, but I know I have just cause for it. His mother has scared me shitless. I want to live a happy life, but can I do that being an O’Callaghan? I know that, being with him, I have all these expectations of me, and they mean I’ll have to change. He keeps promising me that he won’t do that to me, but all I keep hearing is his mom’s warning.
My mom wouldn’t want me to do anything until I was completely sure. While I am completely sure I love him more than anything in this world, I don’t know if I can go into marriage with him believing that I’ll still be me in the end. I mean, I love who I am with him, but when his parents, and even his sister, get involved, all of a sudden I’m a tea dress-wearing snob. I just don’t know. I’m so scared, but then I don’t want to be without him. I just don’t know what I want.
When we pull into the lot of Fiona and Kane’s apartment, Declan turns the car off and taps his thumb along the steering wheel. I know this is where I’m supposed to get out, but I’m scared to. My heart is pounding, my hands feel clammy, and even my eye is twitching. I don’t know what to do; I’m just so fucking scared of everything, which is very unlike me. I’m usually a jump-in kind of girl, but his mom really fucked me up. My biggest fear is to lose the woman my parents raised. They wouldn’t want me to be what Noreen O’Callaghan is.
Over the last couple months, I’ve seen firsthand that she only cares about appearances. I couldn’t care less what I look like or who I’m supposed to impress. I just want to be comfortable. She wants to have parties, impress people all the time, yeah, again, I don’t care. I also don’t want to be in a loveless marriage. If she loved her husband, she’d spend more time in bed with him rather than walking in on me in bed with her son. Again, gross. She’s lost herself, and I don’t want to ever lose me. I love me.
But I love Declan.
Ugh, I’m so confused.
Reaching for the door handle, I pull it and push the door open. Letting one leg out, I look back at him. Should I kiss him bye? Or is he too mad at me? I mean, I’ve caused one hell of a mess with my explosive freak-out.
Before I can ask though, he says, “I’ll be waiting for you.”
My brows furrow as I look at his beautiful profile. “Waiting for me?”
“Yeah,” he says with a curt nod. “Go on inside, sleep on it. When yer ready to tell me one way or another, I’ll be here.”
“I can call you,” I supply, but he shakes his head.
“No, I want to be here.”
“But I’m going dress shopping with Fiona in the morning.”
He nods and then finally looks over at me. His eyes are so dark, even hard, like a gorgeous marble, but I can see the pain. I’ve really fucked up here, and even with all that, he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to be here. He wants to wait for me to get my “head out of my arse” as he said. Clearing his throat, he says, “And I’ll be waiting for ya, then.”
My lip starts to wobble as I nod slowly. “I’m sorry.”
He looks at me. “For what?”
“For being scared, for not believing in you the way I did before your mom messed it up.”
“It’s a part of life, Amberlyn, to be scared. The other thing, I know it’s in there, the trust, the believing. Ya just have to find it again. It’s lost in the shitstorm my ma has caused. I can’t help ya find it; ya won’t let me. So go on, I’ll be waiting.”
Tears stream down my face as I shake my head. I don’t want to be in a shitstorm without him. I want us to face it together, but why don’t I say that? What is wrong with me? Why am I so fucking scared?
&n
bsp; Clearing my throat, I close my eyes before glancing back at him, sucking in a deep breath. “Do I kiss you goodbye?”
His eyes soften then. “Do you still want to?”
“Declan, I still love you. More than anything. I’m just so fucking scared.”
“There isn’t anything to be scared of, though. I’m not gonna to hurt ya, change ya, or anything else ya can come up with. I want only to love ya back.”
A tear runs down my cheek, splashing against my hand. “I’m just scared.”
Holding my gaze, he nods. “Fine, go on in there, then. Maybe Fiona can help ya with your fear since I can’t do shite, apparently.”
“It isn’t that; it—”
“Go on, Amberlyn,” he says, interrupting me. “I’ll be waiting.”
“So you don’t even want to talk about it?”
Looking back at me, he glares. “Amberlyn, do ya want to talk? ’Cause I’ve tried, and you want to leave. I bring ya here, and now ya want to talk? I don’t know what to do here, lass, and you aren’t helping me at all. Tell me what I have to do to make you feel better, to make this fear go away. I want you to be confident in us.”
“I am.”
“Then what do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly because I don’t. I don’t know how to make this fear go away.
“Sure. Then, go on with ya,” he says, shaking his head.
I watch him for a moment, tears still streaming down my face as I try to figure out what to do. Do I leave? Do I stay? I have no clue. I’m so inexperienced when it comes to men, but I’m not stupid. I’m scared, and there has to be a reason for that.
Biting my lip, I wipe my face before asking, “So do you want to kiss me goodbye?”
Looking over at me, he just looks so sad. “Yer killing me, love.”
“I know,” I answer with a slow nod.
“But, I do. C’mere,” he says, his brogue thicker with all the emotion in his voice. Reaching for me, he holds my face for a second, his eyes searching mine. “This isn’t goodbye, though. You’ll go in there. Talk a bit with yer cousin and hopefully decide to believe me when I say I’m not gonna change ya.” Before I can say anything, his lips press against mine, my eyes drifting shut as we slowly kiss. I want to get lost in his kiss; I want to forget his mom altogether, but what if I’m right for feeling like this? What if I go upstairs and Fiona begs me to leave him?
