I bit my lip, considering. “I’ll talk to Liam, but I think it’ll be fine. He knows . . . deep down, Liam knows how much you went through with the Senator. I don’t think he wants to hear any details of your dating life.” I hastened to add that last part. “But I think he understands.” I paused. “Have you . . . heard anything from Liam’s dad?”
Mrs. Bailey shook her head as she held the dress for me to step out of it. “Not a word. I left a message for him after the engagement party, telling him it’d gone well, and asking if he wanted to meet to talk about the wedding. I’m trying, Ava. For Liam’s sake, I’d like to have at least a show of family unity. But he didn’t respond at all. From what I hear through the grapevine, though, things aren’t going well for him. There’re rumblings that he won’t be nominated to run as the incumbent next fall. You know, he’d built his base as a man who supported family values, and with the divorce and all the fallout from the scandal, that’s pretty much destroyed.”
“I guess I should feel sorry for him, but it’s difficult.” I pulled my shirt over my head. “Seeing what he did to you and Liam makes it hard to give him any sympathy.”
“I don’t blame you.” Mrs. Bailey nodded. “But for Liam’s sake, I wish he’d pull it together and start trying to act like a father. For one day, at least.”
“Agreed.” I slipped on my shoes and turned around. “I’m all ready. We’d better get over to the restaurant before Jules and Ange eat all the food.”
Mrs. Bailey laughed. “All right. And Ava, thank you for including me today. I know you didn’t have to do it, but it means something to me.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you came. It wouldn’t have been the same without you. We’re family now.”
She smiled. “Family. I like that.”
***
60 Days to W Day
“PROFESSOR BAILEY, COULD I talk to you for a minute?”
I looked up from the tablet where I’d been scanning my notes for the next class. “Uh, sure. Um . . . ?”
“Scarlet. Scarlet Rogers.” I recognized her now, vaguely. She was in the lecture I’d just finished, and she always sat in the front row and paid brutally close attention.
“Of course. What can I do for you, Ms. Rogers?”
She giggled, and I had to concentrate on not rolling my eyes. “Um, well, my sorority, the Gamma Eps, is holding its annual Snowflake Gathering in December. We always nominate members of the faculty to attend as our guests, as a way to thank our professors for their hard work and service.” She sounded as though she was reciting something she’d memorized, and I was willing to bet she was. “On behalf of Gamma Epsilon, we’d like to invite you to be my guest. Our guest, I mean.”
I’d heard rumors about the Snowflake Gathering. It was listed in campus materials exactly as she’d described it, but the scuttlebutt, which I’d heard when I was here as an undergrad, was that it was a thinly-disguised excuse to include some of the younger professors in a wild party. More than one faculty member—of both sexes—had gotten themselves in trouble there. I was surprised the administration allowed it to go on.
“I’m flattered, Ms. Rogers, but unfortunately, my December is already pretty booked.” I flashed her a smile. “I’m getting married.”
Her face fell. “You are? Why?”
I laughed. “Well, for a lot of reasons, most of which are not really your business. But the number one reason is that the girl of my dreams said yes.” I pulled out my phone and showed Scarlet my background picture. “See? This is my girl. My fiancée.”
She gave the picture a cursory glance. “Okay, well . . . thanks anyway.” She began to walk away and then turned around. “When is your wedding? The Gathering’s at the beginning of the month. Maybe you won’t be married by then.”
“Thanks, but we’ll be busy all December. And even if I wasn’t getting married, I still wouldn’t be interested.” I kept my voice light but firm and hoped she got the message.
“Okay.” Her shoulders slumped a little as she opened the door and left. I shook my head, laughing to myself.
“The trials and tribulations of being an attractive young college professor.” A familiar voice floated to me from the corner of the room, and I looked up, startled. My father sat at a desk in the far back, watching me.
“Dad.” I flattened my hands on the table in front of me. “What’re you doing here?”
He didn’t move except for one shoulder, which lifted and fell. “I don’t really know. I . . . started driving, and I ended up here, on campus. I asked someone if Professor Bailey was teaching today, and he pointed me to this building. I looked into a few classrooms before I found your lecture hall.”
“Why? Why now?”
He stood and walked slowly down the rows of chairs toward me, swaying. Tension gripped my neck and shoulders. This was a side to my father I’d never seen, and it scared the shit out of me.
“I fucked up, Liam.” There was weariness in his tone, and a self-loathing that put a lump in my own throat. “I fucked up my life. And your mother’s, and yours. But you both found a way to go on despite how hard I tried to drag you down with me. And now I’m alone, and I’m ruined, and I’m . . . utterly fucked.” He sat down again, this time in the front row, and buried his head in his hands.
“Dad, tell me what’s going on.” I came around to lean against the table, crossing my arms over my chest.
He shook his head. “The party . . . they’ve asked me to step down. They said I’m doing more harm than good, and they want to have someone else take my seat. I already knew they weren’t going to nominate me for re-election, but I thought they’d at least let me retire with dignity. Ha! Like dignity is something I’ve earned.”
“I’m sorry.” It was all I could think to say.
“No, you’re not. You don’t understand, not really, because you never understood what this means to me. Being Senator . . . it was my dream. Or part of my dream. I’d hoped for . . . well, that doesn’t matter now. I’ve lost that, just like I lost you and your mother.”
I closed my eyes and wished Ava were here. She’d know what to do, how to handle this. I just wanted to flee the room, get as far away from my father as I could. But that wasn’t an option, because I wasn’t a child anymore. I was an adult, a man about to be a husband. Running away wasn’t a choice. I had to deal with this.
“Dad, you haven’t lost me.” I swallowed hard. “And Mom . . . well, yeah, your marriage is over. But I think she still wants us to be a family, in whatever way we can make that happen.” I paused, searching for the next words. “And Ava. You don’t really know her, Dad. But she’s amazing. I can’t believe I get to marry a girl like her. I’m the luckiest guy in the world, because Ava loves me. Because she chose me.”
“I tried to destroy that, too.” My father sighed.
“Yeah, you did, but we can get past that, if you try.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. “All my life, Dad, you’ve shown me how to take care of what’s important. You weren’t wrong about how to do that, but you were completely off-base about what it is. You taught me that duty, image and appearance should be my top priorities. But really, it’s people, and love, and family. If you’d made Mom number one in your life, you would never have cheated on her. If you’d seen me as important, who I really am, not just who you wished I would be, then you would’ve listened when I said I didn’t want to go into politics. And you would’ve been kinder to Ava.”
“It’s too late.” He was mumbling, and I was having trouble hearing him.
“What? No, it’s not too late.” I ventured closer and dared to touch his shoulder. “Come home with me, Dad. We’ll talk. We can work everything out.”
He blinked up at me, a frown creasing his forehead. “It can’t be fixed now. Can it?”
I exhaled. “Fixed? I don’t know. But you can decide to start over. You can still try for a second chance.”
I LEFT MY CAR in the faculty lot and drove my father back to our townhouse in his car. His ha
nds were shaking; I wasn’t sure if he’d been drinking or had just had a total mental breakdown, but either way, he didn’t need to be behind the wheel. Before we left campus, I sent out a group text to the students of my next session, telling them class was cancelled for the day due to a family emergency. And then I texted Ava.
Dad showed up on campus today. Not sure what’s going on, but I’m taking him to our house with me. Just a head’s up.
Her reply came a moment later.
Okay, thanks. Are you ok? Need me to come home early?
I smiled. That was my girl, always ready to come to my aid, even when it involved the man who’d insulted her to her face more times than either of us could count.
No, but thanks. Love you, Ave.
Love you too. Good luck. See you tonight.
My father didn’t speak as we drove through the streets of Gatbury. He kept his head down, staring at his hands in his lap. I was beginning to worry that whatever was going on might be beyond my ability to help or repair.
Once inside the house, he sat at our tiny kitchen table. I made a pot of coffee and poured him a mug, adding the sugar and milk as I knew he liked it. When I set it before him, he wrapped his hands around it but didn’t say anything.
“Dad, tell me what you’re thinking.” I’d never asked that question before, and frankly it scared the hell out of me.
He finally raised his eyes, and they were stormy and tortured. “I’m thinking that I never gave your mother enough credit for the job she did raising you. It had to be her, because this understanding and compassion didn’t come from me.”
I smiled ruefully. “I don’t know. You always seemed to have compassion. Just not for us.”
He nodded. “I made it my motto, you know? ‘Put family first.’ Then I put mine dead last.” He rubbed his forehead. “In the beginning, I was more like you. I told you about my own father, about him teaching me it was expected to have a good political wife and then get your rocks off with someone else. Someone less appropriate. But when I first married your mother, I didn’t want that any more than you do now. I thought I’d never need that.”
My heart pounded a little faster. “So what changed?”
“I changed. I let myself change. I liked the high it gave me, when pretty women offered themselves to me. I convinced myself it didn’t matter, because it was just sex. I told myself your mother wouldn’t care.” He laughed without humor. “Amazing the things you can convince yourself when you’re motivated to do something that feels good.”
“But you regret it now?” This was somehow very important to me.
He hesitated. “I regret what it did to my marriage. I regret how it affected you. But I’m not sure that I’ve changed. I . . . worry that if I had to go back and do it over, I wouldn’t change anything, I’d just work harder not to get caught.”
I ground my teeth. “That’s not going to help you, Dad. You need to see it was wrong. You need to be sorry for what you did, not just sorry you got caught doing it.”
“I don’t know if I can be that man again, Liam. The man who remembers what’s right and what’s wrong, not just shades of gray.”
“I can help you, if you let me. We can do it. But you need to be honest with me. And there have to be ground rules.”
For the next three hours, we talked. I listened to my father pour out the ugliness that had been his life for so long. I didn’t give into sympathy; I worked hard to hold him accountable for what he’d done when he tried to make excuses.
By the time Ava came home, he was exhausted, and I’d sent him to our guest room to sleep. I was sitting by myself in the dark kitchen when she came in, carrying bags of takeout from one of our favorite Asian restaurants.
She paused in the doorway for a minute, and then she set down the bags and came to me. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around me and held me tight.
I clung to her, to the solid reality of my girl. “Thank you.” My words were muffled against her shirt.
She smoothed her hand over my hair. “For what? Bringing dinner?”
“No, but that, too. Smells good.” I raised my eyes to her face. “For rescuing me from becoming my father. For making it possible for me to be a somewhat decent guy. For saving my life.”
She held my face between her hands and leaned down to kiss me. “Baby, don’t you know you saved me, too? We were meant to be. Two souls who would’ve been lost alone.”
I linked my hands behind her back. “Promise you’ll keep saving me, if I keep saving you?”
She smiled, that slow beautiful curve of her lips that promised me so much more than I’d ever deserve. “Every single day, from now until forever.”
***
42 days to W Day
“HOLD IT IN FRONT of you, Ava, so I can get a picture.” Angela held her phone up, frowning as she tried to frame me. I held the pretty silk teddy—well, what there was of it; it was pretty skimpy—by both my hands and smiled.
“Oh, look, she’s blushing. Isn’t that sweet?” One of my aunts poked another. “The blushing bride.”
Behind them, my mother rolled her eyes. “Okay, everyone, that was the last of the gifts. Julia has the food on the table. Come help yourselves.”
The noise in the room swelled as thirty-plus women rose to their feet and formed a line. I folded my last bit of lingerie and replaced it in the box.
“Having a good time, honey?” Ma wrapped her arm around my shoulder and squeezed.
“I really am.” I smiled at her. “Jules outdid herself. Everything is beautiful.” I wasn’t sure if it was an early nesting phase or simply the fact that she’d finally accepted and embraced her surprise pregnancy, but Julia had insisted on hosting my shower and then had gone crazy with decorations and food. Aided and abetted as she was by both my mother and Liam’s, I was half-afraid the shower was going to out-shine the wedding itself.
“She did an amazing job. Which reminds me, I told her I’d take care of the punch table.”
I started to get up. “I guess I should get my food.”
My mother pressed my shoulder. “No, sit down. Laura’s bringing you a plate. One of the perks of being the bride.”
I hid a grin as my mother hurried off. She and Liam’s mother weren’t exactly best friends yet, but they’d certainly grown closer over the last few months. They’d even gone shopping together for their dresses for the wedding. It made me happy to see them getting along so well.
“Is this seat taken? I brought the bride some jungle juice.” Amanda sank onto the love seat next to me, a wicked spark in her eye.
“Ugh, don’t say that. I still feel slightly queasy when I think of that night.” I stuck out my tongue, trying to suppress the memory of my one and only encounter with the high-octane drink that Amanda had shared with me the night we met, at a party Giff and Jeff had thrown. It hadn’t ended well for me, unless you call puking into the bushes well.
Amanda laughed. “So are you excited? Countdown’s begun, huh?”
I nodded. “The time has really flown. I can’t believe we’re getting married in six weeks.”
“Everything’s going okay? No one’s freaking out or anything?”
“I don’t think so.” I sighed. “Not about the wedding anyway.”
“Ah.” Amanda forked a bit of salad into her mouth. After she swallowed, she glanced at me. “Liam’s dad?”
“Yeah. He’s been living with us for a few weeks. I understand it. Liam’s afraid he’s not ready to be on his own. And to give him his due, he’s trying. He’s seeing a therapist, and he’s stepped down from his Senate seat. Liam says he’s looking for his own place—he gave up his condo—but . . .” I let my voice trail off.
“But it’s not easy to have your future father-in-law living in your guest room, when you’re about to be newlyweds.” Amanda finished for me.
“Exactly.”
“I’m sorry. That’s got to be tough on both of you. I hope he moves out soon.”
“Here you are, Av
a. I hope I got you enough food. Oh, hello, Amanda dear, how are you?”
Amanda stood to kiss Mrs. Bailey’s cheek. “I’m good, Mrs. B. And you look great.”
“Oh, well . . .” Liam’s mother flushed. “Thank you. How are your parents?”
“They’re well, thanks. Mom’s still working crazy hours, and Dad’s on a dig somewhere in the Middle East. But you know, they make it work.” She stopped speaking, as though she realized she’d said the wrong thing.
“I’m glad they do.” Mrs. Bailey patted her shoulder. “They’re lovely people, and I’ve always considered them good friends. Please give them both my best.” She glanced down at me. “Ava, do you need anything? Another drink?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.” I watched my future mother-in-law smile and then turn to wend her way through the guests, stopping here and there to speak to those she knew.
“What does Mrs. B think about the Senator taking up residence with you and Liam?” Amanda kept her voice low.
“She didn’t like it at first. But now she just doesn’t say much. They’ve run into each other a few times, but they manage to keep it civil. I hope they can hold out during the wedding.”
“Me, too.” Amanda sipped her punch.
“So, you and my brother? What happened there?” I’d been waiting for the right opportunity to spring this on her. Now seemed like as good as time as any.
Amanda choked on her drink and began coughing. I pounded her back until she could speak again.
“What do you mean? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She wiped her mouth with the pretty green shower napkin.
“Cut the crap, Amanda. I know you left our engagement party together. I’ve been poking at him, but he won’t say a word. Just tells me to mind my own.”
She picked up her plate and cup. “Then I’m going to take the party line and say the same. Nothing’s going on, Ava. I haven’t seen Vincent since that night.” Her face went red, and my curiosity sparked as she stomped away.
I Choose You Page 14
