I shook my head, “You were never in love with me either.” I couldn’t help pointing out.
She nodded, “I know that.” She said, “But I really thought he was nice, you know?”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I agreed, “I know.”
She let out a massive sigh, “How could I not see what he was doing, Gerard? Why didn’t I see that he was just after a story?”
I shook my head, “I don’t know.” I said, “These people – they’re professional. They know what they’re doing.”
She nodded, “Well, I won’t be so easily fooled again.” She said, “I’m truly sorry that he went to papers – I had no idea. He was so convincing that he was jealous… How is Jason?”
My blood ran cold, “He’s worried that his father’s going to go mad.” I said, “I’m hoping he’s wrong.” But something deep inside was making me worry. He wasn’t just worried. He was terrified – and that scared me. Surely his father wouldn’t really hit him?
*
After I left Gina, I went to see Mum. I really needed a cup of tea and someone to offload on and she was perfect for that. Both of my parents were, to be honest, but Dad was out at work and as open-minded as he was, I wasn’t all that sure he’d understand how I could be perfectly straight before the movie and as gay as a rainbow after it…
I let myself in and shouted through to the kitchen – because she was usually in there. “In here sweetheart.” She called.
I went in. She was sat at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee and a slice of toast. My mouth watered. I could really fancy a slice.
She looked up at me, “Tea and toast?” she asked.
I nodded, grinning. All the stress seemed to drain away as soon as I sat down and watched her make the tea and toast. Mum was so practical – and she made everything look so easy. If I was making tea and toast it would take me twice as long, I was certain of that…
She put the plate of toast in front of me and my favourite mug, “Get that down you.” She said, ruffling my hair and looking at me fondly, “You look tired, honey – what’s the matter?”
I sighed and shook my head, “It’s been a surreal morning.” I said.
She nodded, “Yeah,” she agreed, “I can imagine – I saw the headlines.”
I rolled my eyes, “They’re making a big song and dance…” I hedged.
She smiled, “Uh-huh.” She said, “I’m sure they are – but you haven’t really made it easy for yourselves…”
I frowned at her, “What do you mean?”
She nodded towards her open laptop, “Honey, anyone can see how much you mean to him – how much you mean to each other, really… it kind of shines out of the both of you.”
I frowned, “What do you mean?”
She looked up and smiled at me, “Don’t you watch any of your interviews back?” she asked, “‘Jayrard’ has been trending on Twitter for over a week and someone calling him or herself ‘Long, Tall Sally’ has been making numerous videos about the pair of you, using clips of your interviews and clips from the movie trailers.”
I raised my eyebrows, “Really?” I asked, “Why?”
She shook her head, “Because everyone loves to buy into the idea of a bromance blossoming between co-stars – and I have to admit – you two are solid gold to watch.”
I looked at her in surprise, “Do you really think so?” I asked. She rolled her eyes and nodded.
I frowned and tried to go around the counter to have a look at the screen, “Let’s see.”
She turned the laptop round and I watched, open-mouthed, the clips that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jason and I had real feelings for each other. “Oh, holy shit.” I murmured, “Do I really look at him like that?” There was no way Jason was going to be able to lie to his father about us. It couldn’t have been more evident.
She grinned, “Well, obviously.” She said, “It couldn’t be plainer if you had it tattooed on your forehead. Do you want to tell me what’s been going on these last couple of months in San Francisco?”
I blushed. “No.” I said far too quickly.
Mum shook her head, “Come on, Gerard.” She said as patiently as she could muster, “I’m not the mother of a pair of hormonal teenagers anymore – and nothing much shocks me these days – but I am a little hurt that you’ve never confided in me before all this blew up that you were gay – or bisexual – or whatever this is.”
I nodded, “I’m not sure what this is.” I admitted quietly, “I went to San Francisco and I fell in love with my co-star, who just happens to be a guy.” I shrugged helplessly. What else was there to say? That was exactly the way it had happened.
Mum blew out a big huff of air, “Well, that’s absolutely fine darling – I’m glad it’s finally happened for you – so, when do we get to meet him?”
My jaw dropped, “Are you really this okay with it?”
She frowned at me, “When have I ever given you any idea that I wouldn’t be okay with you falling in love?” she asked indignantly.
I blinked. She was never okay with me being with Gina… “What about Gina?” I asked.
She snorted, “I could see that you and Gina were never in love and I was concerned that you were wasting each other’s time. Life’s short, Gerard – don’t waste your time denying your feelings. If you love Jason – tell him you love him.”
I nodded, “I will.” I said, “I love you, Mum.”
She hugged me, “Love you right back, my beautiful boy.”
I made a decision right then and there – there was no way I was waiting for the end of the week. I was going today – this afternoon – and I was going to stand by his side against that bully of a dad – and I was going to tell him that I loved him more than life itself.
Chapter 21 – Worst day ever…
Jason
I think I might have mentioned that flying wasn’t my favourite thing to do and being on the plane without Gerard at my side, as he’d offered, suddenly seemed to be kind of stupid. Why the hell hadn’t I taken him up on his offer? Why had I told him to stay behind? We could have rescheduled our appearances and done them together. I was such a douche at times…
I swallowed as the plane lifted off the ground and we were airborne. Well, there was no going back now – not for a few weeks in any case.
Still, I had quite a hectic schedule ahead of me so I wouldn’t really have time to miss him too much.
The biggest concern of mine was Dad. I was seriously considering not actually going home – only that would make things worse. He’d really know then, rather than there being some doubt.
If I just headed home without a care in the world, then he might just believe me…
I had to drop in on Kelly on my way home anyway. I hadn’t seen her in so long and I hated neglecting my best friend.
“Jason!” she squealed, before dragging me inside and pulling me all the way through her tiny apartment to her kitchen – well, I call it a kitchen – she basically lived in one room but her laptop was on her kitchen worktop so that was where we stood together.
“You have to see this, babe – it’s incredible.”
I nodded, not understanding at that point, quite the buzz going on about me and Gerard.
I stared at the screen of her laptop in horror. “Oh, my God…” I whispered.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Kelly murmured. “You look so completely in love with each other. I’m so glad you met. He obviously loves you, babe.”
I swallowed hard. Obviously… which would be absolutely fabulous if it wasn’t for the fact that I was back in New York and having to live under my parents’ roof until I left for Hollywood on Monday…
“And look at this one – it’s only from yesterday – he got stopped at the airport…”
My heart almost stopped, “What happened?”
She beamed at me, “Listen…”
I stared at the clip of Gerard from the day before. He still had bed hair in the clip and he looked absolut
ely incredible. What he had to say about me though, made my jaw drop. What the hell?
“Yeah, I absolutely love him to bits. He’s so great – and so talented. I fall a little bit more in love with him every time we see each other. We’re having a blast.”
I sank down on her bed and put my head in my hands; I could see that he genuinely meant it and I could also see that it didn’t have to be taken in a romantic sense. He was just being Gerard. My father, however, would not see it that way… “If Dad sees that he’s gonna murder me.” I looked up at her in anguish.
She frowned, “What are you talking about?”
“He’s totally against homosexuality.” I started to explain, “He’ll go bananas.”
Kelly’s frown deepened. “He doesn’t need to know – when would he ever go looking you up on YouTube anyway?”
Looking me up? Probably never. Let’s face it, Dad had never really given two shits about anything I did – but it might be reported on the news, since it had been announced today that we were up for four academy awards.
Generally speaking, he wasn’t the most attentive of parents when it came to me and he just wanted to pick fault with me mostly but Mom would be really chuffed that I was up for best supporting actor and she’d be tuning into all sorts of news stations to see me on TV.
Dad hated that I was an actor but that didn’t mean he didn’t take any sort of an interest. He’d be watching all of the clips with her – probably just to point out that I looked too skinny, or that I was standing like a dork or that my hair made me look like a girl but still, he’d be watching…
Maybe I was overreacting but those video clips were making me nervous. I had no idea that I looked at Gerard with such obvious adoration – and in all honesty, he looked at me with pretty much the same expression on his face too. We had to be more guarded – only we were already halfway through the tour, promoting the movie and it was those images that would be being beamed into every home up and down the country – and Dad would see the way I felt about Gerard and I wouldn’t be able to deny it. I couldn’t wait to see him again and I knew he’d be feeling exactly the same. That was all that was keeping me going. Knowing I’d see him again in a few days.
If Dad really did get wind of the fact that I was in love with a guy I was quite sure he would do something – and I was equally as sure that I would come out of that situation worse off…
*
I put my key in the door as quietly as possible. I’d deliberately waited until after Dad usually left for the church to come home in order to avoid any sort of conflict.
“Jason?”
I jumped. Fuck that was Dad’s voice. Why the hell hadn’t he gone to work?
I went through to the lounge.
He was stood in the middle of the room. He was a formidable man. Standing six feet tall, I often wondered how the hell I’d only managed five feet seven when Mom was five feet five and he was the height he was. Still, now wasn’t the time… He was looking at me with a murderous expression on his face.
“Dad?” I smiled brightly at him deciding that I was innocent until proven guilty.
“What’s going on with you and this Gerard Sinclair guy?”
I swallowed, “N-nothing.” I stammered, “He’s m-my co-star in the m-movie I j-just finished.”
He nodded, taking a step towards me, “Where you play a ghost faggot?”
I clenched my fists at my sides. I hated it when people were called derogatory names for being gay. What the hell was wrong with just calling me gay? Why faggot? Why queer? Why couldn’t people just not have words for being homosexual at all? Why the hell couldn’t we all just be?
“I play a ghost. Yes.”
“A gay ghost.” He ground out, sounding dangerously angry.
Ignoring the shiver of fear that had just run down my spine, I shrugged, “Not necessarily.” I argued, glad that my voice wasn’t wavering, “Sasha and Henry have a bond, sure – and in the story, they fall in love. Love’s love, Dad. But I’m not Sasha – and Gerard isn’t Henry. We’re just actors – we’re just playing a part.”
Completely ignoring what I’d just said about us being actors, he turned to me, his expression completely menacing. I knew he would start with his fists very soon, “Homosexuality is immoral. Deviant. It isn’t acceptable. I will not tolerate homosexuality under my roof.”
“I’ll move out, then.” I gasped as his first punch connected harshly with my jaw.
“Yes.” He said, “You will.”
I scrambled to move away from him, “I’ll go and pack my stuff.”
“Not yet.” He said, “You’ll stand there like a man even though you’re anything but – and you’ll take your punishment.”
Something inside me snapped and I laughed in his face even though I was shaking on the inside and my face was stinging from his punch. This man had bullied me my whole life, undermining my confidence and treating me like I was less important to him than my little sister, Bethany and I’d finally decided that enough was enough.
I’d come to my decision to leave easily because I’d finally experienced what real love was – how it felt to have someone love me and I’d realised just how cold, unfeeling and downright cruel my dad was. “You’ve got to be kidding me?” I asked, “As if I’m gonna stand here and let you dole out some stupid punishment to me as if I’m a naughty little kid?” I shook my head, “I’m twenty-one years old, Dad. I’m an adult now – and I’m leaving.”
I left the room and went up to my bedroom, leaving him stood there, fuming.
I was shaking as I hurriedly packed my holdall of all my clothes, my laptop, charger, toiletries and then did a bit of a sweep of the bathroom too. I didn’t have a whole lot – being on location a lot recently, there wasn’t really a whole lot left at home. Most of my stuff was already in the holdall that I’d just dumped in my room when I got home.
I picked it up, ran down the stairs and straight out of the door.
Heaving a sigh of relief that I was finally free of him, I put my headphones on and headed for the subway.
I smiled as a song that reminded me of Gerard came on.
Seconds later I had no idea what was going on. A guy that had only a moment ago been walking along calmly started running towards me with a look of utter horror on his face. Even though the facial expression on him didn’t really fit, I was convinced that I was about to be mugged or worse, murdered – it finally occurred to me that he was actually screaming something at me and waving his arms around. What the fuck?
I started to take off my headphones but then everything went black as something massive hit me from behind, winding me and tossing me into the air…
I came to momentarily as I hit the floor; everything and I mean fucking everything hurt. I was gasping for air – unable to breathe – and I was trying my best to work out what the hell had just happened to me when I looked up and saw Dad standing over me.
Oh, fuck. He was absolutely fucking crazy. Clearly beating the shit out of me was no longer enough for him – and standing up to him had tipped him over the edge. He’d actually followed me in the car – and had deliberately targeted me. “You little shit.” He growled menacingly, “Don’t ever darken my doorstep again, you hear?”
I nodded, “You’ll never hear from me again.” I whispered, “Just leave me alone. Please.” I closed my eyes. I was going to die, I just knew it. Images of Gerard flickered behind my eyelids. I was never going to see my beautiful man again. What the fuck had I been thinking, coming here alone?
I heard a shout and opened my eyes to see Dad’s foot about to stamp on my face, I turned my head but he still managed to stamp down on the side of my face. I heard a crack and then I guess I must have passed out because it was the last thing I remembered before I woke up again…
Chapter 22 – Super fans…
Gerard
Thankfully, no one expected me to travel on a Tuesday so I wasn’t so much as snapped on an iPhone before I was in the departure l
ounge and I was very grateful for that, not least because I was feeling so anxious – about the flight and also an impending feeling of doom about Jason being in danger – I felt nauseous.
I should have just gone with him when he went back. Yes, the media would have gone nuts that we were leaving together, but so what? Who cared if we’d decided that we wanted to be together? Whose business was it anyway?
“Mr Sinclair?”
I looked up and automatically smiled, “Hello?” Stood in front of me were two teenage girls, both of them looked embarrassed and kind of scared. I raised my eyebrows at them and hoped I looked friendly, “Can I help you?”
One stood forward, “I’m a massive fan of yours and I wanted to tell you that I think it’s amazing that you and Jason are in love.”
I didn’t quite know how to answer her. I nodded, “Uh, thanks.” I said. I wasn’t going to tell her she’d got it wrong about me and Jason because she hadn’t, “Are you going to go and see the movie?”
She nodded, “Definitely.” She breathed, “Is it true that you’re going to do a sequel?”
I shrugged, “It depends if we can do a sequel justice.” I said with a laugh, “We’re all open to the idea.”
She beamed at me, “Wow.” She said breathlessly, “I’m sure you’ll be able to do that.”
I chuckled and winked at her, “Watch this space.” I said.
The other girl, who up to that moment hadn’t said a word, piped up, “Are you going to New York to see Jason?”
I nodded, “Yes.” I said, “We have a couple of appearances to do together.” It might not be the whole truth but it was true. We had two chat shows to do later on in the week, which was why I was supposed to travel on Friday.
She smiled, “Will you tell him that I think he’s the best actor ever and that I love him.”
I chuckled as she blushed, “I’ll be happy to.” I said.
Her friend rolled her eyes, “You dork.” She scoffed nodding towards me, “Jason loves him.”
Heaven Sent. Page 11
